#kerza

Essentially, this culminates into a nasty case of PTSD for Milo, who had already been uncomfortable with confronting / dealing with negative emotions even before everything went to shit. Though he’s eventually able to function “normally” again, it’s in a town and a country that’s completely shattered, thus leaving him unable to escape from what he’s lost. Plus, having lost a leg encumbers the physical labor he’d once enjoyed, leaving him with limited job prospects. All of the above will be illustrated in the post-war section of the novel (much longer than in the original draft), though most of the following will be a lot more condensed.

ANYWAY I realize that this is all super depressing and I’m sure you weren’t asking about these aspects specifically–but I have put to it into context, because it plays such a huge role in his relationship to Kerza after the war. 

So with all this in mind, Milo isn’t in a good place in 1945 and ensuing years. While Kerza is initially no better, she’s very much a survivor in almost every sense of the word. Though traumatized, Kerza is significantly more adept at introspection and expressing herself emotionally than Milo is – partially because it’s just her personality, but also because her social status as a woman allows her more room to be vulnerable. Furthermore, having lost nearly all of her connections to her home town and having never shared Milo’s fear of change, she is able to physically “move on”  (i.e., leave town and eventually the country itself) while he remains stuck in the same destructive cycle. 

Though their shared suffering gives them common ground, the traumas themselves as well as their ways of dealing with it are very different. This begins to strain their friendship, as Milo feels increasingly resentful when confronted with Kerza’s desire to escape Germany, while Kerza feels suffocated by Milo’s inability to come to terms with post-war realities. So while their love for each other never ebbs, what that had once endeared themselves to each other is eventually twisted into something toxic and dysfunctional. 

By 1946, Kerza realizes how much they’re hurting each other, and makes the decision to distance herself for awhile, which first takes the form of moving with Aunt Kitty and Daniel out of her old home and into a flat in Bonn. Here, she studies independently and eventually passes her secondary school exams. This makes Milo feel all the more abandoned, though Kerza still comes to see him often and even manages to drag him up river to visit once or twice. So when she makes the decision to travel indefinitely in 47, they break into a huge, ongoing row that eventually culminates in a very long period of static between the two. Though she sends him occasional postcards from Greece and America, they basically don’t speak to each other for a year, during which Kerza is offered the scholarship in Dublin and accepts. 

Neither of them are happy about their separation, and it becomes clear that they have a case of “can’t live or without”. So when Kerza finally visits the Eberstarks for Christmas at the end of 1947, Milo is quite ecstatic to see her and the two share in a period of nostalgic amity. However, things quickly crumble back into the negative patterns that had plagued them before, and they part ways on sour terms when she returns to Dublin after New Years.

However, after another few months of silence, it’s actually Milo who caves first, and impulsively calls her on the number she had left for him, though one of her flat mates answers instead. Even though he panics and hangs up before giving any details, Kerza quickly realizes that it’s him and reaches out in kind. They begin writing letters to each other and talking on the telephone almost weekly, and Kerza soon entreats Milo to come visit her and see Ireland for himself. He responds with extreme reluctance, as he has nary set foot beyond the Rhineland district, let alone the country, outside of military service, and knew only broken English. He also fears the brunt of the inevitable prejudice held against Germans at the time, especially from those in the UK. Still, Kerza tells him that the Irish resent the Brits and French nearly as much as she, thus helping her feel a bit more at home. 

Milo declines her invitations for quite awhile, though practices English in his spare time – just in case. Language acquisition proves to be challenging for him because of his severe dyslexia, but this hobby provides him with the much needed mental stimulation that he was unable to acquire elsewhere. His most effective strategy is through music, and he manages to acquires quite a lot of English / American records and sheet music for this purpose, as he’s always loved playing piano and teaching himself new songs. Though he still drinks too much and often lapses into periods of depression, his family notices the positive change in Milo: they encourage him to go to Dublin, if only for a weekend, and stress how much it would mean to Kerza. However, he is unable to overcome his anxiety about traveling until Kerza’s final year of University, when he at last finds it in himself to hop on a ferry to Ireland and surprise her for her birthday.