#kits250challenge

James Buchanan Barnes hates you. Absolutely loathes you. But you can’t find it in yourself to hate him. But you should. You should hate the ground he walks on from the number of times he’s treated you like utter shit. You should throw him out of the tower for the number of names he’s called you.

But for some reason, you don’t hate the son of the bitch. You don’t hate how he tells everyone he’s ‘going to the gym’ when in fact he goes to a field to pick flowers. You don’t hate how he’ll protect the people he loves even if it gets him captured, tortured, or even killed. You don’t hate how in the morning he makes the whole team a batch of coffee without saying anything. You don’t hate how despite the pure hatred he has towards you, he still calms you down during your nightmares.

As a matter of fact, the only feeling that seems to flutter out of you when he’s around is fervor, warmth, and giddiness. And that drives you fucking insane. How can a man that has only brought you disgusted looks, snappy remarks, and exasperated arguments make you adore him?

And you don’t think you’ll ever be able to answer that question. You have absolutely zero clue why you love somebody who hates you. 

However, the one thing you hate, the one thing that makes your heart fill with animosity and malice are his actions towards you. And you have no idea why! The first day that Fury introduced you to the team, everyone had been the utmost kindest towards you. They had greeted you with beaming smiles and laughter except for him. He looked at you with narrowed eyes and a flattened smile but you never chose to be mean back. Well, unless he made snappy comments or argued with you. Then you gave him hell, which only led more fuel into his weird hatred towards you.

And today was no different, the whole team was eating breakfast and you all had been just talking pleasantly until Bucky came in with a grunt and made a sly comment as the only seat left empty was next to yours. 

Tony rolled his eyes and picked up his orange juice to take a sip. “So what are you gonna do today, kid?” You set your fork down, moving your attention solely onto him.

“I think I’m going to make her a bouquet of her favorite flowers.” The team all smiled and some gave you sympathetic looks. Tony offered to help, knowing much about how you’re feeling on days like these.

Bucky snarked, “For who?” You blinked, shoving around some of the scrambled eggs on your plate with a fork. “My mom.” Bucky laughed while the whole team just fell silent, shocked at Bucky’s belligerent actions. You looked at him with small tears in your eyes. 

“Oh, don’t get teary-eyed on me. That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. A homemade flower bouquet?” You quickly got out of your seat and ran to your room, slamming the door behind you. Bucky was still snickering, not grasping the light of the room until the whole team started to yell at him.

“What the fuck, Bucky?” Nat screamed at him. He looked at everyone confused by their disappointment. “What? It’s lame to-” This time Steve snapped. Normally, Steve would just sling his head down in disappointment at his best friend’s assery but today was different. Today was the one day that you didn’t deserve any shit thrown at you.

“It’s the anniversary of her mom’s death! It was real mature of you to just shove it into her face that making a bouquet for her mom’s tombstone is ‘lame’ and what did you say? Oh yeah. ‘The stupidest shit I’ve heard.’” A fuming Steve shoved his chair back and aggressively stomped out of the room, mumbling curse words at his best friend.

Bucky just cringed the whole time. He did not know it your mom’s anniversary of her death. Hell, he didn’t even know your mom was dead but he never paid any attention. God, he was so selfish. Bucky’s stomach dropped as he watched Steve softly knock on your door for comfort. He knows that should be him instead. He wants that to be him instead. But Bucky’s an asshole. He shoves away the people he loves. He convinces himself that it’s better that way but now, he’s hurt someone he loves by driving them away.

Bucky apologizes to the team and rushes towards your bedroom. Steve had clearly already left by the silence that suffocated the air. He softly knocks on your door. “Who is it?” “It’s me.” You don’t answer nor do you move. Bucky sighs. He doesn’t blame you. He’s an ass. “I’m not here to yell I just… I want to apologize.”

You slowly crack open the door, letting him in. You were sitting down on the ground, tears staining your cheeks. His gut twisted with guilt and sadness. He sat down on the ground next to you, watching your every move. “I just.. I want to say I’m sorry. I had no idea it was the anniversary of your mom’s death.” You nodded and sighed. “I know I can’t say sorry to make anything better but… what if I help you with the arrangement?” Your eyes lit up and Bucky smiled. You blinked, never seeing this side of him. Maybe you should have death anniversaries more often.

Bucky took you out of the tower to as many floral shops as you wanted to go to, picking out her favorites like calla lilies, alstroemerias, begonias, dahlias, and morning glories. You then both went to her grave and sat there while reminiscing of the good stories with your mom. You laughed and cried and Bucky did as well. You talking about your mom made him miss his.

Honestly, you could get used to this. Bucky had been the kindest you had ever seen. His eyes lit up at your laughter and his cheeks blushed as you held his hand and squeezed it. 

After getting back to the tower, the two of you went ahead and relaxed for the evening. Sitting on the couch in your room, Bucky turned the TV on and you two started to watch a movie. “Hey, Buck?” He hummed, waiting a moment for his eyes flicked towards you. “Why do you hate me?” He rapidly shook his head. “I-I… I don’t hate you, y/n. I never have.” You blinked at his words. Never?

“Then why have you been acting that way?” He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. Even though the day had ended up being one of his favorites, he was starting to not like where this conversation was going. “With all of the things that I’ve done with Hydra and being the Winter Soldier, I thought that pushing you away was the best option.”

“What? How the fuck is that pushing me away? Not talking to me is pushing away. Insulting me and arguing with me at every chance is just hatred.” Bucky’s eyes snapped towards yours, his nostrils flared 

“You know what? This is why I acted that way.” You looked at him with fire in your eyes, igniting that well-known feeling you get with Bucky. “Acted what way?”

