My life’s work is finally here! Keep Beach City Weird - THE BOOK!!!
I’ve collected all of my findings into a single, very legitimate looking book, so that everyone can know the truth about my hometown of Beach City! Finally, my legacy is protected for the ages. Even if a giant solar flare wipes out all of the world’s computers - MY BLOG WILL SURVIVE!
Writing this book was a monumental task. It took me countless hours of slacking off at work to compile all of my writings, illustrations and far-flung theories into one place. I did have a little help from some fellow truth-stigators I met on a Koala Princess forum, Ben Levin and Matt Burnett, but most of the work was definitely done by ME!
So if you wanna read about lots of weird stuff like Radioactive Centipedes, Giant Women from the Sea, and The Great Diamond Authority - then order a copy! It’s sure to be an Empire Times Best-Seller!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
In my searches for THE TRUTH, I’ve done a lot of listening. I’ve listened to haunted houses to hear ghosts from other dimensions. I’ve listened to radio signals from the cosmos for signs of alien life. But on my most recent quest to help the Crystal Gems, I forgot to listen to someone very important: the Crystal Gems. If you wanna help someone else, you can’t make it all about you - no matter how sweet your KATANA BLADES may be! You gotta listen and help spread their words.
I’ve also learned that HUMANS NEED TO SLEEP. I didn’t sleep for 48 hours and I PASSED OUT FOR DAYS. I woke up on the floor in the foyer of my house. My dad said that’s as far as he could drag me with his bad back. From now on, I’m sticking to my normal schedule of 16 hours of sleep a night.
Anyway, if you’re in Beach City, come grab a Ronalphlet and learn how you can help the Crystal Gems!
Who am I kidding? I need you Jane-chan!!! Much like Koala Princess' vision in the Eucalyptus Jungle in Season 5, Episode 13 what you saw on the Boardwalk the other day was not what it seemed. I was only pretending to date Kiki to defend my family's honor, just as the Kanga-ronin did in Season 1, Episode 3! Please, come back to me! Without you, I'm like a Super Sentai Sugar Glider without a gliding membrane! I'm like the Walkabout Warrior without his talking digeridoo! To quote Prince Joey in the Koala Princess OVA, Koala Krisis Down Under: "You're a ridgey-didge sheila. And Bob's your Uncle if I don't think you're ripper." Which I think means you're cool and I like you a lot. Jeez, I hope you didn't unfollow me.
You know what? I'm over her! I'm over Jane and I'm over LOVE and I'm over any sort of human companionship. I'm just going to be single forever and dedicate all of my time to my research, and my book, and to building a giant robot that I can pilot into space WHERE THERE ARE NO FEELINGS!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Ugh, I wish I had some sad music to listen to at work. All I have is a playlist of video game soundtracks and some EVP recordings of ghost hauntings. I guess ghosts are sad. I’ll just listen to those.
But if you’re feeling happy, I do suggest listening to the “Go-Go Gorilla Go-Go Kart Racing” soundtrack. Some solid 16-bit J-reggae.
DISCLAIMER: None of these characters belong to me. They are the property of Crying Breakfast Friends and Pepe’s Burgers. I just wrote this for fun. PLEASE DON’T SUE ME!
Rating: PG for romance and crying.
The club was called the Midnight Snack. In it's prime, all of the ripest fruits and fancy cheeses in town showed up at it’s doors to dance and be merry. But that was years ago, and now the club was just a rundown dive for all the snacks that the fridge had forgotten.
Everything at the Midnight Snack was almost past its expiration date. Everything, that is, except for Pepe and Pear.
Pepe was a burger. He played the ivory keys. Pear was… a pear. Every night, she would sit herself atop the piano and the two would sing duets that could make an onion cry.
They sang songs of romance and unrequited love. It was their act, but Pepe always wondered if it were… more than an act.
The Midnight Snack was empty, even for a Tuesday. By the time the show ended, the only patrons left were a half awake Hot Dog, and a Pickle in the corner booth. Pepe divided up the tips, and gave Pear her half of the night's pitiful earnings.
"Well, at least it's enough for Salami to buy himself some mustard." Pear said, slipping the bills into her purse.
Salami Sandwich - Pear's no good boyfriend. Pepe hated hearing his name. He was the coldest cold cut there was.
"See you tomorrow night, Pepe."
Pepe couldn't let another night end like this. He had to say something. He looked down at his piano and the words just spilled out of him.
"You know he's no good for you, Pear." Pepe's eyes were still staring at the keys, but he could hear Pear's heels stop clicking.
"Maybe I'm no good," she said.
"You know that's not true."
"Oh drop the knife in shining armor act, Pepe! Who would want a snack like me? I'm just a has been. A nobody fruit, native to the coastal regions of western Europe and North Africa. Heck, I'm not even good enough for fruit salad."
She began to walk away. Pepe was never good with words, but he was good with notes. He began to play.
"Oooh like a burger," he sang with tears in his eyes. "Would you like a burger? I'm like a burger who likes you."
