It's been forever since I've made a general update post like this.
Stroke Recovery update
In recent months, my ankle has been significantly strengthened. This has resulted in me being able to walk around my house without the aid of my support orthotic device (for foot drop).
It looks like next month I will finally get Botox injections...Medical Botox, that is. The worst lingering problem I have from the stroke is called spasticity. Basically, it's an unusually strong, involuntary muscle contraction; this has brought me to an impasse with my arm/hand therapy, seeing as I have to fight the contraction every step of the way, and the muscles are too weak to fight against it. My neurologist explained it to me like this: the brain damage from the stroke scrambled the message to my spinal cord, which normally sends the signals for motor function to my hand/limbs but since this signal has gone "haywire," it results in the "tight" spastic fingers and thus I cannot perform actions that require fine motor skills, like picking up small objects, typing, or playing video games, just to name a few. All the stuff I like to do, I kinda haven't been able to do since November 2022. "Kinda" because turn-based RPGs, my favorite genre, are ideal for playing one-handed. ASCII Japan knew this 30 years ago:
Only I play Final Fantasy, SMT, Clair Obscur, etc. using the accessibility feature on the PS4/5 that allows you to swap the function of the left and right control sticks, giving my right hand full control over both movement and the confirm and cancel buttons (and parrying in E33). So what does this have to do with botulinum toxin? The Botox will effectively kill the scrambled nerve signal causing the spasticity...but only for about 3 months before the nerves repair. But during this period the spasticy will be out of the picture, giving me a period where my muscles won't have to fight against themselves, hopefully allowing therapy to be especially effective.
Best Of Recent Posts
SMT4 HD!
Outdated Archaeology (This has continued to snowball with reblogs every couple weeks or so; I haven't had a post be this active in quite a long while)
Cthulhu, Penis Monster?
I'm Tired of Keeping Secrets
And now, the real reason I wanted to make this post. I've hinted at a secret project I've been working on that would release "soon"/"early in the year" In fact, the plan has been to release it a month from today, on March 19. It's something I've never done before but feel like I need to pivot towards as this 13-year-old blog crawls ever nearer to complete exhaustion of SMT-related topics. I'm long overdue for something new/different. So what will that be? It's a creative writing direction, something I've always wanted to do. And it's probably the worst time ever to start this, seeing as I can't even type with both hands. But I'm making do. I have so many stories I'd like to tell, but first up is the beginning of a series of short stories about every Goetia demon. That's right, 72 short stories about my favorite grouping of goofballs from "mythology." And I'm intending to write them sequentially, so that will give you a clue as to what's planned first. The problem has been that my prose has not manifested at the level I want it to be, so I've had to rewrite many sections and seek writing inspiration for how to tackle others. It's coming together one way or another, but this entire post is all to admit that if I don't think the quality is good enough by March 19, I'm going to work on it longer. I really like the first story and I think most of you will, too. Since it's the first one, it needs to be "right." I hope you understand. Even so, it may still be on schedule. I've never done something like this before, is the problem with setting a firmer date. I hate not knowing! Please look forward to it, and there will be much more than this when I'm ready to share it!
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I normally donât do Metas or anything of this type of thing. Iâm more of the reblog, make snarky comments in the hashtags, occasional personal post and keep it moving.
However after the start of Season 8, specifically episode three and four and a two-hour conversation I had last night after episode four and a few side way comments that have come out of some peoples mouths that prompted me to speak my mind on this. So let me drop some knowledge on you.Â
A majority of the fans in the GoT fandom are feeling some type of way today. Whether it be âWTF is going on with the Starksâ, the assignation of strong female characters, character arcs getting butchered but another small niche of the fandom is silently screaming but yet isnât surprised by the ending last night and thatâs the PoC in the fandom.
Now Iâm a black womenâŠwhich is seen as an oddity because of the stereotype that black people canât be geek/nerds and/or into fandomsâŠIâm sorry to tell you this but we are. Hell Martin Luther King Jr himself was a fan of Star Trek but I digressâŠ.
