#jonh wick

Seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth time you didn’t even bother to look at the phone. You knew that even with all your skills and all your tricks and all your training you won’t be able to fool Dean this time. I’m on my way you typed shortly. You order a cab driver to take you to Skyfall club and you let yourself relax for a moment.

To your surprise you were not over-analyzing the last few hours like you tend to do. You were just sitting there in the back seat of the New York cab, calm, numb even. Streets were passing by, city lights were putting you in some kind of trance and all you could do is to trace with your eyes small raindrops running on the windows of the cab.

I can neither confirm nor deny detail of this operation without the Secretary approval the sentence was echoing loudly in your head, sentence which you were sure you will never hear again. God knows how many times you said it yourself and it surprised you how oddly natural was to say it again. The felling of the words on your lips was like a taste of candy from your childhood, sweet and sour, comforting and upsetting at the same time. Like some part of you was longing to that time of your past. You closed your eyes and you could feel another flashback coming your way. You could see Ethan’s hazel eyes and you could smell Code in the air like he was standing right in front of you. You gathered all your will to block it, you couldn’t bare another vision at the moment, there was no need for another visit in the past now when all you needed was to stay cool and composed. You were tired of these glimpses of memories, of Vienna, of London, of a motorcycle ride, of the feeling of blood on your hands, of a taste of the bourbon on your lips. You remembered all of it way too well, you didn’t need to feel it, to smell, to taste, to see it like you were there. Because that is what it always was. Every vision, every glimpse of a memory was like a short visit in a past accompanied by all the feelings, all the smells, all the emotions that you felt at that moment. You couldn’t allow yourself to be thrown off balance now when you were so close to your destination.

“Miss Y/L/N we’re here.” You heard like from far away. You thanked a driver, you got out of the cab, and you head back straight to the alley behind the building not even noticing that driver new your last name. You had a role to play in the scene which was coming next. Even if you knew that there was no hunting and there was no case only a bodies that most likely he left behind you had to be convincing. Now, you had to be a hunter.

***

“Where have you been!!?” Dean run up to you, anger and wariness mixed in his eyes “You forgot how to use your phone?!” he gave you a questioning look.

“I’m sorry Dean, I meet a friend which I haven’t seen for ages!” that was only a half-lie “you know us girls, we started talking about old times, I completely lost track of time.”  

“And a sense of reality apparently. I called you like ten times!” anger was spiking in his green eyes, he wasn’t buying it.  

“I know I know hun,” you decreased distance between him and you and placed both hands on his chest “don’t be mad on me” you smiled charmingly “c’mon…there is no point of arguing over such a silly things” you smiled again and kissed him slowly letting the pressure come off from his muscles to his hands and lips. He didn’t need any more encouragement, he placed one hand on your back and another on your cheek and returned the kiss prolonging it a bit.

“I was just worried about you” he said with his lips still on yours.

“I know” you whispered through the kiss. After all these years he was still making you week in your knees. “We should go inside and caught up with Sam” your lips were moving over his.

“Mhmm…you’re absolutely right” he said without breaking a kiss which with every second was becoming more and more passionate.

“Dean..”

“I know I know”  

“Dean, stop!” you finally broke the kiss and laughed brightly “we got work to do remember?” you grabbed his hand and started dragging him into the building.

“Well I know better ways of spending a rainy night in New York city” he smirked.

“I can imagine” you smiled fondly on bare thought of some alone time with Dean “But sorry hun, work first, pleasures later” you said and open back door which was already cracked by Sam.  

***

The inside of the club felt strange all quiet and dark with only you three inside. Place which was usually crowded with people and pulsing with lights and music felt oddly hunted. You spotted Sam in the corner of the main room swiping place with EMF meter right where he left his glass just a few hours ago. You felt the wave of tension coming in and the fact that you were surrounded by shadows and dark corners didn’t help to ease it. “Are you there? Are you watching me?” you started looking around, scouting shadows around you.

“There is nothing there” you heard Sam’s voice “I’ve checked that part already. What took you so long?”  

“Apparently Y/N decided suddenly to be a typical woman and she lost track of time while catching up with an old friend” Dean replied with sarcasm.  

“You guys, I know that maybe sometimes it does not look like it, but I still am a woman and sometimes I need a girlfriend to gossip with” you snapped back.  

“Gossip you say…?” Dean was on the opposite side of the room, but you could hear sass in his voice “about what?”

“You of course! What else?! Women only talk about boys, clothes and makeup isn’t that right?”

