Managing Expectations that are Based Off Assumptions
Wednesday, May 19, 2021
My husband went on his first date with another woman tonight and I did not expect to handle it so poorly.
In the book,Ā āMore Than Twoā byĀ Eve Rickert and Franklin Veaux, there was a part where they talk about how nothing in the world will ever prepare you for the first time you see your spouse holding hands with another person. You can do all the suggested work to manage your own insecurities and jealousy and still not react very well to that first time.
I think that reading this before pursuing dates with other people has been very helpful. When I went on my date yesterday, my husband told me that he was mostly okay with it, but later in the evening, his stomach was up in knots from being nervous about me going on a date with another person.
What Iām really grateful for with both of these experiences is that both of us are learning more about ourselves and each other with regard to how we feel and communicate.Ā
I think my biggest mistake was making assumptions and creating expectations out of them. For some reason, I made up this story in my head that my husband left work early to go on this date with the other girl and when I hadnāt heard from him at 9:30pm, I thought he had basically spend 4-5 hours with this other woman and that he wasnāt planning to come home tonight.
I was wrong on so many of those points hahaha...
It turns out this date wasnāt really a date because this girl wasnāt interested inĀ āsharing her man with another woman.ā They were only meeting up to see if they were compatible hiking buddies. My husband also didnāt meet up with her until 7:30pm and he had not plans of staying overnight.
I donāt know why, but knowing these details made me feel a lot better about the situation. I also think I was probably having a hard time because I wanted to talk to people, but I felt like everyone was busy, so I felt very alone. I ended up spending most of my night organizing some collections and decorating my office. After I was able to keep myself busy, I was okay.Ā
It turns out that the girl my husband was going to hang out with also felt like my husband communicated poorly. He showed up to the place at the time they had agreed on, but she didnāt know he was already there because my husband didnāt say anything.Ā
My husband learned that he needs to be more clear and work on his communication skills.
I learned that I really need to stop making up stories in my head about what could happen and not make assumptions based off details that were poorly communicated.Ā
