#kafenetwork

Jungkook shrugged and tossed his mask on your bed before taking a seat next to it. His eyes scanned your outfit and frowned when he realized you weren’t ready. You were in your pajamas, yet had makeup on—your eyes and lips coated in purple. Part of your hair was pulled into a ponytail by a green hair tie. He wasn’t sure what you had decided to dress up as, but purple-pajama lover was not in his list of guesses.

“I’m sure I won’t be the only person dressed as Spider-Man. It’s the one day of the year I can dress in my suit and not have to worry about my identity. Isn’t that neat?” He reasoned, eyes wide with excitement. While Jungkook probably wasn’t wrong about not being the only Spider-Man, you worried he would still stick out with the material of his suit. It wasn’t like the ones in the stores.

“You don’t think people will be suspicious that yours is… Better in quality?” You reached out and glided your fingertips across his shoulder and down his arm to feel his suit. It wasn’t your first time touching it, but you couldn’t stop feeling it again. It was bumpy unlike the ones being sold, yet the ridges weren’t rough. Jungkook stared up at you.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But I doubt anyone will make the connection. Don’t worry, baby. No one’s going to know the truth.” He smiled at you reassuringly. You hummed as you thought about his words. You were still skeptical but he looked so happy to wear his suit confidently without his mask that you decided to let it go. He could always say he got it customized for Halloween, which isn’t entirely a lie. It was customized for him. As long as he didn’t get nervous and accidentally reveal the truth, he should be fine.

“Hurry and get dressed,” Jungkook interrupted your thoughts with a light pat to your butt. “I’m still wondering about your costume.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you replied and walked to your closest to grab your clothes. Your back was turned as you started to change into your costume. It was plain and simple, yet it would do to convey who you were trying to imitate.

Jungkook was quiet when you slid off your top and replaced it with a black one. It was normal to change in front of each other now, but he could still feel his skin heat as he watched you peel off your clothes. He was so used to having you change in front of him without much care that it felt odd to have you go somewhere else to change.

His eyes followed the curve of your back down to your ass as you bent down to pull up the purple stockings. His fingers twitched at the thought of helping you, his fingers grazing your exposed skin as he tugged the fabric higher until he reached-

“Stop looking at me like that,” you chuckled. Jungkook’s eyes snapped to your face. His cheeks reddened, having been caught ogling. You had already finished putting on your stockings and were sliding on your skirt.

“Sorry,” he mumbled but couldn’t stop his eyes from roaming down your body. “You look great.” He grinned when he recognized the childhood character you used to love. He remembered seeing you watch it in high school, claiming that it was still good despite having already seen all the episodes. He doesn’t recall the show well… Something about a boy who could turn into a ghost?

Once your combat boots were snug on your feet, you walked to stand in front of Jungkook. His hands were quick to rest on your hips.

“Do you like it?” You pondered, hand brushing away his hair. Although he had finally gotten a haircut, the length was longer than he typically wore in high school. He must’ve liked the way he looked after growing it out. Turns out his laziness was helpful for once.

Jungkook slid his hands lower until they rested on the back of your thighs. He squeezed your legs gently, hands just beneath your ass, and pulled you closer.

“Yes,” Jungkook said and leaned in to press a light kiss to your exposed skin above your skirt. Your heart began to hammer in your chest at his affectionate actions.

“You know who I am?” You quizzed and twirled a strand of his hair around your finger mindlessly.

“Pam something,” he replied, not entirely interested in the answer anymore. His hands glided up your legs and slipped beneath your skirt to rest on your butt.

You frowned at his answer. “Sam,” you corrected. “Sam Manson.”

Jungkook hummed but you knew he didn’t care about your response. You called his name to get his attention. He slowly peered at you again, eyes darkening as thoughts of what he wanted to do to you floated in his mind. You noticed the stare and felt your body get giddy; however, there wasn’t time to do anything since the party had already started thirty minutes ago.

“We need to go,” you announced softly and slowly retreated from his grasp.

Jungkook stopped you from moving too far. “Let’s stay here a little longer.”

You placed your hands on his shoulders when he attempted to pull you onto his lap, shaking your head with a teasing smile.

“You were really excited about this party; let’s go.” You argued and reached down to grab his mask from your bed.

“Yeah, but there’s always next year,” he murmured, eyes glued to your uncovered skin. You lifted his chin to look at you, bending down to meet him halfway.

“Don’t be so upset,” you whispered, a hint of a smirk on your face. Your hand slid from his chin to his chest, the feel of his suit sending chills down your spine. There was always something about his suit that had your skin heating up. “I have a surprise for you when we get back.”

Jungkook quirked an eyebrow, ears perked up in interest at what you had up your sleeves. “Care to give me a hint, baby?”

You giggled and pressed your lips against him briefly.

“Nope. Now, take your mask, and let’s get going.”

Jungkook sulked, bottom lip sticking out at your disappointing reply. He reluctantly grabbed his mask from your grasp and stood up. One of his hands was still on you as he did so, making sure you couldn’t walk away. He leaned down, eyes locking with yours as he neared your face.

“We’re not staying long.”

With that, he pecked your lips and adjusted your skirt before ushering you out the door—barely giving you enough time to grab your bag.

Jungkook had an arm wrapped around your shoulder as you walked up to the house. It wasn’t as crowded as you had expected. Sure, there were over a handful of people roaming around, but it wasn’t sardine-packed as you had pictured.

The lawn was cluttered with Halloween-related decorations. It was as if the house vomited its Halloween storage room all over the yard. There weren’t many people entering and exiting the house. They either stayed indoors or out. You glanced at the faces in the yard as you walked by, realizing that many of them you couldn’t recognize. There were a few familiar faces you’d seen in classes, but you’d never spoken to them before.

As you continued your stroll to the door, you noticed many heads turn towards you. No, not you. Jungkook.

You glanced at Jungkook and wondered if he felt the eyes on him. He held onto his mask in his other hand, hair dancing in the light breeze. From the way Jungkook straightened his posture, you knew he was aware of the attention. He peered down at you, flashed you his bunny smile, and continued onwards.

“Woah!” Someone called out when you both entered the house. Music was blaring from a stereo in the other room and there were buckets of candy scattered around along with alcoholic beverages. There was some finger food on the counters, but most of it was gone. “Where did you get the suit? That looks way better than this one.”

You turned your head to the newcomer. The man wore a Spider-Man suit, but it was obvious his wasn’t as nice as Jungkook’s. The stranger's costume was loose and had a tie knotted behind their neck to keep the one piece up. His hands weren’t covered by the suit, which meant the costume either didn’t come with gloves or the guy decided to take them off. The outfit also stopped at the man’s ankles.

Jungkook smiled at the man. “I got it customized.” He replied proudly.

“Seriously? How much did you have to pay?” The guy questioned and leaned in closer, examining the intricate patterns on the material. Before Jungkook could answer, two girls and another so-called Spider-Man appeared. This Spider-Man had a better outfit. The man’s outfit clung to his body and was made out of stretchy fabric, similar to Jungkook’s, but still not the same material.

Your eyes roamed the area as you let Jungkook’s conversation fade with the booming music. You noticed some others dressed as Spider-Man; a few were women with the same tight-fitted outfit. It’s not until your roommate’s face came into view that you slithered from your boyfriend's hold. He didn’t seem to mind as he glanced at you briefly before going back to his new friends.

“Hey Yn!” Jihyun exclaimed. You quickly took in her costume—a red skirt, orange long-sleeve, glasses, and orange knee-high socks. She engulfed you in a quick hug before she looked down at your costume. Her confused expression told you she didn’t recognize who you were dressed as.

“It’s a character from a show I used to watch,” you explained, not feeling the need to go into too many details as she wouldn’t understand.

“Ah,” she said with a nod. “Where’s Jungkook?”

You leaned over to give her a clearer view of your boyfriend behind you. You both glanced to see Jungkook with an arm stretched out, clothed fingers clenching and unclenching. He had his mask on now. He must’ve been asked to put it on for show. Even though you couldn’t see his expression, you imagined he was beaming with pride. It wasn’t every day he was able to be showered with compliments about how well made his suit was. You weren’t there to witness his trial and errors in him making it, but you knew he put a lot of thought into the design and creation. You were on the edge of your imaginary seat seeing him surrounded by people who knew who he was beneath the mask. You hoped none of them connect two and two together.

“I bet your suit is better than the real Spider-Man’s,” the first guy stated.

“You’ve never met him, hyung, so you don’t know that. Spider-Man’s suit has to be better than this guy’s costume. He has to run up walls and stuff,” another guy replied, one who must’ve joined the conversation after you left. The first man rebutted the argument, but you didn’t hear it because one of the girls interrupted.

“Can I touch it?” She asked and held out her hand. As soon as Jungkook nodded his head, she placed her palm against his forearm. Her eyes widened at the soft feel and began to rub up and down his arm.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you watched the stranger touch Jungkook. It was just his arm she was touching. You ignored the jab from the green goblin on your shoulder as you watched the interaction. Envy didn’t consume you, but you were still wary. Jungkook had this aura when he wore his suit—one that made him more confident. Jungkook didn’t care if he was the center of attention until he was dressed in his suit.

“That’s Jungkook?” Jihyun gasped next to you. You hummed in confirmation.

“That’s an impressive Spider-Man costume he found. I’m sure his is the best one out here,” she complimented. “Hey, you know there’s a costume contest? He should enter!”

“What’s the prize?” You questioned and glanced at your roommate before looking back at Jungkook. The second girl was now rubbing his other arm. You felt your breath halt when the first girl ran her hand higher to his shoulder and near his collar. Jungkook took a small step back and hovered a hand near hers as if ready to grab it if she persisted. The girl’s cheeks grew red and apologized quickly. You couldn’t stop the corner of your lips from tilting upwards at the exchange. You felt a little guilty at that.

“I heard it’s a gift card to a ramen place,” she chuckled. “But hey, free food is free food.”

“True,” you agreed and turned to your friend. There was a sudden presence to your right that had you glancing over. The first thing you saw was Namjoon’s dimples. They were on display as he greeted you with a hug. Jihyun dismissed herself to find the friends she came with, offering Namjoon a small hello before she left.

“Funneth sheeing you hereth,” Namjoon said, though it sounded a little distorted. You tilted your head in confusion and he sighed. He pulled out a plastic set of vampire’s teeth and licked across his top row of teeth. You laughed at the reason behind his distorted words and finally noticed his outfit. It wasn’t much of a costume, just an added black cape to his jeans and short-sleeve outfit with fake blood at the corner of his lip.

“Jungkook wanted to come,” you explained, knowing you were indifferent about attending.

“It’s nice to see you out of your dorm. You know you don’t have to live there, right?” He chuckled. “I can still give you a tour if you want? I know it’s a few months in the semester, but,” he trailed off.

Your smile grew as he spoke. “That’ll be great. I’m sure you can guess, but I haven’t explored campus yet, so a tour would be helpful.”

Namjoon nodded. “Text me later and we can figure out a date and time.”

“Date and time for what?”

You jumped at the new voice behind you; a set of hands rested on your waist. You glanced up to see the famous red and blue mask—the real one.

“Hi Spidey,” you smiled before explaining, “For a campus tour.”

“Jungkook?” Namjoon asked with wide eyes, astonished with his so-called costume. Jungkook pulled off his mask and shook his head to get his hair into place. He smiled at Namjoon.

“Hi,” he greeted.

“I thought you were the real one for a second,” Namjoon laughed. “Great costume.”

Jungkook thanked him and then averted his attention to you; however, you were already looking at Namjoon. You fell back into conversation with your friend. As the minutes passed, you found Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi. You learned there was another party happening and that they planned to visit that one for a moment before going trick or treating. While Yoongi seemed out of his element, he seemed content hanging around the others.

Thirty minutes passed with you hanging out with your friends, talking aimlessly about anything and everything. You could’ve stayed longer, but Jungkook was poking your sides, whining in your ear, and playing with his mask so much you knew he was getting bored.

“Baby,” he murmured to you, “What happened about leaving early?”

You glanced at him and saw he was slumped against the couch cushions. You rolled your eyes at his exaggerated position. Placing a hand on his thigh, you leaned in so he could hear you over the music.

“We’ve only been here for a little over an hour, and you want to go? But you were so excited the past few weeks.”

He shrugged and covered your hand with one of his own. “That was before you teased me earlier,” he pouted and glanced at your lips. You giggled and squeezed his leg.

“I didn’t tease you that much,” you argued. He shook his head in disagreement.

“Let’s go,” he urged, though it was more of a suggestion than a demand.

“And what if I want to stay longer?” You challenged. His lips tipped downwards, and he groaned quietly.

“Five more minutes,” he offered. You smiled at his reply and nodded, averting your attention back to your friends. Jungkook removed your hand from his thigh and started tracing patterns on it mindlessly. Truth be told, you were fine leaving when he asked, but you wanted him to wait a little longer just for the fun of annoying him.

Precisely five minutes later you were hastily telling everyone goodbye as Jungkook tugged on your arm impatiently. He guided you to the door, thanking those who gave him last-minute compliments as he made his way to the exit. The only time he had paused was to grab a handful of candy. He dumped the treats in his mask before walking you to the car you arrived in. Needless to say, he didn’t get the chance to win the costume contest.

He was quick to guide you to his dorm. He shut the door with a shoot of a web.

“We’re back. What’s the surprise?” He asked immediately and plopped down on his bed.