Pear turned around, also with tears in her eyes. There were tears everywhere. The Hot Dog even woke up and began crying.
"I would like a burger," she said. She ran back to the piano. "Let's run away together, Pepe. Let's leave the Midnight Snack and never look back."
"Just lead the way," Pepe said.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Thanks for reading my crossover fanfic of the Pepe's Burger mascot and Pear from Crying Breakfast Friends. I'm still working on the next chapter, but I'm very interested in any constructive criticism so feel free to reply with suggestions. Until next time!
Greetings, my devoted followers. Many of you have been wondering with your senpai has gone in this time of extreme weirdness. Mysterious earthquakes, UFO sightings and chunks of fruit salad washing up on the beach have all been seemingly ignored by this online encyclopedia of unearthly oddities.
But fear not, because I HAVE been documenting ALL of the things keeping Beach City weird for my latest project - a Keep Beach City Weird BOOK! This is what I got so far.
Pretty good start, right? Now all I have to do is write that chapter. And then a few more chapters. And then find a publisher.
Look, making a book is a lot harder than I thought, and it has been sucking up all my time. Not only have I neglected the blog, but I have had to cut back on my shifts at the Fry Shop. So until those book checks start rolling in, I have decided to bring in some big name sponsors to Keep Beach City Financially Solvent. So please enjoy this sponsored content courtesy of… sigh… GUACOLA.
SPONSORED POST
I know, I know, you’ve already heard the World’s First Guacamole Soda advertised on every podcast out there, but I’m here to share my personal endorsement of this… ugh… “extreme soda snack that is not at all whack.” I’ve tasted Guacola and I can confirm that, technically, it is edible. Although sometimes you have to chew it. But I’m sure Guacola has lots of other great uses, like mortaring in a brick wall or clogging a drain that runs too smoothly.
So do your throat a favor and order a case today! Guacola will ship a case right to your door (provided your door is not in one of the 17 states currently involved in the lawsuit against Guacola Inc, a subsidiary of Gluggman Industrial Adhesives).
Guacola. It’s a soda that pays people to say they like it, so you know it’s good.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
A few months ago, I had the honor of doing a presentation at Beach-a-palooza entitled: Rock People: Identification and Defense. Songs and mimes are all fun and all, but the people need to know THE TRUTH!!!
This is a little animated GIF I put together based on my diagrams. Just remember this simple rhyme to keep yourself safe:
If you suspect they’re a rock, just give them a spray.
If their form dissolves, you’ll know what to say.
YOU’RE A ROCK PERSON!!!
Every year, I celebrate my birthday on a completely different day. Why? To keep my birthdate a SECRET so that no clandestine government agencies can steal my identity!
Of course, this causes a host of other problems. Like nobody ever knowing when my birthday is and… nobody ever saying happy birthday to me… or buying me presents… or me feeling alone once a year...
Hey weirdos! For the past few months, I've done something unprecedented - I've stayed off the internet.
It was hard but I had to do because I've been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium! This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world. Yep, you know what I'm talking about: DOGCOPTER.
So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications. I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.
I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.
I won't lie, it was hard. But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library. And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments! With my dad!
And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, "I can't believe that Dogcopter's parents are actually cats."
Ug! I hope you've seen the movie because that's pretty much the big ending. Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he's actually part cat and cats have 9 lives. Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined. So now I'm back. Spoilers are the worst.
IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS?!?!? I was just in the middle of watching Mighty Monster Card Traders: Shuffle Quest and then there was a bunch of static and then THIS was on my TV!!!!!
Judging by her greenish hue, I’d say she must be part of some eco-terrorist group. Most definitely a highly advanced android programmed to free animals from the zoos. Sounds like her mission has gone afoul, but she still could be dangerous!
I implore any zookeepers who follow my blog to be on the look out for this green android! Protect your rhesus monkeys and your tamarins and your pygmy marmosets and above all PROTECT THE KOALAS!
I’ve noticed that snake people, or sneeple, have become a highly debated topic on the internet. I made this handy GIF to educate people on the subject, or snubject.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
TubeTube took down my video because copyright violations?!?! What?! That was MOSTLY ORIGINAL MATERIAL!!! I used that background music for INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES! IT'S FAIR USE! FAIR USE!!!
Clearly, somebody doesn't want the TRUTH about Beach City to be known. Perhaps, someone with an invested interest in the reputation of our seaside community. Someone who would lose a lot of money if tourists were afraid to come here and buy french fries. Someone like MY DAD!
I’ve been up for 36 hours straight, but it’s finally finished! My investigative documentary investigating the truth about the enemies and heroes of Beach City is online! It’s called: RISING TIDES/CRASHING SKIES: DANGER ON THE BOARDWALK: THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MOST DANGEROUS BOARDWALK: A KBCW INVESTIGATIVE DOCUMENTARY.
And the truth will SHOCK YOU!!!
Click the link above to watch the entire thing on TubeTube! And rate, like and subscribe please!