Bucky gritted his teeth. “You have everything just handed to you. You have no idea what it’s like to suffer!” Your head snaps up and you look at Bucky like he’s got three heads. “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?” You put your head in your hands. How the fuck can this prick say that to you? Sure, you haven’t been through anything that he has with Hydra but he hasn’t been in your shoes either. 

“You think I haven’t dealt with pain? That’s absolutely ridiculous, Bucky. Just because you have suffered from something greater doesn’t mean I haven’t suffered at all.” Bucky grossed his arms and huffed, knowing you were right. “My mom couldn’t do anything about my dad beating me because her kidneys were failing. After having type one diabetes for 45 years and having a kid, her organs started to fail.” Bucky’s facade faltered as you continued. He had no idea you went through that. His fiery eyes died down to sullen ones as he listened. “I would visit her when she’d go through hours worth of dialysis and the doctors would ask if I was okay from the bruises.” 

Tears started to fall freely from your eyes. “When her kidneys started to fail again during dialysis they knew this was her last run and she couldn’t qualify for a kidney transplant. Her last vision of her six-year-old daughter was me sobbing as I had a huge black eye covering my face.” You suddenly got furious, an accusing finger pointed straight at Bucky. “My so-called dad then sold me to a crime boss at the city of K’un-L’un. Even though the crime boss treated me as his own and was quite gentle, don’t tell me that I don’t feel any pain. I mean shit Bucky, did you just think I had nightmares, just ‘cause?”

Bucky sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I’m such an ass. I..I- As I said, I kept telling myself this was the right way so I could push you away. I will never be able to truly show you just how sorry I am. I think that I’m so fucking sick of myself that I take all of that anger and put it on you. I’m so sorry.” He paused, watching your anger die down a little. “the truth is… I’m unbelievably in love with you.” Your head snapped up and your eyes darted around to find a single lie forming on his face or to tell you that this is a joke. “Ever since I laid eyes on you I thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. You’re funny, you’re kind, you protect those you love. How could I not fall in love with you?” Wait, he didn’t hate you?

Your heart was beating a thousand miles and he nervously continued. “I thought that by pushing you away that I could save you. I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t want my past life of the winter soldier to ever affect you. I could have hurt you but I can see now that I’ve already done that.” He looks at you with a saddened expression, regret filled his stomach. He should’ve just talked to you. But he didn’t. He just wished things were different. 

What he didn’t expect though was to have your lips on his, nipping and moving against one another. Bucky was too shocked at first, appreciating that feeling of your lips on his. Once he regained his thoughts, he immediately wrapped his arms around you, bodies pressed against one another. The room felt hotter each second as you gripped his head firmly, pulling at his hair as Bucky just moaned. His tongue touched yours, swift and electric, then harder and more determined, more passioned as your lips savored each other. 

Bucky quickly took off your shirt, leaving peppered kisses all over your neck and messaging your breasts. He then took off his shirt as you pulled down your pants, reconnecting in the middle. His lips caressed your neck and hissed as he bit down on your sensitive skin. “Fuck.” He whispers, reaching his hand up to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers making your already sensitive skin, ache and cry. You moan his sweet name, wanting more and more from this man.

“Bucky, please.” He chuckles at your eagerness and he quickly takes off your panties. “Shit, doll, you’re already that wet for me?” You nod, biting your lip He instantly takes off his pants and boxers and wastes no time in lining himself up and pushing into you until his hips are flushed into yours. He rocked back and forth savoring the rich pleasures of your voice, whining and gasping from your bodies colliding to one. 

“Fuck, you’re so good. So good to me, doll.” All you could do was moan back, too enchanted to talk. You start to buck your hips as he pushes into you faster and faster. “Fuck, y/n. I love you. Shit.” Bucky gets sloppier and sloppier as your gasps and moans turn louder and harder. You yell his name, screaming into the air as he rides you out, pushing in and out until he soon receives his own high. You both take a minute to breathe and calm down from the best possible sex you’ve ever had.

After the two of you clean yourselves up, Bucky lays in bed with you—snuggled up against your side and wrapping an arm around you. You look at him with glistening eyes and start tracing down his jaw. “I don’t want this night to end.” He looks at you, sorrow filling those blue eyes. “I don’t either. How about we just think about reality tomorrow, okay? Enjoy our moment now.” You nod and rest your head on his chest, listening to his slowed heartbeat. 

You close your eyes and intertwine your hand with his on his torso, letting sleep take you over.

--

Your eyes started to flutter open at the sensation of Bucky’s fingers tracing the outlines of your body. You both stare at each other for a little while, savoring the moment you two had. However, you knew that it would soon be broken. Life and reality aren’t that easy.

You sit up, covered draped around your naked body. Bucky looks at you like he knows what’s coming. Which, by the way he’s treated you, should’ve guessed by the start.

“Look, I don’t regret what we did last night and we both know it was a huge spur of the moment.” You paused, watching as Bucky’s stature fell a little. “I know now that you have feelings for me as I do for you but Bucky you’ve treated me like shit since I got here. I thought you spat the ground I walked on, despised my whole entire existence.” Bucky cringed at your words but he knew you were right. The two of you can’t jump headfirst into a relationship after the shit he’s pulled. 

“I thought that maybe we could, you know be in a relationship, but right now, that pain is stronger than my love for you.” Bucky’s heart broke in two at your words. Of course you would be affected by him pushing you away and making him think you hate him with nasty comments and looks. But he knows that there’s still a tiny sliver of hope.