“You’re too antsy,” you laughed, crossing your arms over your chest to stare at him. Jungkook’s gaze flickered to the way your breasts were pushed together at the action.

“I had to wait for two hours. I think it’s time you tell me what it is,” he huffed and opened his mask to distract himself, digging around the candy he had dumped in it before you left the party. He couldn’t stop glancing at your chest and your short skirt earlier. He was slowly going crazy watching you adjust your skirt or top at the party. While you didn’t notice the gazes of the other party attendees, he did. He didn’t like the way some people’s eyes lingered on you. He came close to webbing their eyes shut at one point.

“Hm, you’re right,” you said, a smile on your lips as Jungkook pulled out a small lollipop.

“Where are you going?” Jungkook asked when he caught you moving to his bathroom.

You paused at the restroom door. “I’m going to go to the bathroom really quick then I’ll tell you the surprise.”

Jungkook was unwrapping his candy as you spoke but nodded to show he had heard you. He seemed gloomy at having to wait longer. Without another word, you slipped inside with your bag.

While searching for this year’s Halloween costume idea, you stumbled across multiple Spider-Man costumes. Each was styled a little differently depending on the context—goofy, sexy, realistic—but they all were centered around Seoul’s masked hero. You felt a little foolish when you put one of the silly costumes in your cart, but you were also excited to see Jungkook’s reaction. It was originally meant as a joke for the party, though, your eyes had snagged on another costume before you checked out. It was more revealing, something meant to be provocative. You had contemplated your decision for a few minutes. In the end, you went for the latter and decided it would be a costume only Jungkook would see.

You slid the ponytail from your hair and removed the purple eyeshadow, leaving your eyes with eyeliner and mascara only, before replacing your purple lipstick with red. Your heart hammered in your chest as you stared at your reflection. The costume was a one-piece with black-webbed patterns on it to mimic his original suit. The front was red while the sides were blue. The top stopped low, revealing the soft curves of your breasts that were slightly covered by black elastic strands in another web-like pattern. The same pattern was on the back, showing off more skin. Etched on the middle of your chest was the Spider-Man logo. The bottom did nothing to cover your skin and almost felt uncomfortable from the way the cut sat high on your hips. You supposed it was just the fact you weren’t used to wearing this style. You finished the outfit with black heels that laced up your legs.

You had tried it on when it first arrived, only this time felt different. You felt more conscious of how much you were, or weren’t, wearing. The outfit didn’t leave much to the imagination. Although it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve worn something so racy in front of Jungkook, this was based on his suit. You were nervous he wouldn’t like it; you didn’t want him to feel offended. However, you spent the money and might as well commit.

Taking a deep breath, you quietly opened the door.

Jungkook’s focus was away from you, kneeling down and trying to retrieve something under his bed. He was still in his spider suit, mask abandoned on his bed, and a lollipop hanging from his mouth. Your hands ran down your costume to smooth it out, giving your hands something to do in an attempt to call your nerves.

“Baby,” you murmured.

Jungkook turned his head to you and was mid “yeah” when he got a glimpse of your outfit. His doe eyes grew, blinking rapidly in case his eyes were deceiving him. He quickly staggered up, arms dangling by his sides as he took in what you were wearing.

“Wh- Wha-” he stuttered. He removed the candy from his mouth. His eyes remained wide as they trailed down your body languidly. You noticed the way his chest rose and fell faster. His jaw clenched, making his features more prominent, and his eyes narrowed as they became clouded with a familiar look. His silence had you shifting your weight from one foot to another.

“Is it too much?” You asked and rubbed one of your arms, needing to do something to get your jitters out of your system. Jungkook approached you slowly, eyes still lingering on every detail of your outfit.

“No, you look amazing,” he said promptly and tilted your chin up to meet your eyes. “But if you wanted to be webbed up, you could’ve just asked, baby girl.”

Your cheeks heated at his comment and you tried to turn your head, but he kept it in place. His lips raised in a reassuring smile when he noticed how tense you were. “Don’t be shy,” he continued. “Is this the surprise?”

You nodded. His grin grew, and he leaned down to steal a kiss.

“Hm, I’m glad you didn’t wear this to the party. You would’ve stolen the spotlight,” he joked, trying to ease your nerves. From the small smile forming on your lips, he knew it worked. He slotted his lips on yours once more, pulling you close to his body with one hand. His tongue found yours easily, kiss progressively getting fervent. Your hands wandered down his chest, feeling his muscles tense from your ghosting fingertips.

Jungkook hummed when he felt how much the outfit failed to cover your butt. He pulled back and moved your body to the side so he could peer at the back of your suit.

“God, you’re so sexy,” he groaned in appreciation, hand coming down on one of your ass cheeks. His lips were faintly red from your lipstick and you were sure it was smeared now. One of your hands held onto his forearm for support while the other trailed up the side of his neck. It tangled in his hair and you tugged him closer—needing to feel his lips again. He leaned into your touch, only looking away from your backside at the last minute.

Jungkook pulled away from the kiss after a few seconds, placing the lollipop back in his mouth. He bent down slightly and grabbed your thighs. He lifted you up easily, and you instantly wrapped your legs around his waist. You leaned forward and kissed his neck, sucking gently to leave scattered marks. Even though watching the other girls trying to get cozy with Jungkook earlier didn't bother you in the least, you couldn't help the spark of possessiveness that blossomed through you.

Jungkook softly moaned at the feel of your lips upon his skin. He adjusted his hands to rest on your ass and kneaded it occasionally. One of his hands moved lower, fingers grazing your folds through your costume. You pulled away with a gasp; your chest brushed against his as you tried to calm your breathing. You shivered at his subtle touches, hands clutching his body for a second.

“Everyone liked your suit,” you said and glanced at it as you recalled everyone gawking over it. He smiled, keeping his face close to yours, fingers feather-light against your clit.

“They did,” he hummed. “But I like yours better.”

Jungkook paused his movements against your clothed core and secured his arm around your back. He removed the lollipop and held it out to you. You kitten licked the candy, tasting to see if you liked the flavor. When you realized you did, you wrapped your lips around it and sucked. Jungkook twirled the candy in your mouth for a moment before letting it go. It stayed between your lips.

Jungkook kissed just beneath your jaw near your ear. You felt secure in his hold, carefully moving his hair from his eyes and not worrying about him dropping you abruptly.

“I don’t know; I’ve always found you sexy in yours,” you replied, suppressing a moan as Jungkook pressed your body closer. Your eyes closed for a moment as you focused on the mixture of his hands and the way his mouth pressed kisses along your jawline then to your chest, over the straps.

“Is that so?” He chuckled, grabbing one of the straps between his teeth. He pulled back slightly before releasing the material, watching as it snapped against your skin. He hadn’t moved far enough for it to hurt, but there was a hint of a sting to it. You nodded at his question. The corner of his lip quirked in a small smirk. You pulled the lollipop from your mouth and brought it to his lips. He licked the candy a few times before nudging it back to you. Your eyes were fixated on the way his tongue swirled around it. He chuckled at your expression.

“Eat the rest of it,” he murmured. You did as you were told and chewed off the candy from the stick since there wasn’t much left. You hummed happily and tossed the remnants in his trash bin near you. He smiled fondly at you and continued to tease your pussy. His fingers prodded your entrance, which caused your hips to buck against him.

“You want me to fuck you in my suit, baby?” He asked lowly when he recalled your earlier comment, eyes watching your face carefully. Your heart leaped in your chest. You couldn’t stop your legs from squeezing his waist, moving you closer to his taut figure. He got his answer from the way your body reacted.

“‘M not wearing the right suit, but I’ll make do,” he mumbled and walked you to his bed. He gently laid you down and slid his hands from your breasts, massaging them briefly, all the way down to your legs. He felt himself harden at the dark patch between your legs. Usually, he would tease you, but having been forced to leave your dorm before anything could happen earlier, he was too worked up.

One of his fingers hooked underneath your one-piece to move it to the side. He almost moaned when he saw your arousal sticking to the underside of your outfit. He brought his other hand to touch your folds, smirking to himself when his fingers were coated with your wetness within seconds.

“Do you like me in the suit this much?” He smirked playfully and circled your clit. You whined at his touch. Something about him in his suit had a fire light inside you. The way the material hugged his firm body had you wanting to run your hand across every inch of him. At least, this urge was mainly prominent when he wasn’t in grave danger. In those times, you worried about him being in his suit.

Jungkook’s mouth on your clit tore you from your thoughts. He sucked on the bud, finger still rubbing between your folds. His other hand came up to play with your breasts through the costume, pinching your nipple to elicit a wanton gasp from your lips. Your legs quivered every once in a while, threatening to close in on his head at every harsh suck or flick of his tongue. One of your hands flew to his hair when he slid in a finger. He pumped it slowly at first, quickly increasing his speed along with the number of fingers in your hole.

“Jungkook,” you panted, grip tightening on his locks when he spread his fingers. The stretch felt good, but you knew it was nothing compared to when he stretched you with his dick.

“You sound so pretty, jagi,” he cooed, his breath hitting your soaking cunt. He flattened his tongue and licked one long stripe against your slicken folds. You clutched the sheets under you when you felt his tongue rapidly flick against you; you shuddered in pleasure while you tried to muffle your sinful noises against your arm. You leaned up to get a glimpse of him. His eyes were closed, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he savored the taste of you. Your grip on his hair tightened as you pushed your hips up. You slowly moved your hips against his tongue.

Jungkook’s tongue circled your entrance, teasing it before dipping his tongue in briefly. You panted his name again, which caused his grip on your breasts to get stronger. Your body jerked when you felt his fingers on your clit. They circled it quickly. It wasn’t long until your legs trembled with your approaching high.

“Jung-” You gasped, feeling every movement of his quicken.

“Go on, baby.” He encouraged, though his words were muffled as he kept his face close to your pussy.

“B-but I wanted to come with you,” you complained and tried to pull your hips away. Jungkook stopped you quickly, holding you still.

“Who said this was going to be the only time you were coming tonight?” Jungkook laughed, not stopping his movements as he spoke. You barely registered his words as you tipped over the edge, coming with a loud moan that filled Jungkook’s ego.

Jungkook moaned as you came, mouth and hands relentless as he helped you ride out your orgasm. He lapped up your juices as your knees grew weak. Your body melted into the mattress, mouth agape as Jungkook licked you clean. Before you came back to reality, Jungkook was grabbing your hips and flipping you onto your stomach. He moved off the bed and pulled you to him; your feet were on the floor, and your body was bent over the edge of his bed. A surprised yelp escaped your lips at the sudden change and you peered behind you to look at him.

Jungkook was palming himself through his suit as his eyes scanned over your body. His nose and chin glistened, making you feel aroused at the sight. You started to stand up, but Jungkook pressed a hand down on your lower back.

“Stay like that,” he rasped, voice gruff as he continued to touch himself. You whined as you were forced to watch him pleasure himself. The snug fabric did nothing to hide his bulge—making the shape more prominent. He smirked down at you when he heard your desperate whimpers.

“Want something?” He chuckled, hand gripping your ass. You nodded, and you tried to get up again, but like before, he stopped you.

“Use your words. You know I love to hear your voice, pretty girl,” he murmured, tongue-swiping his lower lip. He groaned when he tasted you again.

“Want you,” you huffed and reached out to touch him. He watched as your hand fell out of reach of his crotch. “Want to touch you. Please.”

He glanced down at your pouty lips and was tempted to tug on your bottom lip. “Well, since you used your manners,” he trailed off. He shuffled closer and removed his hand from his crotch. Your hand quickly rested on his bulge; you felt yourself getting wet again at the feel of his cock. It was firm and thick, making you squeeze your legs together to get some friction.

Jungkook released a strangled breath, fist-clenching at his sides as you rubbed him roughly. He gently pushed your hand from him and began discarding his suit. You watched with hungry eyes as it peeled off his body, exposing his rippled torso. He moved it just enough to free his cock, but since this version of his suit—he had multiple—was a one-piece, his upper half was completely bare.

“I’ll keep your earlier statement in mind for the future,” he said, remembering the way you became needier at the thought of him fucking you in his suit.

One of his hands rubbed your ass while the other pumped his shaft slowly. You angled yourself so you could get a better look at him. His hair was messy, and his breathing was uneven. When he caught you staring, he smiled. It was small, one where his teeth weren’t on display, but it was beautiful nonetheless. His eyes softened, and he quickly leaned over you, chest against your back as he pressed a tender kiss to your lips. You smiled into it and propped yourself on your hands to get closer. One of his hands wrapped around your chest as he pulled you back until you were standing against his body. His other hand came to rest on your cheek, caressing it adoringly as he rubbed his thumb across your skin.

“I love you,” he whispered after he pulled away and tucked some of your hair behind your ear. The butterflies escaped their cage in your chest, beating rapidly at the three words.

“I love you more,” you replied, lips spread in a wide smile.

“Not possible,” he retorted. Before you could argue, he continued in a whisper, “Gonna’ fuck you until you’re sore, baby.”

Jungkook’s hand found its way between your legs again, causing you to gasp when you felt his fingers glide between your folds before sliding a finger inside you. He grinned when he heard your breath hitch. He removed his fingers from your pussy, making you whine at the loss of contact. He pressed one last kiss to your lips before he pressed you back onto the bed.

He didn’t make you wait long and gathered your arousal with his tip before slowly pushing the head in. A small moan bubbled from your throat, and your hands briefly clutched his sheets. Jungkook pulled out, rubbed his shaft against your pussy a few times, then pushed in again. This time, he didn’t stop until he bottomed out. You mewled when you felt his hips meet yours, dick stretching your walls pleasantly.

