#spnfic

The scars are there, even if no one else can see them. They linger in every moment a guy brushes you off, in the hollow smile you force when you know it's not real. You feel the sting in every glance that sizes you up like you’re a prize to be won rather than a person to know. So you’ve built your walls, layering them high and thick until nothing, no one, can break through. Not even him.

Or them.

Sam and Dean Winchester—they didn’t just walk into your life. No, they crashed into it, two forces of nature that bulldozed right through your carefully constructed defenses, leaving you exposed and vulnerable in a way you swore you’d never be again. At first, you tried to play it cool, act like they were just hunters, comrades in arms. But the months blurred together, and now you can’t even tell how long it’s been. And that scares you because losing track means losing control and losing control means letting them in.

And letting them in? That’s not an option.

Even now, you can feel their eyes on you, the weight of their presence lingering in the air like a storm cloud ready to break. Sam’s by the pool table, his lean, tall frame moving with practiced ease as he lines up shot after shot. There’s a calm to him, but it’s the kind that keeps you on edge, like he could switch in an instant and suddenly be dangerous. Then there’s Dean, perched at the bar with a half-empty beer in hand, his eyes flicking between the room and you, constantly scanning for threats, always watching. 

Always watching you.

They’re protective. It should comfort you, but it drives you insane. Because the truth is, no matter how many monsters they face, no matter how many battles they fight, they can’t protect you from what matters most. They can’t protect you from yourself.

You think back to the last hunt, to the ridiculousness of it all—a damn Cupid, of all things. The little winged freak zeroed in on you from the moment you stepped into that abandoned church, those bright, beady eyes tracking you with unnerving precision. He wasn’t cute, not like the Valentine's Day cards would have you believe. No, this thing was more like a demented cherub, armed with arrows dipped in cosmic mischief, and he had you in his crosshairs. You could feel it in the air—the tug, the weight, as though Cupid himself was hell-bent on forcing you to confront feelings you’d buried so deep even you were beginning to forget they existed. Each arrow he loosed sent your heart racing, as if you could sense the emotional mess he was trying to weave. But you dodged them all, every last one, determined not to let some glorified matchmaker unravel everything you’d worked so hard to lock away.

You're not stupid. You know precisely what the little bastard was aiming for. It’s not like you’ve been blind to the way Sam’s gaze lingers on you when he thinks you’re not paying attention, soft and curious, like he’s trying to piece you together. Or the way Dean’s jaw tightens, a flicker of possessiveness in his green eyes, whenever some random guy at a bar edges too close, his whole demeanor shifting to silent warning. You’ve been dodging these unspoken glances for months now, sidestepping their care, their questions, like someone dancing around a minefield. Because you know that once you stop moving, it’ll all explode in your face.

And you’ve had enough explosions in your life.

But there’s only so much running you can do before the inevitable catches up.

“Hey.”

Dean’s gravelly voice slices through the whirlwind of your thoughts, rough but steady, anchoring you as he slides into the seat beside you. His presence is a weight that presses into the air, solid, almost suffocating in its certainty. The chair creaks beneath him, but all you hear is the pounding of your own heartbeat, thundering in your chest.

“Are you alright?” He’s asking, but it’s more than that. It’s the question beneath the question, the one you’ve been dodging for longer than you can remember.

Your heart skips a beat—a betraying thud that echoes in the hollowness you’ve tried to keep locked down. You’d never admit it, not even to yourself, but he makes it impossible to pretend. You glance at him, careful to keep your face neutral, masking the fluttering in your chest with a look you’ve perfected over years of pretending. It’s almost second nature by now—the practiced nonchalance. But with Dean, it’s always been different.

There’s something in the way his green eyes bore into yours, piercing through the walls you’ve built brick by brick, layer by layer. It’s as though he sees right past your armor, straight into that small, fragile part of you that still aches for something real. Something more. But you can’t let him see that. You won’t. So you shove it down, hard, pushing that flicker of vulnerability back into the shadows as you lean casually into your chair. Your body language distant, closed off.

“Yeah,” you shrug, the lie slipping from your lips as easily as breathing. “Just tired. Long day.”

Dean doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, just watches you with that familiar intensity, and you know—you know—he doesn’t believe a word you’re saying. He’s seen you fight, seen you bleed, seen you crawl out of the wreckage of hunts that should’ve killed you. He’s seen you at your worst, and somehow, he still sticks around. He and Sam both do, and that’s the problem, isn’t it? They’ve gotten too close, wedged themselves into your life in ways that make it impossible for you to keep pretending.

Pretending that you don’t care.

Pretending that the way Dean looks at you doesn’t unravel something deep inside.

From across the room, you feel Sam’s eyes on you. His quiet gaze tracks the shift in the atmosphere as he casually leans his pool cue against the table and makes his way over, long strides slow but purposeful. His expression is calm and unreadable, but you see the concern in the tightness of his jaw and the subtle way his brow furrows as he joins Dean at your side.

“You’ve been quiet,” Sam says softly, folding his arms across his broad chest. There’s no judgment in his tone, just that frustrating gentleness, the kind that makes you feel seen when you’d rather stay hidden. “Is it… about earlier? With Cupid?”

The mention of Cupid sends a sharp twist through your stomach. You swallow, forcing down the surge of emotions that threatens to rise, burying it beneath layers of practiced indifference. You won’t let some stupid angel with a bow and arrow undo everything you’ve worked so hard to keep locked away. You won’t.

“I’m fine,” you snap, the words slipping out too fast, too harsh. The crack in your voice betrays you. “That was nothing. Just another hunt.”

