#lava flows

She came home trembling. She wasn’t sure what it was, exactly — adrenaline, fear, excitement — but it shook her like an earthquake, building up in her chest and unable to stop shaking things up within her. Makaio noticed right away; of course he did. He was attentive, the way fathers ought to be. He came to meet her the moment the sound of her knees knocking together echoed through the space to meet him, put a careful hand on her shoulder.

“Darling,” he said lowly. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“There —” She gasped a little, and her chest ached. “There was a hunter. He — He attacked us. We were just walking. We just — We were going to get smoothies! We weren’t hurting anyone, we weren’t doing anything. But he attacked us, he was… He wanted to… He was going to…”

A hand came up, gripping the back of her head, tilting her face up so that she was looking up at him. It shifted her neck into an uncomfortable position, jolted her into silence. She was grateful for it, she told herself; it was a good distraction. She’d rather focus on the discomfort in her neck than the stuttering of her desperate, nervous heartbeat in her chest. 

“Are you hurt?” It was a quiet demand. “Did he hurt you?”

“Just — He cut my arm a little. He wasn’t — He wasn’t after me. It’s — My friend, she… She’s a mare, and he wanted — He hurt her. He was going to kill her! I had — I had to stop him. I had to, you don’t — He was going to kill her. Dad, he was going to kill her.” 

“And you killed him,” his voice was low, but not unhappy. “That’s okay. That’s all right, Cassidy. You did the right thing. Like we talked about, yes? There’s no shame in —”

“I didn’t.” It was a quiet confession. It felt wrong, somehow, felt like something she should have been ashamed of. “I didn’t kill him.” She saw the disappointment flash in his eyes, and she quickly jumped back in, dove headfirst. “I was going to! I was — I had him, and I was going to, I was. But he — Ariadne, my friend, she… She wanted me to stop.” It felt like tattling, like throwing her friend under the bus, like pointing fingers. But her father’s face seemed to smooth a little, and all doubt exited swiftly. She needed him to stay. Everything else was unimportant in this moment.

He pulled her into a hug that was a little too tight, but she said nothing as she relaxed into it. This was fine, she thought, this was good. And he murmured reassurances as the time passed.  He said that’s okay, he said I’m proud of you. He didn’t say this doesn’t seem like you or are you okay because he didn’t need to, because he understood. And wasn’t that all she’d ever wanted? Wasn’t she living a dream now? Her father was here, and he was proud of her. He loved her. What more could she ask for?

She didn’t know how much time passed. Maybe it was hours, or maybe she spent days standing in an uncomfortable position in a too-tight hug. Eventually, he pulled back, and she told herself there was no relief in it even if there was a little. He was still getting used to physical affection; he wasn’t very good at it yet. That wasn’t his fault.

“Would it make you feel better if we talked?” He asked, and Cass felt warm at the question.

“Maybe,” she replied quietly. “I think so.” 

“Okay.” He smiled, and she thought her hands might be shaking a little less now. “Let’s talk, then. I want to get to know you more. I want to get to know… the things that have made you who you are. The… experience you had…” He trailed off, and she swallowed. “You were helping a friend, yes?”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

“Tell me about her.”

And that? That was easy. 

She told him everything. From the first time she and Ariadne hung out and the way it felt natural to all the times since, when she could say whatever she needed to say without fear of abandonment. Her father listened, a faint smile on his face as he nodded along. And then, after a while…

“Was that the first time a hunter came for her?”

Cass stilled, shifting where she sat just a little. “No. There was… Someone came after her before. The same one who hurt me. He took her, and… She was gone for a few days. It was — I was scared. And — And last month, there…” How many times had hunters come to hurt Ariadne now? Cass thought of the way her friend spoke after, of how she always seemed to think it was her fault, somehow. It wasn’t right, was it?

Her father smiled sympathetically. “Some people,” he said, apologetic, “don’t get to live forever.”

Her chest ached with the implication. Cass, Makaio had told her before, was built to live for centuries. She was designed for it, born to it. The undead were different. What’s dead will always want to die, he’d told her a few days ago. It’s sad, but it’s the nature of things. People would keep coming after Ariadne, just as Rhett or the other hunters had. Just as that hunter outside the smoothie shop had. And Ariadne — Ariadne was good. She was sweet and she was kind and she was going to die. Deep down, Cass had known that for a while now. The way she’d stopped Cass from killing that hunter, the way she blamed herself each time someone tried to hurt her… It was proof of it, wasn’t it? 

She looked down at her hands, and they were trembling again. Her throat felt tight, and for a moment, she felt alone. Then, her father’s hand landed on her shoulder. She looked up, and he smiled. “It’s okay,” he said gently. “Tell me about someone else. The girl with the red hair, the one I’ve seen in photos. Tell me about her.”