His movements were leisurely the first couple of thrusts, enjoying the way his dick disappeared inside you. You felt so warm and tight around him. He loved watching the way your pussy stretched around his thick cock. The sound of your pretty moans spurred him to move faster. His grip on your hips tightened as his thrusts quickened in pace. He bit his lip as he watched where your bodies connected. His moans were being mixed with yours. Your eyes closed as you focused on the feel of his dick sliding in and out. Jungkook watched your face, taking note of the way your lips parted and eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“So good to me,” he praised. “I love how tight you are for me.”

You cried out his name when he slammed into you, pressing himself against you as much as he could. He reached forward, grabbed a fist full of your hair, and tugged you up.

“You enjoying yourself, jagi?” He questioned. He began to grind himself against your ass, moaning lowly in your ear.

“Yes,” you breathlessly replied.

“Wanna tell me who’s making you feel so good?” He asked. You knew what he was searching for. Jungkook had always loved when he received compliments. It stroked his ego and made him feel appreciated. Even in high school, he wanted people to recognize him for who he was, not the image being placed upon him by his peers.

“You,” you shivered. “You fucking me.”

He hummed in approval. “You like the way I fuck you, baby?”

Jungkook began to move his hips again, slowly sliding out until only the tip remained before shoving back inside you in a single thrust. The force caused your body to jerk forward, but Jungkook’s grip on your hair kept you from moving too far. A broken whimper slipped past your parted lips at the action—pleasure and pain intermingling.

“Yes,” you repeated. “Love when you’re rough—when you fuck me hard.”

He chuckled, except the sound wasn’t as sweet as it usually was. It was darker, a little sinister.

“I’m not even using all my strength,” he said and stilled his movements. “You want it harder? Hm? Want me to show you how strong I am?”

You nodded eagerly, not thinking of the possible bruises he may inflict by gripping you so firmly.

Jungkook released your hair suddenly, though before you fully fell onto the bed, you were yanked back again. Your hands were touching the mattress, but most of your weight was being held by Jungkook. He had grabbed onto the straps that formed a spider web on your back.

“You know I haven’t webbed you this time,” he thought out loud as he eyed the pattern of your costume. “Kinda wanna change that.”

“N-no,” you protested.

“No?” He asked, partly worried if he had hurt you last time because of them.

“You said they dissolve in two hours,” you huffed. “I don’t want them on me for that long.” You started to circle your hips. You were keen to feel him move. He hid his smile at your eagerness but didn’t stop you—holding back a groan.

“I took them off last time, so they weren’t on you for that long,” he frowned.

“It still took you some time to remove them.”

“It’ll be different now,” he pouted, mind turning fuzzy from the pleasure you were giving him. “These are less durable.”

“You can take them off quicker?” There was disbelief laced in your question.

Jungkook slowed your hips with one of his hands. He was finding it hard to concentrate on what you were saying.

“Yes.”

“Fine,” you sighed. “But please just move, Jungkook.” You pleaded, half whining from the wait. You couldn’t see his facial expression at your answer, but you were sure he was smiling.

You felt him lean against you, and within seconds there was a soothing kiss on your shoulder. The gentleness didn’t last long, though. He had a firm grip on your costume, and he started to snap his hips against yours again. His speed increased swiftly, muttering praises as he pounded into your tight core. It didn’t matter how many times he had fucked you; the euphoric mixture of love and lust overwhelmed him every time.

The telltale signs of your second orgasm were approaching quickly. Your legs were feeling weaker as they shook beneath your weight. Jungkook groaned when you clenched around him. He let go of you abruptly, which had you falling onto the mattress. He slid out of you and you fussed at the empty feeling, pussy clenching around nothing.

“On the bed,” he said and brought a hand down on your ass. You moved a leg up, ready to untie the straps of your heels to take them off, but Jungkook grabbed your hand. “Leave them on.”

You glanced back at him in confusion. He was staring down at you with hazy eyes, palm stroking his dick as he waited for you to comply. From the look in his eyes, you knew you had made the right decision to wear them. The heels accentuated the curve of your ass and made your body look sexier to him. He took a mental note to have you wear them again.

You climbed onto the bed, getting ready to lie down on your back when Jungkook spoke.

“Flip over, on your stomach.” He waited until you did so before he climbed behind you. His hands traveled from your ankles to just under your ass, pushing it up and causing it to become fuller. He shook his hands and bit his lip at the way your ass moved. He mumbled something about how pretty you looked, but his voice was too low to hear well. With one last squeeze, he pulled away.

“Up,” he commanded and nudged your hips. You compiled automatically, hips lifting in the air. He grabbed your arms and pulled them behind your back. Your cheek was pressed into his sheets. From your peripheral, you saw his hand flip to where his palm was up. His middle and ring finger pressed down; your wrists were tied with webs within seconds.

“I think you’re enjoying your powers too much,” you teased as you tried to separate your arms. As expected, nothing happened. Jungkook trailed a hand down one of your arms calmly.

“You just look so pretty bound with my webs,” he said and grabbed onto your tied wrists. With one hand, he moved the bottom of your costume away again as it had fallen back into place, then aligned his cock at your entrance. He shoved in at once, picking up where he left off at a fast pace. Each movement nudged you closer to your release which he had disrupted earlier. You were a moaning mess. His cock was slamming into you forcefully, yet his pace wasn’t quick. He had traded speed with strength. It had your toes curl and your fists clench.

“Close,” you whined. Although Jungkook didn’t verbally respond, his thrusts became rougher. You could feel yourself move up the sheets with each snap of his hips. Jungkook kept his hands on your hips and lifted them anytime they fell or you slid too far forward, forcing you to keep your knees underneath you. You felt deliciously full. You could feel every inch of his thick cock penetrating your walls. Your pussy was fluttering around him as you were edging closer to your orgasm. Jungkook snaked a hand around you, circling your clit fast and hard. His swift ministrations were your undoing and you came with a cry of his name, broken moans and whimpers following closely after.

He thrust a few more times before he stopped. Jungkook sat back and unexpectedly pulled you back so his thighs were under yours. Your legs squeezed his body when he trailed a hand from your wrists to shoulder, gently massaging it and keeping your torso on the mattress.

“Want your cum, baby,” you mewled when you realized he hadn’t come yet. Your haze was fading, and although he was still buried in your pussy, you felt empty.

“Go on then,” he encouraged and slapped your ass with his other hand. “Make me fill this sweet pussy.”

Your hips jerked when he smacked your ass harder, whining at the sting and the way his cock felt in you. However, you didn’t stay stunned long. You raised your hips up and slid them down again. Jungkook moaned behind you, watching the way your pussy swallowed him. Your movements were quick and sloppy.

“That’s it, pretty girl,” he praised. His mouth parted, hair stuck to his forehead from his sweat. There was a sheen of perspiration covering his chest. His eyes were glued to your lower half—to the way your ass bounced as you slammed down on his dick. He loved watching your pussy suck him back in. His breathing was harsh; his thighs were tensing at the tight feeling in his stomach.

You whimpered when you started to feel overstimulated, movements choppy and slowed as you fought through the feeling. Jungkook rubbed your back momentarily before shoving you toward and pushing your ass in the air once more when he regained some energy. He shifted to where he forced your body into the mattress as he got a deeper angle.

He pounded into you as he chased his high. The sound of skin slapping was prominent in his room, and you wondered how thick these walls were. Jungkook didn’t seem to care, though. He rammed into you and held onto you securely. Although you wanted it harder, he still refrained some of his strength not to hurt you.

“Jungkook,” you cried, voice muffled by the mattress. Jungkook became more vocal as he shoved inside you the last few thrusts. He did one final thrust and stilled his hips against yours as far as he could go. He shot his load inside you, eyes closed and eyebrows knitted as he washed in waves of ecstasy. Your hips and shoulders were beginning to ache, but the pleasure between your legs was worth it.

Jungkook pulled from you and rubbed his hands on the back of your legs momentarily. He trailed his hands upwards to spread your ass when he started to see his seed leak from your pussy. His eyes followed the way it slid down your folds. He could’ve sworn he felt his dick twitch at the sight. Before it could drop onto his bed, he adjusted the bottom of your outfit.

He patted your ass and climbed off his bed. You let your hips fall, sighing internally at the comfortable position. You heard some rustling before the bed dipped again with his weight. Before a complaint about still being tied left your lips, Jungkook had freed you. You rolled onto your side and saw him placing a pocket knife on his dresser.

“You okay?” He asked softly, glancing at your wrists and hips. Although your wrists didn’t hurt, you lifted your hands towards him with a feigned pout. He chuckled and peppered delicate kisses onto your wrists. He peered down at your hips. He tenderly rubbed at the skin he had gripped, guilt flooding his chest at having been a little too hard.

“It’s okay,” you reassured. You had both come up with a safe word, and since you didn’t use it, you didn’t want him to feel bad. It wasn’t as painful as he was imagining.

“Stop pouting,” you added when you saw his lips continue to dip down. “You weren’t that rough.”

He eyed you suspiciously but eventually seemed to relent. He removed the rest of his suit and shoved it in a box he kept under his bed—taking a mental note to wash it later. He crawled in bed with you, tugging the covers from under your body to cover you both.

“What are you going to do with that costume?” He asked and traced the straps across your chest.

“Thought about wearing it to next year’s Halloween party. It’ll save me money since I wore something else this year,” you coyly replied and poked his side.

“Not gonna happen,” he snorted.

“Why is that?”

“It’s going to be ruined by the time you try to leave,” he said. “You got lucky I didn’t rip it off your body this time.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and pushed him onto his back. You straddled his lap and placed your hands flat against his solid chest. “You shred this; you owe me money.”

He laughed, rubbing the top of your thighs lazily as he stared up at you. You traced some of the scars marred on his chest from various fights. They were mostly from his earlier years, but it didn’t help remind you of what could happen to him. While he was more experienced now, there were still many possibilities for injuries.

“I’ll give you good dick instead,” he argued confidently.

“Trading in money for sex, Jungkook?” You teased and raised your eyebrows.

“More like forgiveness for sex,” he scoffed. “Can’t have my baby being mad at me, now can I?”

“I’ll also take some gummies for forgiveness, too,” you said and tapped the mole under his lower lip.

“Noted,” he said. You smiled, climbing off his lap and standing next to his bed.

“What happened to cuddle time?” He complained and sat up. He reached out for you, but you moved from his hands quickly.

“I want to change,” you replied. “May I borrow one of your shirts?”

“You know borrow doesn’t fit in your vocabulary; you never return them,” he mumbled but walked to his closest to fetch you a random shirt of his.

You shrugged and held out your hand for it. Instead of throwing it, Jungkook walked to you.

“Yet you always give them to me regardless.”

He let out a small huff at your counter, knowing it was true. “Yeah, yeah. Get changed, little brat.”

You glared at him but it didn’t seem to faze him. He simply handed you the shirt and waited for you to change. He reached out when you started to walk away again.

“I need to clean up your mess, too,” you explained as you stood at the entry of his bathroom. He smirked at that, remembering how he watched his load spill from you.

“I can help with that,” he said, eyes drifting down to your crotch.

“With your tongue?” You bantered and walked farther into the bathroom. You moved your hair before starting to unzip the outfit.

“Are you offering?” He followed you inside and quickly helped you slide down the zipper.

“You just want a round two,” you said and pulled your arms out of the outfit. Once your arms were free, Jungkook carefully peeled the costume from your body. You grabbed his shoulders as you stepped out of it. While you quickly undid the ties of your heels, Jungkook tossed the costume on the floor. Before you could slip his shirt on, he stilled your arms.

“What do you say?” He asked, voice dropping an octave. He backed you against the bathroom’s small counter, hands coming up to rub your bare sides. “Wanna come for the third time tonight?”

You giggled and set his shirt on the counter. “You’re lucky you’re irresistible.”

“Right back at ya’ babe,” he chuckled and pecked your lips. Before he could slot his mouth against yours, there was a rustling at the main door. He quickly extended an arm, shooting a web that shut the bathroom door at the same time the other door opened.

“Code purple!” Jungkook called out and the footsteps halted. There was grumbling on the other side and you faintly heard Yoongi’s voice.

“Hey Namjoon, can I stay the night at your place?” There was a second muffled voice before Yoongi spoke again. “My room is occupied.”

The other door shut and Jungkook slowly lowered his arm.

“You have code colors?” You giggled.

“Shut up,” he mumbled. “I got rid of him. Now kiss me.”

“I could’ve left. I don’t want to intru-“

“Too late; kiss me,” he hurried and puckered his lips as he leaned forward. You shook your head at his antics but complied.

“Good girl,” he muttered and glided one hand up your chest while the other traveled between your legs. You moaned into the kiss at his touch. Despite the pleasure he was providing, you pushed his hands away. He opened his mouth to protest, but you quickly lowered yourself. He grabbed his shirt from the counter, rolled it up, then dropped it on the floor in front of you. You whispered a ‘thank you’ as you moved it under your knees. It was small actions like that that had you feeling like the luckiest person on the planet.

