#lamictial

Like, I'm just over everything. I'm over medications, trying to make family life work, personal thoughts of degradation and pity flow through my veins faster than supersonic aircraft, as if the blood were replaced with water, but somehow, I'm here. I had to, for the time being, start taking topamax again because I ran out of lamictial, something ill have to do today is get that refilled. I stopped taking it for a week and the crazy thing is my mind came back, or started to come back, I should say. But, I took it for three days and I noticed the change in mental clarity, but that's all over now. A relatively short blog this will be, but a blog nonetheless. I'm still skinny...does that count for anything?

It's been a month, or just short of, and although I've list weight and I'm loving that part, this whole mental fog thing is just...i can't do it anymore. I don't know....maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but this is how I'm feeling. This cognitive impairment (I couldn't even remember how to spell impairment....not normal) are not overwhelming but they are leading to a little bit of a pensive attitude towards certain things. "Hey, Matt, remember were doing the pre-sales and then those other sales, right? Thanks buddy." 4th time managers told me. "I know I had that *fill in the blank* two seconds ago. Where did I put it....?" And then, as everyone who has problems with memory does, I get angry when people try to help me find the item because I should know where I just had it. I'm not sure this is going to last much longer. The funny thing is if I do continue using this medication, and I know myself way to well to know that this is the truth, it would only be because to help me loose weight. I'm fine with just keppra and lamictial, I've been on both of them for years and been totally cool. Honestly, if I get put on any other medications, its probably going to be because of some other thing that I'll want...benzos or opiates, something like that, just seizure wise, I'm fine with keppra and lamictial. Peace.

Im on four antiepileptic medications and one sleeping medication that is also an anti- depressant as well. Fucking Jesus Christ. So I'm on keppra, lamical, zonagran, topamax (all antiepileptics) and remreron, the sleeping/antidepressant. How the fuck do I function on a daily basis? Seriously? I have no idea. The only benefit, other than having no seizures, is that the topamax is helping me loose weight, but besides that, nothing. They're actually causing so many problems. I keep snapping at people and then isolating myself and when I apologize for my actions, they won't accept it because they, I'm specifically referring to my mother, say I'm lying and it's not sincere. My brain and body have so many things wrong with it and there are so many drugs in it trying to correct imbalances and you're yelling at me because you gave me shitty genes? Dude...lol

I’m not sure if I went into status epileptics, where you dont stop seizing for hours, but hopefully not. They put me on another medication called zonegran….hopefully that helps. I hate this but it’s something I can’t change….