Red Menace X Reader (Bake Sale) PT. 1
Metrotown was a very, very boring place.
I mean, in a world where metahumans were normal and running amok almost daily, of course it seemed boring. You didnât live in Gotham, you didnât live in Metropolis, not even a Metrocityâ a MetroTOWN.
But despite that you rather liked it here for that very reason. On a bad day Skullossus was throwing the planet into the sun over a petty grudge and on a good day your weird neighbors were trying to turn some mundane task like grocery shopping into an evil scheme. There are worse things.
Today was one of the good ones. You got off work a little early and decided to decompress by taking a walk in the local park, but as you jammed along to your music a delightful scent caught your attention. The unmistakable smell of freshly baked goods filled the outside air, practically begging you to float toward it nose first like a Looney Toon.
After following the scent for a good while, you came across a stand that had a decent crowd surrounding it. Although it wouldâve been quicker to push through and be rude, you relented to waiting your turn. It was the right thing to do after all.
As the crowd cleared you drew closer and closer until you realized who the baker of all these delightful confections wereâ none other than one of the local whackjobs claiming to be some kind of villain. The⊠Lot of Something Err-other? You forgot already.
They were pretty harmless for the most part, if anything their attempts at villainy were amusing. A nice change of pace to a boring day. Here and there youâd see the doctor guy salivating in the tech aisle of the grocery store, or the little red one littering and not looking before crossing the street, but as for this guyâŠ
âOh, hi! Heh, didnât see you for a second there. What can I get for ya?â He leaned forward with interest, greeting you warmer than a hot summerâs day.
You were startled by his greeting, for a moment you lost your concentration while staring at him. Such a warm, bright smile he had.
âI just sold out of the chocolate chip, but thereâs still some snickerdoodles and oatmeal leftâooh, and we have one last fudge square if you want it!â He tittered a bit after his sentence, a weird little giggle you heard from him often.
âOh, um, hi! I remember you,â You were looking at the treats but truthfully, now that he was in front of you, you were more interested in looking at him than anything else.
âR-Really? Me?â He seemed surprised, honored even. âHmm, was it at the animal shelter? The cool buddy agency? Soup kitchen, maybe?â He stroked his broad chin thoughtfully, and if those words had come from anyone else youâd think they were exaggerating to make themselves look good⊠But no. He was genuinely just like that. Youâd seen him at all sorts of local community events in passing, without his little band for the most part. Didnât seem like their style.
You chuckled slightly, âNo, no, just around. Youâre⊠Red, right?â You glanced up at him, sifting through your wallet for the proper bills needed for your purchase. Although his pupils werenât visible, you could still see his eyes light up. What was an innocent freckled cutie like this doing with the band of crooks he lived with? Rent mustâve been expensive.
âThe one an only! Hey, now that Iâm lookin âatcha, you seem kinda familiar too. Do you work at the Mall-O-Mart?â He rested his cheek on his hand and leaned into it, eyes drooping ever so slightly as he fixated on you.
âGuilty,â You forked over some crumpled bills, relenting to buying most of what was left just to see if it tasted any good. Your heart fluttered as he took the money from your hand, his maroon gloves brushing against your hands gently. He bagged everything up for you and snuck in a little something under the counter for free, a chocolate chip cookie!
He glanced around before leaning in to whisper. âI was gonna save that one for later, but you can have it..!â His sentence delivered in a way that could only be compared to a schoolgirl telling her deepest secret to her best friend.
Now that made you blush.
You were used to all sorts of tricks that guys tried to pull.
Chauvinistic pigs doing grand gestures, trying to get your attention with insulting one-liners, offering you gifts to earn your praise, but none of it ever workedâŠ
And yet somehow this freckled, masked dork giving you his last chocolate chip cookie is what had you floored. It was just too sweet.
âTh-Thank youâŠâ You looked down at the treats with a smile that was hard to hide, and for a moment you felt embarrassed for being so easy to read but lucky for you Red Menace was illiterate (when it came to people being romantically interested in him at least). He only grinned in return, the whites of his mask pressing into little crescents. âYouâre very welcome.â
You gulped, unsure of how to end the conversation. You wanted to continue talking, but there were still some other people trying to buy things and youâd already taken up so much of his time.
âUm, d-do you do catering?â You asked on a whim, hoping to perhaps get his number from the exchange.
âAbsolutely! Here, Iâll give you my number in case you want to order a batch!â You were shocked at how easy that was, he didnât seem to catch onto the fact you were asking this for any other reason. He just hummed and scribbled away on the paper, no sly wink or smirk whatsoever. True, pure, and unadulterated obliviousness. Somehow that made him more attractive to you.
âThanks,â You grabbed it from him and he waved as you left, ever so neighborly.
Didnât take you long to figure out why he was saving that last cookie because wow, these were good. Like, really good!
You regretted not coming sooner and throwing all your cash at him, it was like heaven was the secret ingredient. You couldnât help but get carried away by the daydreams that formed with each bite. Him in the kitchen, wearing a cute, frilly little apron and toiling away over the oven. Fanning himself and sweating while hand-mixing the dough, a red flush sprawling across his freckled cheeks and shoulders andâŠ
AhâŠ
What were you supposed to be doing right now?