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“Jaemin,” you whispered, cuddling closer to your boyfriend. “What is it baby?” He smiled, gently pressing a kiss to your temple. “I-,” you quickly let your eyes dart around the room but his friends seemed all to be focused on whatever movie they had put on to watch. “Tell me,” Jaemin urged you on, concern visible in his eyes. “I- I want to cum please,” you whispered in his ear, feeling blood rush to your face. “Oh?” he just grinned widely, wiggling his eyebrows, “Is my baby horny?” “Yes,” you whined. “What’s gotten you so turned on baby?” Jaemin rasped, drawing mindless shapes onto the exposed skin of your thigh, gently raking his nails over the sensitive inside. “I don’t know,” you breathed, “Just. You.” “Just me?” He giggled quietly. You weren’t even lying. It wasn’t like he was wearing anything special tonight. But somehow his white shirt seemed to cling to his shoulders a little differently than usual, extenuating his strong chest and how broad he really was. His grey sweatpants had hung extra low on his hips and you were about 80% sure he wasn’t even wearing boxers beneath them which had already send your mind reeling since not too long ago Jaemin had asked you how you would feel about semi-public sex.

“Please Jaemin do something,” you whined lowly when all he did was rile you up even further. “You’re so naughty babygirl, my friends are right here.” “Then take me away please.” “And then? What would you want me to do baby?” “I-“ Yeah. What did you want him to do? It was almost embarrassing how far gone you already felt with just a few fleeting touches and your own imagination running wild. But right now you just wanted his fingers touching you where you actually needed it, where you were aching for it. “Your fingers. I want your fingers,” you chose to say, watching Jaemin attentively to see his big eyes darken. “And where do you want them baby?” “Inside me.”

“Can you two shut up for fucks sake? Some of us are actually trying to watch this movie,” Renjun suddenly piped up, throwing you a dirty look when he saw how you two had just naturally gravitated towards each other. “And keep it PG for once, I am begging.” You were about to apologize to Renjun for disturbing him and the others, shame burning at the back of your neck for being so goddamn horny for no apparent reason. “You know what? I think we’ll call it a night, don’t mind us,” Jaemin said instead, getting up from the sofa, pulling you with him. “Yeah, go do the dirty in your room,” Chenle rolled his eyes before snatching the bowl of snacks from a starstuck Jisung. “We might just do that,” your boyfriend grinned, wiggling his eyebrows widely. “You owe me 20 Mark,” Jeno just said, holding out his hand towards the elder while you felt like your head might explode from the amount of blood rushing into it. “Bro, I had faith in you,” Mark groaned, throwing an accusing look towards Jaemin and you, “What happened to bros before hoes?” “Well first of all my girlfriend is a fine lady and not a hoe,” Jaemin clarified, pulling you against his chest by your waist, “And second we seven see each other almost every day, so suck it up, hyung. Turn up the volume a bit.”

With that he just pulled you down the hallway and into his room where he didn’t waste another second before connecting your lips in a deep kiss that you immediately let yourself fall into, a moan spilling past your lips. “You’re driving me insane baby,” Jaemin groaned, his hands finding home in your hair to tug on the strands how he knew you liked to expose your neck to him so he could suck and nip at the tender skin. “Jaemin,” you moaned his name, feeling the arousal that had simmered lowly beneath your skin flare up everywhere he was touching you. “Let’s get you out of this, hm?” He chuckled once he was satisfied with the color of the love bites over your pulse and playfully slapped your ass before sliding his palms inside your shorts to squeeze your ass. Moaning loudly, you just nodded and let him free you of the opposing fabric, leaving you in just your panties and shirt. “You too,” you demanded, pawing at his chest. “What baby wants, baby gets,” Jaemin smiled, quickly pulling his shirt over his head to expose the smooth panes of his chest, completely unblemished. As if reading your mind, he gently took your chin between his fingers to make you look him in the eyes. “You can’t mark me tonight, I have schedules coming up,” he told you, using his stern voice so he knew you wouldn’t be disobeying, “No hickeys.” “Okay,” you breathed, completely captured by seeing how easy your boyfriend slipped into his dominant persona. “Tell me your safeword baby.” “Dream,” you dutifully recited even though you had yet to even come close to using it, “How should I address you tonight?” “My beautiful doll,” Jaemin smiled, “Always so well mannered. You can call me whatever you want.” “Okay,” you breathed again, feeling your knees buckle. “You still want my fingers?” “So badly,” you moaned, rubbing your legs together to get at least some kind of relief. “So naughty,” he chuckled, slapping your thigh once to get you to stop, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet room. “Sit down in front of the mirror for me, pretty,” he ordered next, nodding towards the full length mirror next to his bed.

Doing as you were told, you watched Jaemin rummage through his closet before he pulled out a towel with a devious grin on his lips that had your blood both rushing to your head and to your core. “Hips up, baby,” he rasped once he had sat down behind you. Following his commands, he quickly slipped the towel beneath you, “I’ll make you feel so good baby.” He promised darkly, hooking your legs over his so you were all spread out for him, his hands back to teasing your things and this time you let out the strangled whine you had to contain in the living room. “Please touch me Jaemin.” “Always so polite,” he chuckled, slipping his hands beneath your shirt to roughly grab your boobs, knowing you hadn’t bothered with a bra. “Shit,” you cursed lowly, letting your eyes flutter shut to fully enjoy the attention he was giving you, listening to the filth he was muttering into your ear. Slowly he let one of his hands travel down your body again while the other was pinching and teasing your nipples. He shortly stopped to play with the waistband of your panties until you let out another whine that made him chuckle. “You want it that bad?” “So bad, Jaemin,” you confirmed, eyes hooded as you met his dark gaze in the mirror, “Want them inside.”

“Let’s see about that,” he just grinned but reached inside your panties anyways, slowly dragging his fingers through your wet folds. “You’re so wet for me already.” “I told you I needed you,” you whined. “Hey, no need to get sassy with me,” he scowled, gently slapping your core twice. “I’m sorry,” you immediately apologized, holding back the moan that was threatening to spill because you knew he only would make fun of you for it and you knew that if he started to degrade you now, your mind would go straight down the gutter. “I’ll let it slide since you’ve been so good, baby,” Jaemin purred, slowly circling your clit with his now slicked fingers, making you sob out because you finally had some kind of stimulation. “So good,” you let him know even though his pace was maddeningly slow. “Yeah? Does that feel good? You’re so wet for me already baby. You’re going to make such a big mess, I already know it. Aren’t you? Will you show me how big of a mess you can make for me?”

“Jaemin,” you whined, his words making your head spin, throwing your head back onto his shoulder. “What is it baby?” He all but giggled like his hand wasn’t stuffed into your panties and his fingers weren’t moving on your clit in a maddening slow pace. “Please,” you hiccupped, not knowing if you should lean into the tough or shy away from it against his chest. “But you said you wanted to cum on my fingers,” Jaemin cooed, “And what baby wants, baby gets.” “But it’s not enough.” “Not enough? Then you should have said so.” With that he increased the pressure and circled your sensitive bundle of nerves faster, making you squirm between his spread legs. “Jaemin~” you moaned loudly, closing your eyes when his gaze was becoming too intense. “That good baby?” He rasped, pressing an open mouthed kiss to your exposed neck. “So good.”

“But I know what my baby would like even better.” Before you could even think of an answer, Jaemin sunk two of his fingers into your weeping core right up until the knuckle, having you gasp and trash in his hold from the sudden stimulation. Keeping the heel of his palm firmly pressed to your clit, he skillfully moved his fingers inside you, pressing into your sweet spot so deliciously he had you moaning and screaming his name. The thought that his friends were just a couple of meters away in the living room watching a movie had completely slipped your mind by now.

“Jaem- I-” another loud moan cut off anything you wanted to say. “I know baby. I want you to cum for me and I know you want too, just let loose baby,” Jaemin purred in your ear and that really did it for you, the coil in your stomach finally snapping. Your vision went white as you screamed his name, your thighs clamping shut around him, twitching violently as your release covered his fingers and seeped through your panties, soiling them and the towel Jaemin had put beneath you, full on intending to make you squirt for him.

“Hmm, you did so well baby,” your boyfriend praised you, gently slapping your core to hear how wet you were, “Did that feel good?” “Hmm,” you hummed, opening your eyes once your orgasm had worn off, mind still hazy, “Want another one.” “On my fingers?” “Please.” “What baby wants, baby gets,” Jaemin mused, pulling your soaked panties to the side to sink his fingers back into you, the sound so obscene both of you let out twin moans.

“I’ll make you nice and wet so you’re ready for my cock,” he growled, the muscles in his arm flexing as he expertly curled his fingers into your sweet spot, lighting your nerve endings on fire. “Nana,” you whined, dragging out the second syllable. “Do you want my cock baby?” “Yes,” you hiccupped, tightly squeezing your eyes shut. “You want me to fuck your messy pussy? Hm? Are my fingers not enough for you?” “Nana please,” you cried out, feeling another orgasm already approaching fast. “I asked you a question,” he growled, pulling his fingers out to messily rub your core, spreading your wetness around before he harshly pressed down on your clit to have you mewl and thrash in his hold. “Yes, yes, yes,” you sobbed, feeling tears prickle at the corners of your eyes,” Yes I want your cock. Want to cum on your cock so badly.” “Now was that so hard?” Jaemin asked but before you could even think about answering, he had thrust three of his fingers back inside you, fucking them inside you quickly. If you were any more lucid you would have seen how his dark eyes were fixated to where they were continuously disappearing inside you through the mirror and heard how the squelching sounds got louder and louder the closer you got to your orgasm.  

“Yes, that’s it,” Jaemin guided you through your orgasm as a silent scream fell from your lips when he pulled his fingers out and instead rubbed your clit to guide you through it as your release completely soaked the towel now as well as dirtying the mirror, droplets running down the smooth surface. Breathing harshly, you collapsed in his arms, all tension seeping from your bones and your mind beautifully numb. “You still with me baby?” Jaemin lowly asked, soothingly stroking his clean hand through your hair and peppering every inch of skin he could reach with little kisses, “You did so well for me baby. You squirted so much for me.” “Nana, want your cock now please,” your slurred, sluggishly moving in his hold to paw at his pants that had shown a sizable bulge for a while now. “Baby, don’t overdo it.” “I want it, Nana,” you scowled, your lips pulling into a pout, “I can cum even more for you.” “Fuck, baby,” Jaemin cursed, manhandling you so you were now turned around between his spread knees, your head nuzzling into his crotch. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that you were slipping deeper and deeper into your submissive state but you couldn’t care less when Jaemin was with you, pulling down his sweats to reveal his hard cock, already turning an angry red shade and shiny with precum.

Like the good girl you were, you arched your back for him and opened your jaw wide, your tongue lolling out. Cursing, Jaemin stroked his weeping length a couple of times, torn between looking at your blissed out face or your messy, core through the mirror. “Please let me suck your cock, Nana,” you whined, finding it incredibly unfair that he was just sitting there, jerking off while you were desperate to have his cock inside you. It didn’t even matter if he would fuck your mouth or your pussy, you just wanted to be good for him so he could cum as well. “Of course, baby,” he groaned, cupping your face to bury his hand in the hair at your nape to pull you down on him, “Pinch me if it’s too much.” With that he finally pushed his cock past your lips, the bitter taste of precum almost immediately hitting your taste buds, making you moan around his length. Jaemin slowly pushed you further and further, not letting up until your nose was pressed to his pubic bone and your throat was fluttering around him. “You feel so good, baby, fuck,” he cursed, holding you down for a couple of seconds before completely pulling you off by your hair, the pain in your scalp somewhat grounding you and preventing you from flowing off too far. “Take a deep breath,” he instructed you next before he pushed you down again, quicker this time, making you gag and retch around him which only made him moan louder, reveling in your struggle and the tears running down your cheeks as he fucked your throat. “You’re a mess,” he chuckled when he completely pulled you off again, slapping his cock against the tear tracks on your face.

“Only for Nana,” you slurred, surprised by hoarse you already sounded. “That’s right,” Jaemin growled, “Are you going to let me fuck your pretty pussy next?” “Yes,” you whined loudly, your core clenching around nothing. “Are you going to squirt for me again baby? Just from my cock?” “Please make me squirt again,” you begged instead of a real answer. “What baby wants, baby gets,” he darkly promised, grabbing the base of his dick tightly to starve off his own orgasm, knowing he wouldn’t be able to last long.

“Then turn around for me pretty baby. And I want you to never stop looking at yourself,” he commanded, helping you to move your body to his wishes, your knees on the towel and your back arched so you were presenting your core to him. Another low curse spilled past his lips when he saw your glistening core clench around nothing, your thighs a mess where your release had dripped down. “I’ll fuck you now baby. And I don’t want you to hold back. Let all of them know how good my cock makes you feel,” Jaemin rasped, teasing your core with the head of his cock. “Yes, Nana,” you promised, somewhere remembering that his friends were most definitely able to hear you scream for your boyfriend. But you were too aroused and too far in to actually feel any shame when thinking about that. Instead it only turned you on more, making a deep moan fall from your lips. “Does my baby like that? Making my friends know how good I’m fucking you? Making them jealous they can’t have you so needy for them?” “Nana please,” you whined loudly, wiggling your ass at him. “Answer me,” he demanded, bringing his palm down on your asscheek twice in quick succession. “Yes, Nana,” you cried out, the tears you were trying to hold back spilling over again. “Oooh,” Jaemin just cooed, “Is my baby already crying over my cock? “Please fuck me Nana. Need you inside me. Want you to fill me up,” you begged.

