#klog

It happened again. It is happening more frequently at longer periods of time and with more lucid hallucinations, it is starting to intervene with my work and if I don’t learn to deal with it, Shiro is going to withdrawal me from fieldwork. He hasn’t spoken to me about it, no warning or anything. But I’m not stupid, a man who can’t keep his head in this reality and period of time is bound to commit a mistake and compromise the whole brotherhood. 

Today I took care of a poison delivery to a white military officer who was too comfortable around children and after escaping the location trough the vents and roof, the grip I have in reality started to fade. I tried to force it down until I made it to the safehouse and could let go of reality altogether. I barely made it. 

There isn’t much information about the Bleeding effect, we just know that it is caused by exposure of the Animus by large periods of time and without treatment, it could lead to a mental breakdown. 

Thace and Ulaz already spoke to me about going to a therapist, specifically one in the Blade of Marmora. Not many people outside of this battle know that the disorder exists and least of all how to treat it. I’m taking the pills but I’m not so sure about the appointments since it is dangerous to travel periodically. 

So the only option I have is leaving the brotherhood. 

Kolivan as the leader of the blade and my godfather already told me that I could have my old quarters back and live with them a few months so I can start with the treatment. If I’m lucid enough like I was displaying the last time we talked, then I could go on missions either given by him or by Shiro. 

It’s been one of those days, it’s hard to have a grip in reality and separate my life with those I lived in the Animus. The visions.... the visions don’t let me rest and are messing with my mind and I know everyone keeps saying and that this is all in my head but they do not understand, THEY DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND! They aren’t the ones going crazy about this...

Coran thought it would be a good idea to record some of my memories for when I have episodes like this so it’ll be easier to ground myself and understand that yes, I am Keith Kogane and not other assassins of the past. 

I decided to star with my most traumatic memory to help jog some of my less public ones. I was around... six years old I think; my father wasn’t in the picture, mother was killed in action and I was raised by my uncles Thace and Ulaz. That week they both had missions to go to, each on their separate ways and they left Takashi in charge of me while they were away. But Takashi was called in too for a mission that fateful morning so when the attack came I had to figure out how to survive. 

No one was awake when it began, it was early morning and the night patrols where on that tired set off mind when they just want the morning guards to take their places so they could rest. The attack took everyone by surprise and I was one poor soul who didn’t have much time to come up with a plan. 

I was sleeping in one of those cotton onesies kids use when I was awakened by the sound of gunfire and the screams of another kid in the Farm. We didn’t have much time to spring into action. some adults ran outside to fight the strangers while others took their kids and barricaded the houses. 

I jumped from the window that led to the backyard and started running as fast as those chubby legs let me. I was really hot because of the onesie and the air was coming in short, I was scared out off my mind and didn’t register much apart from the sounds of a fight and the cries of the other kids. I could see the forest surrounding the town and felt an overwhelming relief come over me. I knew that once I reached the forest they wouldn’t be able to find me and I could see my family again.