Dean raises an eyebrow, and you can feel the weight of Sam’s stare, too, both of them pinning you with that all-too-familiar look. The one that says they’re not buying your crap, the one that makes your pulse quicken, and your chest tighten. You hate that look because it leaves you nowhere to hide.

“Bullshit.” Dean’s voice is low, steady, cutting through the silence with calm certainty. He takes a long sip from his beer, but his eyes never leave yours, and it feels like he’s peeling back every layer you’ve carefully put up to protect yourself. “You’ve been dodging that thing like it was the plague, and don’t think we didn’t notice.”

You clench your hands into fists in your lap, frustration bubbling up like a rising tide. “Look,” you say, your voice sharp, defensive. “I don’t need some magical arrow telling me how I’m supposed to feel. I’m fine the way I am.”

Sam shifts beside Dean, his arms still crossed, but you see the way the muscle in his jaw tenses, the way his hazel eyes soften as they search yours. “It’s not about what you’re supposed to feel,” he murmurs, his voice quiet but firm. “It’s about what you do feel.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, it’s all too much. The weight of their concern, the intensity of their gaze, the truth that they’re trying to force you to admit—it presses down on you until you can’t breathe. You stand up abruptly, the legs of the chair scraping loudly against the floor as you push it back. The sound is harsh, jarring in the quiet of the bar, but you barely notice.

“I don’t feel anything, okay?” you snap, the words spilling out before you can stop them. “Not for you, not for him, not for anyone. And I won’t let some winged freak tell me otherwise.”

The tension in the air thickens, suffocating, hanging between the three of you like a storm cloud ready to break. Dean stands up slowly, his movements deliberate, his face carefully neutral, but there’s something in his eyes—something raw, something that cuts deeper than you want to admit. Hurt, maybe. Disappointment. You can’t think about it. You won’t.

“Y’know,” Dean says quietly, taking a step toward you, his voice low and steady, “you keep saying that, but you don’t believe it. Not really.” He’s close now, too close, the heat of his body radiating off him in waves, and it makes your pulse spike. “You’re just scared.”

Your heart slams against your ribs, your breath catching in your throat. Fear coils tightly around your chest, but not the fear of them. No, it’s the fear of what they’re asking you to do. To let them in. To trust them. To stop running.

And running is all you know how to do.

“I’m not scared,” you whisper, but the words feel weak and empty, even to you.

Dean’s lips twitch into a small, humorless smile, his eyes softening just a fraction as he watches you. “Yeah, you are,” he says, his voice gentler now but no less intense. “And that’s okay. But maybe it’s time you stopped running from it.”

Sam steps closer, his presence steady and calm, grounding you in a way that you don’t want to admit you need. His voice is soft, full of quiet understanding, but there’s an unshakable strength beneath it. “You don’t have to do this alone, y’know,” he says. “We’re here. We always have been.”

The words sink into you, settling deep into the cracks of your carefully guarded heart, and something inside you shifts. Just a little. It’s terrifying, the idea of trusting them, of letting yourself hope, but there’s also something achingly beautiful about it. About the possibility that maybe, for once, you don’t have to be the one to leave first. That maybe, you don’t have to protect yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

But still, the fear—the bone-deep, soul-crushing fear of opening up, of letting someone in only to be left behind again—is overwhelming and paralyzing.

“I can’t,” you breathe, your voice barely a whisper now, trembling under the weight of the truth you’re too afraid to admit. “I can’t risk it.”

Dean’s hand reaches out slowly, cautiously, like he knows one wrong move could send you running. But he doesn’t stop. His fingers, calloused from years of hunting, gently find yours, and instead of just holding your wrist, he entwines his fingers with yours, locking them together with a quiet but unspoken promise. The touch is soft yet firm, his thumb grazing the back of your hand in slow, soothing strokes, as if he’s trying to reassure you with every heartbeat. The warmth of his skin against yours sends a shiver up your spine, igniting something deep inside you, something you’ve kept buried for so long you almost forgot it was there.

You feel the weight of his presence settle over you like a blanket, heavy with meaning, but there’s nothing suffocating about it. It’s grounding, steady—safe. And yet, that safety terrifies you because it’s the kind you’ve convinced yourself you don’t deserve. But Dean, he isn’t giving you a choice. Not this time.

His other hand comes up slowly, his movements deliberate and gentle, as if he’s afraid you might bolt at any second. His palm cups your cheek, warm and rough, but his touch is tender, almost reverent. His thumb brushes across your cheekbone, wiping away a tear you didn’t realize had fallen. The simple motion cracks something inside you, and for a moment, it feels like the walls you’ve built so carefully over the years are crumbling under the weight of his touch.

"Maybe you’re not the only one taking a risk here," Dean murmurs, his voice thick with emotion, barely above a whisper. His words hang between you, heavy and raw, filled with all the things he’s never said but has always felt. His eyes search yours, and in them, you see it—the longing, the fear, the desperate hope that you’ll stay, that you’ll finally let them in. That you’ll choose them.

You feel your breath catch in your throat as his fingers tighten ever so slightly around yours, anchoring you to the moment. His thumb continues its slow, tender sweep across your cheek, and the tenderness in his gaze is enough to break your heart. This man, this infuriating, stubborn, protective man, who has fought demons and monsters and everything in between, is standing here with his heart wide open, asking you to stop running. Asking you to be with him and his brother in a way that terrifies you more than any hunt ever could.

For the first time, you feel the weight of what’s at stake—not just for you, but for him, for Sam. This isn’t just about you being afraid of getting hurt. It’s about them too, about the risk they’re taking by loving you, by wanting you to be a part of their lives. And it hits you with such force that you almost can’t breathe. They aren’t asking for your walls to come down—they’re asking to stand beside them. To hold you through the fear, through the pain, through whatever comes next.