Bucky nods in agreement and smiles lightly. “I’ll wait for you. However long it takes, however long you need to heal from the damage I have caused, I will wait.” He looks over at you and grasps one of your hands. “Do not rush thinking that I will be long gone by the time you’re healed. I’m not going anywhere. And even if you choose not to be with me, don’t think for a second I won’t respect your decision.” You smiled and squeezed his fingers.

Your matching black blazer hung on the back of the stool, the one that Bucky had tailored for you with a floral lining inside. The lining is always the most important part, you remembered him saying to you as he slipped it onto your body. Now you wore it whenever you could, it was your favourite.

“How’s my best girl this morning?” Bucky’s hands slowly encircled your waist and he settled his chin on your shoulder. His cologne filled your nose and you couldn’t help but lean back into him. “I’m good, Barnes,” you responded, trying not to let him know just how much he affected you. Bucky placed a languid kiss on your neck, lingering there for a second before pulling away and making his way over to the coffee machine. 

You composed yourself quickly. You looked over at him, taking in his perfection as he stood pouring his coffee. The grey, subtle tartan suit he was wearing with the matching waist coat sent your mind reeling over how good he looked, his broad shoulders and his thighs were defined perfectly by the pattern.

“Like what you see?” You didn’t realise he was looking at you and your eyes flickered up to meet his icy blue ones staring back at you, a glint of cockiness in them and a smirk plastered onto his face. “You wish, James,” you tried but it was no use, you’d already been caught. 

“If you want me now doll, all you have to do is ask,” he sauntered over to you and rested his elbows on the breakfast bar opposite you. “Okay babe, keep it in your pants, you have work today,” you rolled your eyes but you couldn’t keep the heat rising to your face and the small giggle that left your mouth. As much as you loved the man in front of you, sometimes you wished it was easier to hide the effect he had on you.

“Aw, she’s blushing, she must really want it,” he kept teasing, his grin spreading. You huffed, looking down at your nearly empty bowl of cereal. “I can make you feel better, if that’s what you need?” Bucky’s voice was soft but you knew he was still messing with you. 

You looked up at him, putting on a sickly sweet smile. “I can make myself feel better, thank you very much.” You hopped down from the stool and made your way around to the sink, rinsing out your bowl and placing it on the drying rack. 

You felt the familiar strong arms make their way around your waist again, with Bucky’s large frame pressing up against your back. “I love you,” he whispered and tingles shot down your spine at the words. You repeated the words back to him before turning in his arms, snaking yours around his neck and leaning in for a kiss.

“You need to get to work hun,” Bucky said before your lips could touch. You eyebrows furrowed, “no I don’t, it’s my day off,” you were searching his eyes to see if he was playing with you but you couldn’t find any hint of it. 

“You agreed to some overtime the other day but you didn’t write it down, I wrote it in my diary for you because I knew you would forget,” he chuckled a little as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll take you in.” 

Before you knew it, Bucky was gathering your blazer and your work bag from near the door, handing them over to you. “Are you sure? I definitely would have written it down,” you still weren’t completely believing Bucky. 

You were always so organised with work, especially working in Bucky’s office. You just tried to make life easier for yourself as you contended with the jealous girls that worked there (everyone knew about your relationship and it hadn’t gone down well with the girls who always flirted with him).

“I’m sure, trust me, I am your boss after all,” Bucky grabbed his car keys and turned back to you, already knowing he was in trouble by the look on your face. 

“What?” He blinked, not knowing what he had done wrong. “You don’t have to bring that up every time you know, it’s not an excuse for everything.” Bucky was now clicking on to what you were talking about. He would always joke about being your boss, and you would always respond the same way, with an eye roll and scoff, followed by that shy smile that he loved.

Ever since the day you met there was constant banter and sarcasm between the two of you. Both of you flashing your cocky attitude at each other at every opportunity and nothing had changed in the year and a half you had been together. Bucky adored that you were just as headstrong as him, he loved that you always had a comeback to whatever he said and that you never took him too seriously whenever he would throw one of his comments your way. He didn’t think it would be any different this time.

“I know,” he chuckled, smirking at you again, “it’s just,” he paused. “Would you even be able to survive without me?” You felt your jaw set into place at his words, not wanting to flip instantly at what he said. When you didn’t reply, he carried on, only making the situation worse for himself. 

“Just like, you have your job because of me, which means those pay rises you always get are my doing, you’re always forgetting things, you’d be overly stressed if it wasn’t for me making sure you’re doing good all of the time, the list goes on Y/N.” You heard the smile in his voice but you couldn’t see passed his words.

At this point you could feel your blood boiling, “so you think I’m nothing without you?” You challenged, your eyes narrowing at Bucky. He didn’t catch onto the seriousness in your voice however, only chuckling and leaning against the counter with his arm. “Yeah babe, I make you 100 times better, through and through.” 

That was the last thread broken. You sucked your tongue against your teeth before nodding, walking straight to the door, picking your own car keys out of the bowl in the hallway.

“Where are you going?” You heard Bucky’s call after you. You rolled your eyes, walking out of the door and nearly slamming it in his face but he was too quick and caught it as it came flying towards him. “Woah babe, what’s gotten into you?” 

As you reached your car you whirled around to face him, making him stop abruptly in front of you. “I’m going to show you that I don’t need you, seen as though you think my life is completely dependent on you.”

It was now that Bucky saw the tears brimming your eyes. You were always so strong, always so put together and level-headed, it was very rare that he saw you crying. He knew however, that when you did cry, it was very serious.

