#killervibedaily

But that didn’t change anything. Caitlin was still dying on that table, and there was nothing he could do, nothing anyone could do to stop it. 

Julian thought differently. He was going directly for Caitlin’s necklace, the only barrier between her and Killer Frost. 

Instinctively, Cisco shot a blast of energy at him. Julian went flying back into the wall. It was more force than Cisco intended. Actually, he hadn’t intended to use his powers at all. He hadn’t thought about it. It was just a desperate, reflexive move.

“That’s not what she wanted!” was all Cisco could manage to say.

“I don’t care,” Julian retorted, gathering himself. But Cisco can hear the defeat in his voice. He won’t try it again. 

There’s no relief in that. Even though it was on her terms, Caitlin was still gone. Cisco’s entire world was spinning. He felt like he was in limbo. And the only person who could make it stop, his only touchstone– she was dead. There was no fixing this.

The tears came freely now, almost entirely obscuring his vision. Cisco walked over to Caitlin. He picked up her hand. It was cold. Like Killer Frost. He had felt her fingers warm and full of life only minutes earlier when he had passed her her jello. He’d never have guessed it at the time, but eating Caitlin’s strawberry jello would remain one of the biggest regrets of his life.

Cisco drew her hand closer to him, holding it in both of his. It’s a silent prayer for her to return to him. It doesn’t work. Cisco knew it wouldn’t. If loving people could will them back from the dead, Dante would still be here. So would Ronnie, the Allens, Francine…

Julian keeps his distance. Good. Cisco can’t pretend he doesn’t want that. That he didn’t feel hurt being forced to distance himself from his best friend because of someone they’d practically just met. No matter how Julian felt about Caitlin. Cisco can’t pull himself from Caitlin’s side. And though he knows it won’t happen, part of him hopes that she’ll wake up at any moment. Or that Barry would erase this timeline forever. But that won’t happen.

Hours pass, and Cisco won’t let anyone else pull him from Caitlin’s side either. Julian didn’t even make an attempt after what had happened earlier. After a while he just left. H.R. was, for once, speechless, though nothing he could say would have swayed Cisco anyway. 

Barry tried. He tried talking to him, but he didn’t get it. Not at first. Cisco had yelled at him.

“Remember when you saw Iris die in the future? Remember how you felt? That’s how I feel. Only I don’t get a chance to stop it. And I don’t get a chance to go back in time and fix it now that the damage is done.”

Barry seemed to, perhaps for the first time, realize then what Caitlin had meant to Cisco. He instantly deflated. He couldn’t think of any reason for Cisco to pick himself up and go on living, because if it were Iris, he wouldn’t be able to find a reason for himself to.

Iris, in the end, is the only one to get through to Cisco. She told him that Caitlin wouldn’t want him to destroy himself over her. And she’s right, so, reluctantly, he lets her go.

Her funeral passes in a blur. There are so many people there that didn’t care. Not like they should have. Including her mother. Cisco can see that Dr. Tannhauser is upset, but she’s keeping her composure. She should be distraught. It’s Dr. Tannhauser who gives the eulogy. She shouldn’t have been give the honor. She barely knew Caitlin anymore. Cisco was the first choice for it, naturally. He refused because he knew he couldn’t even say her name anymore without completely falling apart.

As they lowered her into the ground, he wished he too could be swallowed by the earth. His heart was already down there with Caitlin. Cisco wondered who he’d have to kill to get one of the burial plots next to hers.

One by one, the mourners began to disperse. Joe was holding a wake at the West household. Cisco told his friends not to wait up. Eventually, he’s alone at her grave. Cisco places the strawberry jello he brought amidst the flowers. He didn’t eat it all this time. He wouldn’t dare. Cisco can’t bring himself to say anything. So he sits and cries at her headstone.

In the coming weeks, he does his beast to help in the fight against Savitar. He does. He doesn’t want to loose Iris, too. He doesn’t want Barry to feel the pain he feels. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. But he’s not as quick witted as he once was. He can’t bring himself to eat, to sleep, most of the time. And he’s always been a part of “Cisco and Caitlin.” He can’t seem to figure out how to function as just Cisco. He can’t even figure out how to cope. Their only hope against Savitar is that not having Killer Frost has critically damaged his plan.

Nothing can any of his friends say can console him. Nor can anything his parents can say. Nor Armando. The only reason he manages to pull himself through each day is because its what Caitlin would have wanted. And he could never deny her anything.

He goes to her grave as often as he can. He talks to her as if she can hear him. She never replies. It still gives him comfort to be near her. Even now. Even like this.

“Cisco-”

“You treated the bruise on my arm.” He winced, remembering. “Iris punches hard. Like supervillain hard.”

“Okay.”

“What?”

“I’ll do it. I’ll be your fake girlfriend.”

“Really? You’re the best." 

Without thinking, Cisco rushed forward and put his arms around Caitlin, pulling her in for big hug. Caitlin felt her cheeks warm. The hug lingered a few moments longer than necessary before Cisco withdrew his arms.

"Let’s go tell Barry.”

Caitlin gave Cisco her hand and they headed out.

Barry was training with Ralph at the moment. They held hands as they approached, but in coming to a stop, Cisco released Caitlin’s hand and snaked an arm around her waist. Naturally, as though they’d done this a thousand times before, Caitlin put her arm around his shoulder. It was different than the friendly way they’d held each other before. Cisco’s hand rested lower than usual on Caitlin’s hip with a gentle, but surprisingly firm grip. It was enough to make Caitlin’s throat dry. She could feel her entire body begin to heat. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. How long could they keep this up?

“We have an announcement to make,” Cisco spoke first.

“Cisco and I are dating,” Caitlin finished, complimenting him perfectly. 

She punctuated the statement by pressing kiss to Cisco’s cheek. Too long to be platonic, too close to the corner of his mouth. Cisco knew he was beginning to blush. He was freaking out. His hand was gripping Caitlin’s waist. She was kissing his cheek. What if they had to kiss on the lips? He knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He was in way over his head.

But Cisco had no time to linger on those thoughts, because immediately after Caitlin had finished her sentence, maybe even before, Barry was jumping up and down, and yelling.

“Yes!” Barry was as excited as they’d ever seen him. “I knew it! Pay up, Ralph.” Ralph handed Barry a bill.

This wasn’t the reaction Cisco had been hoping for.

“You guys have been betting on our love lives?” Caitlin asked incredulously.

Instantly, Barry began to look abashed. He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck.

“Well-”

“Well, you lost, because this was supposed to be a joke.” Cisco snapped. He was beginning to get defensive.

“Pay up, Allen!” Ralph demanded.

“That wasn’t the bet,” Barry argued, embarrassed now with Caitlin and Cisco watching. “The bet was that Cisco has a crush on Caitlin, nothing about them dating.”

“Hey!” Cisco protested.

Caitlin cast him a sidelong look. They hadn’t moved since the conversation began. Her arm was still around his shoulder. His hand was still on her hip. Their faces were impossibly close.

“Well… do you?” Caitlin asked, unable to contain her curiosity any longer.

“Maybe?” Yes.

Caitlin wasted no time pulling him to her and kissing him like her life depended on it. Barry was cheering loudly in the background, and even Ralph was whistling at the display, but Cisco, so intent on Caitlin, couldn’t hear them. 

When they finally parted, Caitlin gave Barry and Ralph a small smile.

“We’re heading out early today." 

She left no room for argument as she turned away, taking Cisco’s hand and pulling him after her.