He was trying to help. Cass knew he was trying to help, but the weight on her chest only felt heavier. “Alex,” she whispered the name, and it felt wrong in her mouth now. “We were… She left me. A few months ago. We were, um… I loved her. Love her. But she — she left.”

Makaio winced, nodding his head. “Okay. Someone else, then.”

“There’s — There’s Metzli.” Her smile returned just a little at the thought of them, some of the pressure releasing from her chest. “They’re my friend. They take me to the zoo, sometimes. We went together when the baby giraffe was born last year, you know, to watch. And — And they buy me things when I ask. And they let me hang out in their gallery.”

“Ah, there we go.” Her father smiled, and Cass didn’t see the calculating look lurking behind his eyes, though that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. “And Metzli would never leave you, would they?”

The pressure was back. She tried not to think about that terrifying period the previous summer, the way she’d begged and begged and begged for Metzli to stay, even as their mind was made up to leave. All I needed from you, all I asked from you was to not leave. That is what I deserve. And they’d left anyway, hadn’t they? They’d come back, in the end, but it hadn’t had anything to do with Cass. It never did. Even now, they were off in Ireland, risking their life the same way they always would, not caring that Cass needed them here. (That wasn’t fair. Deep down, she knew that wasn’t fair. Metzli cared. Metzli cared too much, all the time. But… They were gone. They kept being gone.) 

Makaio must have recognized it, the anguish in her features. He squeezed her shoulder, the tightness of his grasp grounding her. “Someone else, then. You have lots of friends, don’t you?”

“There’s — Wynne. And Luci, and Milo. But they… They’re all human. They won’t be…” She trailed off again, swallowing. “I have Nora, too.” Nora, who had left her so many times already. “And Van, and Thea.” But would any of them be her friends if she hadn’t bound them in that grocery store? Would any of them love her if that promise had never been put into play? She thought of Kuma, who’d chosen to die rather than keep her promise not to leave. How long before Nora and Van and Thea gave in to that temptation, too? There was Mack, but hadn’t Mack already lost interest? Hadn’t Sam looked at her with wide, terrified eyes?

Kaden, Anita, Leila, Burrow. Each name that came to mind came with an immediate thought on how that person would chose to leave her. Kaden would want to go be with his cousins eventually, Anita probably only tolerated Cass for Metzli’s sake, Leila would leave with Metzli, Burrow would put her parasites first. Every person she loved was little more than a prelude to leaving, a heartbreak in the making. Wouldn’t most of them go once word got out about the hunter, anyway? Didn’t they all want her to be a thing she wasn’t sure she could be anymore? 

Her hands were trembling again, clattering against her knees no matter how tightly she gripped her fist. But a hand found her cheek, and it was steady. It didn’t shake, it didn’t tremble. Her father turned her head so she was facing him, raised it again so that he could meet her eyes. 

“Hey, hey.” His tone was soft and soothing. “I’m sorry, keiki. I’m sorry to have brought all this up. You’ve been through so much. Some of it is my fault, I know. I should have been here for you.”

“You didn’t know,” Cass whispered. “You didn’t know about me.”

Makaio only smiled, rubbing a thumb down her jaw. “I won’t leave you,” he said quietly. “Everyone else may have, but I won’t. You and I, Cassidy, we’re a family. Nothing gets between us now. Okay? I won’t leave you, and you won’t leave me. It’s in our blood. Everyone else may walk away, but not those bound by blood. Right?”

“Right,” she agreed. “I won’t leave you. I promise, I won’t.”

His smile widened, and he nodded. “So it’s you and me,” he said fondly. “Just the two of us. But…”

Her heart skipped a beat. “But?” It was a whisper, a plea. But only ever came before something she didn’t want to hear.

But not this time.

“But I still want to get to know you more,” he said. “It’s hard for you to talk about. I understand that. So maybe I can find out another way?” He nodded to her phone, sitting beside her on the cave floor. “Only if it’s okay with you, but I think it would be good. I could read through it, get to know your friends that way. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? For me to understand them. They won’t be around forever, of course, but it won’t be as hard to remember them when they’re gone if you have someone to remember them with.”

“Yeah…” It made sense, didn’t it? Talking about her friends hurt right now, but that didn’t mean her father shouldn’t get to know them. She wanted him to. And this was a good solution. “Yeah, okay.” She unlocked the phone, handing it to him with a small smile. “It, um… The code is 0718.” 

Makaio’s smile widened a little more. “Your birthday.”

She felt warm all over, less tense than she had been before, and she nodded. “Yeah,” she confirmed.

Taking the phone and unlocking it with a strangely practiced ease, Makaio gave her shoulder another squeeze. “I look forward to getting to know them,” he said, “while they’re here. And I meant what I said, Cassidy. Everyone else might go, but not me. I’m the only one who will never leave you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” And she did. It felt good, she told herself. It felt good to know. Everyone else would leave, but he would stay.