Harry: I miss the simpler times when we were just friends and none of us had sex with each other
Hermione: *pausing the lap dance* what
Harry: we used to study for the O.W.L.S., did homework together, played quidditch…
Hermione: *resuming the dance* oh, this
Hermione: if you didn’t leave me that copy of Exotic Wizardry, I would never know what sex is
Harry: you were wearing heels!
Hermione: it’s just a footwear!
Hermione: so was Draco, and so what?
Harry: *gets squished with her boobs* *gasp*
Harry: it was so simple back then
Draco: *from the couch* is he babbling about the simpler times again?
Hermione: what do you think
Draco: for crying out loud, potter! You will not un-fuck Ginny, George, Fred, Luna, Hermione, Cho, Parvati, Neville ——geez, what a list!—— Pansy, Cedric, Astoria, half the Slytherin house and almost everyone in Hufflepuff!
Harry: life was simpler when—
Hermione: *bends over, showing him her butt*
Harry: I could be watching it every day
Draco: *sigh* you are watching it every day
Harry: life was simpler back then
Draco: where does it come from?
Harry: we could meet and just talk
Draco: if I remember those meetings, we were either fucking or talking about fucking
Hermione: there was no meeting of you two without sex
Draco: you mean of any two of us three
Hermione: there were times you and I met and only talked
Harry: they never told us we’re such sexual beings
Harry: craving more and more of intimacy, acquiring good pounding and mind blowing orgasms, only to fill—
Draco: —your hungry asshole
Hermione: or my hungry asshole
Draco: or your hungry mouth
Hermione: what can i do if i just like that
Draco: hey! I like that too! Nothing wrong in sucking dick for fun!
Harry: my best friend is a sex-maniac, married to another sex-maniac
Draco: he’s talking about Ron?
Hermione: I am not married, so contextually—
Harry: all they do lately is fucking
Harry: gigantic white dick entering big, hungry chocolate ass
Hermione: I think I will suck your dick and you suck his
Draco: a deal has been made
Harry: all day long, whole careers of the magic world sacrificed to fuck— ohhhh
Draco: MMMM *sucking Potter’s dick*
Hermione: I love this view
Hermione: look at me, Harry
Hermione: do you like my ass? Would you like to destroy it, given a chance?
Harry: *grabs Malfoy’s head and starts fucking it*
Hermione: fuck my tight, teenage ass
Hermione: I want you to empty your balls in me, can you do it?
Harry: I’m! Gonna! Trrrryyyyyhhhh…
Draco: *licks Potter clean* *stands up*
Draco: you’re a dirty girl, Hermione
Hermione: did you like it?
Draco: I loved every second of it
Harry: that was something
Harry: now I want to see you sucking Draco’s dick
Harry: and Draco will be sucking my finger
Hermione: jesus fuck I am so wet right now
Draco: I’m glad that you’re back from whatever the fuck was that
Harry: I went spiralling down
Hermione: yeah, to the „times where we were all fucking thirteen”
Hermione: in the middle of the lap dance
Hermione: way to go, Harry
Harry: let me rephrase: I— uh
Draco: you were missing learning stuff from books at school
Harry: I remember seeing your mom for the first time
Draco: ah yes, the first boner of the great Harry Potter
Harry: so I have to blame the Malfoys for those good, innocent times to end
Hermione: I’ll start sucking, okay?
Draco: *sigh* by all means
Ginny: *tied, ballgagged and plugged, kneeling in the corner* mMm
Harry: oh right, I almost forgot of her
Draco: what did you promise her
Harry: that if she won’t make a sound I’ll let her eat my ass
Draco: she made a sound though
Harry: I didn’t hear anything
Harry: I think I need to un-gag her
Harry: *un-gagging Ginny* do you need something, honey?
Ginny: sir, I was promised that disobedience will end with spanking
Harry: how about I’ll cut you a deal
Harry: you will eat my ass, you’ll be spanked hard in yours, but you’ll have to talk about us all in Hogwarts but omitting all the sex we had
Ginny: I am not playing in your mind-games
Ginny: I am here to be humiliated, spanked, fucked and degraded
Ginny: is that understood?