You stare up at Dean, his hand still cradling your face like you’re something precious, and for the first time, you allow yourself to wonder—really wonder—if maybe, just maybe, you’re not the only one with something to lose.

Because you can feel it now—the risk they’re taking, the way they’re holding their breath, waiting for your answer, waiting for you to finally say yes. And in that moment, you realize that they’ve already decided. They’ve already chosen you.

It’s your turn to choose them.

“I think we need to go to Heaven and see what is up there.” Sam interrupts my thoughts.

“I asked Cas to look into it. He’s been gone for days. You think he’s alright?” I start, “What if Heaven doesn’t want Cas to tell us and they kept him?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if they did that.” Sam sighs, “We can summon him.”

“Let’s do that.”

While Sam and I prepare the summoning my mind keeps wandering to my dreams.

Tonight was different, normally it’s just me on my back floating and these phantom hands that gently touch my face and chest.

Tonight I could have sworn I felt lips too, gently pressing against my cheeks and neck, and there was this soft rain, I felt gentle drops falling on my face.

“Dean?” Sam pulls my head from the clouds.

“Huh what?” I look at him.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it.”

“I’m good, I was just thinking, do you…” I look up at him and wait for him to stop messing with the sigils for the summoning, “Do you smell jasmine too?”

“What? No I smell chalk.” He says while holding up the white piece of chalk.

“I don’t mean now, but just in general.”

“No? Why?”

“Nothing, just forget it and let’s get our angel back.” I sigh.

We do the summoning and Cas appears right in the circle we have drawn.

“Cas!” My eyes widen and I run to him when I see the state he is in.

He collapses to the floor just when I reach him, his nose is bleeding, his lip is split, he has numerous cuts on his cheek and his entire face is bruised.

“What the hell happened!” I demand when Sam and I help him sit up on a chair.

“H-Heaven” He grunts out, “I found out what happened and they didn’t want you to know, so they kept me. Until your summoning forced me out.”

“Why wouldn’t they want us to know! We’re trying to help them.” Sam grunts out while getting a first aid kit for Cas.

“They don’t want humans like you to interfere with their business.” Cas says.

“Assholes” I groan, “What did she do?”

“She created an anomaly in the time line.”

“What?”

“She went back in time and did something, I don’t know what. And Heaven wants to fix what she did but she is not letting them do it.”

“Do you know what she did?” I ask him.

He shakes his head, “I’m not even sure Heaven knows what happened. But it explains the world wide blast, messing with time line has a worldwide effect.”

I fall back in my chair, “can’t we ever catch a fucking break?”

“What now?” Sam starts “We can’t fix it, what are the consequences of what she did?”

“Heaven doesn’t want to wait and find out the consequences.” He grunts and stands up “I need to go back in time and see for myself.” He hoists himself up but he’s barely able to stand on his own.

“Woah woah take it easy.” I say as I help him sit back down, “You can barely stand, let alone time travel. Come just” I push him back in the chair and he lets himself sit with a rough exhaled breath “Rest for now. I’m sure her army isn’t ready yet.”

“We don’t know that.” Sam says.

“I think we would notice if an army of the death was walking the Earth.” I remark.

Sam is giving me a look, a dirty one. Like when we were younger and I was hiding an injury and got a heavy infection, he’s giving me that same look. Angry but worried.

“What.” I snap at him.

“Why do act like this when it comes to her?” he asks.

“What?” I frown “What the hell are you talking about!”

“I’m talking about how you tried  to stop a freaking bullet for her!”

I knew this was coming, ever since I did that Sam had been giving me wary glances.

“It was just instinct! I reacted to the sound!” I walk closer to him and throw my hands up in frustration, “You’re being ridiculous.”

“You’ve been around guns your whole life! You have never had this instinct before so it’s bullshit, and what about your dreams? You really expect me to believe she miraculously backed off?” Sam half yelled.

“Yes! I have no control over them and I’m sure you would notice when I have nightmares again. Get off my back, Sam. We’re supposed to fight her. Not each other.” I quip back.

“I… yeah I’m sorry, nothing here just makes sense” Sam starts, “We need to know what she did in the past.”

“Once I regain my strength, I can find out.” Cas says from the chair he is slumped in.

I nod and go sit next to him and pat him on the shoulder “Rest first.”

“Why help us?” I wonder to Rowena.

“Because I care for Earth, you nimwit” Rowena says to me.

“And you’re sure this will work?” Sam is holding the list of ingredients with the spell to capture The Raven on it.

“I guess, you’ll have to just trust me, Samuel”

“What about ‘not risking’ your neck. This sounds exactly like that.” I look at Rowena.

She’s become an ally to us. Knowing the Queen of Hell definitely has it’s perks. Funny how she used to be our enemy. She and Sam get along well, despite the fact that Sam killed her.

“Raising an army of the dead will stop the souls from entering Hell, my kingdom is on the line here. I wouldn’t earn to be Queen if I didn’t protect it. And I will hide when she arrives.” She smirks, “She might be the Queen of Death but I am the Queen of Hell, I have some tricks up my sleeve.”

“Cas has enough power to find some of these ingredients, I will give him the list” Sam says, he leaves to bring the list to Cas’s room.

Rowena is looking at me, actually she’s been looking at me since she arrived.

“What?” I ask her.

“Are you feeling well, Winchester?” she comes closer and looks me over, frowning a little while doing so.

“Yes? Why?”

“I don’t know… there’s something different about you, something feels off.”

