#lacking self control

"i sleep whenever i want." that phrase has gotten so bad to the point that i might wake up after a while as a spirit out of the body instead of the body actually waking up

i feel my insides raging with jealousy whenever you give someone/something the kind of attention that i want from you

Tomorrow I’m changing my ways and working towards a healthier lifestyle. I’ve never been super unhealthy but after last weekend in Sydney and eating out the entire time as well as drinking a ton more than I have in my whole life I feel awful. My skin is suffering, I feel bloated, ill and I don’t have any energy. Time to start exercising and giving my body the good food it deserves. Hopefully I can stick it out and see some changes within the next couple of months!

Oh you know poisoned myself with dairy again.

It's most likely the lack of medicine talking but I'm tired. I'm tired of not having a purpose. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of liking the girls who are so far out of my reach and are already taken, who are like the dancing squibs of nothingness in your eyes when they try to focus, so close that you can touch them, but so very imaginary. I hate imagining my life as becoming happy. I hate having to take calming breaths every time someone says something. I hate tossing and turning at night while I picture things that I wish were true but are not. I hate not being able to write any more. I hate not being able to learn things. I hate having to wake up. I hate wanting to cry. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate. I hate me. That's what I hate.