“There is nothing here!” Sam interrupted with frustration ignoring your exchange like he always did “Absolutely nothing!”  

“We should check again, maybe we’re missing something” you proposed.

“Honestly, I don’t see a point. While you two were making out outside I swiped place twice already. You know what I’ve found? Jack. There is absolutely nothing here, except small emf spikes caused by power lines. There is nothing in the newspapers, nothing in the history of the area and building was build six months ago. I don’t know you guys, it seems to me that maybe we were wrong” he seemed disappointed.  

“What about the witness?” Dean reached behind the counter and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and three glasses “this is our last lead which we didn’t check” he poured three drinks and handed them over to you and Sam.

“Seriously Dean?” Sam gave his brother a judging look and refused a glass.

“What?! It’s not like someone will notice!”  

“The girl who supposedly saw everything is our last lead” Sam continued “But I’m starting to think that maybe we just wanted to see a case where there was none, to begin with”

“Everything is pointing to the fact that indeed nothing had happened here” you took a sip of an amber liquid hoping to ease a tension rising inside of you. You couldn’t see anything suspicious but the feeling of cold spikes on your back was enough to make you feel nervous. Shadow had eyes and they were tracking your every move, every gesture, every word. Shadow was closing around you and you could feel his presence near. “Let’s check office upstairs” you suggested forcing yourself to stay in character.  

“I already did that” Sam replied “Like I said, it took you a long time to get here” he added seeing your surprised face “but feel free to give it another look”  

You downed the last sip of whiskey and run upstairs. In any other situation you would feel bad about the fact that Sam did most of the work just because you decided to fool around with Dean. In any other situation it most likely wouldn’t happen but you needed to take Dean’s mind of the fact that you’ve been gone all day. You needed to distract him. In any other situation if that would happen you would apologize to Sam but, it wasn’t any other situation. With a cold bump in your stomach, tighten throat and blood pulsing in your temples you closed the office door behind you. You had no intention of checking for any clues you just needed to be alone for a moment. Dark office room felt comforting, at that moment it was exactly what you needed. “He’s here…” you were almost sure. However, there was still doubt in you. For what is worth you made an agreement a long time ago and at that time it seemed the best decision you could take. You suppressed another wave of flashbacks “If he is really here what is he waiting for? Maybe I’m just imagining things. Why would he be here? That does not make any sense” you took two deep breaths trying to convince yourself and calm down a bit. You were walking on thin ice. You knew very well that you can fool Dean only for a short period of time. He knows you too well, he will figure out that something is wrong.

“Anything?” office door rapidly opened and you saw Dean who looked like he already had at least three drinks “well well, this is the cozy spot” he smiled adorably and looked at you with a shiny eyes “so where were we?” he smirked and pulled you closer to him.  

“We should go” cold spikes on your back returned but you kept flirty smile “we don’t want to make Sammy angrier than he already is” you kissed him shortly to his disappointment, grabbed his hand and let him down to the main room.  

You did one last swipe through the place, hid the glasses that you used and made sure that everything is in order before you secured the door behind you.  

“You guys go ahead bring car, I’ll wait” you said stopping in mid-walk.  

“It’s a middle of the night and it’s freezing” Dean looked at you suspiciously.  

“I want to grab a smoke. Or maybe suddenly you don’t mind me smoking in the car” you smirked.  

The only reply you got was Dean frowned faced as he ordered you to wait. You ignored it completely, a long time ago you decided to stop giving a crap and you made the decision that you going to stop smoking if he stops drinking. You both knew it will never going to happen so all you could do was to frown at each other and move on.  

You lid up a cigarette and took deep long inhale realizing how desperately you needed it over the last few hours. Bad dreams were nothing comparing to constant flashbacks and ghosts of your past materializing in front of you. “Ethan…” the last person you thought you will ever see again. You had to be honest with yourself, the way you parted ways the last time you’ve worked together assured you that if you ever cross paths with him again it won’t end well for you. Back then you had your reason which definitely justified your actions, at least in your mind. Of course, there was no way that he knew them, you made sure of that, which begged a question: was he your friend, or enemy? He surely didn’t act like an enemy.   You took another deep draw of your cigarette and hang in your thoughts for a moment on those hazel eyes and snarky smile, there was something dangerously frantic about them. You knew it won’t be long before Ethan will reappear again which meant that next move had to be yours. Because knowing him everything could happen. For all is worth you might even receive a mysterious, self-destructing message in a day or two and that would be very inconvenient.  

