#kanerodoptrix

The pensive phase continues and I feel it's starting some overdue updates to my approach to more or less every aspect of my life.

I went through an image folder which contains everything I drew between 2008 and 2016, and hoo boy was I productive back then. It was a much harder time overall with heaps of overtime and negative people, but I still managed to create a lot of space for myself. Why is this different now? I have roughly the same amount of personal time, but it leads to much less. Taking a photo of a sketch and pulling it into Photoshop, even coloring it, feels like taking on the world (ordeal pictured above). What happened?

My drumming teacher became one of the most important and helpful people in my life when it comes to questions like these. I only start to realize how right he is when he says: Mind and spirit create reality. Something happened, in me and in my environment, which led to changes, and very apparently, I let them happen. I'm not at fault for everything, but I'm responsible for the way I perceive things, and how I act upon them.

Making and drawing things is something so integral to myself that something rather severe must have happened to lose such a big part of its spirit. It is a peculiar sense of exhaustion that didn't exist back then, despite having a soul-sucking demon spawn as a superior who made me question my value as a human being.

So, what is it? Is it perfectionism? Overthinking? Jadedness? Ageing? One part of the answer is maybe mental overload. I realized that my ability to focus is going to shit, and I'm not even active on any dopamine-rush social media sites. There's a reason why Fuerteventura feels like it's cleaning my senses, and why I feel deeply inspired to draw and do stuff while I'm there. I focus on the things I want to focus on. No Teams strobe light party, no interruptions, no thousand-tasks-juggling, no stupid politics, no ego arseholes I am forced to react professionally to. Mind and spirit create reality, and if my mind is full of ego arseholes and blinking bars, I'm going to have a bad time.

Taking care of such fundamentals may not only improve my personal life, but will also help with the quality of my professional work. Would be a win-win, to use the stupid corporate buzzword.

Thank you all for the warm welcome back! <3 It feels good to see so many people still here, reading your names again and going through your posts. It’s going to take a while to look at everything, a lot has happened :)