“Different? Like what? Am I dying? Is it my soul?” I get worried, I have felt a little off recently, nothing bad, actually, it felt even good, very good. The ‘too good to be true’ kind of thing.

“I can’t put my finger on it… it started when you met the Raven? How do you feel?” she asks me.

“Yes, around that time, I feel… good. Really good.” I answer.

“Well, if it is good, there is nothing to worry about.” She shrugs.

Sam and Cas come back, carrying all the ingredients. Boxes and bottles of weird fluids and dust and even some bones.

Man, I hate withes.

“Oh you have everything already?” I say.

“Yes, so let’s do this.” Sam starts, “I don’t want to wait any longer, she needs to be dealt with, now.”

He sounds so determined to end her. I don’t think trapping her here is the smartest idea. She could bring this whole place down. Our home… I don’t want to lose it.

And the warning she gave me keeps haunting me, what truth, what is she hiding?

“Everyone ready?” Sam announces.

“I guess” I say a little unsure.

Rowena preforms the spell and disappears, the whole bunker starts shaking. The circle made of German forest herbs starts to burn wildly.

“Sam! End it!” I scream over the chaos.

“No! she’s almost here!” Cas yells back.

With a big blast, she arrives. Hunched in the middle of the circle. Her sleek long black hair is shielding her face. Her pale skin looks even more white against the concrete floor of the bunker.

I hear Sam draw in a sharp breath, and I realize, he never saw her in the flesh. He takes a step back when she rises and aims her empty eye sockets at us.

“You fools” her seethes at us, her voice sounds like a thousand voices in one. My entire body shivers at the sound of it.

“I am done warning you” she walks, no floats, to the edge of the circle, easily going over the herbs and going straight towards Sam.

Sam staggers back and he’s paler than I have ever seen him before. She reaches for him, but I push her sideways before she can.

“Don’t touch him, bitch” I stand in front of my little brother.

“Always protecting Sammy, daddy really beat that into your head, huh?” she mocks.

How does she know that… I told no one about the abusive behavior of my dad, not even Sam.

“Get the fuck back” I warn her, no one touches Sammy, especially not witches.

“Or what? You’re powerless against me, so is your angel and don’t think I can’t smell that Hell bitch Rowena.” She looks behind me at Sam “besides, Sam’s the only one I haven’t met yet. The vessel of Satan, how does it feel to be made for evil, Sammy?”

I push her, she doesn’t move one inch, but she does step back, in shock.

“DON’T touch me!” she spits at me.

“Don’t get near my brother and I won’t have to. Now can we act like adults or are you going to keep acting like a bitch?” I cross my arms over my chest and try to look not intimidated, but I am. She’s terrifying as fuck.

She straightens fully and looks me in the eyes with her empty sockets. Shivers spread over every inch of my skin. Where is her other body? The pretty one.

“Why summon me, knowing you have no way of protecting yourself.” she begins, “I warned you enough, feel my consequences.”

She clenches her fist and all three of us, even Cas, fall on our knees. The pain is like nothing I’ve felt before, it’s burning and stabbing at the same time.

“Stop!” Rowena appears with her hands raised, purple magic lifting the pain in our intestines slightly. But it is still unbearable.

“Let them go.” Rowena says, “Stop this now.”

“Or what?” she tilts her head at Rowena while dropping her fist. The pain evaporates and I can breathe again.

“You’ll hurt me? You’re no match for me Rowena. Stay out of this or I’ll take Hell down too.”

“What did you do to the timeline” Cas grunts out.

Her head snaps towards Cas, she briskly walks over to him and lifts him up in the air by his shirt. She’s extremely strong.

“How do you know that.” She snaps at him.

“Because you did a sloppy job, bitch.” I say. “What did you do? Made yourself powerful? Stole something or killed someone?”

She drops Cas and looks at all of us. “The smart move is to back off,” she looks at me, “You won’t like what you find.”

“The truth? And what is that exactly?” I say.

She’s looking at me, but I can’t read her expression. The eyes tell so much about a person. I often use the eyes of people to read them, to see if they’re lying or afraid. But with her, It is impossible.

“None of you wants to know. Trust me”

“Trust you?” Sam scoffs “You’re raising an army of the dead to march against Heaven. How is that in our interest?”

“Heaven is a liar and evil. You all have enough experience to know that!” she screams in frustration, “I am wasting my time here.”

“If Heaven is the bad guy here, why not let us help you?” maybe allying with her could prevent a war.

From the look Sam is giving me he thinks I am crazy, and maybe I am a little. She could be speaking the truth, Heaven has betrayed us many times. What makes it different this time?

“You help me?” she starts laughing “You hunters are nothing but ants underneath my feet.”

She looks each of us down, ending on me “I hate all of you.”

“Then why not kill us? You keep warning us, all bark but no bite.” I step closer to her, because I noticed that in fact, she doesn’t kill us. Hurt, yes. But never kill.

Her mask of horror witch slips and I see her clenching her jaw in frustration. A first sight of real emotion on her side. Meaning, she won’t kill us.

“You need us witch bitch?” I lean closer to her and that jasmine smell is wrapping around my body, making me smile.

“I do not.”

“But you can’t kill us.” I grin “So your threats are empty.”

My first mistake was laughing at her, my second was standing so close to her.

Her hand snaps out and grips my neck, her nails digging into my skin, drawing blood. She lifts me up in the air. My hands grasp her hand, trying to lessen the pressure and pulling myself up so I can breathe. In the corner of my eye I see Sam and Cas moving towards me.

“One more move and I snap his neck like a twig, I’ll deal with the consequences” she says to them but keeps her face on me.