You watched Sam and Dean’s silhouette disappear around a corner, and you smiled lightly proud that you managed to play a part perfectly and that they are not suspecting anything. At least you were hoping to. It was important right now, to keep everything hidden from them. It was important to get them away from New York as soon as possible, away from you. You knew deep down that even if now everything was relatively calm the storm was coming and when it comes you definitely don’t want them around. That was the best option, for their own good, for their own safety. Because how could you explain to them all off it? How could you look into Dean’s eyes and tell him that yes, you lied to him for years? What’s more, they were important, they still had a job to do, people to save, and storm like any other force of nature, it can be unpredictable, you never know who might get lost or hurt or killed by deadly lighting.

You lid up the second cigarette, thick smoke was soothing your nerves relaxing your muscles with every inhale you were feeling calmer, spikes you felt couple minutes ago all but disappeared and you started doubting again if what you felt was real or maybe you were becoming paranoid. You looked around you, hoping that some movement in the shadow will clear the doubts but everything was quiet, still. “Calm before the storm” you thought to yourself with a small pinch in the heart.

That feeling you had in there, like someone was constantly tracking your movement, like someone’s eyes were pinpointed on you, that constant cold touch on your back, like he was there watching you from the shadows. “Where are you?”

Your eyes widened suddenly, and all your muscles tensed up again. Cold spikes return to your back and they were more intense than before. It felt like the blood in your veins froze up and your heart slowed down and skipped a bit or two. You wanted to turn around, but you didn’t have to, he was here…Sauvage … it was everywhere. More intense than ever before. It was enfolding all around you closing you in, seducing, intoxicating, luring. You closed your eyes, your hand frozen in the mid-way to your lips. Coldness got stronger and you knew that Shadow behind you was no longer a shadow, it had a face, deep-dark brown eyes, black hair and a name….

“John….” You whispered with your eyes still closed. You felt a feather-like touch on your arm almost undetectable over the clothes. Shivers went through your whole body and you leaned back just a little bit just to feel his chest beneath your shoulder. “John…. I knew you were here,” you said with a barely audible voice.  

“You are in danger….” You heard his voice right next to your ear, deep, dark, thrilling making your heart stop for a moment. He moved your hair away from your neck and gently glossed over your bare skin which made your body shiver once more. “Ditch the tail. I’ll see you at Continental.”  

“John….” You whispered again leaning closer.

“You shouldn’t come back….”

***  

Calming waves were hitting the side of the boat when you took the one last look on the sun on the horizon. You couldn’t recall the last time when you felt so good, so peaceful, like all the problems and all the sorrows disappear completely. You wrapped shawl tighter and let the warm breeze gently touch your face and mess with your hair. You closed your eyes, relaxed you smiled at the felling of arms wrapping around you. You leaned back a bit and placed your head underneath his chin. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t have to, he only pulled you closer to him and smiled to himself. It felt good. You stood there together you with your eyes closed synchronizing your breath with his, he with a gentle look in his eyes and this feeling inside of him, like he was holding the world in his arm.

“You know what John?” you whispered with your eyes still closed.

“Hmm?”

“Sometimes life is good”

“Yes, it is” he said and with a soft kiss on your lips made sure that you will never forget that day.

***

“Can’t sleep?” Sam asked placing himself right next to you on the bench. You were sitting outside of the hotel, with steaming coffee cup in one hand and cigarette in the other. His question yanked you brutally from your memories. And reality wasn’t that pleasant especially cold morning sun which was hurting your eyes.  

“What, the smell of my cigarette is so strong that it got to your room and woke you?” you attempted a sarcasm.  

“I was planning to go jogging before you two wake up but seem that my plans had changed” he smiled lightly.

“Sammy, I don’t want to stand in between you and a healthy lifestyle! At least one of us needs to lead with an example.”

“What’s up with you lately?” he asked ignoring your sarcasm. Ignoring bullshit and pursuing as he planned it seemed like he mastered that skill to perfection.

“What do you mean?” you attempted the innocent smile, but you knew it was a poor attempt of mind games from your side, you were too tired.  

“Ever since we arrived in New York you seem to be on edge, all the time. And if you aren’t on edge you zone out. Apparently, you can’t sleep to” he pointed at you with his opened hand “and you smoking like a chimney.”  

Your only response was a snarky smile and rolled eyes which you used for covering the irritation raising inside you. You were so focused on Dean, on making sure that he won’t suspect anything that you almost forgot that Sam was observing everything from a distance, and he wasn’t so easy to fool. Especially since you could not use the power of flirt and charm on him.  