“No no no, I didn’t mean it, I promise,” he tried to redeem himself but you were already climbing into your car, throwing your bag and blazer onto the passenger seat. You managed to close the door despite his attempts to keep it open with your last words lingering as you sped out of the driveway. “Too late, Barnes.”

--

When Bucky arrived at work that day he made his way straight to your office. It was on the floor below his, his office took up the whole of the top floor, but you were no where to be seen. He looked in the common room, around on the other floors and still came up with nothing. Eventually he resulted in asking at the front desk.

“She asked to take her holidays for this week, she said she’d call in when she’d be coming back and that you’d already authorised it,” the young girl explained to Bucky. He simply nodded before retreating back up to his office. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, lingering on your contact for a moment.

He knew sometimes he could be a bit too cocky but he never thought you’d react like this. You’d never had a problem with anything he’d said before and he knew you’d make sure he never over-stepped his mark. But clearly he’d crossed some invisible line that he didn’t know existed.

It rang a few times before you picked up, much to Bucky’s surprise. “What do you want, Barnes?” He could sense the edge to your voice as you spoke, there wasn’t the usual softness that he enjoyed hearing whenever he called you throughout the day. “Why have you taken your holidays at work? I never authorised that,” he heard you huff down the line.

“I’m showing you that I can do this without you, I already said this, now please leave me to it.” The line went dead as you hung up on him, and Bucky sighed as he threw his phone on the desk. He knew he messed up big time.

--

“I can’t believe he said that, I knew he could be an idiot sometimes but I didn’t think he was that bad!” Natasha exclaimed as she led you into the back of her bar. It was still closed and no one else was in yet apart from her so it was the perfect place to rant to your best friend.

“He tried to say he was just joking but he must have meant some of it, he listed off a load of things so he’s clearly thought about it before,” you dropped yourself down into the large leather chair in Natasha’s office. “I’m not being that kind of girl.”

Natasha hummed in agreement, “I guess you could try talking to him? I know he’d be willing to listen to what you have to say.” You knew Natasha was making perfect sense and was being very logical about the whole situation but you weren’t in the mood for logical and practical. You needed to do something to physically prove you didn’t need Bucky.

He needed to see you being able to look after yourself and not relying on him as he seemed to think you did. “I’ll talk to him after he’s seen it,” with that, you shuffled yourself further down into the seat with Natasha shaking her head at you slightly.

The good thing about having a best friend who worked in a bar was that you got free drinks. Another perk was that you could get a job whenever you needed and that was exactly what you were going to do. Of course, it wasn’t official, but as long as Bucky could see you working somewhere that wasn’t owned by him, he would hopefully get the message. 

It was tradition for Bucky to have a couple of drinks every Friday night in Nat’s bar with you, so you were hoping he’d still come despite your little falling out. 

You’d managed to go shopping and grab some clothes that fit your new ‘job’ and finished getting ready in the back before your shift started. It was well into the evening now and Bucky had left a few missed calls. He eventually left a message saying he’d be at your table if you’d like to join him. You were glad you knew him like the back of your hand otherwise this idea of yours wouldn’t have worked out very well. He’d finally get to see you being your own person.

Bucky was still in his grey suit when you spotted him in the booth in the corner. The low lights hit his skin perfectly and you couldn’t help the lingering look you sent his way as you were cleaning the bar. 

“Are you going to go talk to him or just stare at him for the rest of the night?” Natasha’s voice behind you made you jump and you turned to face her. “I’ll go serve him, not talk to him,” you corrected, before pouring his preferred drink that you had committed to memory and slowly making your way over to him.

He didn’t even look up at you as you placed the drink in front of him. It was only when you sarcastically said “you’re welcome,” did his head shoot up to meet your gaze.

“Y/N?” His voice was breathy and you noticed the way his eyes moved across your body and the confusion settling into his features at your unusual attire. “What are you doing? Why are you wearing an apron?” He began rising up to stand in front of you.

You felt yourself being pulled towards him. Seeing him now was making you forget why you left in the first place. “I’m proving that I can provide for myself, that there’s more to me than you,” you were thankful that your voice stayed steady as you spoke but you didn’t think you could keep it up much longer with the way Bucky was looking at you.

“Babe, I didn’t mean any of those things that I said this morning, you don’t need to prove yourself to me,” he reached out towards you but decided against it before he made contact with your skin. He hands felt helpless by his sides but he had no idea what to do right now. 

He had felt lost without you all day and now that he had you in front of him, it was like all of his words had left his head completely. 

“I’m also proving myself to myself, James, there must have been some truth in what you said otherwise the words wouldn’t have been in your mind,” you took a deep breath before continuing. “I won’t be home for the next week, I’m doing this for me.” 

Before you could see the look on his face, you walked away and back behind the bar. Bucky was still lingering in the same place as you stood next to Natasha. His face lost as he looked around at everyone else. 

“Was that the right thing to do?” You were suddenly questioning yourself and you didn’t know what to think anymore. You were so strong about your decision before but after seeing Bucky you didn’t know if it was the right one.

“Hun, he needs to learn that you are your own person, like you said before, he can’t go around saying that stuff about you and not expect any consequences and he’s been saying it far too long to not have any, in my opinion,” you looked over at her and she just shrugged. “Look, I can change my mind okay, don’t look at me like that.” 

You simply laughed at her, before you were being called over by a customer. You glanced over at Bucky’s table and noticed the seat was empty where he had been. It was going to be a long week. 

--

Bucky never thought he would feel so alone in his own home. Sleeping in the king sized bed without you next to him was the worst thing he’d experienced. He’d reached out so many times in the night to feel the warmth and comfort of your body but all he came into contact with was more sheets.