A trope that is a joke upon in the black culture and is that any persons of color character ainât making it to the end. This is in anything from books, tv shows, movies etc. Unless it was written, directed by a PoC (ie Jordan Peele) we know going in that the possibility of us surviving is slimâŠ.However, in the fantasy genre for whatever damn reason we have hope. I say this because in the fantasy genre you can push the norms, be different. You have goblins, trolls, elves fucking dragons so our chances of survival and our hope increase when it comes to the fantasy genre. Unfortunately, after the last two episodes, at least my hope and my mutuals hope for potential changed all but got shitted on. Â
You have a character, Missandei that was freed from slavery by Daenerys, was her closest advisor and supported her along the way. Missandei stated that she followed Daenerys because she was the queen she chose to follow. period. To watch this relationship grow and blossom into probably one of the purest relationships where Missandei faced the xenophobic north, stood up for her queen and remained there without batting a fucking eye;Â to have it end with her being captured, placed in chains to be murdered is a fucking smack in the face not only for the character but to fans as well. Especially the women and PoC fans. Â This is degrading as fuck but the shitty part in all the conversations Iâve had today is the same thing kept getting repeated.Â
âWell Iâm not surprised, look at how they treat women of color and women in general?â
I mean what the fuck was I thinking that a fantasy show would be any different?Â
Even after last week when the Dothraki and the Unsullied were pretty much used as cannon fodder for the battle of Winterfell, where they were looked down upon because they were âforeignersâ and they were all but taken out, here we have it just an episode later that another person of color being killed for the purpose of promoting a story that doesnât even fucking fit the initial narrative!!!!Â
Sidenote: I really really donât want to hear the white savior complex because yes that is a trope too but thatâs a whole other issue that I donât have the patience to address today. Iâm not going into Mad Dany either.Â
Overall itâs just fucking exhausting that as a fan of this series and any series that this trope would still be used and I really donât care about âWhy are you surprised?â because I was hoping that writers could do better and think outside the box. Again itâs the fantasy genre, this is pretty much a requirement and youâre allowed creative license.
At this point, Grey is going to turn the stereotypical angry black man killing everyone out of revenge and just promoting the stereotype of âforeigners = bad/evilâ in Westeros.  I mean this is a fucking trope that was used by the movie âA birth of a nationâ for fuck sakes and if you know your cinema history you know the controversy around that. âŠIts exhausting and stupid and the trope needs to be done with.
Again, Iâm fucking exhausted and I had hoped that as fantasy writers they would think outside the boxâŠbut nopeâŠsame shit different day. Iâm not surprised tho considering that D&D were going to write the controversial âConfederateâ for HBO. A fucking show in an alternate timeline where the southern states successfully seceded from the union where slavery is still legalâŠ
You donât need to write a show about thisâŠjust be a person of color in America TODAY to see modern institutionalizationâŠfuck just turn on the got damn news for fuck sake.
So at this pointâŠIâm done. I had hoped for better and I didnât get it. This post was not to call out or defend certain aspects of Westeros. This is just to point out a fact that as a black woman and any other person of color this shit is exhausting and it needs to changeâŠ..period.
Previous: #1: February 2026, #2: March 2026, #3: April 2026
GENERAL UPDATE
I intended for this issue to contain the second chapter of Grandpa, but my ankle sprain and how annoying/painful that ended up being put the kibosh on that idea. But I do have one juicy morsel this month: the title for the planned collection of Goetia short stories. It will be called Solomon's Tome of Seventy-Two Tales. To be completed some time this lifetime! Please look forward to it, etc.
The next chapter of Grandpa will be published in a special summer supplement of Knowledge Drop, coming next month (âŠor July or August, which is still summer, ya know! I'm not dragging my feet, I'm enjoying myself). Chapter 2 will be the final "preview" before I just go ahead and finish the entire thing before publishing. It's weird how my mind will try and focus on chapter 2 but then give me good ideas I need to write down for subsequent chapters. So each remaining chapter already has work done for it. I would like to get it done ASAP but being a writer with only one functional hand is a significant handicap.
Oh, speaking of, the Botox was too weak to do anything for me, so now I have to wait yet again for a stronger dose--in July. Bleh! At least June is the consumerist start of the Halloween season....