“Don’t give me that look, you know I know this look. And I know this state,” he continued “I’ve seen it way too many times on Dean. Same snarky smile, rolled eyes and cool pose. The only difference is that you’re not reaching for a beer at 7am. Something is eating you up” he stated with confidence.  

“I’m alright, really,” you interrupted his little tirade “you have nothing to worry about”

“Mhm…. I’ve seen this face before. Remember when we first met? You gave me exactly the same look when I’ve asked you if someone was chasing you. Exactly the same.”  

“Sam, I appreciate you caring and all but really you have nothing to worry about. It’s just this city, it brings back memories. That’s all” you tried your best to sound convincing but with a corner of your eyes you could see clearly that he wasn’t buying it.  

“You never told us anything about New York” he pointed out.

“There is nothing to talk about. It was a long time ago. In a different life.”  

“Yet you still have friend here” his words rose a red flag in your head “I’m sorry for saying this but I ain’t buyin’ your little story about you spending your whole day with an old friend” you looked at him sharply perfectly aware of an angry look in your eyes “Dean maybe does, or he chooses to, but I don’t. So maybe you would like to tell me what is going on? And before you start with another ‘I don’t know what you mean’ believe me when I say it I know, I get it. Sometimes you just don’t feel like telling him something and I get it. God knows how many times I made some decisions and I decided not to tell him, or I did something behind his back. Because at that moment, in that situation that seemed to be the best decision that I could have made. And you know what? Every time it turned out to be a huge mistake. And I’m pretty sure if he would be here now, he would tell you exactly the same thing, because he also been there, he also went behind my back and consequences of these decisions were let’s say, pretty bad. So, whatever you doing I’m sure you have good reasons, but maybe if you don’t want to tell him, you could tell me.”  

Uncomfortable silence fell between you two. You knew that there was truth in his words, and wisdom earned from experience, but you couldn’t tell him. You didn’t want to tell him. Even if you wanted to, what would you say? “Well within the last 72 hours I met my ex colleague/co-worker/it’s complicated government secret agent/spy and my ex-fiancé hitman/assassin and I have a bad feeling that some insanely bad shit is about to go down. So I’m kinda fucked and I don’t want to drag you two down with me because I love you, you my family and I wouldn’t forgive myself If anything would happen to you.” yeah, that doesn’t sound right. You took a quick puff of your cigarette reminding yourself quickly that the next move must be yours.  

“Let’s pack our bags and leave” you said strongly “There is no case here anyway. Let’s go to Roadhouse. It will be good for all of us. We haven’t seen Ellen, Jo and Ash for such a long time”

“You want us to drop the case?” Sam looked at you suspiciously.

“Sam, there is no case” you looked him in the eyes trying to suggest him without saying that you know what you talking about “We’re here for four days and what did we found out? Nothing, zero, zilch, nada! We can get ready before Dean wakes up, and hit the road right after breakfast”  

“First you were so eager to take this case and now you suddenly want to leave? Y/N what is going on?! Tell me!”

“Sam…” you sat down next to him “I need you to trust me. Can you do this?” that sounded more like a desperate plea than a question “I know I’m not making a lot of sense, but I need you to trust me.”  

***

“I’ll pack the car and you wake up the sleeping beauty” he replied, “We’re leaving in an hour”.    

***

Next day

You arrived at Roadhouse in the late evening of the next day. Somehow you managed to convince Dean that there is no point in staying in New York for any longer and that indeed there was no case. True, you helped yourself with a small lie about possible vamp nest near Tulsa but after some further reflection you came to the conclusion that it was not needed. The idea of visiting the Roadhouse was convincing enough.

Upon arrival Ellen and Jo greeted you with smiley faces, warm hugs and cold beer. It’s been a while since the last time you visited them, you didn’t even realize how much you missed each other. It took you only a few minutes to start talking about interesting hunts, types of monsters you encountered, in which moments lore had failed you and how you solved it, or how many times the monster turned out to be a psycho without a leash. You were laughing, smiling, drinking cold beer, the jukebox was playing Here I go again by Whitesnake, it was a good time.  

“So vamps in Tulsa, tell us more” Dean suddenly jumped on the subject after finishing another beer “We’re coming back from a Rotten Apple without ghost trophy so we gonna take anything. I’m sure Y/N will not say no to some good old decapitation” he smirked to you. You smiled back but with a corner of your eyes you noticed Ellen’s face dangerously shifting from happy to furious.  