“Then be a good girl and scream for me,” he rasped darkly before fucking into you in one swift movement, the pleasurable pain taking you by surprise and making your thighs shake. If it wasn’t for Jaemin’s iron grip on your hips, you were sure your legs would have given out. “Don’t hold back,” he reminded you again before he started to piston his hips in a punishing rhythm right from the start, the squelching noises still loud despite all of the moans and other sounds of pleasure you let out as you pillowed your head on your folded arms, just letting Jaemin use you like he wanted while watching your own fucked out state through the dirtied mirror. “You’re so fucking wet,” he cursed, shifting on his knees until he had found the right angle to make you mewl again, your body twitching away from the intense feeling. “Take what I am fucking giving you,” he growled, landing another slap on your already pulsating asscheek. “Yes, Nana,” you sobbed out even though you had lost all control over your body, only able to feel the intense pleasure Jaemin’s sharp thrusts to your sweet spot were giving you.

“I’m gonna cum again,” you warned him, panting loudly. “Me too,” he groaned, stretching to push a hand to your neck to hold you down for him, using the extra leverage to drill into so hard, you were sure you felt it somewhere in your stomach. “Nana, Nana, Nana,” you chanted his name like a mantra, climbing in pitch with every syllable. “Cum for me, doll. Cum on my fucking cock,” Jaemin growled and how were you supposed to deny him? With a scream louder than any of the previous ones you felt your whole body convulse as your vision blacked out, the only thing grounding you, the grip Jaemin had on you as your muscles fluttered around him, your release staining the ground beneath you and Jaemin’s lower body as he kept fucking you through your orgasm until he moaned loudly and buried himself deep inside you as he hit his peak as well, painting your walls white.

Once he let go of you, your thighs really did give out and you collapsed onto the thoroughly soaked through towel, vaguely registering the mess of fluids slowly seeping from your core. But you couldn’t care less as you tried to even out both your breathing and your furiously beating heart.

As always, Jaemin was the first one who came back to, gently running a hand up and down your back. “You with me baby?” He asked, his voice softer than it had been all evening and all you could muster was a low hum. “Words, baby.” “Yes,” you said after some difficulties, your mouth suddenly feeling so dry like you hadn’t had a drop of water in days. “You did so well baby,” Jaemin praised you as he gently kneaded your muscles, his own voice still sounding breathy. “Thank you, Nana,” you smiled, trying really hard to open your eyes as you were overcome by the strong urge to see your boyfriend. “Nana,” you whined in distress when your eyelids just weren’t listening to you, staying shut. “Sssh,” he immediately soothed you and pulled you up against his chest so you could feel that he was still with you and not just a distant voice in your foggy mind, “I’m here baby.” He gently stroked through your messy hair and pressed kisses everywhere he could reach, making you feel incredibly loved and cherished.

“Baby, look up for me please,” he gently spoke after a while and even if you still didn’t have it in you to open your eyes, you did as you were told. “Thank you baby, now drink something for me please.” Where he suddenly had gotten a waterbottle from was beyond you, but you weren’t complaining as he tipped the bottle to your lips and the cold liquid slipped down your dry throat, a moan bubbling up at the feeling. “Thank you Nana,” you sighed once he deemed you had drunk enough and cuddled into his still naked chest. “Baby I have to clean us two up,” he explained next, “Do you want to have a bath?” “No,” you whined, “Don’t want to move.” Chuckling, Jaemin pressed a lingering kiss to your temple. “I’m sorry baby, but I’m afraid you need to.” “No.” “I won’t leave you alone,” he promised and that immediately calmed you down again. “Really quick?” “I’ll be as quick as I can.”

You honestly didn’t catch much of what was happening in the bathroom, only remembering the sound of the shower and Jaemin’s low and soothing voice. He had rubbed your favorite lotion into the skin of your legs, the smell engulfing you like a cloud and after he had gotten you to drink some more, he had put you in one of his big shirts and tucked you into his bed. Cuddling into the blanket, you heard him promise that he would be right back before he shuffled around the room. To clean up your mess, your conscience that had seemed to come back to you helpfully supplied. “Jaemin?” You asked into the silence once you couldn’t hear him move anymore. “I’m here baby,” he immediately reassured you, the bed dipping down next to you. Still with great difficulty, you managed to open your eyes to see him fondly smile down at you, his hair still damp and messy and dressed in a new set of shirt and pants. “Hey baby.” “Did I do good?” You shyly asked. If it was even possible, his features softened even more. “You did better than I could have ever asked for,” he reassured you before slipping onto the mattress next to you, pulling you against his chest. Only then did you realize that the only light in the room came from the blue light of Jaemin’s phone screen. “Who are you texting this late?” You curiously asked, a yawn interrupting you. “The groupchat,” he shrugged it off, “Just the usual death threats.” “Death threats?” You shot up from his chest, the sudden movement making your head momentarily spin. “We weren’t exactly quiet,” Jaemin grinned, watching in fascination how it finally dawned upon you that his friends must have heard basically all of your whining, screaming, begging, moaning and sobbing, the mortification settling in.

“Oh my god,” you whined, hiding your heated face in Jaemin’s chest that was shaking with his laughter, “I can never look them in the eye again.” “Renjun is pretty furious,” your boyfriend oh-so-helpfully supplied, earning himself a slap on his arm, “Not like they didn’t already know we weren’t exactly vanilla.” “Knowing and witnessing are two completely different things, Na Jaemin.” “Not the full legal name,” Jaemin whined loudly, throwing his arms up in defeat. “Show me the messages,” you demanded.

From: Renjun You’re paying for the bottle of bleach I need to cleanse my ears.

From: Mark You have scarred the children for life And me. Primarily me. Dude. Damn. You kinky motherfucker

From: Jeno I have heard things I can never unhear Our friendship will never be the same...

From: Donghyuck At least she didn’t call him daddy or something

From: Renjun DO NOT ADD ONTO THIS TRAUMA LEE DONGHYUCK

You didn’t dare to scroll further down as Renjun let out his anger in texts riddled with typos and keysmashes that the others kept making fun of rather than talking about the traumatic experience he had had. “They’re not going to judge you, princess,” Jaemin reassured you, gently kissing your lips, “I on the other hand will probably not hear the end of this for a while. Totally worth it though.” “Don’t say it like that,” you whined and hit his chest again before cuddling into his embrace. “I love you, you know that?” “I love you too, Nana,” you smiled, feeling safe and content like you only felt in Jaemin’s arms, your eyes falling shut again.

From: Renjun Oh now he’s reading our messages. Traumatic, Jaemin. T-r-a-u-m-a-t-i-c. Skarring.

From: Donghyuck *scarring

From: Renjun I will skin you in your slep

From: Chenle *sleep

From: Mark Why are you still awake??

From: Chenle I am literally an adult??

To: Dreamies Glad you all enjoyed the show. Now shut up, or we’ll go for round two ;)

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

Taehyung sighed to himself as he “patiently” waited for you to finish looking through the abundance of clothes that are hung on the racks of the clothing store you two were in. What’s worse is that you probably already have those exact dresses, blouses or skirts but they’re just in a different color. Yet, your irresistible puppy eyes convinced him to drive you to the mall and spend a good amount on you. 

When he decided to become your sugar daddy, he should’ve expected to create such a monster because every month he spends at least $5,000 on different sorts of clothes, shoes, makeup, or miscellaneous items. It wasn’t like it was a financial problem for him but because you were his absolute favorite, he was prone to giving you anything that you ever wanted. Now that he thinks about it, you were the most spoiled out of all of his previous sugar babies. You recently asked him to order a bunch of packages and now here you are, going to spend even more money on more clothes that are only going to go in your closet.

Despite all of that, he really loved you and wanted to make sure you were happy. The first time you two met was in a convenience store on a rainy day where you used to work part time. Back then, you were tired all of the time because not only were you working as soon as school ended but you also had to study like crazy once your shift was over. Even after you took on his offer of being his sugar baby, you still worked hard to maintain your scholarship and pay for your best friend Lisa’s rent. Plus, you always spent time with him whenever you had a free day which wasn’t required but it made him happy. 

None of his past sugar babies were that caring, they just only wanted him for the money and genuinely didn’t care about him. He didn’t require them to keep him company or be in a relationship, hell he even was aware of the relationships they had with other people. He didn’t expect you to date him either because of the age gap between the two of you shared. He was 29 and you were only 19, in your second year of college. But you decided to be his girlfriend because you really liked him regardless of the money and because of that, he always had a special place in his heart for you. 

What’s the point of buying all these clothes when he’s just going to rip them off of you?, he thought as he watched you shift through the neat piles of skirts. Another reason why he has a favoritism towards you was that you were just the best with him in bed. Some days you’ll be obedient and he’ll be caring with you but on other days, you’ll put on a bratty front and he’ll simply fuck it out of you with extra care at the end. He assumes that today will be the latter because of your spoiled attitude right now.

“Y/N honey, I don’t think you’re going to buy anything here so let’s go home now-” Taehyung said, walking over towards you but you brushed him off.

“Just wait for 5 minutes. I wanna see if this’ll look good on me,” you protested.

“It’ll always look good on you. Besides, don’t you have that same dress but in pink?” “I want the black one now, it’s for a party I’m going later on.” 

“A party? How come you didn’t let me know before?” You were absolutely perfect in Taehyung’s eyes but a thing that he wasn’t really fond of was him knowing of your plans last-minute. Most of the time it was an accident because you tend to forget things easily but for some reason, it sounded like you didn’t want to tell him earlier. 

“Because it’s none of your business. Ugh, there’s nothing good here so I guess I’m going to get this one. Daddy, can I have your credit card?” you grumbled, putting back the pile of clothes that were laying on your arm while the other was texting your friend Lisa. 

“Your business is mine because I also have to keep you safe from anything bad that could happen to you. Where is the party?” “At the club of course! Come on Taehyung, who wouldn’t have a party at a club?” “It’s with Lisa, right?” “Why do you care so much, you’ve met her before! She’s literally my best friend and of course I have to go. Just give me your credit card al-”

“Put the dress down. I’m not buying you anything today because of the attitude you just showed me,” he said darkly, trying to get you to listen to him.

“Why not? What did I do wrong?” 

“I think I already spent too much on you because now you’re acting like a spoiled little girl,” he growled softly above your ear, his aura overtaking you and making your heart race. 

“But...but, I want this one!” you whined, giving him your best pout and stomping your feet like a little toddler. Taehyung laughed at your childish behavior but his decision still remained firm. 

“Please Daddy? Please, please, please!”

“No means no. There’s nothing you can do to change my mind.” 

“It’s not even that expensive!”

“Y/N, the money isn’t the problem for me. It’s the way you’re speaking to me.”

“Daddy, you said that you’ll buy me anything right? You love me right? Do you not love me anymore? Am I not your favorite?” you pulled the last-attempt lines that typically got Taehyung to do whatever you want. You knew in your heart that he’ll only love you and he blatantly shows his favoritism for you but those words always got him to give in and buy the item.

Taehyung’s expression shifted from softening his stance and debating to giving in before deciding to not settle down to you. It was so close before he surrendered and spent even more money on you. He already loved you since you were his only sugar baby right now and he’s sure you know it too but this time, he’s not going to lose to your charms.

“I’ve already bought you so much stuff, is that not enough for my bratty little baby?” he asked coldly, pulling a card that you’ve never heard before. He’s never called you a brat outright but the degrading name made your stomach turn and a whimper come out of your mouth. “Does she want more?” 

“I-I-” “Are you a little brat who likes to be spoiled with Daddy’s money?” 

You felt cool sweat dripping down your forehead as you tried to think of a comeback that could match him but most of your previous ones won’t work on him. All you could think of is…

“Yes I am, Daddy.”  That nearly sent Taehyung to the edge as he made you put back the dress, grabbed your hand, and walked you out of the mall and into his limo which still amazes you to this day. The chauffeur didn’t even need to interact with you two as he pulled up the golden partition, giving you alone time with him. 

“You used to be such a good little girl but now your behavior has gotten worse. It’s such a shame that I have to punish you on the night before your best friend’s party. I would’ve let you go if you told me before but I don’t think that’s an option, especially for what I’m about to do to you when we get home. Besides, we haven’t had sex together in a while now; wouldn’t you have much more fun playing with me than going to a normal party?” he whispered darkly, his hand slowly creeping up your thigh as your face started to blush. 

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that you were the same girl a couple of months ago when he first met you. He remembered the first time he took you to a high-end clothing store, the look on your face when you read the price tag and the way you puffed up in anger when he swiped his credit card on an expensive dress that’ll absolutely look stunning on you. 

Now after getting used to buying more items, you took a full 180 on your personality which led you to be the girl you were now. But even though you showed a bratty and whiny facade, he still knew you kept your hard-working and kind heart because it was a part of you that never went away. Alongside your submission to him. 

“Daddy, I’m sorry,” you whimpered, his fingers lightly grazing the front of your pussy and feeling the embarrassing wet patch on your panties from your arousal.

“Are you enjoying this? Did you want this all along? Are you acting up like a bad girl because you want me to dom you?” he chuckled, his warm mouth leaving hickeys along the side of your neck and pushing his fingers past your underwear and into your core.

“I...I…” you were breathless, already squirming from his touch and worrying that the chauffeur could hear you. Although there were times when the both of you had no shame in his car, for some reason it was humiliating for him to hear you wrecked like this. 

“Huh, are you worried that he might hear you? Do you want him to hear you fucked out against my fingers like a little slut?” 