She brings my face so close that her nose is touching mine, and I have a feeling she wants to pull me even closer.

Probably to feel me choke and see the fear in my eyes better.

“You are not stopping me from ripping that place out of the sky and burning it down. I don’t care who gets caught in the crossfire. They deserve to burn for what they took from me.” Her eyebrows lift up a little at that last sentence, as if she didn’t mean to let that information slip.

She drops me to the floor and when I catch my breath to look at her, she’s gone.

Forever Tags 2022: @jay-and-dean @wittysunflower @flamencodiva  @lyss-dw79 @waywardbaby @chocolateheart @msmarvelouslywinchester @danneelsmain @magssteenkamp @snowlovespie @awkward-and-indecisive @westerneyedwinchester @hobby27 @lunarmoon8 @yvonneeeee

Dean tags 2022: @akshi8278 @brilovesdeanwinchester

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The Raven: @globetrotter28 @jerome-valeska-trash @dean-spinster-witch

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Chapter 5 

She stood before me with her arms crossed. There was a look on her face that reminded me of the one that Mom used when I snuck back into the house. The look dropped when Emily took another moment to look me over.  

“What happened?” Concern in her voice. 

“A rabid animal attacked and ...” 

Emily started moving and turned me around to face the door.  

I resisted her attempts and turned back around. “What the hell?” 

“Rabid animal means you need to get tested. Come on, we’re going to the hospital.” 

“I’m fine, seriously, Em. I don’t need the hospital. The animal didn’t bite me.” 

“That injury...” 

“It’s not that bad.” I winced as I moved my left arm in the attempt to lift it up. “See?” I got it up level with the floor before stopping due to the pain. 

“Not that bad, huh? Come on, let me see it.” 

I didn’t fight when Emily stepped up to look at the wounds. A hiss escaped when she pressed on the intact skin.  

“What the fuck happened? And don’t pull an animal attack.” 

“You wouldn’t believe me.” I side stepped around her into our room. I wanted to shed the torn shirt and change into comfortable clothing for the night. “You remember those so called animal attacks? It was a werewolf.” 

Emily huffed. “You’re right. I don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms. “But say I believe you for the moment. The werewolf did that to you? How?” 

I flopped on my bed and struggled through the pain to free my pants. After a couple minutes, the pain won out and I fell back. I didn’t fight Emily when she lifted up a leg to help.  

“I fought it,” I answered. “Don’t ask me why I trusted these guys. They were here hunting the werewolf.” I lifted my head. “The thing that’s tripping me up is that the werewolf was a person. He was in one of my classes today. He looked horrible, like whatever he was going through was driving him into the ground.” 

My legs fell with dead weight once free of the pants. 

“And these two guys let you fight a werewolf on your own? Chivalry is dead.” 

“The werewolf had my scent. I may have...” I pushed myself up to sit. “Stumbled upon him the other night when he was feeding. There was no way the Hunters were going to get close to the monster.” 

Emily gestured for me to lift my arms. “And it fell to you to kill the monster? Convenient.” She lifted the tee shirt up and off before tossing it into the trash. “You know people are gonna talk.” 

A sigh escaped as I eased my lounge pants on. “Yeah. They can talk. No one is going to believe the real thing anyway. You don’t.” I sat there for a few moments as my mind replayed the events.  

The nerves that twisted my stomach as I stared at Jordan. The meager conversation we had before he caught my scent and gave chase. Barely getting the machete and getting backhanded. My life flashing before my eyes as the claws came down.  

“Aeryn. Hey, Aeryn.” Emily’s voice cut into the spiral my mind was going. “You’re not okay. Maybe take the day tomorrow and relax. Tell your professors and work that you saw the monster kill and need the day.” 

“I can’t afford either of those. I’m not a trust fund student here on mommy and daddy’s dime.” 

I had gotten lucky with getting scholarships and worked hard to ensure that I got accepted and stayed on top of everything. Small town girl attempting to do better in her life and all that.  

The nightmares kept me on the edge of falling completely asleep, yet I woke to the sun just creeping into the windows. My shoulder stiffened during the night. Which made changing for the day harder, yet I managed to dress and headed out for the day.  

I dared to walk past the area where I took down the werewolf. For as much as John and Dean helped with taking the creature down, they didn’t do much in helping me get back into normal life. Maybe there was no getting back to normal life. There was no forgetting that the things went bump in the night were real.  

Emily was right that people were going to talk. I hadn’t realized that there had been a couple students that had managed to take pictures of the fight between me and the werewolf. “Hey, Morgan,” a male voice spoke just as the owner sat down. “You hear about this fight last night?” 

I shook my head, playing dumb. “What fight, Ryan?” 

“Someone got brave and faced off against the monster.” He pulled out his cell and showed me pictures someone had sent him. The pictures were grainy and didn’t show me or the werewolf in great detail. Which worked in my favor since I did not want attention for facing the monster.  

I adjusted my text book and notebook in an attempt to play off my nerves. “It’s gotta be staged.” 

“From what I heard, the person in the pictures screamed when the monster swiped at them. One claimed that the person managed to behead the thing. There’s no way that happened.” 

“Well, there’s pictures,” I offered up. “Isn’t that enough proof?” 

“Not well enough. If this person did manage to behead the monster, they had good luck.” 

I wondered how long it would hold out for me. The students settled in for the lesson as the teacher started talking. The thought of looking into news articles that seemed to be out of place passed through my mind.  