GROGU'S EXECUTION BY BOX-OFFICE EMBARASSMENT
Watching The Mandalorian and Grogu in theaters, I couldn't help but see the movie as an adaptation of a wiki plot synopsis or, alternatively, a collection of those awful trivia posts you see on social media. You know the ones, they feel like they weren't actually created by a living intelligence, sharing irrelevant or patronizing information like "Garazeb Orrelios first appeared in the 2014 animated series Star Wars Rebels and is based on unused concept art for Chewbacca," woven into a narrative. I knew that every character that appeared before me had their own separate Wookieepedia page--and you know, that's fine, even expected, except the unexceptional way the movie handles its characterization, it probably would have been helpful for the other audience members to have been able to click on the links to the wiki during the film--or just have trivia pop ups on the screen in the middle of the movie. Martin Scorsese would love that (oh wait, he's actually in the film, Jon Favreau must have a Marty pee tape or something). It's a movie that probably should have been made half a decade ago if it was going to be made at all. Now in only its second week after release, it has been obliterated at the box office by two low-budget horror movies made by Youtubers, which is kinda funny (no knock, it's good to see new ideas and younger talent winning out over stale franchise fare; Maybe Disney should just release the next Star Wars movie onto Youtube?). All I can say is they really dropped the ball on the movie's viral social media appeal by not including the Grogu conception scene where Yoda and Yaddle act out the lyrics to that one Bloodhound Gang song. It's what George Lucas would have wanted. But I can't be too critical of the movie since I fell for the exact trivia-like reference pulls I was just criticizing. Look, I just think the Amani are neat, okay? They haven't appeared in cinemas since 1983. 10/10 deep pull and thus 10/10 movie, will definitely buy an action figure of one (none have been announced yet, I would know this).
MY GRAND UNIFIED NERD HOBBY
I have been collecting Star Wars action figures since my 13th birthday in 1995 (pictured above), the same birthday where I received Chrono Trigger (seen on the floor to my left), which fated that my free time would largely go down the JRPG path. So to me, Star Wars, action figures, and RPGs have basically been synonymous for decades--they definitely inhabit the same space in my poor, poor brain. But only after SMT did I get the idea that the action figures I was collecting could also be "demons"--and from there, a new perspective on collecting was born. A new Darth Vader figure was no longer just a Darth Vader, it was a level 99 Image of the Dark Hero clan (I debated deleting this sentence). It made the sometimes shameful or embarrassing act of collecting all this plastic much more fun and less about just amassing stuff. Collecting now had purpose behind it. And I could tell stories with my collection and share it with folks!
During college I used action figures as "actors" in movies (now lost) and I thought I could do something similar utilizing my Star Wars collection. But actors need a set/stage--and that's something I've been working on for a long time.
This is my diorama table, ever a work in progress! My grandfather built this for me over 10 years ago, always with the plan of it being for a diorama of sorts. It's 8 feet by 4 feet (2.4m x 1.2m), intended for figures that are approximately 4 inches/10cm tall. I have plenty of figures from my collection that began on that 1995 birthday (too bad all the ones before 2008-ish are crap now). The hard part is getting the buildings and structures to make it look like a dynamic-looking space. But that's what I've been dreaming up (and building with my stepfather, since it's still not something I could do myself [see next section]). I've wanted to have a diorama like this since 1995/6, influenced by the cool looking photoshoots I'd see in magazines and advertisements. I actually drew up plans for a Tatooine diorama back then, but that has no bearing on my current plans, which are in service of an original story (yes, it's my Star Wars fanfiction).
It's in two parts, the first a scenario influenced by, of all things, the Final Fantasy randomizers I got addicted to during COVID. The second is inspired by Shin Megami Tensei--with the potential to be open-ended and a community collaboration*. "What would the apocalypse look like in Star Wars?" I dunno, this whole idea may be the nerdiest shit I've ever done--but also some of the most fun. I figure since I almost died I should get around to doing things I've always wanted to do. For me, it can be summed as "Life is too short to not be creative whenever possible!" I consider this SW fanfiction stuff the detritus/residue from my other, wholly original creative works.
*I actually created my own RPG/tabletop system for Star Wars figures when I was about 13 (so, again, 1995/1996). This system was itself pretty much cribbed from the legendary and influential Decipher Star Wars CCG of the period. One might say I've been huffing that RPG dust for the vast majority of my life.
Here's the beginning of the process of transforming these various cuts of wood into something resembling a 1:18/3.75-inch scale apartment building. It's my design and engineering concept with magnets reinforcing the floors together (though we haven't actually installed them yet)--magnets instead of screws or nails because I want the entire table to be a modular display. Each side of each floor will also be encased by (removable) Plexiglas. The colors were picked to be muted and match those on pieces I already own.
God, this whole thing was written in so many fragments in so many places over so many days, apologies if there is any unintended repetition!
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Cover image: Pieter Bruegel the Elder's Harrowing of Hell
Bael's story: "Grandpa"
[DISCLAIMER: THIS PREVIEW MAY DIFFER FROM FINAL VERSION.]