“Oh, uh…” you let out a quiet whimper as you try to cover your noises with your sweater sleeve. Taehyung smirked at how weak you looked as he started to pump his digits in and out of you, the action making squelching noises and the palm of his hand rubbing against your clit. You were absolutely dripping onto his fingers and your panties as muffled sounds were slipping out of your lips. 

“Naughty girl,” he tsked as the limo came to a halt in presumably the front of his mansion and he pulled his hand out of your core, licking the excess liquids. You whined at the dirty action and the loss of contact as the chauffeur turned off the engine and exited the driver’s seat to open your door.

“Thank you so much Michael,” Taehyung smiled as the door opened for the both of you to get out. He was acting like he didn’t make you hot and bothered earlier ago while you already looked flustered and out of breath. You knew that he’s absolutely going to snap once the two of you are behind closed doors but you weren’t worried at all. Rather, you were proud of yourself for bringing him to that point because you really enjoyed getting punished by him.

“Strip off your clothes baby girl. Don’t make me repeat myself,” Taehyung says darkly once you get inside his master bedroom. You gaped at him, suddenly feeling shy about yourself. 

“Wh-what?” “You should’ve got it the first time. Take off your clothes, missy.”

Even though you were in trouble with him, you still didn’t want to back down to him completely yet so you decided to give him an eye roll and a dramatic groan. 

“It’s no use being a brat to me now, rather it’ll just make your punishment worse. I’m saying this for the final time Y/N, strip. Now,” he snarled, his darkened eyes burning daggers into you as he eyed you expectantly. 

At this point, there was no use in arguing with him so you huffed and gave in to his demand. You pulled off your sweater and bra, leaving you in just your skirt, thigh-highs, and panties. 

“Take off your panties, I just want to see you in your skirt and stockings,” Taehyung demanded, waiting for you to finish. You were surprised he didn’t want you to take off all your clothes but he always loved seeing you in a skirt due to your tendency to wear them often. You slipped off your undies and tossed them in the side, leaving you in the thigh-highs and the skirt that barely left any room to hide yourself. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, his bulging hard dick sticking out against his jeans as he manhandled you onto the edge of his bed, the curve of your ass sticking out. You could feel him grind onto you roughly, making you crave more of him. “You’re such a bad little girl, I’m not going to go easy on you.” “Well, bring it on,” you jeered, facing him and trying to rile him up even more. Your statement lit a fire in him because he pushed you down on the bed and immediately attached his lip onto yours in a hungry kiss. You tried to kiss back but his pace was too rough and fast as he slipped his tongue inside yours to assert his dominance. 

He broke off from the kiss and went down to your chest, kissing and sucking on your hardened nipple, even nibbling on them. The other one was taken care of by his long fingers, tugging on them and sending sparks of pain whenever he tugged them sharply. You let out a high-pitched moan as he typically never paid that much attention to your boobs. 

Being the little shit he was, he decided to become more aggressive once he switched treatments on both nipples. In one, he was biting and sucking on it harshly with his teeth while the other was being flicked and pinched with his fingers. After hearing your mewls and whines, he decided to tug it upwards which created an electrifying shock towards you. 

“Ahh! What-oh-oh my god!” you cried as your body tried to calm itself down from the pain while Taehyung watched your boob snap back into place with an evil smirk plastered on his face.

“Aww, does the little baby not like that? Does it hurt?” he mocked and you nodded, tears threatening to fall out of your eyes. “Too bad, little whore. It’s what you deserve after you acted like a dumb little bitch who’s only good for taking in dick.” 

You gasped to yourself at the degrading terms, surprised at yourself for hearing him calling you that for the first time and how much you like that. Taehyung could tell as well because of the way your slick is coming down rapidly from your thighs. 

“Does the stupid little girl like that? Do you like getting treated as just a dirty little cockwhore for me to use?” he asked, pulling up your skirt and making kitten licks on top of your pussy to tease you. 

You bucked your hips up higher for him to keep going: both the degradation and him eating you out. Taehyung’s tongue always felt so good on you and the way he was staring at you could nearly make you cum right now. 

“Yeah, you enjoy it so much huh? Being treated like a dumb baby who’s only good at making Daddy feel good? Do you want me to make you feel good? Does your little hole want to be filled up with my cock?”

“Yes,” you whined, thrashing against his face as the ache’s gotten worse for you. At this point, you wanted anything from him just so the burning sensation could feel better. 

“Such a little slut. Always desperate for Daddy’s cock,” he shook his head as he licked a stripe of your core before turning you on your hands and knees, your ass in full display. 

“Wh-what are you going to do?” you whispered, thinking of the times he’s gotten you in this position when you were in trouble with him. Most likely it’s going to be a spanking so you internally braced yourself for the impact. 

“I’m going to do something different,” he replied, pulling up your skirt so your puckered hole was on display. He rubs a finger to prod your entrance, collecting the slick that was forming there. “We haven’t done anal before, have we?” 

You shook your head, your heart racing on what he’s going to do with you. For some reason, it made you nervous as it was something that you’ve never done before and you’ve heard so much stuff about it from your friends and the magazines. 

“Shh, don’t be nervous, it’ll be okay. You’ll be my good girl and take it, right?” Taehyung comforts you, kissing the back of your neck to calm you down and massaging your butt. You nodded, swallowing the lump down your throat to prepare yourself. 

“I-I can do it,” you tried to say confidently, taking deep breaths. 

“I know you can, you’re such an obedient little baby...some of the time,” he cooed, prodding your asshole with his thumb to try to get you used to the feeling and using your wetness as lube. 

“Hey, what do you mean some of the time?” you barked, turning your head back to face him as a shit-eating grin was plastered on his face and his eyes darkened in lust. Apparently, his statement was supposed to distract you as he started to insert the first half of his thumb into your hole. “Daddy, what the fuck-” “Shh, relax baby,” he said in a soothing tone, feeling your walls clench around his digit tightly. 

“Oh, okay,” you nodded and tried to calm yourself down as you took a deep breath and felt Taehyung’s thumb slowly starting to enter deeper inside of you, your walls trying to accommodate the stretch. 

“You’re doing so good, taking Daddy’s thumb like such a good girl,” he praised softly, the compliment sending butterflies in your chest and making your face heating up even more. “It’s only a little bit left, you can do it baby.” 

By now, you were a moaning and whining mess as you tried to stuff yourself into the pillows due to the embarrassing sounds you were making. You feel so full already and Taehyung wasn’t helping as he’s bringing his hand to the front of your pussy, flicking your clit. 

“Such a sweet girl, you took all of my thumb,” he said with admirement, feeling the way your walls flutter around his finger tightly. The thought of you like this, all whiny and helpless under him while he takes you from behind, entered his mind and he let out a growl from the chance that he can make that thought into a reality.

All of a sudden, he pulled his thumb out of your hole, making you groan with disappointment as you were getting used to it inside you, before plunging his long pointer finger inside. You started to let out even more whines as you started to feel overwhelmed with the pleasure, both from the front and behind. 

Taehyung added his middle finger and thrusted them in and out, quickening the pace while deciding to stick another one in, making you feel even more full than before. Your body started to tremble as you tried to keep up with him and steady yourself due to the rate he was going at. 

“Jesus, have you gotten tighter than before?” he muttered, spreading your walls apart and making scissoring motions in an attempt to go deeper and stretching you out as much as possible so that you’re ready to take his dick later. Speaking of which, he felt himself grow harder with every little movement and sound you make, your cute noises boosting up his ego and turning him on.

You looked absolutely wrecked, the side of your face sprawled onto the pillows as your eyes were closed shut, mouth was open into a moan with drool slowly dripping down the corner of your lips, and your pretty ass sticking out for him as you started to grind on his hand, wanting to feel more. 

“You’re enjoying this too much aren’t you, you bad little girl,” he tsked, fingering your hole harder and shoving his pinky inside. With practically all of his long digits inside, it hits every corner of your walls and gives you shocks of pleasure with every thrust which is leading you to your orgasmt. “Do you want my dick inside you, huh?” Your high-pitched squeals of need and you grinding your ass back to feel his hardened dick and chasing your high gave him the answer he needed. “You just want your little holes to be filled up, isn’t that right? Too bad.” All of a sudden, he immediately removed his hands and turned you back on your front, your legs sprawled out for him and your face contorting into a whine from the lack of contact. 

“Why-why did you stop?” you panted, sweat dripping down your forehead as he was hitting every single part of you but ended it without any warning and leaving you dry. 

“Because my little princess is still a bad little slut. Don’t worry though, maybe if you feed Daddy with your cute pussy, I’ll forgive you,” he replied as he licked a stripe up your cunt and made your body tremble from his dirty words. As he started to eat you out, you made eye contact with him and compared to his softer gaze, his naturally brown eyes are absolutely dark from lust which made him look intimidating. To tease you even more, he gave you a seductive wink and you felt yourself turn into putty as you let him do whatever he wants with you. 

“D-daddy..” You were at a loss for words due to the bliss you were in. Taehyung was eating you out completely, kissing your clit, and humming occasionally to send vibrations throughout your sensitive core. His tongue was deep inside your entrance and his fingers were added as well to try to find your g-spot. 

At this moment it was like you were in another world with your mind becoming absolutely blank and only focusing on him and your eyes nearly seeing stars. The noises inside the bedroom were extremely lewd, the squelching of your pussy as Taehyung eats you out and the whimpers and moans that are coming out of your mouth.

“Filthy little fuckslut,” he sighed, lapping at your clit and swirling it around between his tongue. When he lightly grazed on it with his teeth, the volume of your whines were even louder than before and you were ten seconds away from releasing. 

“Does my angel want to come now? Is she going to release her sweet juices on my tongue?” he asked, staring at your fucked out face from below while thrusting his tongue muscle in and out. 

“Mmh-” you whined, the familiar feeling that arises when you feel like releasing slowly taking over you as the rest of your body keeps writhing and twitching from the ministrations that Taehyung was doing to you. 

“Pretty little baby,” he cooed, watching you starting to tremble as your orgasm was near. That sets off a reaction in your stomach because all of a sudden, you see your vision going blank and full of stars as you release all of your liquids on him.  

It was like you had just dropped down from a roller coaster as you were still trying to come down from your high but it seems like it hasn’t stopped since more liquids were dripping down and soaking the bed sheets. 

Taehyung looked at you in awe as some of it were splattered onto his face and surprisingly, your orgasm seemed more intense than before and you were squirting intensely onto his bed. He licked off some of your juices that were onto him before giving a final kiss on top of your cunt as he watches you slowly regain consciousness. 

“Huh, what- oh shit, I’m so sorry,” you babbled, realizing what just happened and feeling completely embarrassed. Taehyung had no shame regarding what you two do in bed but it was still humiliating that you absolutely drenched his bed due to how good he was. “No no, it’s okay, besides it was really hot,” he smiled, trying to assure you that everything was fine. You rolled his eyes at his lewd remark as you slightly punched his shoulder, his comment definitely not helping. 

“Are you still mad at me?” you asked quietly.

“Of course not, you know I can never get mad at you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not done with you because I still haven’t fucked you yet,” he replied as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, giving you a mini strip-show. 

Taehyung was a very attractive man and today it was evident as he kept staring straight at your face while taking off every piece of clothing on him. His honey skin was reflected against the late afternoon sun, causing it to glow like he was some god that came out of the sky. Although he wasn’t the most muscular, you were more than fine with how he looked because a man like him could have any girl in the world and he chose you. 

“Why are you taking so long?” you whined as he slowly unbuckled his black jeans. You could see his hardened dick begging to be set free and knowing how good it looked and felt made you absolutely on your nerves as you impatiently kicked your feet immaturely. 

“Patience, little girl,” he chided softly as he was now stripped down to his grey Calvin Kleins, palming his big bulge on top of his boxers. “Do you wanna take it off for me?” You nodded rapidly, crawling over to him and pulling down the restricting material. As soon as they were gone, his long and thick cock stood up instantly. Your mouth immediately watered at the sight of it with precum oozing out of the angry head. Honestly, his dick intimidated you due to how big it was and if it’s ever going to fit you despite sleeping together with him multiple times. 

“Daddy…” you whispered as he pumped his length to let the precum slick it well. His hands were normally really big but for some reason, they looked small when they’re wrapped around his dick. 

“What’s wrong, are you scared?” he teased lightly, a playful grin stuck on his face as he hovers above you to insert it in. 

“N-no, I’m ready,” you said confidently as he aligns himself above your entrance, the tip of his dick slightly grazing your folds. 

“That’s my good girl,” he praised, immediately pushing himself in inch by inch, hitting all of your nerves and filling you up to the brim. You dig your nails behind his back to try to steady yourself as he seems to be going deeper than before, feeling him hit your g-spot and other nerves that weren’t explored before. 

“A-ah, shit it feels so fucking good. Your cunt is so warm and tight for me, holy fucking hell, you like that baby? Like my big fucking cock inside your tiny little pussy?” he grunts, rolling his eyes back as soon as his whole dick was inside you. You mewled pathetically, not being able to find words of how you’re feeling. 

Taehyung took your noises as a sign for him to keep going harder and faster. Although you were just getting used to his veiny and lengthy dick burning your cunt, it wasn’t for long as he started to take his dick out so only the tip was above you and slamming it back in. You squealed at the sudden fast pace, his dick pounding into you deeper and harder. 

He snapped his hips harder and started to thrust even faster, making you feel delirious and out of breath. The pleasure was overwhelming due to how well and often he was hitting that spot that always made you weak and his deep moans and grunts were turning you on. Your eyes were glossy due to the tears that were slipping out from the euphoria you were in and the way your cute eyes stared at him from below only turned him on even more, fucking you as hard and fast as he can. 

