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When John came into the NICU he almost, literally, ran into Mary who was stepping out. He reached out with one hand, the other holding a sleeping Dean up to his chest, but stopped when he saw her reddened eyes.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly, hand going to cup her cheek. He immediately glanced at Sammy in the incubator. "Did the doctors-"
"They didn't say anything, I just...couldn't be here anymore. Need a bit of a break." Mary said, wiping at her eyes, not meeting his gaze though she leaned her cheek into his touch. "Mind walking with me to get some coffee?"
"Sure, of course." John said softly, looking at Sammy once more. "You really want to leave him?"
Mary wrapped her arms around herself. "No." she confessed. "But I feel like I'm going to just...start sobbing so I need to get away. But I need you. Just...a minute. Maybe less."
"Alright." he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and after glancing at Sammy one more time led her out into the hallway. "You said something about coffee?"
"Wouldn't mind something stronger." Mary tried to joke, her smile falling just as quickly as it appeared. "But...yeah, coffee."
"Alright, coffee." John agreed as he led her back to the cafeteria. "Any changes?"
Mary shook her head, staring at the ground. "No, no changes." she said quietly. "I don't know how much longer we can take, how much longer Sammy will be able to fight."
John tightened his arm around her, bringing her closer. "Then we'll do whatever we have to do." he said simply. "But until then, we just gotta wait."
Mary nodded, rubbing at her face with her hands. "I just...I'm losing my," she glanced to make sure that Dean was asleep, "goddamn mind."
"Me too." John said simply, thumb rubbing against her arm. "Me too Mary."
They walked the rest of the way in silence, stopping at the cafeteria so that Mary could get something to drink, a weak cup of coffee with sugar and milk. Each sip stuck in her throat and she had to force it down, drinking the whole cup, she threw the empty cup out, and quickly ducked into the closest bathroom.
Thankfully, the bathroom was empty and she immediately ducked into the closest stall, fell to her knees, and vomited into the toilet, gripping it tightly. She coughed and spat out the bile, her greasy hair falling down along her face. Her legs gave out slightly and she leaned against the stall, breathing heavily.
She swallowed hard, trembling as tears pricked her eyes. Gripping at the stall wall she dragged herself up onto shaking legs, stomach clenching and contracting. She didn't have anything left in her stomach, she didn't have anything else to throw up, but she gagged and choked, coughing hard.
She forced herself to stumble out of the stall after flushing everything, managing to get to the sink and place her hands on the sides of the porcelain. She didn't look at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands, leaning down to wash out of her mouth as well. She also washed her face and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Licking her lips, she flinched slightly.
Maybe it was her imagination, but she could still almost taste the sulfur on her lips.
Grabbing a paper towel she dried herself off as best as she could, taking one more deep breath before composing herself as best as she could and stepped back out into the hallway.
John gave her a look of concern when she stepped out, immediately going to her side once more. "You okay?" he asked. "What happened?"
Mary managed a small smile. "I'm fine." she assured him. "The coffee didn't really agree with me."
John didn't look like he agreed with her but he let it go, just wrapping his arm around her again, the three of them slowly making their way back to the NICU.
When they entered the NICU they froze and Mary felt as if her heart was about to stop. There were a whole team of doctors, nurses, god knew who else, surrounding Sammy's incubator. Immediately they pressed up to the window, one hand on the glass as they peered in, trying to read their faces, trying to figure out what was happening.
"Sammy." Mary whispered. "No, no, nonono." Please. Please no.
Slowly, one by one, each personnel pulled away, muttering to one another, none of them looked towards the two of them, none of them would even give them the courtesy of a single hint of information about what was happening to their baby.
Finally, one of the nurses pulled away from the other and smiled reassuringly at them, giving a motion for them to wait for a minute. John and Mary shared a look, her hand snapping out to grip at John's hand tightly. He gripped her back just as tightly, grounding one another.
The nurse who smiled at them disappeared around the corner, coming out of the part where they were keeping Sammy and coming into the hallway, taking her face mask off.
"He's doing amazing." the nurse quickly told them before they could say anything. "All of a sudden, he started breathing on his own, started crying, and moving. He didn't spit up any of the milk you gave us Mary and," her grin widened. "while they don't encourage us to say it, I think he's going to be okay."