1. TUESDAY, MARCH 15
It was almost suppertime and the speakers of our living room TV vibrated and hissed with the sounds of Battletoads for Genesis. I sat cross-legged on the floor, only minutes ago pummeling bloodthirsty axe-wielding pigs and rabid ravens off the screen. Now, however, I was failing-yet-determined to beat the third stage and its rushing walls that proved faster than my eyes and reflexes. Dad told me he believed I could beat the stage if I persevered. He was currently slumped in his recliner, eyes closed and tie loosened, after a long day of whatever he does at work; if I beat the stage, my victory cry would surely startle his eyes open. Since today was my turn with the TV, Billy was lying on his stomach, reading one of his monster books, with his finger so far up his nose it looked like he was going to drown in it. This was the book he kept stuffed with loose-leaf papers on which he drew his own creatures, particularly his favorite: a cat with more than 4 legs (the number varied by the drawing) he named Felix, presumably after the cartoon. He often wished out loud for a real cat of his own, though so far Mom and Dad havenât listened.
âWhy did they have to make the walls in this stupid stage move so fast? Itâs impossible to beat! This isnât even fun.â Such were my swirling thoughts after losing all my âToads yet again. âDid I waste my birthday present on this game? Will I be stuck playing it until I get a new one for Christmas? Maybe in nine months Iâll be a lot better at it. Was Dad wrong? Am I not good enough? Why can't I be better than Ben at just one thing? DammitâŠâ As my frustration subsided and my thoughts slowed, I became aware of time again. Already 5PM? Iâd been home for an hour and a half. My PB&J lunch was 5 hours ago, and my stomach was beginning to remind me of it. I turned the Genesis off and switched the TV back to Nickelodeon cartoons that caught no oneâs attention. Dad had opened his eyes, but was now reading the TV Guide. Billy had finally excavated his treasure: a pea-sized, pea-colored booger he promptly began sucking on like a lollipop. Yuck! I gagged a little as I watched him. In spite of this, I still had an appetite, so I got up to see how Mom was doing with dinner. When I entered the kitchen, a foul odor rising from the pot of broccoli wafted to my nostrils and nearly made me return to the living room. Mom must've heard my footsteps, as she turned her blonde head and asked, "Bobby, you getting hungry?"
I could only be honest. "Not really." I actually was hungry, I just didn't want to eat what she was preparing. Why couldn't it be pizza or hot dogs or a hamburger? Grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, Mac and cheese? Ben probably has fancy, delicious dinners like Kid Cuisine every night.
"Well, the meatloaf's almost ready, so we could eat a little early. Why don't you go call your brother and Dad and they can help you set the table so we can eat?"
I dragged my feet back to the living room, where I snuck up behind the booger-sucker and flicked him in the back of his unsuspecting, gross noggin covered with shaggy Mom-colored hair. âGet up, Sloppy! Dinnertime.â He whined, jumped to his feet, and tried to swipe me in the face with his booger-finger, but missed.
"Dad! Mom said it's time to eat," I shouted in his direction. Billy was still trying unsuccessfully to touch me with his foul finger as I held him at armâs length. Thankfully, I had gotten Dad's attention, who pushed us both in the direction of the dining room. "Hey fellas," he said commandingly. "Let's not have a repeat of the Moo goo gai pan incident." How does Dad remember that but always forgets the names of the Battletoads?, I thought. While I was certainly no fan of Mom's broccoli-and-meatloaf meal, Billy absolutely hated it, so I was looking forward to seeing him squirm in his seat trying to swallow enough that he could be excused from the table.
Mom and Dad quickly yet carefully set the table with food and plates with clangs and scrapes while we kids just sat at the table and did nothing. Wiggle worm Billy fidgeted in his chair. I wondered if Ben's family was actually rich enough that they had maids or servants or something to do all their chores for them. I would gladly do more vacuuming and toilet scrubbing if it meant I didn't have to eat the meatloaf and onions, though.
As Dad was piling food on our plates, mom cleared her throat with a raspy cough, like she often does when she wants us to pay attention. "I got a phone call today," she said pitifully and with a sour expression, like she was telling us to brace for bad news. My heart skipped a beat.
"It was from the superintendent of my dad's apartment. "Something⊠happened and Grandpa's gonna have to live here with us for a little while. I talked to Dad, thoughâŠhe seems like heâs okay. Iâm going to pick him up tomorrow."
Dad, elbows on the table, was the first to reply. "Why didn't you tell me this first, Kathy?"