Harry: what is wrong with everyone
Ginny: what is wrong with you?!
Ginny: romanticising the odd times when we were kids who almost died hundred times and didn’t have a friendly dick to suck because we were kids!
Ginny: get a grip, Potter!
Harry: yeah I am not drinking that much of Memory Lane anymore
Draco: did you say „Memory Lane”?
Hermione: *stops sucking* I believe so
Draco: Harry, that’s Pensieve anti-corruption liquid, not a drink
Harry: a full shot of it was standing on the table when I get back from work
Draco: you pour it to the Pensieve and it helps with maintaining it somehow
Harry: so what do I do now
Hermione: I feel weird too, Draco got so worried about you his dick went limp and just slipped out of my mouth like it was nothing
Ginny: I could eat your ass and pussy if you want
Hermione: slaves don’t talk
Hermione: but you will eat me so hard you won’t be able to talk for another day
Ginny: would you spank my ass a bit too?
Hermione: do a good work and we’ll see
Draco: what the fuck, Potter?
Draco: why would you do such a stupid thing?
Harry: I thought you made me a drink
Harry: poured me a shot of something new
Draco: you are such an idiot
Draco: I am apparating us to Mme Pomfrey’s
Harry: are we not too old for this? We were young once and—
Draco: oh shut the fuck up and button up your trousers, okay?
Harry: is that what you’re wearing?
Draco: you have something to add, Potter?
Harry: your makeup is ruined
Draco: I just got mouthfucked
Draco: that’s my natural state and Poppy knows that
Mme Pomfrey: still getting facefucked, I see
Mme Pomfrey: is everything not a-okay with you, gentlemen?
Mme Pomfrey: between you and me, Draco, I think you’re more like a lady, not a gentleman
Draco: this idiot drank Memory Lane
Mme Pomfrey: did he? That’s a shame
Mme Pomfrey: he will have weird regrets, then the night of shaking legs and convulsing diarrhoea
Mme Pomfrey: basing on his state I would guess we’re past the regret part, right?
Draco: nah we’re just beginning
Mme Pomfrey: i mean the side effects
Harry: just leave me here and come on the morning
Mme Pomfrey: I will give him a Warm Worm so he’s not hypothermic and we’ll dunk him in the lake
Mme Pomfrey: the shallow waters will do
Mme Pomfrey: his shit will go everywhere so
Mme Pomfrey: it’s better this way
Mme Pomfrey: WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA
Mme Pomfrey: OPEN THE WINDOW!
Mme Pomfrey: out of sight, out of mind
Draco: thank gods he’s still in his trousers
Mme Pomfrey: just put him in the water and wait until the early morning
Mme Pomfrey: it should pass
Mme Pomfrey: what is weird, my dear boy, is that he’s the ministry’s most famous and driven auror and he’s still the same dummy who comes home and drinks Pensieve maintenance liquid
Draco: for his defence I will say that we’re here right from a sex-party
Mme Pomfrey: of course you are
Mme Pomfrey: I can smell Hermione too
Hermione: *entering* it’s because I came here to help as well
Mme Pomfrey: nice outfit, you guys robbed the fishing boat?
Hermione: *neck to toe in various fishnet attire* have you seen Ginny?
Ginny: *walks in on all fours* MmMmm
Ginny: hello Madame Pomfrey
Draco: I’ll go and check on Harry
Mme Pomfrey: I think he shits himself on the roof now
Snape: *entering* WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE SHIT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
Snape: *sees Draco, Hermione and Ginny, all dressed in sexual-provocative way* NO
Snape: *from outside the door* FOR FUCK SAKES!!!!
Mme Pomfrey: *listens to steps on the corridor*
Mme Pomfrey: McGonagall is coming! Hide!
