I LIKE MAKING THE DIFFERENT VERSONS OF A GUY HURT EACH OTHER,, I WISH IN THE SHOW WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF LASERBLAST'S TRANSITION INTO VENOMOUS THAT WASNT JUST FLASHBACKS BUT THE SHOW DIDNT HAVE TIME TO COVER IT,.,. IF I HAD MORE MOTIVATION I COULD WRITE SOME STUFF ABUT IT [THINKIGN]
I LIKE TO THINK ITS REAL MESSY UP THERE,, I KNOW VEMONOUS WASNT EVEN AWARE OF SHADOWY UP TILL THE END BUT I CAN DREAM OKAY?
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Continuing to knit this blanket, and continuing to watch the fan-voted top 100 episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in reverse order while doing so. It's an MST3Knithaton!
A list of the Top 100 Episodes of MST3K was compiled based on a survey taken of backers of the Bring Back MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 campa
17. Episode 706 Laserblast
Content warning: there's an attempted rape scene where the victim has to talk her boyfriend down from beating up her attempted rapists in the knowledge that he will definitely get charged with assault if he does, but the corrupt cops will not care about the rape attempt, and it's extra upsetting in how real and normalized that is.
Summary: Oddly, this is a genuine stinker of a film and up there with the worst movies they've done despite clearly having a little bit of budget. The stop-motion aliens are interesting, fluid, and well-blended with their environments, and some of the minor characters are played by hey-it's-that-guy competent working actors. So how did it come out Coleman-Francis-level bad? Alien-looking aliens pursue a green-faced human-looking alien with an odd laser canon gun that affixes to his arm into the desert. They kill him and his body dissolves, but a small plane scares them off before they retrieve the gun and the pendant he wears. The alien stuff is found by the world's most disaffected teen (he is always shirtless) who fools around with it until he realizes he can make the laser canon work only when wearing the pendant. After scummy fellow teens try to assault his girlfriend at a pool party, he uses the laser canon to blow up their car, but a metal growth shows up on his chest where the pendant lies and his girlfriend convinces him to go to the doctor, who removes it. He then laserblasts the doctor while he's trying to bring the sample in for testing, laserblasts the corrupt cops who've been hassling him, finally kills the would-be rapists, and then starts shooting random stuff and people. Whenever he uses the gun, he gets the same green alien make-up as the guy from the opening scene. There's a man in black running around investigating, but we never learn enough about his deal for him to be interesting. Finally, the cool aliens return and shoot him in a way that disintegrates the gun and pendant, but not his body. The end.
MST3K lore or notable moments: Another landmark episode, this is the final episode produced for Comedy Central and would have been the last episode of the show if the new SciFi channel hadn't picked it up. Dr. Forrester has lost funding for the experiment, and rather than bring the Satellite down to Earth, he just unplugs the umbilicus and tells Mike and the bots that they'll die when the orbit decays and it crashes. Mama Pearl helps Dr. F pack up Deep 13 for storage. Tom gets the thrusters working to break orbit, but this sends them careening out of control into the farthest reaches of space. They pass all kinds of sci-fi weirdness, including a black hole that briefly turns Mike into Captain Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager, allowing him to save the ship:
When they reach the end of the universe, they receive all knowledge and turn themselves into beings of pure energy and set out to play through the universe together in their new incorporeal forms. Back in Deep 13, Dr. F also experiences time weirdness as he eats dinner as an old man before rapidly de-aging into a baby. Pearl is glad for the chance to try again to raise him right, which an apparently still-adult-minded Dr. F bemoans with, "Oh, poopie."
What do I think about its place on the list? Movie first! The interestingly bad thing about the movie is that it can't decide whether the laserblast arm-cannon is like the one ring - a treacherous object that corrupts the wielder the more it is used, but at least starts off preying on their own weakness of character - or like becoming a werewolf, where the wielder is possessed by something with its own agenda and has no control over what their body is doing. When he kills the doctor with the metal sample, that's clearly the influence of the amulet/lasercanon acting on its own initiative - he has no reason to harm the doctor, and gave informed medical consent for the sample removal and test. But that's the only time it's clear that the canon does that, and it's earlier in the movie than most of the boy's targeting of his own enemies. Because the movie doesn't know what it's doing, it has no story. It's just a series of things that happen, without them being connected to each other, and we never get enough of a sense of our "protagonist" to tell if he's being changed by using the gun or if it's a tragedy that the gun is taking over him. Plus, the movie is full of empty space while potentially interesting details (the "crazy" grandfather who's always raving about a military project knows the man in black?) that it never develops. Dullsville. But, it does have a good riff with it. The stuff other than the movie - this is a great initial send-off for the cast! It's a shame that we don't get to see more Clayton and Pearl interactions considering this is their last episode together (we don't cut back to Deep 13 while the Satellite is careening through space), but all of the sketch bits are pretty fun, it's a neat ending for all the characters, and it prefigures how the show would change in the SciFi era in some interesting ways, with an on-going plot in the sketches and broader commentary on science fiction tropes and properties in place of reactions to the movie. Interesting lore-focused episode, if not my most fun watch. Seventeen is a pretty fair place for it to go.
While watching the classic, Laserblast (1978), I saw for the first time a scene cut from the Mystie-fied version which included a woman in THEE most fabulous graphic tee
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