Uh oh, Dad called Mom by her first name. This is never good. A knot of nervousness began to form in my stomach.
"Itâs just until he can find a new place. It won't be long at all."
Dad and Mom began to discuss, eventually rather heatedly, the merits of letting this Grandpa Billy and I have seen maybe once in our lives, stay with us, and whether or not we could spare our guest room upstairs for him. Dad didnât want this relative stranger to sleep in-between our bedrooms, but Mom thought it would be fine. "He's harmless, Joe. And we have the space for him. Itâs like it was meant to be." No one in movies or on TV ever says someone is harmless if they're actually harmless.
Dinner had stopped being about the food. I had to speak up. "Is there something wrong with Grandpa?"
"You see, we're worrying, Bobby, " Dad said as he began eating faster, almost frantically. "You know your dad and I don't get along that well. And, again, he's practically a stranger to the boys."
"I know, I know", Mom replied, weakly. "But he's got nowhere else to go!"
âDoesnât he have that one friend from the 60s, when he was supposedly a starving artist? Pete, I think his name was? Why canât he stay with him?â
âDad specifically asked if he could stay with us. He said it was important, the most important thing of his life, actually. Though of course he worded it a lot more colorfully than that. And I could hear him sobbing on the other end of the line as he was pleading with me.â
"Oh, donât tell me you fell for his manipulative BS again.â Dad had completely inhaled his plateful of food by now. "I completely disagree with this, I want you to know." He rose from the table abruptly. "And the meatloaf was dry." He then walked in the direction of the living room.
Mom began to cry faintly. In spite of the uncertainty around Grandpa and my dislike of seeing Mom and Dad disagree or fight, I saw an opportunity to get out of eating any more meatloaf and broccoli, so I walked over to Mom to give her a hug. "It's all gonna work out, Bobby, I promise," she whispered in my ear as she squeezed me tightly. I felt reassured by her words, and my stomach knot vanished. She smelled nice, like freshly-baked oatmeal cookies. If only Billy smelled like cookies, I might actually appreciate him more.
Now that I had successfully buttered her up, it was time for my gambit. "May I be excused?" I asked. I did at least take a small bite of the meatloaf--and actually swallowed it. More than could be said for Billy's plate, which looked untouched.
Mom thought for a moment before asking, "Did you boys get enough to eat?" We nodded our heads in unison. "Then you may be excused. Why don't you go do your homework and get ready for bed? Tomorrow's gonna be a big day." I wouldn't say Billy and I ran from the table to our upstairs room, but it was close to it.
I stopped in front of the guest room, its door wide open, to ponder it. A few folded blankets were stacked on the small guest bed. A lot of the roomâs clutter had disappeared; Mom had obviously cleaned and organized in here before we came home from school. We called it the âguest roomâ but the truth was we never got any overnight guests and the room and its closets mostly served as storage for Dadâs old stuff and our holiday decorations. Billy tugged at my arm. I shrugged him off reflexively, but my thoughts were interrupted.
âGrandpaâs gonna sleep in here,â he said nasally, as his finger was once again crawling up his nostril.
âI guess so.â
âDonât you think Grandpa should sleep in our room? I think itâll be fun.â
âNo, Sloppy, I donât think that would be fun.â He was apparently irritated that I disagreed with him and made another attempt to touch me with his booger-bomb. It was a feeble swipe I couldâve seen coming a mile away. âCome on,â I told him. âDonât you have any homework to do?â
âJust some reading.â He followed me into our room and sat on his bed, patting the head of his black cat plush, also named Felix, as if it were a real cat. âNice kitty. Youâre such a good kitty, Felix,â he said in his cat voice, which was slightly higher pitched than his normal one. What a weirdo. Was he never going to grow up? Or was I the same way when I was 7? I didnât know, but I did still keep my yellow orange poison arrow frog plush on my nightstand just because it was colorful. That's what I tell myself, at least. Billy eventually settled into the bed with his textbook and Felix. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him mouthing the words to whatever he was reading.
I didnât have much homework to do except for some quick math exercises, so I mostly lay in bed playing our shared Game Boy and Linkâs Awakening. Billy had gotten up to Kamuâs sign maze, but couldnât figure it out. Thatâs so Sloppy! But as I solved it for, like, the third time, Billy began to stir. âBobby, could you turn out the light? I'm trying to sleep so Grandpa can get here faster.â
Of course, I needed the lamp on to see the screen of the Game Boy. But the Game Boyâs red battery power light was nearly extinguished⊠And then I heard Dad and Mom climb the stairs and begin murmuring in their room. I had to hear what they were saying, which required sneaking out into the hallway. âWell, Sloppy, you lucked out,â I told him softly. I clicked off the Game Boy, ended the lamplight with a pull of its chain, then rolled out of bed.