Hermione: *stashes Ginny under the bed, herself hides behind the curtain*
Draco: *crawls under the desk*
Professor McGonagall: *enters*
Professor McGonagall: I saw your window opened, so I figured it’s time for some Hagrid’s Finest
Professor McGonagall: I have few minutes to spare
Mme Pomfrey: *walks towards the desk, opens the drawer, gives Draco the look and closes it*
Professor McGonagall: on the desk, love
Mme Pomfrey: one day I will lose my own head here
Professor McGonagall: If I find yourself without your head, I will assume you gave it to Hagrid.
Professor McGonagall: wink, wink
Mme Pomfrey: Minerva! You naughty, naughty girl
Professor McGonagall: I learned from the best
Professor McGonagall: and I mean by observing Hermione Granger
Professor McGonagall: that one could suck Snape out of the forty-gallon cauldron through a quarter inch tube, I shit you not
Mme Pomfrey: *casually lights up two cigarettes, gives one to McGonagall* so how is everything?
Professor McGonagall: Oh it’s f—
Professor McGonagall: Why is Potter convulsingly shitting himself on the Herbology Roof?
Mme Pomfrey: what can I say
Mme Pomfrey: long story short, he drank some Memory Lane
Professor McGonagall: whew lad, you’re in for a treat
Professor McGonagall: he will now find new ways to use his butt
Mme Pomfrey: or as we call it in the hospital: the usual way
Mme Pomfrey: or was it the natural way?
Professor McGonagall: why is Hermione behind the curtain?
Mme Pomfrey: they play sexy hide and seek and Potter decided to shit himself middle game
Professor McGonagall: I see
Professor McGonagall: that has nothing to do with… Let me guess, Draco, under the table?
Mme Pomfrey: I hired his as my new helper here. Collecting dust from under the desk, now, I believe
Professor McGonagall: entry position, as far as I understand the lower levels of career in labouring
Professor McGonagall: that boy sure spends a lot of time on his knees even without that
Professor McGonagall: my, my… you didn’t tell me you let animals in here, too
Mme Pomfrey: oh, yes… Ginny Weasley prefers this method over the classic method of, you know, transfiguration
Professor McGonagall: ah, youth
Professor McGonagall: we give them tools to figure it all out on their own I guess
Mme Pomfrey: I’m sure some of them came here with bags of their own… tools
Professor McGonagall: ah yes, the famous Weasley Chest
Mme Pomfrey: I meant the Plentiful Malfoy Boxes
Professor McGonagall: that too
Professor McGonagall: why don’t you put Potter into a lake?
Mme Pomfrey: we got distracted
Mme Pomfrey: and by me, I mean all of us
Mme Pomfrey: I bet they stay hidden because they really are terrified of your “look”.
Professor McGonagall: is that so? Granger?
Hermione: …yes, professor?
Draco: …yes, professor McGonagall
Mme Pomfrey: she’s gagged
Professor McGonagall: I see
Professor McGonagall: oh shit, Snape is climbing the roof
Mme Pomfrey: we got to do something
Mme Pomfrey: Potter will shit all over him and we will hear about it forever
Professor McGonagall: SEVERUS!
Professor McGonagall: I didn’t think that through
Professor McGonagall: I am not doing that, even if it could help
Hermione: *jiggles her boobs*
Professor Flitwick: *on the ground* that is the best student that ever graduated this school
Professor Flitwick: take a good look, boys and girls
Professor Flitwick: it will help you during those long, lonely nights
Professor McGonagall: Flitwick!
Professor Flitwick: yes, Minerva?
Professor McGonagall: prevent Snape from… ah, crap
Harry: *shits all over himself and roof*
Snape: I AM NOT HAVING YOU SHITTING ALL OVER ME AND EVERYTHING
Snape: *puts a charm on Potter, creating a green spherical barrier around him*
Snape: *flies Potter to the nearest pond*
Mme Pomfrey: the ponds! How could I forget that the ponds are here!
