Last night, when I got here, I was likeĀ āI have to write something for Kikiā, but I wasnāt in a hurry or anything. I thoughtĀ āI have a lot of time to write, itās ok, afternoons at the NICU are usually slow, I can write it down tomorrow while I wait to check examsā. And then I had one of the craziest afternoons ever, and I was sitting there half a hour after my shift was over trying to recalculate maintenance serums after changing everything in a prescription. And I didnāt write anything.
So now Iām here panicking a little bit because I didnāt even manage to plan what Iām going to write, and I kind of wanted to draw you with a crown and stuff but this time the drawing didnāt look like you like that one with the Hogwarts scarves, so I kind of gave up. Iām just going to try to tell you how amazing you are and how important you are to me, ok?
Weāve never met in person, and I donāt know if I ever explained this, but Iām really really really quiet. Iām the kind of shy that turns into a laughing tomato with minimal attention. People joke about it all the time.Ā āOMG, SHE TALKS!ā andĀ āTHIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD HER VOICE!ā and things like that. It doesnāt bother me much. But it kind of makes it harder to open up to people. Instead of breaking the ice, which I guess is the intended effect, it makes me have this mechanism when I think if I say something, it will be TOO abnormal and will attract too much attention to me, so I just get quieter and quieter.
Itās easier on the Internet. I guess maybe itās cheating, because Iām not really talking, Iām just typing, and writing has always been easier for me. But still, Iām better at the happy fangirling thing, you know? Keysmashing and capslock and *CRYING FOREVER*. I still donāt talk a lot about myself. But itās so easy to talk to you. We started, of course, with the happy fangirling thing. And it was such a fun time, and, even though I know the show turned to crap, I donāt regret anything from that time. I laughed every day at a time when I really needed reasons to laugh. But then people moved on and lost contact and just a few people stayed. And Iām soooooo glad youāre one of them.
I think we were kind of innocent back then. We got upset over silly things. I remember losing sleep over our Pottermore acceptance e-mails, and, like, everyone was on Pottermore for like what? A week? LOL. I miss that, though. Things got a lot crappier after that for both of us. We got a few nice things, too. But Iām aware I spent way more time crying and complaining to you than talking about happy things. I told you stuff I donāt share with almost anyone. And youāve never judged me, and you always received my words with kindness, and had helpful advice, and comforting words. I can always count on you all the way there, on the other side of the world, and thatās something I canāt say for so many people who are, like, 10 minutes away from me. Thank you so much for everything and Iām sorry Iām afraid Iām still going to bother you for a long time.
AND STOP WITH THISĀ āIāM OLDā THING! You are a gorgeous queen, okay? You really are. I donāt have a drawing to illustrate it right now (as I mentioned earlier, not the best day of my drawing skills), so I guess youāll have to use a mirror.
Youāre such an amazing girl, Kiki. You donāt know it, but you are.
Happy Birthday, sweetie! I went to your blog and I guess your day wasnāt the best (Get better, bb!), so Iām wishing you better days. A lot of them. A lot of reasons for you to show the world your beautiful smile. A lot of happy things for us to talk about.
(Iām not even going to read this again. Iām posting it as it is, or Iām going to hate everything and want to rewrite and spend 3 hours deleting passages just to write the same thing afterwards and hate it all over again. So forgive me for any mistakes and stuff. Also forgive me for being extremely cheesy, as always)