He’d given up eating proper meals by day 2, not only did he not have the appetite, but cooking for one just wasn’t as fun as cooking for the love of his life. He so desperately wanted to call you, to work it all out and convince you to come home but he stopped himself.

He knew you were doing this for yourself and not just for him. He owed you that at the very least. You deserved to find your place in this world without him. The amount of times the conversation that had caused all of this played over in his head was impossible to count. Bucky had ran through so many different scenarios of how that could have ended and none of them ended up with you leaving like this. 

The only thing that kept him going was the fact that you had said you’d be gone for a week. It had been exactly a week since you said you needed to do this and Bucky had been counting down the days until your return, not that he would like to admit it.

He was laid on the unmade bed when he heard the front door open from downstairs. He waited a second before hearing your familiar footsteps making their way up the stairs. 

Bucky was sat on the edge of the bed closest to the door when you entered, a sports bag full of stuff on one of your arms and the blazer that Bucky had gifted you on your other. The sight of you was enough to make Bucky instantly feel at home and the smile you sent him as you saw him let him know that everything was alright.

“So,” his voice was quite as you set your bag on the floor. “How was your week away from home, survivor?” You could tell he was nervous by the way he was wringing his hands together but you giggled at his choice of words. 

“I survived without you, if that’s what you’re asking,” you joked, making your way over to stand in front of him but a sadness settled into his eyes at your comment. He took a breath before attempting to speak but you cut him off before he could.

“I know you’re going to apologise, and I don’t want you to, I know how you feel about the situation but I’m glad it happened,” Bucky frowned. “You are?” You nodded, giggling again before taking a seat next to him and reaching out for his hand. He quickly filled yours with his and squeezed a little at the familiar contact. He’d missed the feeling of your skin.

“I think we needed that, I now realise that I don’t need you as much as I thought I did, and as much as you thought I did, and I don’t mean that in a way that I want to get rid of you, I mean it in a way where we can grow from this experience,” Bucky just searched your face while you spoke. 

“I don’t need you but I want you, you know I’ll always want you Bucky, I just want to be more independent,” he was nodding his head now, he was pretty sure he understood where you were coming from. 

“So what does this mean for us? You still want to be with me?” You thought you’d made it clear for him but the week alone hadn’t done his thoughts any good. “Of course I do, Buck, I love you.”

You leaned forward, placing a small kiss on the corner of his mouth which he quickly reciprocated. “I just want to do more things for myself, I love doing them with you but there’s some things we need to do for ourselves.”

“I agree, I was doing some thinking too, after seeing you working in the bar with Nat, I was wondering if you wanted a bit of a change in your job, nothing major, just you’d be in charge of a department?” The smile on your face grew at Bucky’s words. He knew you’d been going after a different job within his company for a while now but there was never a fully open position. Luckily, someone had just left on your week off and Bucky thought it was the perfect opportunity for you to be more independent within your work.

“That would be amazing, Buck!” You all but squealed before enveloping him in your arms. “It’s not too much that I got you your job though is it?” Bucky tried to joke but you knew he was being serious. “Not at all, babe,” you pulled back. “I really appreciate it.”

“NO! NONONONO!” You cry out as all the fucking balloons shot out of your car and you leapt to catch the string tying them all together, but a breeze just happened to flutter it out of your grasp, and there they go. Bright beautiful colors of purples, greens, blues, reds... gone. All gone. Up to the heavens. Or over to the next freaking state. 

In your arms your trying to juggle a cake and a bag or decorations for the compound. It was Nats birthday, and you taken it upon yourself to decorate the common room for a surprise party. And now you had no god damn balloons. Just about defeated with it, since there was no time to order more, get them blown up, drive all the way back into town before the party was due to start. Going up to the main doors, Friday scanned you and allowed you entrance, making your way to the elevator and upper floors, pondering your dilemma. 

Once the elevators bell chimed and you stepped off, a somewhat ridiculous thought began to tickle in your mind. Bucky joking last night showed you a youtube video of people blowing up condoms to see how big they could get. At the time, it was good for a laugh, you teasing that he still needed the xl. Needless to say, it boosted Buckys ego and benefited you. 

BUT there was still a mostly full box in the nightstand, and although not decorative, you could still blow them up, put them around the common room. In fact, you had your paint kit still set up in the living room. Sliding the cake into the common rooms fridge and ditching the bag on the counter, you rushed up the the avengers apartments, and let yourself into Buckys. You only had a couple hours to pull this off, but if you could... it was going to be awesome. 

Bucky finished training with Steve and Sam, all three of them heading to there respective floor to shower and change. Sam dug out his phone and took a look at the time. “Y/N will have our ass if were not in the common room soon to help her set up for Nat.” 

Steve leaned over to glance at the time over Sams shoulder himself and nodded. “I will stop over to help you guys bring stuff down in about half an hour Buck. I know shes been planning hard for this.” 

About a week ago you told the guys you were recruiting all of them. Bucky, Steve and Sam were gonna help you set up, Clint had the mission of keeping Nat occupied,Tony well he occupied the space, everyone else just had to show up by 6 pm. “Yea, shes been pretty excited about getting this ready for Natasha. She will have all our asses if we dont show up.” 

Sam sniggered a bit as the door opens “Yea Barnes your ass be sleeping on the couch a good month or two.” Bucky flipped him off as he walked into his own apartment and shut the door. 