Mary leaned against John weakly, a sob that had been building up threatening to escape. "He's doing better?" John asked weakly, holding Mary to him.
"A lot better." the nurse reassured them. "He's still going to stay here for now, and he'll be monitored twenty four hours, but he's taking a very big turn for the better."
"Can we see him? Hold him?"
"Not yet." the nurse said regretfully. "We need to see that he holds steady for at least twenty-four to thirty-six hours before we let anyone else other than medical personnel near him."
Mary looked into the window once more, she was sure that it might be her imagination but Sammy did look...different. Stronger. He was moving, there was more color to his cheeks, and there was no way it was real but she could almost see a hint of stubbornness and annoyance appearing on his face.
He was going to be okay.
Sammy was going to be okay.
She could feel John sag slightly beside her, holding her close in relief. She looked at him and smiled, kissing his cheek when she saw the tears in his eyes.
Feeling eyes on her she turned back to look at the nurse, who was still standing there watching them with a smile. When Mary caught her gaze, her smile widened.
One of the worst things BBC Sherlock could do was have John have an affair, even if it was just emotionally, because that was unlike the loyal John we’d all come to love.
The other thing was to kill Mary to further the plot/character growth of men.
The top of the list was to do those two things in that order.
Pairing : Dean x Reader, Past! Sam x Reader, Sam x Jessica Moore (mentioned), John x Mary (mentioned)
Word count : 3,148
Warnings : If you’re like me, have tissues ready.
This was a commission.
Additional part of A Series of firsts.
Dean was watching the Arrivals screen, looking for Sam’s flight and status. He’s not looking at you, but he hasn’t looked at you much all day. In fact, it’s been a bit over a week that he’s been acting oddly. And to be honest, worry crept in about two days ago.
“Dean?”
“This way. He should be landing any minute.”
Licking your lips, you follow with a sigh. You’re a step or two behind him, searching your mind for what feels like the millionth time, for something, anything to explain the odd distance you can feel between you. He still touches you, still holds you like he always has, but when he looks at you, it’s different. His gaze is quick to shift away, and sometimes he looks elsewhere when he’s talking, or his mind is focused on something else when you talk. Like he’s hiding something, and that scares you.
Because Dean isn’t that guy. He’s never been that guy. He loves with his whole heart and you know that about him, you know that to be true. But he’s also never hidden anything from you, nothing major anyways as far as you know, and whatever this is, it’s obviously big.
“Dean-”
“Here.”
“Dean, please?”
“Sammy will easily see us-”
“Would you just shut up about Sam!?” Dean turns in surprise, and you’re standing in the middle of people rushing past.
“Baby,” Dean moves closer again. “What’s going on?”
Your hands come up only to fall again. “That’s what I’m trying to find out! What I’ve been trying to find out for days.” And there it is again, the shift of his eyes away from yours, as if whatever it is is hidden there and he doesn’t want you to see it. But you can feel your heart breaking. “Is it the baby? Because I didn’t want it? Or.. Because it turned out I wasn’t-”
“No..” Now he’s looking at you like you’re crazy.
“Because that was months ago, Dean, and I thought we moved on.”
“We did.” He gives you a small nod. “We’re good, baby, I promise-”
“Do you regret this? Us?” He looks confused. “The house? Is it not working?”
“Where is this coming from?” He takes a cautious step closer, and you can see that he’s starting to look scared too.
You shake your head, tears burning your eyes. “You’re different, Dean. It’s been a week, and I don’t know why.. Did I do something?”
“No, baby..” He reaches out and steps closer, cupping your face in his hands. “No. You didn’t do anything.”
You feel guilty asking the next question that pops into your head, but you need to know for sure. So you close your eyes, and will out the words. “Is it someone else?”
“No.” He almost chuckles. “There could never be anyone else. It’ll always be you.” You look up at him again, and you can see truth of his love is still there, but you can also see that he’s hiding something. It’s in the worry lines that etch his face. “It’ll always be you, I promise.”