âWhere are you going?â he asked. He wriggled like he was gonna get out of bed, too. âNo, you stay here and sleep with Felix. Donât you want to see Grandpa as soon as possible? Just close your eyes.â Thankfully, he rolled over onto his other side and pulled his blanket completely over his head. I crept to our door and carefully turned the knob to make as little noise as possible. It was an old door, so its knob crunched a little as it moved. Billy was undisturbed. This was my chance. I opened the door just as softly as I had turned the knob and tiptoed into the darkness, where I began to hear my parents' voices clearer, but not clear enough to understand what they were saying.
Making my way within earshot, I imagined the hallway was my stage 3, endangered by the evil forces of Ben: bloodthirsty axe-wielding pigs, rabid ravens, and, gulp, fast-flying walls that would crush me unless I sidestepped along the hall in complete silence, one dangerous but thoughtfully-placed step at a time. It seemed to work, as no bloodthirsty pigs or rabid ravens crashed through the ceiling and the killer walls were nowhere to be seen. Every time I thought I heard a pig or raven, it was either the house settling, sounds from Dadâs and Momâs room or nothing at all. Once I felt safe from the impending threats and could breathe again, I was also close enough to Dad's and Mom's room to hear their conversation, though they were still attempting to whisper as not to disturb Billyâs or my sleep. I stopped in my tracks and cupped my ear to listen.
Dadâs voice was clear first. "He fried his brain in the 60s with all those drugs. If even half the stories he used to tell me are true, it's been that way for almost 30 years. Do you really want Bobby and Billy to be around someone like him?"
âYes, because that was decades ago. You didn't have to get so dramatic in front of the boys.â
âDramatic? Kath, do you remember how belligerent your dad got right before Billy was born and demanded that he also be named William Orlando Beal? I mean, He was absolutely fanatical!â
Mom made an affirmative chirp.
âIt was scary. And though we gave into him, what else did we do in response?, asked Dad.
She sighed strongly. âWe cut contact with him. But this time won't be long, just a few days. He sounded so desperate. He was weeping. He's never done that before, and it just broke my heart. He's just a pathetic old man. It'll be fine, it'll be fine.â
âAnd did the super say anything about why your dad is being evicted?â
I heard Mom smack her lips, which she does often before admitting to fault, full or partial. âEssentially, just noise. He had been having these big parties that disturbed the entire building.â
âEssentially? Don't make excuses for him.â
She smacked again. âWell, the super thought they might have been sex parties. Dad was warned, but apparently didn't listen. The super didn't want to be responsible for prostitution, pimping, or solicitation on his property, so he had to evict.â
I recognized some of these words from the boring crime shows mom and Dad watch sometimes. Grandpa is⊠a criminal??
Dad laughed and I felt a little better. âOkay, so old Bill is having orgies and being a nuisance. See, he really hasn't changed since the 60s.â
Dad continued, âBut I have to hand it to the old guy, he told some of the most outlandish stories with an absolutely straight, serious face.â Dadâs sentence trailed off with laughter.
âDo you remember the story he used to tell about being on the tour bus with the Rolling Stones?â asked Mom, also laughing.
âOh, the one where he and Keith Richards went to a hotel that was full of cat and toad people?â I heard Dad almost choke. âThese are visions consistent with the use of certain illicit substances, you know.â
Who is Keith Richards?, I thought.
âMaybe so,â said Mom, âbut those are the same two animals Bobby and Billy like.â
Oh, so they do pay attention to these things.
âSo what are you saying, that our sons have a stash of LSD tabs in their room?â
âOf course not, just that Dadâs imagination and theirs seem to be on similar wavelengths. I think he and the boys will get along great.â
Billy and IâŠare like Grandpa?
