#joinedattheheart

20 Dec 2019

Well Rod, while touring Budapest yesterday, you were with me and made sure I saw the billboard for Messiah at the Saint Stephens Basilica. Tonight we went. It was absolutely sublime. I was smiling and on the verge of tears of joy all night. What a gift. Thank you Rodney. Music will also be a gift we shared, we were joined at the heart, with music of the heart. I will always love you Rod. Always. Love of my life. Always. You’re still my everything.

Thank you Father God for the inspiration of music for Messiah. Thank you! Such a comforting soothing presence for my soul.

29 November 2018

Well Rod, it’s the 2 month anniversary of your “go to heaven day”. That’s what I’m calling the anniversary of your death...I want to stay on the positive side rather than the negative.

I’m getting better Rodney. I can feel it. Ever since “our reunion dream”, I’ve been better. It was and is so comforting to know you are with me.

Tomorrow, I will drive to Hickory Knob and go to our “AA convention” and on Saturday, I’ll host the Rodney Miller Memorial breakfast. Bittersweet to be with “our friends” without you.

I got the word from Camp Nelson that your marker is now erected on your grave site. I will drive to KY to see the marker and also see Matthew, Chris and the Henderson’s. Then on Sunday, I’ll go to Maysville and sing in the community choir performance of Messiah. It has been so long since I’ve sung it and I believe it will be a joyful way to end a difficult journey. I believe you will be singing right next to me as we make a joyful noise unto the Lord..joined st the heart...still.

Father God,

I thank you for the not so good days so that i can appreciate the good days and remember the reunion dream. Thank you for a positive view of the anniversary of Rod’s last breath on this earth being now named “Rod’s go to heaven day”. Thank you for the music of Messiah and making this available for me to sing and make a joyful noise. Thank you for being approved for short term disability to grieve. I ask for your continued guidance and intuitive thought for the next right thing to do. I ask that you continue to bless my Rodney and send me confirmations for his continued presence in my life.

In Jesus’ name

14 October 2018

The cut flowers of the memorial service have all wilted, a fresh new bouquet was delivered yesterday. What has remained a constant is The orchid on our kitchen counter. It was the first flower I bought to remind me of our trips to the flower market in China. The orchid, when we looked at formed a heart shape and made us both smile. The orchid now is now only 1/2 a heart. So very fitting. My heart is broken yet I am still so grateful for the 35+ years together. I dreamed of you last night Rod. No vision or special effects, just a dream and it makes me smile today. I will survive Rod, some how, some way, I will survive. I love you Rodney, eternally...still.

7 Oct 2018

Yesterday, the 6th of October. A dat which will be forever etched in my memory. As I type this it’s early morning on the 7th, exactly 8 days ago, you took your last breath on this earth. The service was beautiful yesterday. So many wonderful beautiful stories from friends and family. He helped countless alcoholics all over the world. People came from as far away as Oregon, Florida, North Carolina, Georgia, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia, Indiana, and perhaps other states, and of course all over South Carolina. They are all returning home now or later today except for my friend who came all the way from Oregon. I still have to pay the bill and settle his military honors in Kentucky, now set for 26 October at Camp Nelson, so I will go Monday with Becky to manage this. Many flowers adorn our apartment, my apartment. Finally, Monday evening, I’ll be alone again, to start the next phase of my life..

I clasp the heart container in which his ashes rest. I treasure all the memories, hoping they do not fade with time. Hoping that when I one day reread all the writings I’ve done over the years, he will spring to life again in my mind and heart as I hold him so close.

I My dearest Rodney, I love you eternally..still.

Father God, Thank You for the strength You grant to me and our family. Thank You for the gift of memories of a life well lived with my dearest Rodney. Joined at the heart eternally...still.