He presses his lips to your forehead, and the second you feel the contact, you ask another question, one that freezes him on the spot. “Then why don’t you look at me anymore?” Silence, and his lips don’t move from their spot. “Whenever my eyes meet yours, you look away. Whenever we talk, you’re not all there.. I know you're hiding something from me, Dean, and I’m getting scared.” You grab hold of his jacket and hold on tight, terrified to let go. “Remember how scared you were thinking you’d lose me to Sam? That’s how I feel, only.. I don’t know what I’m losing you to…”
“You’re not losing me, baby, I promise.” His lips pursed against your forehead once more, another gentle kiss to reassure you.
“Then what the fuck is going on?”
“Can we do this later?”
“No! I want to know now, Dean. Right fucking now.”
He pulls back, and there's a smile on his face. A smile that softens when he sees the track of a tear that had run down your cheek. “You’re not going to like me doing this here.” he says it with a soft chuckle as he wipes away the wet line on your cheek.
“Just tell me… please?”
He nods, glancing down awkwardly at his feet for a minute, and does his best to block out all the people rushing past you both in the airport. “You’ve done nothing wrong, baby. In fact, you do everything right.” You gave him a confused look as he smiled and looked up again. “I love you. With every fibre of my being, I love you. Baby or not, I will always love you.” he’s cupping your face again as he tells you that. “But I want it all with you. White picket fences, 2.5 kids and a fucking dog. The perfect apple pie life, I want that, with you and only you.”
You can’t help but tear up at the words, can’t stop them from running down your cheeks. “Then what changed?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not yet, anyways.” His hands leave your face, and you let go of his jacket reluctantly as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small black velvet box and you gasp. “I bought this almost two weeks ago.” He chuckles. “I saw it, and I knew. I just fucking knew. Been wracking my brain since, trying to figure out how to ask you, it had to be perfect, because that what you are. Perfect.”
Your hands are tucked in your sleeves, and you bring them up to wipe away the tears running freely down your face, taking a swipe at your nose as you sniffle.
“Do I get you alone? Do I do it when everyone's here? Your family and mine, a big fancy diner so everyone can share in the moment? Fuck..” He laughed. “I almost asked you after sex three nights ago.”
You can’t help but chuckle at that. “That would be very Dean like.”
He’s grinning like a fool and nodding. “It was that good.” He teased, loving that smile on your face. “I never did figure out the perfect way to-”
“Ask me now.”
Dean stared at you for a minute then shook his head. “You hate this.” He gestured around. “You once told me if someone ever proposed in a heavily populated public space you'd say no on principle.. that such proposals are just massive pressures to say-”
“Just shut up and ask me, Dean. That's all I need for it to be perfect.”
“Even in an airport?” he gave you a weird look and you smiled and nodded. “Alright, but I want it on record that you asked for this.. If the kids ask-”
“You're off the hook. I promise.”
Dean nodded, then cleared his throat with a furrowed brow before he got down on one knee. “I've known you my whole life, and I spent damn near most of it dreaming of this. Well, minus the airport.” He chuckled and you smiled down at him. “A part of me always loved you. Always. I loved that you’d try and climb into my tree house just to be around me, but I couldn’t tell you that, I was too dumb and young. I loved helping you beat Sam at video games, and as proud as I was when you didn’t need it anymore, my heart broke a little. Because you didn’t need me anymore. And as shit as the party was in the end for you, and I’m forever sorry it was, it’s one of my favourite memories. Not because of what we did.. But because you needed me again, and I got to be there for you again. It was the only way I ever had to show you how I felt, and you finally saw it.” He smiled. “It didn’t last, not that night, but it was enough for me. Because I had a chance, I had hope again. I almost asked you to your prom. I stopped myself, because I didn’t think you’d say yes, not after what Sam did.. I was so scared you hated me after what Sam did, and it killed me seeing you so hurt. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore, and that was the best fucking decision I ever made in my life.”
Dean opened the small velvet box and gave you your first glimpse at the ring he’d chosen for you. “Walking in that diner was the best decision I had ever made.. Asking you out, asking you to be mine, asking you to move in.. Every good decision in my life starts with you. Now I’m making one more. Probably my best one yet.” He smiled. “Let me give you that perfect apple pie life I see for us. Grow old with me, sweetheart, and don’t you dare crack a joke about how I’m already halfway there.”