After facing off with the werewolf, I should have stayed well away from hunting. I didn’t. School and work came first. There were a few cases that I was able to work in the area. Emily helped with getting a driver’s license. She didn’t fully believe me about what happened that night. She believed me that I fought something dangerous and that I was going to find more like it. Having a license would help with that. It was up to me in getting a car.  

Between food, schooling not covered by my scholarships, and other items, a car was the last thing on my list. Yet I squirreled away what I could. In a couple years I managed to save up enough for a car that was reliable enough for local travel. It got me around well enough in the city and to the few cases I managed to work between classes and work.  

Two years had passed since the night I took down the werewolf. Despite an investigation by the police and university, no one was able to find his body. Guilt tore at me while I kept quiet. His family would never get closure for what happened to him. Yet it was better knowing that he had to lose his life than another being killed for his hunger.  

That guilt did not help with the early morning traffic I was battling. I was pushing late to my commencement ceremony. It was a stupid decision to take on the case so close to the ceremony. I had to drive through the night from the Lansing area to make it. The case took a turn when the spirit refused to move on. I still had grave dirt on me. There was no time to shower.  

I got lucky in finding a parking spot near the stadium and darted inside with my clothes, cap, and gown. Finding a restroom, I washed off the dirt at a sink before speed changing in a stall. I hopped out of the stall and restroom in the attempt to get the second dress shoe. I found the area where I was to walk with my graduating class gathered before the walk just in time. I managed to slip into an spot between a couple people close to my height just before stepping into a tent. 

Each of the students were having their pictures taken before we stepped out. My stomach twisted from anxiety and hope that I did not look as bad as I thought I did from the hunt. With the picture taken, I stepped out onto the football field and the collective cheers of families and friends. I had called my own family about the ceremony back in January. Mother had answered and congratulated me on graduating. She said that she, Father, and Taylor would be at the ceremony.  

The relationship between our parents had been strange for a number of years. Neither of them fully explained what brought them to that point. Sure, they love each other. Yet there was something under the surface. I have vague memories of their relationship changing after Taylor was born. Our parents had shown both of us love despite whatever was between them.  

There was little chance I would be able to pick out three people in a crowd of a hundred thousand people. All there to support their own graduates. It was nice to know my parents and brother were there. Eventually we all got to our seats and I half slumped in mine from exhaustion. My brain was on the edge of unconsciousness throughout the five or six speeches, just aware enough to come around when it came time for receiving our diplomas. My eyes blinked a little as I fully woke up and stood.  

“Aeryn Malone,” one of the academic staff members spoke; their voice echoing slightly in the sound system thanks to the microphone.  

I willed myself to not trip up the stairs as I climbed to the stage. I paused long enough to shake the hand of another staff member while accepting the diploma cover for a picture. Finishing crossing the stage and down the other side and stairs, I returned to the row my chair was in. Another half hour past before the rest of the students sitting behind me. I used that time to snooze, my mind aware enough of my surroundings.  

Eventually the last student sat down and the dean stood and made his last remarks. At some cue, we the student body stood and began our walk from the field. One of the students next to me nudged me awake. Half jumping to my feet, I closed the gap and followed the person in front of me. The walk off the field seemed to take longer, yet we made it inside the stadium. 

It took me longer than expected to make my way through the crowds to where me and my family agreed to meet up after the ceremony. 

“Aeryn!” Tyler’s voice called over the noise of the other families and students.  

I turned at his voice as my lips pulled into a smile. He wore a nice polo styled shirt, denim jeans, and tennis shoes. Our parents were a few steps behind him as they worked through the crowd. My lips pulled into a smile as I stepped into the hug Tyler offered as we closed the gap between us. We pulled apart a minute later before I hugged my parents one by one.  

“We’re so proud of you,” Mom said as she pulled away.  

“Do you know where you want to start looking for jobs?” Dad asked. There was something in his voice that told me that he was expecting to be paid all the money he spent on my four year college career.  

“I just graduated, dad,” I countered. “Allow me time to start searching.” 

“You had weeks before now. What have you been doing?” 

“Gary, enough,” Mom chimed in. “Today’s about celebrating Aeryn’s success.” 

“Success at bleeding me...” 

“Knock it off, Dad,” Tyler cut in. “You didn’t have to be here.” 

Dad turned to Tyler. “You don’t belong...” 

Anger rose up as I stepped between them. The past couple years of hunting and the scars on my shoulder gave me the courage to face down dad. “Stop it. This day is meant to be a celebration. I’m not going to stand here and let you put the both of us down. Now, you can leave or be quiet and go to lunch with us.” 

Dad went silent even as he glared at me. I matched his gaze and dared him to do something. Eventually he broke our silent battle and walked away. Tyler and Mom stood there in silence for a moment or two.  

“Well,” Mom started. “Let’s go have lunch.” She turned and started for an exit. 

“He’s gotten worse,” Tyler said low enough for me to hear as we followed. “I honestly don’t get it. There’s something between our parents that’s changed. More than before.” 

Lunch was tense. Tyler attempted to keep the conversation going despite Dad still being quiet from earlier. Mom chimed in when she had a question or a comment, though generally kept quiet. Lunch was over within an hour and we headed back to my apartment. I had been smart in packing all my things save a change of clothes and a few other things before going on the hunt. 

I had gone back up to double check nothing was being left when Emily walked in. She stopped when she noticed me.  

“So, this is it,” she said.  

“I guess so,” I agreed. “Thank you for helping me the past couple years. I doubt I’d make it to this point if it wasn’t for you.” 

“I hope when I call for help facing off a ghost, you’ll come.” Emily gave a nervous chuckle. 

I smiled. “I will do my best.” I moved toward her as I raised my arms in the attempt of a hug.  

