#kaelvas

Say no more, fam

Very sincerely, thank you. For this and the other response. My birthday is usually a pretty miserable one and I got a big heaping helping of failed class today which, admittedly, is about 90% my own fault. Doesn’t make it happy though

But yeah thanks. It does mean a lot because I have a terrible track record with church members. Even before I moved to Japan, I was in a place that only cared about Keeping Up With The Smiths™ and I didn’t wear the right clothes, go to the right school, etc. I had like maybe 3 friends in a ward of 350 people not counting nice adults who were fond of/put up with a loud mouthed, precocious child. You and the rest of tumblrstake has been a really healing experience for me

I wish I could’ve gone on a mission honestly but I’m glad my personal revelation told me otherwise. Had I gone, I would’ve ended up with an enormous blood clot while far away from home with nobody to help me and likely would’ve ended my mission early. Instead, I had the support of loads of people and it was a markedly better experience than it otherwise could’ve been

I guess they bugged you and on closer insect-ion, they do seem menacing

My brain always thinks of the words ‘congregation’ and ‘collaboration’, both because i love the meanings and the way they sound

also conflagration is a neat sounding word, and litigation. i have a preference for words that end in -ation because once, years ago when i was maybe 15 my father and i got into a competition that lasted several days to list as many words as we could that ended in -ation. we went straight for like two hours and then couldnt think of any. so hours would pass and i’d abruptly get a text from dad that just said something like “MITIGATION” and i’d be like crap its my turn and i dont have a word.  

‘Salutation!’

‘rotation!”

“estimation!”

“alliteration!’ and so on for days

Send Me A Greek God

Athena: share a piece of wisdom

“Wise man say: forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.” 

Okay, but in all seriousness, this is something I just realized today: It’s okay to be proud of yourself. It’s not being vain or cocky to say “Hey, I’m good at something” or “I look really good today”. It’s just a fact. If you’ve worked hard or put in effort for something, you have every right to brag on yourself a little. There are even times where you HAVE to brag on yourself. 

You’re fine actually! It was just disheartening to see the same sources that other members have used to call me a sinful abomination put together in a huge post. Which you wouldn’t have known

November is also a rough time for me in general for several reasons but mostly because my birthday rolls around and reminds me of my baptism which puts me in a foul mood because if no church. I’m also trying to graduate and move and I’m really stressed

The biggest thing that upset me was when I was frustrated and needed comfort, my brother went right back to his old holier-than-thou ways except now he has the RM attitude of Righteous Accomplishment to go with it. I needed someone to say hey I don’t know what you’re dealing with right now, but maybe with my fresh expertise, I can help. But instead he threw it in my face and told me that it was my choice to be disobedient and nobody could help me if I didn’t fix myself first

It’s just so hard and there are no easy answers. I miss church and the temple and just all of it. I miss crappy potlucks and fast and testimony meeting. I want so badly to raise my children in the church and to have my whole big, lovely family sealed together forever. I want to take my partners to the temple, our eventual children roo. I want it so badly, it’s like there’s a hot knife in my heart that just won’t go away

But I don’t know how to go back without being shunned again. I’m so used to being out that I can’t hide myself anymore. And even if I somehow managed to, eventually the bishop would find out because young children talk and I don’t want them to have a poor church experience just because they have two nonbinary mommies and like three daddies