“Dean..”
“Marry me.”
You were quick to nod, and suddenly there were people around you clapping as Dean pulled the ring out and slipped it over your finger. Once it was in place, you got down with him, wrapping your arms around him tight and holding on. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he chuckled.
“For doubting you. Even for a second. I’m sorry.”
You could feel the smile on his lips as he kissed your neck. “Don’t worry about it, baby. I understand.”
His hand rubbed your back and you relaxed against him, enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in him, wrapped up in his love for as long as you could. But when you looked around, the crowd now dispersing and going on their way, one person was standing there, pain etched on his face. “Sam..”
Dean pulled back from you and turned to look behind him. “Sammy.” Dean grinned as you got up and he followed, getting to his feet.
Sam gave an awkward smile, slight nod to his head as his eyes drifted to your hand and the ring on your finger. “I guess congratulations are in order, huh..”
Dean started towards Sam, who dropped the bag he’d been carrying on his shoulder so he could hug his brother. They pat each other on the back, Dean smiling like a fool, but Sam’s eyes on you. “We’re celebrating this weekend.” Dean beamed as he pulled away. “Drinks on me. Hey, where’s Jess?”
“Oh, uh..” Sam grabbed his bag and slung it back over his shoulder. “Paper due. She’ll be on the next flight, tomorrow night.”
“Alright.” Dean clapped his brother on the back and then joined you. “Drinks at home tonight, and then we party hard when Jess gets in. Sound good, baby?” You nodded and smiled as he laced his fingers with yours. “Let’s get home.”
You were sitting outside nursing the same beer you’d been nursing for the last half hour at least. When you heard the door open, and boot steps coming up behind you, you weren’t at all surprised by who sat down next to you. “So.. Gettin’ married huh?”
“Looks like it, yeah..”
Sam took a swig of his own beer before glancing over at you. “You don’t sound happy..”
“It's complicated..” you muttered, looking down at the bottle in your hands.
“Not really.” Sam shrugged. “My brother asked you to marry him, and you said yes. Sounds pretty simple.”
“It's not.” your nails scratched at the label, peeling back the edges.
“What's wrong, I thought you were happy?” You shrugged, and he nudged your knee with his. “Talk to me. We might not be as close as we use to be, but I still know you, you can still talk to me.”
“I was.. I am, happy.” You corrected and sighed. “I don’t know what to do..”
Sam gave you a confused look. “About what? Dean? Marry him, if that’s what you want..” He was quiet. “Is that what you want?”
“If it wasn’t, would I have said yes?” You shot him a glare.
“Then I don’t see the problem.” he looked ahead again, and lifted his beer up to his mouth. “At least not your problem.” he muttered into the bottle before taking a swig.
“He wants it perfect. All of it, everything. The perfect wedding of my dreams.” You were looking down again.
“He loves you.” Sam shrugged. “I wanted to give you that too… once.” He quickly downed the rest of his bottle, trying desperately to mask the pain.
“That’s the problem.”
“So, what? I’m the problem?” Sam gave you an incredulous look. “I thought we moved past this shit, I’m fucking trying, here. I thought we-”
“No, Sam. It’s not you… well.. Not exactly.” You sighed, and Sam waited for an explanation. “I had a long time to dream up perfect weddings. Everything I could have ever wanted, down to the last detail, different weddings thought up in different times of my life, and each one of them was perfect.”
“Then use one of those..” Sam was confused. “I don’t-”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
You clenched your jaw in annoyance that Sam wasn’t understanding what you were trying to get across without saying the words out loud. “When I was five, I was positive I’d get married here. Right here, in your backyard.” You sighed. “Your dad would barbecue, my dad would argue he wasn’t doing it right.” you chuckled. “Your mom would be the photographer, and your dog would be my ring bearer. And from up in the tree house, petals would rain down on me as I walked towards my husband to be.”
“Dog running the rings isn’t all that odd, but I don’t think I could rain petals down on you. Think I got too big for that tree house a long ass time ago.” he smiled.