She stepped in and returned the hug. Something told me that my life has changed again.

You’d cave.

You’d go back.

You couldn’t let that happen, because fuck him. He doesn’t get to choose for you anymore.

“We’re gonna finish boarding everyone back here, but I think we may be able to place you in first class. We had a cancellation at the last minute.”

“Okay, thank you.” You breathed. You waited about 10 more minutes standing awkwardly at the attendant’s area until she came back for you.

“This way please.” She smiled wide. “We found a great spot for you, it is however the window. If you don’t mind?”

“No that’s fine. Anything is fine.”

“Okay, follow me then!”

You followed her to the front of the plane, sitting in the 3rd row of seats to the window against the left side of the plane. You smiled when you realized the seat next to you was empty. First class was much nicer, only two seats but the same space as the 3 seat isles, so you could breathe your own air. You preferred the isle because you get claustrophobic, you’re already terrified of planes, and you were still on edge from the dramatic break up that took place only hours ago.

You were a mess.

Anxious. Sad. Angry.

Messy bun and scrub pants, and your favorite old hoodie on in between.

Your make up was left over, and thank you Jesus for lash extensions because without them you’d look like a chronically ill person. They were the only thing giving your face some dimension right now as they contrasted with your eye color.

You sat back and closed your eyes. Angry that you had forgotten your ear buds and had taken the last of your anxiety medication on the plane ride up here.

You tried to make your mind wander as you listened to the flight attendants move about and make final preparations, but just as you were sure it was time to close up and start the safety speech someone came jogging up the aisle.

A tall man in a black cap, black jacket, and blue jeans rushed to the seat beside you. You instantly turned to face the window, not wanting to make conversation. It was obvious as he slightly huffed to catch his breath that he had almost missed the flight and was probably running through the airport from God knows where.

He settled in quietly and you could barely see him glance at you from your peripheral vision as he placed his ear buds in and the flight attendants began their speech now that all the doors were closed.

The plane began to make its way down the runway and the engine got louder and louder.

THIS was why you HAD to have your earbuds, or ear plugs, or anything to help reduce the noise. For some reason every groan of the engines and clicking noise convinced you that the engine was going to fail and you’d fall out of the sky to your death.

It was loud and overwhelming and you tried to force yourself to take deep breaths as the plane increased in speed. The wheel bumped against something on the ground and shook the cabin, you instantly reached over and grabbed the arm rests, except one of them was occupied and you grabbed a hand by mistake.

“Whoa, you okay sweetheart?” The man asked taking his ear bud out as you pulled your hand back after shortly making contact with him.

“Sorry.” You barely breathed out as you forced yourself to push air in and out of your lungs. Biting down on your lip as the wheels lifted and the plane lifted into the air.

“It’s okay, almost over.” He said as he reached down and grabbed your hand, letting you squeeze his far too hard as he rubbed his thumb in circles.

Finally, the plane became slightly calmer and more level, and you were finding yourself able to take in one solid deep breath as you opened your eyes.

“You good now?” He asked gently.

“Yes. I’m so, so sorry!” You sighed as you turned to look at him, pulling your hand away slowly as he released you. You thought you were as embarrassed as you possibly could be forcing a stranger to hold your hand because you’re a chicken shit, but no.

Oh no.

It gets so much better.

“Oh… my.” You stuttered as you finally looked up to his face. “Yo-you’re Jensen Ackles.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “That’s what my passport says.”

You looked at him, still slightly stunned as he looked back. Then you slightly leaned forward and pressed your fingers against your head as you began to laugh quietly, a sudden case of the giggles finding its way to you at the absolute worse time- now he definitely thinks you’re crazy.

“Uhhh… I don’t know if I should be insulted or not.” He mused.

“Oh. I-I am. I’m so sorry. It just…” You threw your hands up slightly. “God obviously has a sense of humor.”

Jensen stared at you with a funny look on his face before he lifted his hand to get the attention of the attendant not far from him, you watched in horror. Convinced he was going to ask for a new seat and you had hit an entirely new low in your life.

“Excuse me, can we get two jack and cokes? On my tab please.” He smiled, she nodded and he thanked her.

“What are you doing?” You asked curiously.

“Well. I’m buying you a drink, and then you’re going to tell me about God’s sense of humor.”

“That’s basically my life in one catchphrase.” You smirked.

“Well sweetheart we got about 4 hours left.” He challenged. “You obviously know my name, what’s yours?”

“(Y/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Well (Y/N), it’s nice to meet you formally. I’m Jensen.”

“Oh, I’ve met you before.” You teased, unsure of where this confident humor was coming from since you’d been sulking or crying for the last 12 hours.

“Oh, so we’re old friends?” Jensen smiled as your drinks arrived. He pulled down his tray and set them both there in front of him. He nodded to yours as he picked his up for a swig.

“Oh no, not at all.” You said taking a small sip. “You were meeting hundreds of people that day, I probably blended into the background of your memory.”

“I find that hard to believe.” He challenged and you blushed.

“To be fair, I wasn’t acting like a lunatic that day so I may not have made the impression I’ve made today.”

“I don’t think you’re a lunatic, (Y/N). I think you’re upset. I think you need a drink and a chance to get whatever is in your head out in the open.”

You looked down and twisted your hands back and forth in your lap. Debating on just ripping the wound wide open and definitely letting him think you were a lunatic or airing on the side of caution.

“It was a con, I bet.” He mumbled while he waited for you to weigh out his offer.

“It was.” You chuckled. “I got a photo-op and an autograph, nothing spectacular on my part, but man you were the highlight of my day.”

You shook your head back and forth and leaned back against your seat as you took another sip.

