#kbcw

Keep Beach City Weird

It's been 8 seconds & Pearl is already done with everyone's bullshit.

Wow - that's a wrap, folks! I am officially SOLD OUT of my Keep Beach City Weird stickers. I'm really humbled by the support that y'all have shown my Etsy shop this year.

Remember, all orders come with a free gift... and I'll be adding new items very, very soon! <3

I hope you think of me

Still as your friend~

We need more episodes with them 😔

Of all the throughlines in KBCW, one of the strangest is, ironically, one of the most mundane:  Steven Universe keeps racking up lifetime bans from Funland.  Nobody knows what to make of it.  The Strider fans have some theories, but there’s nothing consistent about the bans except that they keep happening.  The interview fans set up a website consisting of the question “Is Steven Universe banned from Funland?” and a gif flickering between YES and NO.  The reality fans...well, it’s the one piece of evidence they all agree might point towards the whole thing being fake.

Regardless of which faction they align with, though, the specter of Mr Smiley looms over them all.  He’s never been observed speaking, for starters.  Every time he winds up on camera, he’s either in the background, silently running the park, or he’s in one of Ronaldo’s many chronicles of Steven being ejected from Funland, carrying the boy under his arm, setting him down juuuust outside the park gate, and staring at him until he turns and scurries away.  For seconds, he’s never, ever been observed outside the park or arcade.  Other Beach City residents talk about Mr Smiley leaving Funland, but he’s never been caught on camera outside the boundaries of the park or the arcade.  Once, he was filmed in the park, tending to some upset tourists, and then Ronaldo walked directly to the opposite end of town to record an “unusually dense” flock of seagulls harassing arcade customers...who fled inside to complain to Mr Smiley.

My life’s work is finally here!  Keep Beach City Weird - THE BOOK!!! 

I’ve collected all of my findings into a single, very legitimate looking book, so that everyone can know the truth about my hometown of Beach City!  Finally, my legacy is protected for the ages.  Even if a giant solar flare wipes out all of the world’s computers  - MY BLOG WILL SURVIVE!

Writing this book was a monumental task.  It took me countless hours of slacking off at work to compile all of my writings, illustrations and far-flung theories into one place. I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!  

So if you wanna read about lots of weird stuff like Radioactive Centipedes, Giant Women from the Sea, and The Great Diamond Authority - then order a copy!   It’s sure to be an Empire Times Best-Seller!

Summary: Steven and Lars are gone.

Their family and friends struggle to fill the hole they left behind.

[a collection of 100-word drabbles about loss.]

( can also be found on AO3. co-written with @run-on-lightning)

8. Ronaldo

To Lost Friends

KBCW followers, I come to you now with a sad message:

My job— my duty— has always been to educate and protect our world from the strange. Today, I have failed in this duty.

I’ve written before about Gems (once incorrectly identified as ‘rock people’), their hierarchies, and their factions. One of my greatest friends and allies is a Gem— Steven Universe.

This weekend, I was out of town. And while I was gone, Gems invaded. Without me there to help, the invaders took two prisoners. Steven, and a civilian.

To both of you:

Look what came in yesterday!!!