But you shook your head. “When I was 13, the perfect wedding was in the woods, the one we always went camping in.” You looked to Sam. “No one there, but us and the animals that lived there..”
“Forest wedding sounds-”
“When I was 15, I wanted a beach wedding.” you smiled looking up at him. “I didn’t care where, or who came, I just wanted to be on a beach in the sun with the love of my life.”
“I don’t..” His brows furrowed. “What's wrong with those? They sound perfect-”
“For you.” Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “They were all how I planned to marry you, you idiot. I spent so much of my life thinking this would be us, and I planned every perfect wedding around you.” you huffed out a laugh and looked up at the sky. “So what do I do, Sam? He wants to give me the wedding of my dreams, but they all had me marrying you.”
“Fuck..” Sam sat there just staring.
“Exactly. I never thought I’d marry anyone else. For so long, I never wanted to. And then when shit hit the fan…” You shrugged. “I never expected anyone else to want me enough to.”
“You must have know Dean would..”
You nodded. “I guess I did. Maybe I didn’t want to get my hopes up by planning it all out ahead of time..”
“I’m sorry.” You looked at him, and you could see so much pain in his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you. And I’m sorry for my shitty reaction to all this.. I just..” Sam got quiet for a moment. “I still love you. Maybe I always will.” He sighed. “It hurts that it’s not me, and I get why it’s not.” he assured. “A part of me hates myself for it. Hates that I fucked up one of the best things in my life, hates that I can’t be as happy for you as I want to be..”
“You want to be happy for me?”
“Of course I do.” Sam reached up, his thumb brushing along your jaw for a moment before he pulled away. “Even if it’s not with me, even if I have to watch you walk down that isle to my brother, I just want you happy. So, we figure out a new perfect wedding.” Sam smiled. “One for you and Dean.”
“Thanks, Sammy.” You put your beer bottle down and wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug. “Thanks for still being here for me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Never again.” You buried your head against his shoulder for a moment and nodded. Then you pulled away with a sniffled and wiped off your face. “You know.” He gave you a playful smile. “You could honestly just put the Impala at the top of the driveway, decorate that and marry Dean in front of it, and it’ll be the best wedding ever for him.”
You laughed. “I think if I did that, he’d just marry the car.” Sam laughed, a full and hearty laugh, one you felt like you hadn’t heard in years, and it made you smile. “Hey, Sam?”
“Hm?”
“Can you do me a favour?”
He shrugged. “Sure, what is it?”
Licking your lips, you searched his face for a moment before asking. “I know this might suck for you, but it would mean the world to me..” He waited patiently. “Could you… Could you be the one to give me away?”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “I- Are you sure? Shouldn’t your dad..” He motioned back into the house to where your parents were drinking and celebrating with his.
“Who better to give me away than you, Sammy? Think about it. You had my heart for so long, you still have a small piece of it. What better way to move on from that past, than for you to be the one to give me away.”
Sam sighed. “You’re serious about marrying my brother?”
“I am.”
“You sure you want what your asking?”
“I know it’ll be hard, and I’m sorry I’m asking for so much… but it’s perfect. It’s what I want, Sam. I want you to still be a part of my perfect wedding.” Sam nodded. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ll do it. It’s gonna fuckng suck, but I’ll do it. For you.”
Tearing up again, you threw your arms around him once more. “Thank you.”
“Everything okay here?” You could hear the worry in Dean’s voice.
Pulling away from Sam, you wiped your face once more and smiled up at him. “Step one of perfect wedding is a go.”
Dean gave Sam a confused look. “Looks like I’m handing you your bride, big brother.” Sam smiled. “That last piece of her heart that I hold, I’m giving it to you on your wedding day,”
“Get up.” Sam got up at his brothers command, and was quickly wrapped in a hug. “Thanks, Sammy. That means a lot to me.”
*If you like this, please consider supporting my work, or requesting a commission.*
Tagging : A series of firsts - @coffee-obsessed-writer @colie87 @super-fan-of-all-things @kdfrqqg @winchesterweirdo @dat-mabel @anime-music-is-life @sammysgirl1997 @sweetest-bug @fanfictionslut @your-sparklywinnercollection
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anon requested: Hi, a big fan of your doc marston series, is it okay if I can ask for some more? Like, how John was when Mary was pregnant with his baby or maybe some fluff like Teen!Charlotte getting some admirers which John has to chase away with his pistols and hollering. Please, please? I just love them!