“Y/N? Im just gonna jump in the show-” He walked into the living room to see you surrounded by clear oddly shaped balloons, that you were oh so delicately painting. You heavily concentrating, the tip of your tongue peeking out and your head is bent over the balloon, Bucky picks up a dry one and flips it around to see youve painted flowers and Natshas symbol all over them. “How come your painting the balloons? And why are they all... weird looking.” Buckys studing them closer, flipping to the opposite end of where its tied off to see it had what looked like a little nipple on it. 

“Dont you dare pop them Barnes, or your ass is grass” You mutter without looking up, setting the one you just finished aside and grabbing another. Thats when Bucky sees the box next to you with all the empty wrappers. “The ones I bought, they escaped out the car door and blew away. This is an emergency.” 

ALL OF THEM. 

Thats when he took a closer look at the “balloons” and he groaned, covering his face with his hand. 

“Are those the box of condoms I just bought for us?” 

Your dabbing your paintbrush in the black paint for a black widow spider. “do you wanna know the truth Buck, or do you want me to lie and say no?” 

“Was it the entire box?”

You balk and had the good sense to look a bit sorry, glancing around the room at the scattering of condoms all blown up out of shape and painted bright lovely colors. “Errrrr, I really thought you might have another one, stashed somewhere for emergencies?” 

“Why would I? Never mind.” He waved his hand and grumbled under his breath. “I thought you loved me.” he teased.

Hopping up and wading through the condoms, you grasp Bucky Barnes face and give him the hottest kiss you could, making him grasp your hips in surprise and his brows arch, pulling you in closer. Your paint covered hands smeared colors around his neck as you wrapped your arms there. “Course I do handsome, and thank you for your contribution to tonight's activities. I bet I can find us a few to make up for using your brand new box.” You smirk at him and wiggle brows. 

“Oh, to the street corner store?” 

You snort and roll your eyes. “Hell no, Im thinking in building. Over sized Pigeon must have some at his place. You occupy Sam, and I will put my secret stealth skills to work. Now you... shower.” 

Pushing him to go, hes laughing the whole time hes headed into the bathroom, you start to clean up your brushes and once he returns, Steve is knocking on the door, and helps himself in when you call out for him to just let himself in. “Hey Rogers, I need you guys to bring these down and tie them around the room.” Your back in your on the floor cross legged position, tying ribbon on the ends so they would be hung around the room. “And scatter some on the counters, table, etc.” You direct the two of them, Sam then arriving in the room. 

“Did you not order some?” Steve asked as he bent down, collecting the strings to bring them to the common room. 

“I uhh, wanted to paint them and thought these would just look better. Listen Rogers, I pay you just to look pretty, okay. Dont question my crazy, okay buddy.” 

Bucky is snorting in laughter as he grabs a fistful, and you tie up the last couple and hand them off to Sam. Steve is sighing at you. “Just a question Y/N, damn woman... I wont question your ‘crazy’ anymore.” 

“Good, ask Buck, it never pays off anyways. I will be down in a few minutes. I just gotta clean up a bit.” Without another word, they left, and you, well you had to get dressed and see how well Sam locked up his apartment. 

The party, Natasha was surprised to say the least, which you took great pride in being able to fool the spy. Everyone had a great time, with way to much food and alcohol to be able to move once you crashed into Buckys lap on the couch, your fingers carding through his now shorter hair and nuzzling his ear. “Did you have fun?” You ask him, and his hand rests just under under the hem of your dress, his thumb sweeping back and forth gently. 

“I did baby, better yet I think Natasha did to” Directing his gaze where Nat was half laying upside down on the couch, bouncing one of the balloons and giggling, from way to much vodka. Clint was next to her, bouncing his own condom balloon when it suddenly popped and shot across the room from the elasticity to fall at Steves feet. 

He picked it up, and thats when realization hit him what the balloons were made out of, his eye brows shooting up in surprise, Sam came up beside him and plucked it out of his hand, bursting out laughing. 

“I cant believe it, they are god damn condoms, I knew it! They werent no regular balloons.” Hes waving the phallic shaped rubber like its a prize, and you bite your lip to keep quiet, your face going a bit red. Bucky is shaking underneath you though with actual laughter, and Nat, well she flips herself right side up and pops another one, stretching it out once its deflated and snorts. “well hell if you can use them now. They lost all there stretchy stretch stretch.” she giggles at herself.

“well no, they wouldnt be safe to use after I blew them up and out of shape.” You shrug, while Clint now takes the other end that Nat was messing with and stretches them further to see just how far it would go before shooting it across the room into the vodka punch. 

“Guess Barnes aint getting lucky tonight” Sam remarks when he crashes down on the other side of the couch, and heres where your grinning to yourself. 

“Well actually Wilson...” you move to a stand and take Buckys hand to have him stand up to, you dig in your dress pockets (cause your cool like that) and pull out what looks to be a brand new box, waving it. “You were able to fix that problem for us to.” 

“What the hell, did you break into my apartment for those?!” Sam barks out with a touch of disbelief, and now its Steves turn to laugh so hard hes crying. 

“Thanks for that man!” Barnes salutes Sam and you grab his hand, tugging him along with you back to the elevator. Sam still a bit slack jaw in surprise, Steve holding his side laughing and Natasha is giving you the thumbs up while the door is closing. 

“At least someone is getting lucky on my birthday. Alright Clint, lets line up those shots again. Birthday toast to getting lucky!” 

Dialogue Prompts: 

1. “Don’t you understand? You were her happy ending.” (@nekoannie-chan with Steve)

2. “You forgot.” 

3. “Nothing is every easy.” (@starspangledseb with Bucky)

4. “I begged you to love me.”