Oh yeah, homework. Homework for your clown college. Homework to prove that you already knew what you were studying for to get a piece of paper that calls you legit. Right.
You sighed heavily, trying to concentrate on the words on the screen but everything just kept blurring together. You reread this same paragraph like five times and it was really starting to get old, especially because you werenât retaining any of it.
You pushed yourself away from your desk, spinning around in your rolling chair. Youâd hoped the treats would motivate you to work harder, but the only thing they really made you want to do was call Red and see if you could⊠Uh, commission him⊠For more. More treats. Yeah.
You brushed your thumb over the slip of paper heâd given to you, the idea bugging you since you got the damn thing. Maybe thatâs why you couldnât study, or sleep, or anything reallyâŠ
Just around the block, Red Menace was feeling the same way.
For some reasonâ and for the life of Voltar he couldnât figure out whyâ he didnât want to stray anywhere away from the phone. Red sat very patiently in front of the Leagueâs landline, hands on his knees and eyes wide open, hardly blinking.
âHeâs been like this all day,â Doktor Frogg stroked his metal chin with his claws, peering around the corner with Voltar. âEver since he got home he hasnât moved, I donât even know if heâs used the restroom.â
Voltar grumbled as he watched his minion neglect his duties, heâd barked several orders from across the house leading up to this and still no reply. He was getting fed up with Redâs insubordination. âLooks like a job for the leader, Frogg. You go ahead and sit this one out, I got it from here,â Voltar confidently marched up to Red and circled in front of him, giving him as menacing of a glare as he could muster.
âMINION!â He hopped up on the table that held the phone, hands on his hips. âI DEMAND THAT YOU STOP WAITING BY THIS PHONE!â Voltar pointed down, closing his eyes and waiting for Red to move.
Nothing.
Voltar waited a beat and then opened up one eye to look at Redâs listless expression. âTHATâS AN ORDER!!!â
Still, nothing.
âAlright, fine then! Youâve left me no choice,â Voltar procured a pair of scissors from his back pocket, lifting up the phone cord dramatically as if to threaten cutting it but Red Menace was apparently not having any of that. With a quickness the redhead grabbed Voltar by his cranium and lifted him away from the phone, the slight furrow of his brow becoming present.
âNo,â He said simply, not offering an apology or portraying the slightest sign of remorse.
Voltar was shocked at Redâs display, frightened even. Heâd never seen his minion this serious about anything. And then, out of nowhere, the phone rang.
Red shot up and dropped Voltar without a care, his usual perky self returning upon picking up the phone.
âThis is the League of Super Evil HQ, Red Menace speaking, how may I help you?â
âHey, itâs me, I was at the bake sale earlier. H-How are you?â
You cursed yourself for not keeping a steady voice, but hearing his chirpy tone from the other end had you feeling shy again.
âOh, itâs you,â He let out a deep, languid, relieved sigh. It was like heâd been waiting to hear your voice all day. The sound of it had you feeling all sorts of ways.
âIâm doing well, and you..?â He waited with bated breath, catching his lip between his teeth while silently praying you had a good day. He cared quite a bit, more than he would normally. He wasnât used to this feeling, this desperate desire to see someone such as yourself happy and pleased because of him. Heâd felt it before in a different way, one that was a lot fluffier and far more kosher than the one he was feeling now.
âEh, Iâm alright. Just doing boring school stuff. Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe youâd be open to teaching me how to bake like you⊠Yâknow, instead of me just ordering. I-I could pay you for lessons too if you needââ
âNo, no! Thatâs okay, if weâre baking together then why would I charge?â There goes that little giggle of his again.
Voltar and Frogg watched in horror as their henchman laid on his belly and kicked his feet back and forth, twirling the phone chord between his thick fingers like he didnât almost have an episode over Voltarâs attempt to cut it.
âReally? Youâd do that for me?â You covered your mouth, still feeling the need to hide your bashfulness despite being alone in your room.
âYeah, Iâd love to⊠You can come over and Iâll teach you everything I know,â He pressed the coil to his lips as if to mirror the act of kissing your knuckles, not even consciously aware that he was doing so.
âAlright then, itâs a daâ-aaay, letâs pick a day! Is tomorrow good?!â You saved yourself the potential embarrassment of calling it a date since it was still so soon, though you did so very poorly.
Red hardly noticed, too busy basking in the satisfaction of even getting to this point. âSure,â He murmured dreamily. âTomorrow.â
âGood, good, goodâŠâ You chewed on your nails a bit, glancing around at the clothes strewn across your floor to preemptively piece together an outfit for the occasion. âIâll be free around noon, Iâll uh, see you then⊠Gânight, Red.â
âSweet dreams,â He nuzzled his cheek against the phone, not that youâd be able to see it.
Even after youâd hung up he stayed curled up on the floor with the phone in his arms, cuddling it tightly late into the night even after Frogg and Voltar had given up and the only thing keeping him company was the dial tone.
And as for you, wellâŠ
Have fun sifting through your clothes.
Credit for the dividers~
PT. 2