“Aww, is my little fucktoy crying? Is it too much for you, huh? Is it too overwhelming for my little baby?” he mocked once he saw your face, thrusting at an inhumane pace. You whimpered at the degradation with glossy eyes, which only set Taehyung off even more. 

“Fucking shit, the things you do to me little girl. Daddy’s hitting it so hard and fast, right? You could feel Daddy’s dick deep in your stomach?” With that being said, he palmed the bottom of your stomach and sure enough you could feel the presence of his bulge in there. 

“I-I- oh fuck, y-yeah, faster,” you stammered, embarrassed at yourself for not being able to form coherent sentences but at the pace Taehyung was going at, it was pretty useless to. 

“Stupid little baby, only good for letting me use her tight and tiny little pussy, my stupid little doll,” he cooed while kissing your cheek affectionately, the soft action mixed with the degradation making your pussy flutter around his cock tightly. 

At this point, you were ten seconds near your orgasm due to how well he was making you feel. The familiar knot that signals if you’re about to cum is near and the volume of your noises has risen, filling the rooms with your high-pitched squeals and whimpers. 

“Is my baby going to cum soon now? Do you wanna be a good girl and cum for Daddy?” Taehyung asked in his raspy voice above your ear, fucking you against your g-spot. 

His words sent off a reaction in you that leads you to your high. You screamed out his name and released every single one of your juices on his dick, your body trembling due to the impact. Taehyung gasps as he couldn’t move due to how tight you were squeezing his dick due to your orgasm. 

“Fucking shit, that’s a good girl,” he sighed, watching you slowly try to come down from your climax. For some reason, that just made him ten times harder and wanting to cum as soon as possible. 

You were in a state of euphoria, your vision being blackened out and your senses not thinking straight. As soon as you slowly started to regain consciousness, you found yourself in Taehyung’s close embrace as he started to speed up. 

“Shh, shh, baby, it’s okay, Daddy’s here,” he said softly, kissing you with love as you started to whine from the overstimulation as Taehyung was continuing to fuck inside you to reach his own high. “Can you hold on for Daddy, please?” You nodded slowly, feeling a bit bad about cumming before him. Although it slightly burned since you were sensitive from your own orgasm, you decided to keep it to yourself just to let him climax.

“You’re such a sweet little girl, my good baby,” he grunts as he started to slow down and his thrusts became sloppier since he was getting close to his orgasm. You let out a cute whine and that’s what it took for Taehyung to release. 

With a low guttural groan, you felt his dick inflate inside of you and shoot out loads of his cum. He slowly started to pull himself out of you while he was still releasing, making his seed spill out of you while the rest was stuffed inside of your cunt. He stroked his now sensitive dick to make each last drop land onto your cunt before flopping down next to you out of breath. 

“You did so well baby, I love you so much,” he whispered cutely, showing his adorable box smile which made your heart swell while stuffing the remaining cum that was slowly starting to drip out inside of your battered cunt. 

“I love you too,” you croacked back, trying to calm yourself down from the two intense orgasms you had and the overstimulation. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve gone too hard on you,” he started to apologize but you immediately stopped him.

“N-no, I’m completely fine. You did really well too,” you smile, hugging him tightly. 

“You’re always so sweet but first let me take care of you, okay?” he grinned back, stepping out of the bed and into the bathroom to put on some clothes and clean you up. As soon as he came back, he handed you an oversized shirt and had a washcloth in his hand to clean up your thighs and core. 

“Do you mind if I put you down for a bit? I’m going to clean the sheets,” he asked, carrying you onto a nearby chair and changing the sheets. Soon, the bed was back to normal and you two decided to sleep in.

“I’m sorry for acting like a brat,” you said amongst his broad chest as you were snuggled up against him.

“No, it’s okay. You’re still a good girl no matter what,” he reassured you, kissing the top of your head and looking out into the window. The sky has turned into a pitch-black with stars scattered in different areas like a painting. “I’m sorry that you’ll have to miss Lisa’s party. I guess it must be starting soon.’’ “Taehyung, don’t apologize for that. Besides, I’d rather hang out with you than go to a party. It’s okay, she’ll understand,” you said, brushing off his apologies. Of course you would like to hang out with your friend but being with him made you feel like the happiest girl in the world. 

“You’re so cute, like a tiny little baby,” he cooed, squishing your cheeks which made you immediately brush his hands off. Due to your age gap, he always found you cute because you were younger than him and treated you like a baby sometimes. It was endearing but sometimes it can be plain annoying. 

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying,” you grumbled, turning away from him and placing a pillow on your head to prevent him from bothering you any further. 

Taehyung laughed at your antics before slowly hugging you from behind and sleeping alongside you in that position. 

With the previous sugar babies he had, he wouldn’t be sleeping with them in this position or have so much love and care but you were different. You absolutely stole his heart and even though you have your bratty moments, you will always be his number one. 

a/n: damn this was filthy...but i hope the anons who requested this and y’all like it <3 

⌕ › seo changbin

sitting together but doing different activities

changbin literally just wants to be near you. he doesn't care what you're doing, he'll plop down right next to you and find something to do with an arm around your shoulders. not to be dramatic, but you could be lying on the floor counting dust bunnies and he'll bring his laptop and papers down with him as he lays on one arm to keep you company. spending time with you is important to him, even if you aren't doing the same thing. you're still together, and quiet times like these are what changbin is extremely passionate about. because even when you two are busy, you both still have the luxury of keeping each other company.

⌕ › hwang hyunjin

sharing food

it's common for food to be shared between the two of you. hyunjin always offers you a bite first, and that includes when you're sitting across from him with your own meal. this is hyunjin's way of saying that he will share anything with you, offer anything to you. he would pretty much share a heart and a soul with you if he could. he loves to feed you as well. hyunjin puts you before him and always wants to give you everything. that's just how he loves.

⌕ › han jisung

making playlists

jisung has established a playlist based on all of his favorite moments with you. each song offers a memory that he cherishes most. he also has shorter playslist ready for whenever you're down or dealing with a particular type of situation. this is jisung's way of saying, "i'm here for you." and it's true, he always is there for you, but when he's not physically he expects that you put one of his playlists on loop.

⌕ › lee felix

sending cute reaction pics

it's not exactly hard for felix to take the time to explain every single emotion you make him feel and how you make him feel it. but to him, it's just never enough. he will never be one-hundred percent satisfied with how he expresses his love to you and believes that there should always be a little more added after every "i love you so much". that's where the cute little lovey dovey reaction memes come in. expect one after every long paragraph showcasing why you're his favorite person in the world. another thing is, the reaction pics tend to be heartwarming while humorous. it's helpful to felix since he wouldn't want his love to be heavy on you.

⌕ › kim seungmin

having a 1:1 bookclub

quality time is everything to seungmin, and he especially loves the quiet moments the two of you share. the both of you always make time for your 1:1 bookclub, a book open on your lap while you sit between seungmin's legs. there also times where you guys listen to music, sharing airpods as you read. not only does sharing with him deliver a sugary feeling, but it's also nice to have a shared interest. he reads faster than you, though, so he might gasp out before you reach an intense scene and somewhat spoil the suspense for you.

⌕ › yang jeongin

leaving sticky notes everywhere

jeongin has an assortment of sticky notes —all different colors and some with patterns— just for you. he's not the best when it comes to diving in deep with his feelings and sharing his thoughts out loud, but he's good at expressing them with reminders and cute doodles for you. sometimes the notes will be on the bathroom mirror or on your cardigan, but other times they're in unsuspected places like on the forty-third page of your notebook or in the panda-shaped mug you have in the back of the cabinet. he likes surprising you with loving messages 'cause you never know when a hardship is around the corner.

He sounded like heaven and you wanted to hear more of him.

Slowly tracking your hand up his chest to the throat, your middle finger softly pressed itself there, earning a hiccupped gasp from him.

"Fuck.do it again."

Caging his throat in your hand, this time your thumb did the deed and he hiccupped again but whined when you removed your fingers completely to run them over his cheeks.

"Don't wanna kill you before you ruin me, pretty boy."

He chuckled against your detached lips and took the breathing time to focus on the curves of your ass but your tight dress didn’t give him the access he wanted. looping your arms around his neck, he ran his fingers on your inner thighs and in one swift motion, pulled your dress upto your waist, freeing your lower half of the restraining cloth. Your legs shivered at the sudden lack of coverage and your thighs hugged each other.

“I like your chewy butt.” He chuckled deeply, squeezing and releasing your ass cheeks multiple times, clearly enjoying himself too much.

“and can you sell me your lips?” biting his lip once, you managed to catch a strained whine from him. studying his eyes blazing with desire, you kissed him again minus the teasing.

“You are tasty,” he commented, pulling you closer. Your breasts were now enfolded under your dress, ready to pop out at any chance given. You moaned into his mouth when his fingers, ghosting over the string of your thong, jammed into the material to touch your wetness from behind. Your folds shuddered at the soft pats he fingers gave, your stomach and abdomen tightening to glorify his ministrations. Your lips buzzed at the foreign sensation breaching your insides and you tugged at his nape.

Humming, he croaked out, “jump”

With a push of your heels, your legs ended up encircling his belted waist but as he jerked his thumb towards your hole and as a result, your lips slipped from his due to the sensitiveness, head falling on his shoulder, breathlessly.

“you look so deprived” you felt his chest vibrating.

He moved you towards the bed, fingers still buried in your underwear. Tossing you on the single bed, his fingers left you throbbing and he didn’t waste any second in stripping away the useless material. Soon, your heels were discarded too.

“you are dripping woman.” he voiced his thought. “fingers or lips?” he breathed and you cursed loudly at him for giving you such a hard choice.

“I thought I already told you!” you snapped and he let out a harsh breath before settling himself between your legs, parting them ever so slightly. He lowered his head to blow at your clit and you felt yourself floating as your back arched itself, giving him more of you.

He spread his tongue over your heat to lick it in one go before sucking at your folds with his skilful lips. your breathy, needy gasps harmonising with his lips were sinuous enough to create knots in your stomach. You kept cursing and he heed none, instead inserted his two fingers into your cunt. His mouth and fingers synced together, turning your legs jelly and your lower body puddle under the pressure.

"Don't stop"

His fingers just brushed against your g-spot, not reaching it properly but it did it for you.

“I’m close jae” you whimpered his name that he had introduced himself with. by now, your short dress was feeling like an adhesive, clingy and annoyingly sticky.

He said nothing, just increased his pace and the very next second, you hips buckled and you coated his chin and hands with your cum, earning groans from him.

He panted, gazing at your fucked up body, mentally patting himself for what he had done to you.

"Relax" he mouthed.

With the back of your hand, you cleaned the sweat off your forehead before closing your legs to save yourself from the sudden cold.

“you did good.” He said and right when you thought he was leaving already, he started undressing himself in front of you. as your chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, you gawked at him, teething your lip once again.

His godly built was exposed to you as he unbuttoned his black shirt, unbuckled his belt and liberated his hips. You thought you heard a jingle and your mind automatically went to your bag which was probably lying on the floor near the door but when you saw his freed member being pumped in his hand, the haze returned to ground your eyes on him.

“you good?” he asked, hopping on the bed, hovering over your body again.

“want more.” Voice mirroring the mess you were, you tried to push your back, hand reaching for his cock but he laid you down again.

“I’m short on time, chewy. Maybe some other day.” Bobbing his head to the side, he chuckled before dropping his face to nibble on your ear. You giggled at the tickle.

“then stop playing.”

Hearing your serious tone, he straightened his back, eyes suddenly darkening.

Hurriedly ridding you of your dress and the bra, his hands moulded your breasts, eliciting nervous gasps from you.

“do you have any plans of fucking me or is your dick just for show?” you groaned. He threw his hands up in the air and clicked his tongue when you whined at the lack of attention.

He seemed like a silent lover, you wondered but before you could think any further, his hands on your hands turned your around, hoisting your ass up in the air. with your face squished down, you tried to create a balance with your elbows but he grabbed your hands to tuck them beside you.

“don’t move too much or it might hurt.” folding your wrists into his one palm, his knees drew your one thigh apart, inserting his full length into you without any further remark. Your jaw clenched feeling him plugging you from behind.

You couldn’t see him but the grunt he let out while adjusting himself made you lightheaded just by visualising his contorted face.

“tell me to stop whenever you want but I doubt your poor pussy would want that now.”

You roughly pushed yourself on his dick in answer and with a bursting ego, he started ramming with rubbishly fast pace.

“you like it rough?hmm?” driving his hips, he penetrated your hole in uncalculated rhythm. He kept grunting and rambling before he stopped but only to lean into your trembling body. Placing a quick kiss on your back, he moved further to bite on shoulder, receiving an ear piercing hiss from you.

“what the fuck are you doing dickhead?” breathing out of control, you choked out.

“leaving my mark.”

“don't eat my shoulder then!.” he chuckled at your frustrated tone and futile attempt at fucking yourself on his dick.

Ignoring your incoherent words that followed, he released your one arm to let you ease your pulsating cunt. Rubbing at your clit, you moaned louder than before but the pillow muffled some noises for you. Contrary to his crazy hips, his hand on the softness of your ass was warm and sweet.

“I'm close, princess.”

You heard him mumbling but your head wasn’t ready to form any words so you just whimpered some pleas.