“Ash will fill you in with detail” she said shortly “Y/N come help me on the back, I have a barrel of great beer stored for special occasions.  

“Woah, Ellen I can do it” Dean stood up ready to help.

“You my guest at my bar so behave like one.” She scolded him. There was some power in her presence, power of authority, the kind of you are not arguing with “Y/N come, I need to talk to you.”  

You wanted to run, you wanted to run like hell. She reminded you of your mother, and by looking at age difference she could be your mother. You knew very well what was coming up next and you were not ready for this. Suddenly you felt like a teenager again, anxious, ready to rebel, ready to fight with your mom even if you knew that she was right. She closed the door to the basement behind you and turned to you with her arms folded on her chest and furious look in her eyes.

“Ellen…listen…” you stared but she was not up to listening to your explanation.  

“No, you listen and listen to me well!” she interrupted “I don’t know what you got yourself into and frankly I don’t want to know! No, don’t tell me anything! I don’t want to have visitors in black suits at my doorstep tomorrow. You do you, I know I cannot stop you anyway. You are a grown woman and a skilled one too. But dragging those boys with you into this mess! No, that won’t happen! How could you even! First you lying to them for years and asking me to cover for you and now this!? I’ve got up to here of these secrets and I curse the day when Ash found out about your ‘other activities’. You were assuring me that this is a past, long gone. You were looking me straight into eyes and assuring me, saying that I can trust you. And now what?! Now you want to drag Sam and Dean with you into all of this?!! Now you…”

“No, Ellen stop!!” you interrupted. As much as you understood her anger and where was it coming from you were not a sheepish type and standing and listening wrongful slam was not your style “I’m not dragging them with me!!” she looked at you surprised “This is why I persuade them to come here in a first place!”  

“This better be good”  

“I need to come back, I need to disappear…” you started but upon seeing Ellen disapproval you decided to stop playing nice “You don’t get it so don’t you dare give me that look!! What Ash found is just the tip of the iceberg. Just a small small tip. And I don’t have any intention of explaining you everything else. Not because I don’t trust you, because I do, but because you’re my family and I don’t want to put you, Jo or anyone else in danger. I know you are skilled hunters, damn one of the best in the world but it does not change anything. This is simply above your paygrade. Yours, Jo’s, or Sam’s and Dean’s combined together. And it’s not because they are not skilled enough, or they are not good enough no it’s not that. You, them, you are hunters! You hunt monsters! You are not killers.”  

“And you are?” she interrupted.  

“My point is…” you continued ignoring her question in Sam’s style “I’m not dragging them with me. I’m asking you to delay them after my disappearance. And keep my secret to yourself. I know they will go after me. Or at least Dean will, there is no doubt in that. But I can disappear and even with his skills he will have a hard time picking up my trail. So am asking you, to delay him as long as possible and to never ever under any circumstances show him this file that Ash has on me. For his own good, for his own safety”  

“What about you?” there was a care in her eyes, wariness which made your heart melt a little bit.

“I’ll be fine. I don’t have the same principals as they do. I know how to take care of myself” you replied with a cold voice. “I need to borrow your car. It will be returned to you, don’t ask how and by whom”  

“You are leaving now?”

“Yes. I’m on the clock here, time is running out and sooner I will be away from y’all than better”  

Out of nowhere she reached out to you and pulled you in the strong hug. You could feel that she was shaking a bit, like a mom who didn’t want to let her child go. She held you for a couple of moments until you pulled yourself away.  

“Ellen, I need to go”  

“I hope is not a goodbye”  

“I don’t know” you replied shortly “I don’t know….”  

***

You took one last look at the flickering lights of the Roadhouse. You could hear the Deans laugh, you could see Sam silhouette leaning over the bar and talking to Jo, you could hear Hot Blooded by Foreigner in the speakers, they all had a wonderful time.  

In a couple of minutes Ellen will join them and she will destroy this party by selling them some lie about your disappearance. Dean will get pissed in a matter of seconds, Sam will get worried but he will do his best to stay calm. They will start asking questions, they will try to call you. But your phone will be dead. How long it will take them to realize that you are nowhere to be found? An hour? Maybe two? It doesn’t matter. By that time you will be long gone.  

You turned on an engine of old Dodge pickup and you turned around one more time. “If you only knew how much I love you D. “ you felt a pinch in your heart while a single tear fell down your cheek. You heisted for a short moment but just when you were about to turn off an engine deep, dark voice sounded in your head You are in danger…

You took a deep breath, threw in a gear and disappeared into the night.