5. “I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like.”

6. “Go to hell.”

7. “I didn’t need you to fix me! I needed you to love me while I fixed myself.” ( 8. “Where were you?” (@voila-tout with Steve)

9. “People can do worse things than kill you.” (@candy-and-writing with Steve and Bucky)

10. “I thought you loved me.”

11. “You lied to me.”

12. “If it is destroying you then it is not love.” (@barnesjamcs with Bucky)

13. “No.”

14. “One last time.” (@mojofun with Sebastian Stan)

15. “Stop that.” “Stop what?" (@angrythingstarlight with Bucky)

16. “This is a terrible idea.”

17. “I take no responsibility, and I would do it all again.”

18. “I don’t care.”

19. “Good morning, I see the assassins have failed.” (@nildesperanddum with Loki)

20. “Don’t ask.” (@fandomsandxfiles with Bucky)

21. “What I lack in common sense. I make up for in sarcasm.”

22. “Is that… cake?” (@buckybarney with Bucky)

23. “Please.”

24. “One of us is right, the other one is you.” (@chaoticpete with Bucky)

25. “Oh, you found it.” (@toastybbb with Thor)

26. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

27. “Reality is irrelevant.”

28. “Is it still considered murder if I give them/you a warning?” (@whatcouldgowrong-ohthat with Bucky)

29. “Oops?”

30. “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things alone.” (@mojofun with Chris Evans)

31. “From the bottom of my heart… what the fuck?” (@cap-n-stuff with Bucky)

32. “Liar.”

33. “You know you’re my favorite right?” “I better be.” (@mushyjellybeans  with Bucky) (@sweater-daddiesdumbdork with Peter Quill)

34. “Dance with me, please?” (@starspangledseb ​with Bucky) (@angelinathebook with Loki)

35. “Yes.”

36. “One rose for every day I should have been with you.” (@buckybarnesdeservestheuniverse​ with Bucky)

37. “Don’t. Challenge. Me." (@chris-evans-indian-fanfic with Bucky Barnes and Peter Parker)

38. “Nothing ever pleases you does it?” “Nothing you do.” (@saiyanprincessswanie with Bucky)

39. “Are you… crying?” 

40. “Danger is what makes it fun!” “You call this fun?!” (@buckys-other-punk with Bucky)

41. “Please don’t make me.” (@wildmoonflower with Steve)

42. “Fuck you.”

43. “What the hell did you just call me.” (@whatcouldgowrong-ohthat with Peter Parker)

44. “Leave me alone.”

45. “Hush, or they’ll hear you.” (@mr-skyline-r34 with Killer! Sebastian Stan AU)

46. “Fuck me.”

47. “Only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me.”

48. “Strip.”

49. “You think you can run that pretty little mouth whenever you want.” (@msgreenverse with Quentin Beck)

50. “Now.”

51. “Mine.”

52. “So, err, I noticed your sort of naked, is that intentional or…?”

Feeling Prompts:

53. No one saw that he hated himself, far more than any hated him.

54. All she wanted was to relive that night.

55. Damn, that smile

56. Just because he learned to live without her, didn’t mean he really wanted to.

Song Prompts:

57. Don’t Give Up On Me (Andy Grammar)

58. Clocks (Coldplay) ( @xbuchananbarnes​ with Bucky)

59. Survivor (Destiny’s Child) (@sweet-barnes​ with Bucky)

60. How To Save A Life (The Fray)

61. Drown (Tyler Joseph) (@megthemewlingquim with Loki)

62. Forest (Twenty-One Pilots)

63. Leave Me Alone (NF)

64. Burning House (Cam)

Tagging some peeps who might be interested :)

"I'm home," you said after closing the door.  

There was no answer, maybe they didn't hear you.  

"Mom, Dad," you called as you walked down the aisle.

It was strange to you that they didn’t say anything, you returned to the hall, maybe they left you a message there and you hadn't seen it yet, there was no note, probably something had happened, some last-minute mission, although it was rare that you hadn't been warned.  

While they weren't your biological parents; Clarice and John had adopted you after yours were killed by the Purifiers when you were a baby, although the fact that you were adopted didn't care much because you were happy with your family, even your last name was Proudstar and they love you as her daughter.

But when you entered the kitchen, a scream came out of your throat; there were their bodies, you could tell at first glance that they had tried to defend themselves, even though it was not enough.   

"No! Mom! Dad!”

You tried to move them, you were hoping they'd still be alive, even if they were badly hurt, you didn't get the idea that they were dead.   

 I heard that you're settled down That you found a girl and you're married now I heard that your dreams came true Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you

 "There's someone here," a woman said.  

You didn't even hear when someone came into your house; for a moment you thought they were your parents’ killers who had come back or listened to you.  

“Are you Y/N? Y/N Proudstar, Clarice's, and John's daughter? The woman questioned.  

You nodded, you didn't know if to trust, you didn't even know who that woman was, within seconds a man came into the kitchen.

"When did you arrive? Fury asked you.  

"About 10 minutes ago," you replied scared.   

"You'll come with us, Coulson, accompany her to take her belongings and help her," Nick said.  

 "What? I'm not going anywhere, I don't even know who you are, how can I be sure you're not going to do me the same as my parents?”   

"We are S.H.I.E.L.D. we received your parents' message asking for help and that we take care of you.”   

“How do I know they are S.H.I.E.L.D.?”  

Your parents had told you everything, yet without proof, you couldn't believe them.

Fury and Coulson showed their IDs, they weren't lying, you sighed, you went to your bedroom followed by Coulson and you started storing things in suitcases and backpacks, they hadn't specified any item limits on you, so you'd take as much as you could.

 Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

 2012

 You walked as fast as you could, that day you were late, you were carrying the report of the last mission you were gone to.   

You didn't pay attention around you, so you crashed into something hard, you thought it had been against a wall, because of the impact, you fell.  

"I'm sorry, miss, okay?” The ‘wall’ said to help you lift.   

"Captain, I'm sorry, I didn't see it," you apologized.   

Steve help you pick up the leaves, within a few seconds Coulson showed up.

"Agent Proudstar, the report," he asked.  

"I was already taking him to his office right now," you replied. 

"I see you've met, your next mission will be together," Coulson said.  

You knew who Steve was, but you remembered he didn't know who you were, you still didn't show up.  

"Agent Y/N Proudstar," you said, smiling.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I beg I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead" "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2018

 "I know we've lost a lot these days, but you remember I was going to ask you something the day Bruce called us. You know when Thanos...” 

"Yes," you answered while you were accommodating some things 

Steve took your arm to stop and pay attention to him.  

"What's going on?”   

"Marry me," he asked.  

"Just like that? Are you sure? I mean, you always told me you wanted Bucky to be in...” 

"We try to get everything back to normal, Thanos is dead we can't do much, but we can try to be happy and get on with our lives, it seems like that's all we can do.”  

"I think it's going to be enough for Nat to be there," you said. 

He took your answer as if he ‘I do’ and kissed you.

 You know how the time flies Only yesterday was the time of our lives We were born and raised in a summer haze Bound by the surprise of our glory days

 2023

 You looked down, you knew Steve had told you a lie... or worse he had lied to you all that time.   

As soon as he left you started running towards the trees, you didn't want to know anything anymore, if you could... If you could... you probably would have done the same thing and prevent your parents from being killed.  

“Y/N!” Bucky called you.  

You didn't listen to him, you kept running, you wanted to go as far as you could, you'd like to somehow forget everything and Bucky finally caught you, grabbed your arm, and stopped you.

"He's gone, he went with Peggy," you started sobbing.   

Bucky hugged you, he didn't know what to say or do to comfort you, he knew what you were saying was true.   

"He left us... Bucky, he left us...”  

Yes, Steve had left them, but Bucky didn't understand exactly what you meant, you hadn't even had a chance to say anything, you didn't know now what to do, the feeling was a thousand times worse than when you lost your parents.

 I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it I had hoped you'd see my face And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

 1947

 Steve peeked into the door of the house where Peggy was living.  

He saw her pass, at least now he was sure he hadn't got the wrong house; he needed a few more minutes before knocking the door and that's when he saw Daniel kissing Peggy and after the couple split up, she took the baby from the crib.

Peggy found her right partner after Steve had ended up on the ice...   

Steve stayed a week in that time, it would probably be a month after the last time he had seen them...  

You didn't expect to be welcomed... but he would do his best to recover what he had ruined.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I begged I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2019

 "Orphanages are full," you said while you're taking the last picture you'd been taken with your parents.  

"Everything is complicated," Steve replied, and he was reading the newspaper.

"We should adopt some or some of those little ones, I was very happy when Clarice and John adopted me," you said looking at the picture.  

"You think they're going to let us? We’re superheroes, I don't think they want to expose children to danger," Steve replied, taking his eyes off the newspaper.   

You kept thinking for a few minutes, Steve was right, you didn't know exactly if another threat would show up, no one knew.  

"You're right.”  

"But we can do some," Steve proposed, approaching you.  

"Captain," you said seductively.

 Nothing compares, no worries or cares Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

 2023

 Steve returned to where he belonged, took everyone by surprise, as soon as they heard the machine activate Bruce and Bucky immediately went to see what was going on, Bruce had installed it at the Compound in case it was necessary, they feared it would be some other enemy, no one expected him to return, as soon as they saw him a sepulchral silence took over the room.   

Bucky decided to take him outside, no one dared say what had happened. 

“And Y/N?” Steve asked

Steve had immediately noticed your absence, Bucky bit his lip, and he didn't know how to explain it.  

"Buck, and Y/N? I know she must be angry...” 

"She didn't make it on the last mission," he finally confessed.   

"What?”   

"Something went wrong and...”  

Steve turned around and started walking inland from the Compound.

“DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU WERE HER HAPPY ENDING…!”

Steve didn't keep listening to what his friend was saying, he went to the base and went straight into the room that you and he shared, and if he hadn't left... if it hadn't been so hollow head... you'd still be alive.  

He opened the drawer of your nightstand where you kept the photos, he wanted to see you, he saw that something flew out when he took out the album and it was frozen as soon as he saw the object.

She took the positive pregnancy test, the day he left, you seemed so nervous, so you insisted that he wasn't the one to return the Stones.  

There was only one way to get you back, this time I wouldn't ruin it, he took some things from the room and headed to where the time machine was.

 Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you "Don't forget me, " I beg I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

 2010

 You knocked on Fury's office, you were sent to call, and you thought it was for a new mission.  

"Agent Proudstar, I'm glad you came," Nick said.  

“What do you need a Director?”   

"This is Steve Rogers, Captain America," Fury said, pointing to Steve.

"Captain, I'm Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Y/N Proudstar," you introduced yourself smiling.  

Your smile, Steve had missed her so much.  

He stretched out his hand to greet you and smiled, he was going to fix everything that had happened, he would love you again and no mistakes this time, and he was going to make sure you were happy together.

.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you I wish nothing but the best for you, too "Don't forget me, " I begged I remember you said "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead" "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"