#journal entry?

This week's @galladrabbles is based on the poem prompt by @ardent-fox:

In this space right here that we have made for each other, you can say anything and I will not abandon you. Unwrap the worst things you have done. Watch me hold them up to the light and not even flinch. — Trista Mateer

_________________________

Finally, we have time. What we don’t have is space. Just four cement walls measuring six by eight.

At first I sleep better than I have in years, but now long after you’ve drifted off the guilt eats at me. I listen to your steady breaths and watch the walls closing in.

You’re trapped in here with all the worst things I’ve ever done, unable to abandon me now, even if you wanted to.

I don’t mean his body, cause he is very fit and I find that understandable, but when I really think about it, if I didn’t knew he was and never saw him before, would I think he’s that attractive? A little better than average, yeah.

And then I thought myself, Yuzu has this face that just doesn’t look anyone else and it is very well-proportioned. He’s not celebrity beautiful, but he is very attractive when you compare him to a very average, non-athletic, and normal dude. I remember reading in psychology class, that most people actually find symmetrical faces to be more attractive and find the average face to be the most attractive more than the glamorous types (which can be view as more unique than the norm?) Think of it this way, the average face as legit the average, as in assembling all the faces and morphing it into an “average” of the faces. I feel like Yuzu would be one of the outcomes…. 

And that’s just the thing.

Also, he’s absolutely photogenic.  And that really doesn’t help us when the ice practically enhances anyone’s looks (that wicked lighting) and it works 4 times better for these figure skaters who were already better than average looking.

I wonder if I made any sense….

Basically, Yuzu is attractive because he isn’t glamorous, average enough for the common person to not be stunned to death, symmetrical with great proportions (PRACTICALLY A HEAVENLY COLLECTION OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FEATURES ON ONE FACE), but is unique enough to be remembered and not look like another person.

Leo got his head cut open. Just a few layers of skin on the back left, had to get the surrounding hair shaved though. - Terrance Ferrale

Why I Even Started Writing in The First Place: A Mini Essay Exactly No One Asked For

By Me

I started writing early, and I mean EARLY: 9 years old, I was scribbling comics on scrap paper (I can't draw for shit, fyi). By 11 I'd upgraded to... ripping off movies.

My first "work" was an entire notebook of a fanfic/sequel/riff/thing set in the mansion from the Haunted Mansion (2003). What was it about? Well, name something stupid and it was probably in it. The writing itself had potential, but my lack of a single original idea sort of curtailed the whole thing.

By 12 I was writing whole rip off epics based on horror movies: The Ventriloquist (Dead Silence but stupider), Heaventon High (Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II if it was less gory and written by a 12 year old). You get it.

I mostly drifted in and out of this for awhile, telling people I was a "writer" while mostly just cramming my made up characters into premade things from videogames and movies. (A KH fanfic took up three whole ass notebooks, if you can believe it).

I didn't have access to the internet until I was 16, but when I finally got online, it opened up my creativity... somewhat for the worst. Some horrific NSFW fanfics might still be floating around online, but mercifully most have been deleted into datascape hell where they belong.

Tumblr introduced me to a small roleplay community, and I made a friend (no details here) who would roleplay with me a lot. We started with movies (ROTG and HTTYD, because it was 2014 and we were tumblr girlies TM) but it graduated to making original characters with complex backstories and carry overs.

I created a lot of good oc's with those rp's, and they created some characters I still love (even though they've since stopped rping and do their own things elsewhere). I also created some putrid shit and paper thin oc's with no features, but that happens.

Things happened as they do: I just started. Stories from artwork, stories from prompts. I kept at it, doing short pieces for friends, and family. At some point (probably 2018 or so) elements I use constantly now started creeping in, and my writing started to take a bit of shape. Eventually I dabbled in world building with Bal Moral, a sprawling universe based in Grimm fairy tales and Greek mythos that didn't get anywhere important.

Now I'm here, sharing my nonsense on tumblr and banging away at a novella I've got no plans to abandon, even if life's usual bullshit has made the time working on it stretch to three years.

Um hi first post? I don't really know what to post here so ya know. don't know if i'll actually make this a daily thing but oh well we'll see. I like the thought of having like a mini journal. i guess come with me on my adventure we call life,,? first and foremost please ignore all writing errors or whatever, ill try my best to proofread but whatever. anyway, in a day or so i have an appointment with an ear doctor,,, audiologist? idk what they're called (sorry guys) i'm a little nervous? but i mean ive had to go for a while because i have a constant ringing in my ears and sometimes it feels like i have cotton in my ears and cant hear anything at all. i know it prob like tinnitus or something but you never know, its kinda scary. anyway i think that's all for today. uuuhh happy sunday!

What’s your favourite colour?

Do you like music?

Are you lonely? Are you the only one of your kind? Doesn’t that get lonely?

I’m gonna have a cig, do you want one? I have a light, too.

Do you have a favourite dinosaur? Mine is the Therizinosaurus if we’re talking carnivores, and the Argentinosaurus if we’re talking herbivores.

Thoughts on the whole ‘God’s name in vein’ thing? Like, does that actually piss you off, or is that something the Church made up?

Man, trying to paint them together with matching lighting and everything is kicking my butt. It's a good challenge though. I hope to put my fanart to shame in favor of original content (not that I'll never do fanart again).

I'm planning on a book series, but it would be fun to make a graphic novel too, and even an animated series eventually.

Anyway, enough rambling, signing off.