âI guess he is more of a weird, funny old guy than a dangerous old guy. All right, all right, I cave. You win again, babe. So youâll pick Bill up tomorrow?â
âYeah, if you drive the boys to school.â
Since the conversation's intensity had cooled and I had heard enough anyway, I turned back down the now danger-free hallway, taking normal, carefree steps. Ben and his minions were clearly busy with other things tonight, anyway. I opened our door normally and Billy was purring asleep, just as I knew he would be. I flopped on my bed where unseen fingertips pinched my already-heavy eyelids together instantly, and, by the time I had my next thought, it was morning.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Some thoughts on "Grandpa": Preoccupying myself with the writing process has been immensely therapeutic and part of me doesn't want it to be finished; though, little by little or in big chunks as they come to me, the whole inevitably advances towards completion. I am glad I didn't rush, as taking my time is what was needed to form a cohesive narrative.
& Special thanks to @dijeh for editing/proofreading/suggestions!
What I've been reading
A few months back I shared that I was dissatisfied with the quality of my written prose. The fix? Reading! Obvious, right? Not when you're a dummy like me who always wanted to write fiction, but never read fiction. It's mind-boggling.
My current reading plan is finishing The Lord of the Rings: I've read Fellowship, am on The Two Towers, will immediately jump into Return of the King, and then I'll move on to what will likely be my summer book, Moby Dick--something I was supposed to read in college but never did. I'm so sorry, McGurrin, you were trying to tell me something but I wasn't smart enough to listen. And the creative writing I did do in college? Real stinkers, I should share them sometime. Could be instructive.
And speaking of reading assignments from McGurrin 20 years ago I didn't take seriously, I finally read Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass and it was undoubtedly the best poetry I've ever read--and made me reconsider my "dislike" of poetry. Every time I read it I discovered a new turn of phrase or poetic image; it's definitely a masterpiece. It's probably something I should read weekly, tbh. Reading poetry is probably the key to better prose.
Check out my Goodreads!
Personal update
I said last month that Grandpa would be finished by now save for the sudden emergence of a catastrophe. Well, the "catastrophe" emerged twofold: the Botox finally got injected, meaning therapy started up again; and, I've had to spend a lot of time and effort trying to find a job. It's not horrible stuff, mind you, it just means my free time has been eaten into suddenly and significantly.
Honestly, no major differences are apparent in my arm after the Botox. At this point, I really don't expect my arm/hand to meaningfully improve for years--either from regular therapy or with scientific advancements in treatment, which are happening constantly--but even the most promising of these are also years away from even the human trial stage and further away for the millions of patients who need them to return to normal life. I sometimes think my 40s are just gonna be a wash. But hopefully not! That's why I want to write while I can.
More distressing for me day-to-day than my leg or arm not working is the inconsistency with my voice. It's definitely better than it was a couple years ago; it's just so inconsistent if I'm going to have a decent voice day or a mediocre one. Very frustrating.
If only I could estimate a "recovery percentage" or something, like if I'm 50% of the way there; unfortunately, this kind of injury isn't so straightforward. I honestly don't know!
??????
Youtube channels I appreciate
2-3 years ago, when I was out of the hospital and recovering, I often thought about writing a retrospective of my entire experience to reinforce to myself it was all finally over. You know, a long essay like those found on my Blogger. Well, it's 2026 and the recovery process is still ongoing with no real end in sight. One thing I wanted to write about was Youtube channels I would often watch or look forward to watching. With a harrowing experience like a stroke and a subsequent recovery, having something to look forward to every day is an important ingredient in keeping your spirits high. To give a taste of something I've intended to share for literally years, here are a couple channels I regard highly:
EmWins
Em is one of the most genuine Youtubers I've ever encountered (her reactions never seem forced/fake/exaggerated, which is something I can't stand and why I dislike most popular gaming Youtubers/streamers; if you're a Streaming Knowledge watcher, you may have noticed I'm hardly reactive to things myself.) and I think she's the most entertaining of the channels I've seen that focus on the genre of "Person's first playthrough of old game." She's currently playing through Final Fantasy VII and it's been a hoot.
Jeremy Parish | Video Works
I've actually been following Parish for over a quarter of a century now, from The GIA/Toastyfrog to Gamespite to Talking Time and now via his Video Works series, which are uploaded consistently every Wednesday. He's the best historian/journalist of classic gaming out there.
Post roundup
Selections from Stealing Knowledge, from now and from then.
The recent best: The "victory guide" art, part 1; Most SMT art has passed through this blog in some form or another, this obscure set puts it one step closer to comprehensiveness. Part 2 of these will be soon.
From the archive: [Aug 24, 2022] A Satan designs "gotcha"; Disliking Doi Satan was/is contentious in some circles.
Buffy (the cat)
A recent pic because I just love this friggin' cat.
