#kineticpassion

The bridge of Guilty as Sin was meant to be more metal 🤘🏻. So naturally, I made the whole thing pop rock with a power ballad kind of bridge.

You can hear the whole cover here: Spotify, Apple Music, Deezer.

She's Got Sorcery - Merthur

@merthurweek2022 Day 6 - a song that makes you think of merthur

I've had this in mind since I found out this song exists a couple of months ago. What better time to make it happen than the ten year anniversary?

omggggg hi KP, you cutie!! 💖 thank you for asking this, you’re the sweetest!

14) How would you spend a million dollars?

Ooooh okay this is a cool question! A new car (I’ve been dreaming about a faster SUV compared to the car I have currently). A small little house of my own would be really nice. Oh, and a pet of my own too (either a dog, a cat, or a ferret!). And id love to travel. I’d love to explore Europe and go to Australia and Asia too!

18) What tattoos do you want?

Something Disney themed, maybe a shark, and something veterinary themed <3

18. your boba/tea order?

Already answered for boba, so, for hot tea: some kind of black breakfast tea, milk, and molasses. In restaurants it's always sugar so I use that, but at home, molasses.

Anyway, here is the scene from the fic I finished last night, Heaven Sent, that I was trying to share but wouldn't fit in the ask box, in which Dean opens up to Cas. I hope you like it!:

“I always doubted myself...because of him…because of everything.”

Cas wrapped his arms more completely around Dean to comfort him, sensing the soul-searching Dean had done and attached to these words.

*I told myself it was all out of necessity, not just expectations, but – I think it was a bit of both.  I was expected to be the hero, so I couldn’t want things for myself.  Hunting meant we always had to be on the move, so getting to make real connections with people wasn’t possible.  No matter how many people I slept with on the road, I never saw myself actually dating anyone during those years, because there was no opportunity to get to know anyone enough to trust them and feel that kind of connection. Maybe it’s all just trust issues, I don’t know.  But I didn’t just meet people and want to open up to them at all.  Sleeping with people was the only substitute I thought I could have in that life.*

*The only people I managed to get closer to, and see as someone I could date, all ended up getting hurt because of me.  Like, with Lisa - *  Dean paused for a moment, looking to Cas for reassurance of whether it was ok to talk about specific people in his past; he didn’t want to do anything to make Cas uncomfortable.  Cas nodded.  Of course he was ok with it.  Even though they’d only officially been together for nine days, they had been close for over ten years, and had been in love for most of that time.  Cas had been trying to get Dean to open up for a long time, and Dean had been coming to terms with everything and wanting to get this off of his chest.

*With Lisa, I think I gravitated towards her because I’d already gotten to know her a little bit, years earlier.  It felt safer to begin there than to go into the unknown.  But that only led to vamps ambushing her house.  Even my first ‘serious’ partner, Cassie, from before I got too deep in The Life as an adult, got targeted by a ghost.  Now that ghost had their own reasons; it wasn’t just following me to her.  But still, hunting is what drove her off, and that’s why I believed I could not have a relationship.  Because the idea that I could stop hunting to have a relationship never seemed like a real possibility.  When Sam tried it, that gave me some hope; but it was more hope for him.  That if I was hunting with John, Sam would be free to live his life.  But then Azazel burst through and showed us both that it wasn’t possible.*

Dean swallowed; even though he wasn’t saying it out loud, this part was still hard to say, because it may still be a sore spot for Cas.  *Every rejection also fed the idea that this was all because of who I am as a person.  The only time I’d even felt free to actually try again was as a demon, free of moral inhibitions; but that also meant I was seeking out toxic relationships and being toxic in them; bonding over shared traumas but not actually doing anything about them.  I was horrified looking back afterwards, not only about all of the things I’d done, but to know that my uninhibited bad side was so bad that even the so-called ‘king of hell’ thought I was too toxic.  Or even Benny – when I’d eventually come to feel for him, I had to cut his head off.  Even being human again, it all just reinforced the idea that I was unworthy of love.*

Dean looked directly at Cas now.  *It took me too damn long to un-learn that idea.  I love you; you know I loved you for years.  You were one of the few constants in my life.  The fact that hunting would never scare you off, obviously, and that I could trust you in a way I had been taught I could only trust my family; and just everything about you as a person, I … that scared me so much.  Because I was so afraid of losing you, either by being myself and inevitably doing something horrible, or by putting you in danger.  Every time you -* The tears which had welled up in Dean’s eyes began to roll down his cheeks quietly.   Cas blinked back a few as he reached up and kissed Dean softly.

Dean skipped over the words he’d never been able to say.  *Well when that happened, it seemed to prove me right.  So, I didn’t open myself up to the possibility of hurting you more.  But I also didn’t open myself to anything else, not really.  I turned down handsome bartenders, hot waitresses, Aaron, heck even Amara, despite whatever fate supposedly said, because I love you and I didn’t want to hurt you either.  I was doing better than I had in the past, but still believing I didn’t deserve your love.*

Dean let out a long breath and studied the sheets.  He’d been holding a lot in, and now that it was easier to do, he’d spilled his guts so quickly.  *I don’t want to burden you more with all of that. It’s my problem and I’ve been working on it as best as I can.  I’m still getting used to loving you out loud.*  Dean got quieter, but Cas could still hear him.  *I hope that is enough.*

oh DEAN using his WORDS. a very specific soft spot of mine <3 thank you for sharing! definitely bookmarking your fic to read too :)

New Year, New Gifs Challenge Day 8 LGBTQIA+ Characters Appreciation

Bi Dean; Gay Cas; Lesbian Charlie; and Omni Crowley

Soooo much happened in my life in 2022 (well from end 2021 though 2022 really). I am so grateful for the friends both online and off who helped me get through it all 💜. I found myself focusing more on art and editing than writing - but I am really excited to share my Pinefest fic with you all in February!

The #1 creation I'm most proud of this year was my Haze Amv, but I am also blown away by how much my Me and My Broken Heart Amv took off - ending the year with almost 20k views - which is in-sane. Setting and sticking to a regular upload schedule has been motivating and rewarding - I'm excited to post January's video on Thursday too :).

Participating as an artist in a couple of bangs for the first time had me stepping out of my comfort zone and drawing the best human being I've ever drawn to-date.

Aside from making things, I also co-modded the new SPN Bang Bang with my friends @doctorprofessorsong and @you-cant-spell-subtext-without, which went wonderfully well; I"m excited for this year's round!

Last but not least, being an editor and guest for @endofthebookpod has been amazing so far, and I'm excited for the rest of The Winchesters season!

Without further ado, here's a recap of all of the SPN fanworks I made in 2022 (I'll also get my masterlist pages updated to include these):