A/N - I'm gonna do John's reaction to Mary's pregnancy for now, then do the other one at a later time ☺
///
Mary suspected she was pregnant right off the bat, but John insisted she see the Doctor in town. After an hour long argument over not trusting her word, she finally agreed to see the Doctor. She hadn’t been practicing medicine for very long and was worried she may have misdiagnosed herself.
But hearing it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, gave her an extra surge of confidence she didn’t know she had.
John was in shock and quite literally had to be guided home by Arthur. She suspected the entire pregnancy would be mostly of him in shock. But he surprised her.
Around her sixth month, he began getting really protective over her. Never really letting her do anything strenuous, always giving her extra portions of food, letting her sleep in later. Hardly ever letting her do her doctoring, because the sight of blood may make her nauseous. However, the sweet gestures had to stop, so Mary put her foot down once and for all.
“John, please stop. I need my space to do as I please!” She huffed.”I know you’re just trying to help, but I’m not fragile - I won’t break.”
He stuck his hands in his pockets.”I just get worried ‘bout ya.”
“Well you don’t have to hover, I’ll be fine.” She placed a hand over her stomach.”Women have been having babies for centuries, I’m not the first by far.”
He breathed a raspy laugh.”Guess yer right.”
“I was right about being pregnant, but you didn’t want to believe me.” She reminded.
“Can’t you forget ‘bout that?”
She laughed.”Not when I’m right, no.”
He took a seat at the edge of the bed, watching as she knitted a pink and green blanket, most likely for the baby. He liked watching her work, especially when she’d sew someone up. It was amazing how delicate and gentle she had to be.
“Something tells me you’re not going to listen to me?”
He shrugged.”I want to, but...I don’t wanna mess this up like I did with Jack.”
“That was different, John. You and Abigail weren’t married when it happened and you were still so immature. I feel like you’ve matured a little since you were eighteen.”
He blushed, a lopsided grin finding his face.”Dunno ‘bout all that.”
“So now you’re denying that you’re mature?” She scoffed.”You really are something else, Marston.”
“I take that as a compliment.”
She rolled her eyes.”So how is it going with Jack?”
He shrugged again.”She’s been tellin’ him I’m his pa, but I don’t think he believes it.”
“He doesn’t or you don’t?”
John didn’t answer her, he simply stood and left the tent. Mary frowned and put her yarn back in the basket beside her. She carefully slid out of the chair and shuffled out of the tent to find him. Thankfully, she didn’t have to go far.
He was standing near the water, skipping stones, probably trying to think a way out of this. But she wouldn’t let this one go. She placed a gentle hand on his arm and he stiffened.
“John, what’s going on?”
He threw a rather large rock into the water and it made a splash. He turned to Mary, running his hands over his face and into his hair.
“I’m twenty two. Ain’t that a little young to be a daddy?”
Her brows knitted close.”So this isn’t just about Jack?”
“I’m scared.” He swallowed, as he admitted a weakness.
Mary cupped his face, rubbing her thumbs over his dark stubble. She could see the panic registering in his eyes. He wasn’t as ready as she thought he’d be, but then again, she might’ve known this from the start.
“You’re going to be a great father, you already are to Jack.” She leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.”And you’re a great husband.”
“I’m a fuck up, Mary.”
“You made some mistakes, so what? Everyone does.” She reasoned.”At least you owned up to them and you’re trying to better yourself now.”
He bowed his head as he kicked the dirt with his boot.
“This baby won’t care a lick about your past. I certainly don’t. All that baby will care about is who it’s parents are and how much they love them. Do you understand me?”
He wished that he could believe it, but he kept thinking about how horrible he was to Jack and Abigail. Some of what she said held truth, but his head couldn’t wrap around it, much less believe it.
“Hope yer right.”
“I am.” She gripped his hand.”Now, let’s go back to our tent and talk up some names.”
