#jongming

Jongho: Silly. And speaking of silly, Hongjoong has said that some people expect him to be a pretty little doll for them to treat how they want. Couldn’t be further from the truth. He’ll sub once you’ve earned his trust, but if you don’t take his preferences and his pleasure into account, he will ask you to leave. As he damn well should. 

Yeosang: Yeah! Get outta here. 

Jongho: [Laughs again] That’s the spirit! Ah, another thing I want to bring up is that once you’ve gotten to know someone and what they’re like during scenes, you might come to expect that to be a stable thing that is the same all the time. And I think it’s important not to. People change and their needs fluctuate and develop, they have different moods on different days. Some days they might want certain things, and others not. It’s important not to assume that your partner will always want to play the same way. It’s really just about asking them what they’re in the mood for, and then it’s their job to be honest with you. And your job in return not to make them feel bad for their boundaries. 

Yeosang: I think we’re all good at that. In recent memory I haven’t felt like I had to do anything in order to make someone else happy. If anything, they others are hard at work trying to pry my wants out of me - and then they eagerly accommodate them. 

In the beginning of the relationship, it was a bit rockier, though, I think? I can remember a few times where Wooyoung was a little demanding with me. He assumed that I’d always be down to fuck him, and sometimes I just wasn’t. Nothing to do with him, I’m just not always in the mood, and not always in the mood to top specifically. 

We’ve talked about this now, obviously, because I did try to go with the flow at first, and it felt bad. He was really upset with himself once I told him how I had felt. He had no idea, because, well… I had tried to hide it. I wanted him to feel desired and sexy, and I didn’t want to reject him. I know now that I should never put someone else’s needs before my own in this way. If he wants to feel desired and I’m not in the mood, there are six other people that can help him out. There’s no reason it has to be me if I’m not feeling it. Dating doesn’t mean being available to each other 24/7, and everyone is allowed to have all the downtime from kink and sex that they want. 

Jongho: That’s right. The two of you have grown together a lot. He’s become more aware of how he approaches people and asks them for things, and you’ve become better at saying it when you don’t like or want something. Mingi, have you had any experiences like this in the group? 

Mingi: I’m trying to think… 

Yeosang: Don’t strain yourself.

Mingi: Hey! [Laughs] Mean. But uh, I think I’m pretty flexible! If my partner likes something, I probably do too. Unless it’s like, me being a dom. Didn’t have that figured out all the way when I got together with Yunho, and since he’s a switch, obviously we tried some scenes with me in the dominant role. He enjoyed it, and I did like to see him like that, but I didn’t like… Well, being a dom. Didn’t like the responsibility or the way I felt like I had to act. It just didn’t really suit me, or feel natural. 

He caught on pretty quick, quicker than I did - at least consciously. I don’t know what gave it away, but he knows me really well, so I guess he could just tell. We were cuddling in the afterglow of me being all cool and dom-like, he turned to look at me and said that we didn’t have to do it this way. With me being the dominant. I was about to reassure him, but a weird lump had formed in my throat and I couldn’t. Odd, that. Spent a good while crying into his chest and apologizing, he apologized a bunch too, and the next day we talked it out. 

It’s like I hadn’t really considered that I didn’t have to dom? But he assured me that I never had to do anything, ever. And after that, it seemed obvious. It was just like… Oh, right. Preferences are fine to have, actually. 

Jongho: They are, they’re more than fine. They’re something everyone has, and something that should be respected without exception. 

For me personally, this has honestly not been a huge problem. People have assumed wrong, sure, but I’m sort of incapable of doing kink related things if my heart isn’t in it. It has been difficult to say how I felt sometimes, especially if my partner made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to be honest about my feelings-- 

Yeosang: [Face buried in Jongho’s neck, cuddled up against him comfortably] I’m going to flick that jackass in the forehead a thousand times. 

Jongho: Be my guest, but I don’t know where he lives anymore. But yeah, almost from the beginning of my BDSM explorations, I’ve alway found that if I tried to hide something, I would not be able to think about anything else. I have to be honest about these things, or I won’t be able to relax until I get it out. 

Yeosang: Good! You should always say it. 

Jongho: [Petting Yeosang] I promise I will, baby. 

Mingi: …Should I leave?