Next Month
At the very least, Chapter 2 of "Grandpa"! Probably no nudes, sorry.
Looking at last month's KD post, I was surprised to see I was already walking around my house largely without the aid of my leg brace. For some reason, it felt like a more recent development than that. However, I still need the brace to climb the stairs. The next step will be to not need the brace for that or when outside of the house, as distant of a goal as that may be. Much of this has to do with the impaired proprioception of my lower left extremity (basically, my brain can't always tell where my foot is or what it's doing, through it's MUCH better now than it was). This makes it difficult to walk in shoes without the brace, since the padding of the shoe means the sole of my own foot is not making actual contact with the ground. It's crazy how much I've learned about how the body works during this whole ordeal.
There's still a long and steep path ahead of me, but I try to remind myself that I push through these difficulties not for tomorrow, but for 3000 tomorrows from today.
It's perverse that nothing wants to kill you more than your own body. It's cliched but: take care of yours, it's the only one you're gonna get. Always think about where you might be in 3000 tomorrows, or even just 300. The best treatment is always prevention.
What I've Learned Since Last Time
I forget what led me to this the other day, it could have been a random gif, but I discovered the existence of Super Mario Logan (or SML).
This is probably a childhood memory for some of you out there, but, as a guy who grew up with Nintendo and Mario in their initial 80s/90s heyday, this kind of thing is completely alien to me, an absolute generational difference. But I think it's fascinating as a product of the Youtube of the 2000s, which must explain its millions of views.
Oh yeah, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer continuation was canned, which I think is a bummer. I was really looking forward to it and the leaked details/partial pilot synopsis don't seem as bad as feared and fit the tone of the original, which I rewatched in its entirety last year (it's still great overall).
Asks
My inbox is open again! I'm sorry it was closed for so long, but I really needed to hunker down on the story (see next section).
It's also come to my attention that some people are now using AI to write their asks; I have a zero tolerance policy for this. I would rather answer the sloppiest-written, most grammatically incorrect question produced by an actual person than ever waste my time dealing with this sludge. So if I detect AI use in an ask, you're blocked! End of story. It takes a lot of time and effort to make these posts, I expect the minimum effort in return from you.
TBF, I doubt it's many people doing this, plus I understand the people that do are still at least asking a fellow person and not relying solely on the AI, probably because the AI can't supply the very specific answers they seek.
Natural Delays
I still haven't gotten the Botox mentioned last month; I was almost certain it would have happened by now. Maybe by early April? I continue waiting....
And now the short story. It's not completely finished for today like I'd hoped but the first draft is complete! That's huge, but it still needs editing/proofreading and formatting for the page host. I'm thinking it will be released on a Saturday in the near future. But not this coming Saturday, as I'll be busy. Or the Saturday after, a friend is visiting. We all must continue waiting....
But I promise it's soon. So soon, in fact, I feel confident enough to share some more ideas about it and the overall project. This first story is titled "Grandpa" and is about/themed around Goetiamon #1 himself, Bael. And since the concept is to write Goetia stories in sequential numerical order, the first 10 or so demons of the list after Bael contain some big names, like Agares, Amon, Barbatos, Paimon, and Buer. I will attempt to make each one different, in genre or style. Not only that, I will be commissioning art for each story from the great artists in my orbit, like this:
^Chibi Bael Sketch by the one and only @duckpasta-kamonabe! (I have the finalized/color version, which I'm saving for when the story finally gets posted)
And to support the project/the work I do on this blog (which does take a lot of effort, especially typing with one hand) I am going to start a Patreon. I'm not going to post it until the story is ready to go, though. It's something I've wanted to do for at least 5 years now but never felt right asking for money for a silly blog that only posts about a silly video game series. This new creative endeavor (plus the art it will generate!) I think will be a much better pitch for support. Also, I wholeheartedly believe in creating NEW things made by humans and will carry a strong anti-Generative-AI mission statement. Phew! If this isn't all ready by the next KD installment, something must've gone very wrong!
Thank you all for the overwhelming positive response to yesterday's Knowledge Drop post! It's quite encouraging for what I plan to do in the future (and I appreciate from the heart the messages caring about my recovery)! It's often scary (i.e., generates low engagement) to deviate from your focus and what followers expect out of your content.
Have a Buffy as "thanks":
Did you know she has alopecia on her belly?
It's like she's part Sphynx. She was returned to the shelter twice before I adopted her. Maybe the former owners couldn't take the bald belly?