#journaling.

30 Days of Dnd, taken from this ask game. Roll a percentile and answer the question. I'll be using my Teifling Necromancer Mimi

Heya! Yesterday was a pretty okay day! Truth be told, not a ton happened? It was a relatively mundane day with not a bunch to talk about from it. I went to work as usual, the only thing different about it was that I wasn't allowed to use the parking spot I usually do because of construction :T the zoo has been under construction since I was a kid and tbh I don't really understand how that's even possible!!! They've been working on stuff for the entire time I've been there, but simultaneous to the constant work is a lack of anything actually progressing. They were supposed to finish this bear exhibit they started working on in 2021 a full year ago, but it won't be ready to open until next year. How in the heck is that even possible. Also :( I miss seeing bears. We don't have any now </3 I miss them. Anyways! Work was pretty easy yesterday. The zoo was basically dead. I spent a long time working on my journal from yesterday, which I'm weirdly proud of? The reality is that getting my thoughts out in this format has been highly therapeutic for me. Additionally, it's been the bulk of my daily writing ever since the start of the fall semester. I'm thinking that maybe daily journaling can slowly help me reinvigorate my interest in writing - especially when I use more poetic language, insert images, and take my time with them. Today I'm not really taking my time with this entry though, yesterday was an almost nothing day.

Yesterday after work I crammed down some leftover pasta because I didn't eat anything alllllll day, then got dressed and head to the gym! I didn't work nearly as hard yesterday as I had the day before, kinda ending things after my run. I did set another personal best and hope I'll continue to do so!

As I was finishing my workouts my friend Sammy called me! We talked while I walked home, but tbh after an hour or so I was wayyyy too exhausted to keep going so I ended up leaving my night pretty much at that ToT I was NOT very productive at home and I felt very boring alskjdfasdf

As always, below the image is me yappin about love n' stuff

Days like yesterday with them are what I want while we continue to figure out what we're gonna be in the future. We talked a lot, didn't have any awkward moments and.. I continued with my effort to treat them better. There was a moment where I had to check myself. I sent them some messages before they woke up in the morning and they said they'd check them out eventually, and they never got around to it! A part of me wanted to be like "heya! remember to look at the stuff I sent :3" or at least ask about it... but that's one of the ways that I think I failed as a partner in the first place is harassing them to respond to every single little thing I ever said to them. So I just took a beat, reminded myself that it's okay if they don't have something to say about every little message i've ever said. I know for a fact that I used to annoy them by asking them to respond all of the time, so... growing in that way as a person is really important to me as I continue to become someone who could be the best partner possible for them. But I'm enjoying this casual part of our relationship. I think that.. if I ask them out someday and they say yes, I want our days to look much more like this than like they did before. I wanna continue to be a relaxed, light hearted, patient person who they talk to because they want to not because they know if they don't I'll be sad

I continued to get more stuff done getting ready for their present, too :) I'm very excited to send it to them ugh. I hope that they think it's as special getting something from me as I think it is giving them something. I'm writing them a letter and .. it's probably the most effort I've ever put into something like this ever. I hope it's not all too much for them but .. I wanna give them a taste of the partner I never really got to be, I wanna show them that .. even when I was at my best with them it was only a part of who I could be as their other half.

I love them bunches. I really miss their face today. I think I'll ask them for selfies if they're okay with it, and if not then that's okay too I think. I gotta be okay with them not wanting to do stuff.

Anywayz I'm gonna add a little final thought after this fog :)

They asked me a while ago if I'd be okay if they moved on,

I told them no

I wouldn't be okay ! Because I love them a lot, and I wanna give us another go. I would be more hurt if they moved on without us trying one more time. I think a lot about what they said afterwards. They'd be scared to try again because... They don't want to hurt me again. I wish they wouldn't be so protective of me! They said they'd only try if they were incredibly serious about it but... Sometimes, I think it's better to take risks. I'm okay risking getting hurt again for a chance to be a better partner. I feel like .. we've both learned enough during this breakup, that we wouldn't let ourselves get to that point again without genuinely talking about what's going wrong first. I think about their statement a lot. I want you to risk hurting me, honestly, because there's no relationship that's not a risk of pain. If they take a risk, I wanna take it with them.

Fears are bolded, discomforts are italicized.

Things that the world’s most suicidal immortal and co find strangely comforting conceptually are struck through because each of these men is a psychological mess. Feel free to ask for a disambiguation.

BANNER

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. meat. bones. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. inadequacy. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.

HULK

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. meat. bones. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. inadequacy. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.

FIXIT

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. meat. bones. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. vulnerability. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. inadequacy. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.

tagged by: @murder-popsicle