Oct 30, 2025
[Alt Text] [Brooklyn 99 meme of Rosa holding a puppy. Text reads, "But if anything happened to Kalr Five, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."]
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[Alt Text] [Brooklyn 99 meme of Rosa holding a puppy. Text reads, "But if anything happened to Kalr Five, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself."]
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In this house we adore Kalr Five—because actually getting that much joy out of your tea bowls when everything around you is [gestures to the collapse of civilization] is eminently timely and relatable
On that note, I like these bowls—note the roses
So who was male in imperial radch trilogy?
Let’s hear those theories!
Shoutout to Kalr Five throughout Ancillary Sword. The most intense subterfuge and political drama is going down right in front of her and she’s getting her kicks from a) successfully convincing people that she’s an extension of an AI for the Prestige TM and b) being smug about her highly collectible dishes. Breq’s out here navigating ethnic tensions, coup de eats, and murder but she’s like “Well before you obliquely threaten someone, I see you’re very impressed by these dishes. Get absolutely wrecked - you do not have the class for these plates & stop talking shit about my captain”
on to ancillary sword and like. kalr 5 re: has hetnys been offered tea/breakfast
"Yes, sir. She said she didn't want anything." A trace of disappointment there—no doubt she felt deprived of an opportunity to show off her dishes.
she is so cute! i love kalr 5 and her precious dishes
[insert DO IT FOR HER meme here, but it's snippets of kalr 5 being kalr 5]
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So, I finally made a podfic of my own Imperial Radch fic about Kalr Five!
A Life in Service [Podfic]
Written and Read by Caminante
Imperial Radch Series - Ann Leckie
Rating: General Audiences
Tags: gratuitous description of dishes, Character Study, Backstory, Podfic, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes
Summary:
Of the three tenets of Radchaai civilization, Ettan had always clung most dearly to propriety, and she would do what was asked of her. It had not escaped her notice that this obedient streak might have something to do with her assignment.
Scenes from the life of Kalr Five, pre-canon through the beginning of Ancillary Mercy
It's the fic I'm most proud of and, despite being in a tiny BOOK fandom, it had the most hit counts of anything I'd made (until recently being dethroned by my podfic of Learning Curve) and I have ALWAYS wanted to podfic it, because I am proud of it AND to underscore my take that yes, Kalr Five is a quintessential British Valet but *gasp* what if she's not a fusty old dude?!
When I wrote it I was all "uggggh, I want to podfic this because I am so proud, and because I want to give her a young and very femme voice to underscore my point" but it is too long and there is dialogue and both of those things are beyond me!"
But then 2020 turned into my year of podficcing and I've leveled up several times so I am no longer scared of dialogue, and 5000 words is my idea of a weekend project, so I FINALLY PODFICCED IT!
THE TEA SET KALR FIVE ASKED FOR WAS ANAANDER’S OWN
Kalr Five being exceedingly relateable:
“I don’t like children very much, to be honest,” replied Five. “Well, no. Children are all sorts of people, aren’t they, and I suppose if I knew more I’d find some I like and some I don’t, just like everyone else. But I’m glad nobody’s depending on me to have any, and I don’t really know what to do with them, if you know what I mean. Still, I know not to do things like that.”