Professor McGonagall: don’t be hard on yourself, I too have forgotten about their existence
Professor McGonagall: Harry Potter’s problems seem to have this effect on people
Professor McGonagall: I just saw him shitting on himself on the roof and immediately forgot about our koi ponds!
Draco: god forbid a man shat himself around here, women lose their heads
Professor McGonagall: yes, Draco, we all know what did you do with your head, as I can smell your breath from here
Hermione: I believe she said “burn”.
Hermione: do you want me to un-gag you?
Professor McGonagall: “no. fucking. way.”, was it?
Professor McGonagall: oh please, they practically invented these words just like Draco’s mother invented uncomfortable shoes
Professor McGonagall: everything all right, Hermione?
Draco: you mentioned my mom and she’s deeply in love with her
Professor McGonagall: I thought you and Weasley—
Hermione: that’s just sex, professor… uhm, madame
Professor McGonagall: my, my…
Professor McGonagall: *crouching* anyway how did you manage to get involved in all of this?
Professor McGonagall: “I wanted to”
Professor McGonagall: still into Harry, I see
Ginny: *clacking her heels on each other*
Hermione: that’s her signal to un-gag her
Professor McGonagall: *takes Ginny’s gag off*
Ginny: I am doing this because I love all of them, professor
Professor McGonagall: you were always the most romantic person in this family
Ginny: also they owe me this
Draco: she cuts my lawn for sexual favours
Professor McGonagall: really? Lawn? At Grimauld Place?
Mme Pomfrey: he means his bush
Professor McGonagall: I know exactly what he means
Hermione: *in the window* yes, professor Snape?
Professor McGonagall: “yes, professor Snape?”
Snape: would you please just take Malfoy and Weasley away from the school premises?
Snape: I… Will… take care… of the shitpants Potter here! I just need you all gone!
Professor McGonagall: I think what professor Snape means, is that you seem to be distracting everyone from the school with your… nakedness
Hermione: I could wear a school robe—
Professor McGonagall: please, you two
Professor McGonagall: everyone in the school saw at least one of your most famous photographs
Mme Pomfrey: I liked the one with Hermione in leopard miniskirt
Professor McGonagall: yes, Draco, the famous headband with a bow as well
Draco: fucking Weasleys…!
Professor McGonagall: as I recall, you paid them to print it in their “Naughtingham” magazine.
Professor McGonagall: I don’t care how did you pay, I mean I just know that they don’t print anything for free
Ginny: he sucked their di—
Professor McGonagall: and I’m sure he did it very well
Hermione: guys we got to leave the school
Draco: I am not leaving my husband
Professor McGonagall: in my opinion it will be better for you to just leave
Mme Pomfrey: I will take care of Potter, honey
Draco: well… okay *stands up from under the desk*
Draco: come on, doggy, let’s go to my place
Ginny: I hope you mean Malfoy Manor
Hermione: I need to see Narcissa
Draco: we all need to see her
Draco: she might know what to do to Harry
Draco: don’t be ridiculous
Ginny: it was pleasure to meet you, professor, madame—
Draco: I too was delighted
Professor McGonagall: send my best to your parents… all of them, the Malfoys, the Weasleys and the Grangers. One big happy family I hope
Mme Pomfrey: oh just grab the portkey and be gone now, will you?
Draco, Hermione and Ginny: *grab the portkey and disappear*
Professor McGonagall: I think I need a drink
Mme Pomfrey: I have some Bearhugger whisky
Professor McGonagall: anything will be good to wash down the Snape’s face expression
Mme Pomfrey: *looks through the window* I see what you mean
Snape: *waters down Harry with a hose*
Harry: *farts and shits himself more*
Snape: I need a drink too
Snape: I probably have a flask here somewhere *taps his pockets*
Snape: *finds two flasks* what the fuck is this
Snape: *tries to sniff them* everything smells like shit anyway
Snape: ah fuck it *drinks both at once*
Snape: ah fucking shit not this now
Snape: ahhh shit fucking fucking shit
Snape: *undresses from his clothes now too big for him*