“don’t stop. Right there. I think I’m gonna-

For the second time that night, your orgasm blurred your surroundings. He left your hand and grunted loudly before filling and warming you with his cum. Releasing your waist, he let you fall on the bed softly and your mouth instantly opened with relief. He pulled himself out and busied himself with admiring your glinting self.

“you are more insane in bed” he whispered, blowing kisses on your shoulders. You hummed again as his hands rotated you to face him. brushing your sweaty hair aside, he kept mumbling to you.

“we need to get up chewy. I don’t like this bed too much.” you tried to chuckle but a tired sigh betrayed you. He giggled before your sore arms got his attention and he began massaging them to soothe the ache. Your eyes fluttered shut at the gesture and it felt like eternity after which he got up.

you opened your eyes after a few minutes to find Jaehyun locking his belt in place.

“wait for me dickhead.”

“I ain't going anywhere without you chewy.” You grimaced at the ridiculous name.

Raising yourself up, you hooked your bra and were looking for your dress when a cotton cloth met with your face.

“you are all sweaty.” He laughed for the nth time at you and you couldn't understand why he found your existence so amusing. His considerate hands cleaned your face delicately, dressed you up and with the same hurry, pulled you to your feet, his actions getting weirder with each passing second.

“I’m not stopping you if you wanna go. Stop treating me like a doll,” he winced at you screech.

“no, you are coming with me.” Saying that , he placed his hand in his back pocket and everything that happened after had your jaw dropping on the floor, especially when he opened his mouth,

“y/n aka yves, you are under arrest for stealing the paintings last week.” Unfolding the cuffs, he forced your wrist into it. “Hello,I'm Officer Jung Jaehyun, a new transfer." grasping the adjoining cuff, he addressed your dumbfounded figure again, “you are going with me. To jail and if you don’t wanna flash yourself to all the officers there, I can get you a decent complementary pajama before that” The wink he shot and the way your code name had rolled off his tongue had your blood boiling and you tugged at your wrist harshly, protesting to this act.

“so you people now fuck your criminals before arresting them? and I don’t see a lady police officer here so you better open this before I start screaming.” Exasperated, you sternly said.

“so I guess you don’t want a change of clothes then. lemme call my colleague, she’ll be here in like 5 minutes.” He smiled menancily.

You threw your head back as the realisation dawned over you. There was no choice but to go!

“now a woman can’t even fuck without having to worry about being arrested!” you screamed at his face, stomping your foot on the floor.

“lets go chewy. Your new home is waiting for you.”

He let out a mirthless laugh before dragging you through the back door.

“we just arrested her like three hours ago! How can she run away so easily.” Sending the files to the ground, jaehyun raked his hands through his hair, crying out loud at his juniors.

“we do-don’t know sir. she also left a note in her cell.”

“HOW THE HELL SHE GOT A PAPER NOW?”

“like she got keys!” another officer spoke.

“What does the note say?”

As the officer read the words, Jaehyun felt heat rushing to his cheeks, in embarrassment and shame.

“get my dress dry cleaned before my next visit. Btw you have a nice dick. It’d be a shame if I don’t use it again. signed by dear yves”

Yet, as mad as you were, the happy memories you two shared flooded your mind, and your heart sank from the loneliness you had to bear and the feelings you have from missing him. When you think of Jaehyun, you get emotional, almost sick even; the love you have for him is greater than anything you experienced. He wasn’t your first love, your first kiss or your first sexual experience, but meeting him on that sunny afternoon on the beach changed your life. He understood your fears and your innermost thoughts and had a way of speaking that calmed your restless soul. Jaehyun has a wicked sense of humor and a kindness that melted your heart beyond words. He took you on spontaneous dates and would buy you flowers because he knew you loved them. His impeccable features and his sex drive were only pluses in the relationship that made you feel like he was the one; that you could be with him forever. 

But his duties as an idol started to keep him away, and you knew that being with him came with that risk. You thought you could handle it, not being able to see him for weeks at a time and sometimes months if he was out of the country. The facetime and skype calls lasted for a while until those slowly started to fade, and you were staring at your phone at night, wondering when he would call. It didn’t help see him on tv, flirting with other women and showing off his charms that made you fall in love with him. You saw red when you saw him escort that famous actress to their premiere with his hand on her back. You have never been the jealous type, but seeing the man you love and have not seen in weeks with someone else set you ablaze. You pleaded with Jaehyun to carve out some time for you, even if it was just for an hour, but he always claimed he was too tired or busy. So you got fed up, marched over to his dorm unannounced and gave him a piece of your mind. He called you selfish and insecure, and that hurt you to the core. You screamed at him, throwing the promise ring he bought for you at his chest and broke up with him. You stormed out of the dorm, the members pretending that they didn’t hear anything, but you knew deep in your heart that they heard it all, and it just added more to your embarrassment. 

As the months went by, you thought about that night often, what you could have done differently and if you would still take him back. So many nights, you held your phone in your hand, wanting to dial his number and make it alright. You hate him for letting you leave, but you love him just as much, so when he asked you to come over, it was a no brainer. So with a bit of liquid courage, you made your way to him, holding your breath all the way. 

𝐉𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧’𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕

Seeing Y/N again after all these months was like a breath of fresh air. She walked into Jaehyun’s room, beautiful as ever, her hair down in all its shiny glory, her skin glowing like the yellow orb in the sky. She is wearing that oversized sweater he bought her when he came back from tour, with shorts that show off those legs he loved to be in between. She smiled at him as she came in, but behind those beautiful eyes held a sadness he knew because of him, and he would do anything to take it away. Jaehyun is hopelessly in love with her, and there is no him without her. Y/N keeps him sane and anchored when he feels like he is going out of control. She understands him better than anyone and takes care of him, nurturing him with her sweet words and kind actions. Jaehyun’s never been able to convey how much she truly means to him, and he regrets letting her go. Seeing her in front of him brings colors into his gray world, and he needs her. 

“So,” she stands there, twiddling her fingers as she sits down on the bed. “How have you been?”

He rakes his fingers through his hair, unsure how he should answer. Jaehyun wants to be honest with Y/N and kiss her beautiful face, but his pride will not let him. Instead, he leans back against his desk and folds his arms, trying to keep his cool demeanor. 

“I’ve been okay, I suppose,” he clears his throat. 

There is awkward dead silence, and he would be a liar if he said his heart wasn’t jumping out of his chest. He’s never been good with expressing his feelings, and it took a lot of courage and convincing from his members to give Y/N a call.

“You know you miss her, man,” his member Johnny voice rings through his head. “Just call her. The worst thing she can say is to fuck off or not respond at all.”

“So what have you been up to?” Jaehyun questioned, attempting to break the ice. 

“Nothing really,” she sighs. “Just work work work.”

The deafening silence comes back, and Jaehyun is panicking, unsure what to say next. He doesn’t want to push things too fast and scare her away but damn it, he wants to be with her. 

“What am I doing here, Jaehyun?” Y/N  interrogates him, catching him off guard. “If you called me here for small talk, we could have done this over the phone.”

“I didn’t invite you here for small talk,” Jaehyun swore, his eyes pleading with her. 

“So why am I here-”

“I miss you,” he blurts out, his voice echoing in the walls. “I fucking miss you, and I want you back.”

Her eyes widen, shocked at Jaehyun’s revelation, and he continues to confess how he feels. 

“I was a fucking idiot for letting you walk out that door,” he laments, taking a seat in his chair. “At the time, when we were fighting, I felt like I was suffocating. I had comeback schedules and movie premieres to go to, and I didn’t want to let you down, but I felt like I was being pulled in different directions from everyone. So when you yelled at me, I got frustrated and lashed out at you instead of listening. I’m sorry about that.”

Watching Y/N’s eyes well up with tears broke his heart, and he wanted to kiss her pain away and make her whole again. Jaehyun yearned for her, and he was not letting her go again. 

“You called me selfish and insecure,” Y/N sniffled, wiping her tears with her sweater. “That really hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun gets up and softly grabs her hand, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I shouldn’t have said that. I was feeling like you were not hearing me and you yelling at me made me feel like I was backed into a corner.”

“So you couldn’t handle me expressing how I feel?” Y/N criticized him, taking her hand away from him. “You were barely talking to me, and to see you on tv and flirting with these women, it made me snap.”

“So that made it okay for you to barge into the dorm at 1am and scream at me?!” Jaehyun rebutted, staring deep into her eyes. “You embarrassed me and wouldn’t let me get a word in. You called me a coward and accused me of cheating on you. God Y/N, I would never do that to you. I love you and respect you too much to lose your trust like that.”

Y/N looks down, twiddling her fingers once more, tears falling down her cheeks. He moves closer to her, wiping more tears from her eyes and lifting up her chin.

“Do you still love me?”

Y/N looks at him, her eyes already telling it all before she could answer. 

“Yes, Jae, I love you,” she confesses. “I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried.”

Jaehyun’s heart flutters at her soft words, and a wave of relief washes over him. It felt good to hear that she still loved him after all these months have passed, and caught up in the moment, he kisses her deeply. 

“I’m sorry, he apologizes, giving her space. “I should have asked if that was okay.”

“It’s okay,” she says softly, gazing at him lovingly. “Kiss me again.”

(𝐘/𝐍’𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕)

Jaehyun kisses you, and it feels like home, like you finally found the missing piece to your puzzle of your soul. You give into him completely, sliding your hands underneath his shirt, feeling his toned abs before taking off his shirt. You pause to gauge his response, and he smiles, whispering that he loves you and that he’s sorry. You nod and kiss him again, allowing his hands to roam around your ass before giving it a tight squeeze.

“I missed you,” he breathes in between kisses. 

“Did you?” you tease him, fumbling with the button on your shorts.

He undoes the button for you and slides your jean shorts off for you, laying you down on the bed as he climbs on top of you. He holds back for a moment, admiring your beauty before continuing his onslaught of kisses, trailing down to your neck. His cool hands slide up your sweater, unhooking the front of your bra and softly rubbing your mounds. You bite your lip in an attempt to hold back your moans, the electricity sparking from each touch.

“I’m never going to hurt you again,” he promises, lifting up your sweater and revealing your breasts. 

He cups them and puts them in his mouth, sucking on each nipple tentatively and with such care. Your center is dripping, and you slide your hands down to your panties, softly rubbing yourself. He takes notice of your action and trails his kisses down your stomach, nipping you lightly until his face is in between your legs. He pulls your panties to the side, taking a long swipe of your sweet nectar before diving in. 

“ Oh my god,” you moan, taking a fistful of his hair.

He ravages you, lavishing his tongue at your entrance and sucking on your clit, his nail dug dip into your hip. Your moans get increasingly louder, and he slides two fingers in you, your walls already convulsing around him. 

“You gotta be quiet for me, baby, okay?” Jaehyun whispers, slowly thrusting in and out of you. “I don’t want everyone to hear us.”

You nod feverishly, covering your mouth as you fall into a euphoric state, being finger fucked by the love of your life. He returns his mouth to your clit, your legs buckling on impact, your hand pulling his hair tighter. You create a rhythm on his tongue, slow fucking his face until you feel yourself reaching your breaking point. 

“Baby…” you moan, your stomach coiling. “I’m almost here.”

He suddenly removes his fingers out of you, shoving down his grey sweats and revealing his hard dick, eager to be inside of you. He lifts your leg up and slams into you, making you yelp from impact. 

“It’s been way too long,” he groans, slow stroking your tight cunt. 

Jaehyun allows you to get used to his size before increasing his pace, the lust in his eyes evident. Your hunger for him in insatiable, begging him to fuck you harder, not caring about the bed hitting the wall loud enough to wake everyone up. You lifted up your shirt and pinched your nipples, slapping them because you knew he liked that, and you like the slight pain from it. 

“You are so sexy,” his breathless praise of you makes you hotter and want more of him.

He slides his hand on your throat, holding a firm grip as he continues to plunge deep inside of you. You try your best to cover your moans with your hand, but then your stomach coils, signaling your release. You tap his shoulder feverishly, and he pulls out and flips you over, taking you from behind.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he growls, slamming into you with such force you almost fall off the bed. 

Jaehyun grips your hair tightly, skin slapping filling the walls in the room, and he fucks you into the mattress, releasing his feelings from missing you all into this moment. He tells you he loves you over and over, and you believe him, not wanting this moment to end. You grip the sheets tightly, warning him of the upcoming rapture that was ripping through you. 

“Go ahead, baby,” he encourages you. “Cum for me.”

You scream his name in the sheets, your orgasm rushing through and all over him, your insides convulsing on his dick. He shudders and pulls out shortly after, emptying himself on your ass and giving it a small smack. You collapse on the bed, your legs sore and shaking, unable to move. 

“That was…” you start to say.

“Amazing,” Jaehyun finishes your sentence, leaning over and kissing your sweaty forehead. 

You both laugh in unison, and you slowly sit up, admiring the physique of the man you love. 

“Hey Jae,” you call him softly, holding your hand out for him to take. “I don’t want to fight like that and be away from you that long ever again.”

He nods and smiles, giving you a deep kiss before pulling you into a hug. 

“Me neither, baby,” he agrees. “These months without you have been hard. I felt like a piece of me was missing.”

You gaze up at him lovingly, placing a small kiss on his lips.

“It’s about time you two made up,” Johnny’s voice comes through the door. “He’s been miserable without you.”

Jaehyun sucks his teeth and throws a pillow at the door, his face red with embarrassment.