“Well, so far you’ve been the highlight of mine. Today sucked.”

“I’m sorry.” You said honestly as you gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m glad I could make it interesting.”

“I’m glad I could show you God’s sense of humor, how was that again?”

You sighed and smiled up to him.

“I am… a fucking mess right now.” You said plainly. Taking another drink before you started, letting the alcohol drop your guard a little. “I jumped on this plane to run away from my problems. I’m terrified of flying. I’m out of my meds that I usually taken when I have to fly. I left half of my shit in the hurry to pack, so I have no ear buds which is why we’re having this conversation now. I am wearing scrub pants because to be honest that’s all I ever wear, even when I’m not working- sue me. They’re easy to clean. I haven’t brushed my hair in a day, and I’m sure I’m only wearing make up on one half of either of my eyes. So yes… to sit beside Jensen Ackles on a plane, today of ALL days. Is God’s sense of humor.”

You threw back the last of your drink before setting the glass bottoms up on his tray table.

“Although, between you and the frat boys who would have hated me in coach, this is definitely the better option.”

“Yeah, how did you end up here anyways? I always book both seats and cancel one at the very last minute so I don’t have to sit with anyone. I was sure I had the wrong seat at first, but I double checked and here I was. Well technically, I was by the window. But I’m not picky.” He smiled.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” You said feeling bad now that you’ve invaded his space.

“No- no don’t. I’m glad you’re here. These 4 hours are going to fly by.”

“Haha, cheesy plane jokes.” You rolled your eyes as you tried to hide the stupid grin plastered on your face. “They double booked my seat, and the guy who’s in it is one of about six frat guys all sitting together. The flight attendant took pity on me and offered me the last minute cancellation.”

“Lucky you.” Jensen winked.

“Yes. Any other day, lucky me.”

Jensen called for 2 more drinks as he drank the last of his as well.

“So what are you running from?”

“Uhhhh… I just left my fiancé about oh… 7 hours ago. On the day of his sister’s wedding.”

“Wow.” Jensen nodded.

“Yeah. Uh. Kinda hard to stick it out when you find him fucking the maid of honor in the bathroom, but… It was a long time coming anyways. I think I tried to ignore all the flags, and God’s sense of humor gave me one I couldn’t ignore.”

“So you think he had been unfaithful before too?”

“Probably, but it wasn’t just that. It was the controlling everything in my life that started to suffocate me. I mean. When we first started dating it was so nice to have someone order for me and surprise me at dinner or push me to try something new. It was nice to have someone else drive everywhere. It was romantic to let him make plans for us.”

“But…” Jensen pushed, glad he was finally getting you to open up a little.

“When we got engaged, it was like a whole new level. As soon as I said yes he started pushing. First it was how we were going to tell everyone and who I was going to call first. I wanted to call my mom, but instead we made a surprise appearance at his parent’s dinner party so they could be the first ones to know. They put it on Facebook before I ever even got to call my mom.”

“Ouch. That one was a tough one I’m sure.”

“Not really. My mom was very understanding, which made me feel worse.” You shrugged as your second round of drinks arrived and you reached for yours with a small ‘thanks’.

“How long were you together?”

“Together almost 4 years, engaged about a year and half of that. We were trying to plan the wedding, but he shot down everything I’ve asked or picked out so it wasn’t getting us very far, although I guess I should be thankful for that now.”

“Yeah, but. It’s okay if you’re not.”

You looked up to him, kind of surprised that he wasn’t chanting some new single life mantra. Jensen had always come off as happy go lucky, and upbeat. You were betting on him to be the kind that cheered you on with a ‘fuck him’ and a ‘you deserve so much more’ blah blah blahh…

“It’s okay if you miss him.” Jensen said softly. “It’s okay if you second guess this. If you get scared and wonder if you made the right choice by leaving and not trying to work it out.”

You continued to stare at him, slightly dumfounded.

“It’s okay to feel like you’re going to mourn that part of your life. I mean… you’re what. 25? 4 years is a long time in your 20s. It’s a lot of changes and growth in that period of time, and it’s okay if you are sad about losing someone who was there for so much of it.”

“Why do you make it sound so normal?” You whispered.

“Because it is normal, (Y/N).” He assured you. “It’s normal to miss someone even if they were shitty. It’s normal to grieve the things you lost, even if they were things that hadn’t happened yet. You can still be happy to get away from such a terrible person, but miss everything you had.”

You looked away from him and out the window, trying to force the tears at the brim of your eyes to go back in. You did NOT want to cry in front of this man.

“Also- fuck him. You will be so better off without him.” Jensen then said with a cheery smile which made you turn back to him and giggle slightly.

“Yeah. I think you’re right about that.”

“So was the rock big?” He asked as he bounced his eyebrows.

“Yes. It’s huge actually.” You said as you fished it out of your pocket and held it up to him. He let out a low whistle.

“Well I just so happen to know that by law he cannot ask for this back, it was a gift. Any lawyer will side with you, and you should cash that baby in for a vacation you actually want to go on.”

“That, actually sounds amazing.” You smiled as you took another small sip.

“Where would you go?”

“Probably somewhere in the mountains. Don’t get me wrong, the beach is fun. The ocean and the sand, I love it. But it’s the only place we’ve vacationed in years, he had no interest in the mountains. I wanna wake up, look outside and see snowcaps and ridges for miles. Cold air and warm blankets. Fire place at night, stars brighter than I ever get to see back home.”

“Well then it sounds like you’ve got a vacation to book. I actually have a trip booked to Colorado in the next few months… maybe, uh. We can bump into each other and I’ll buy you another drink.”

“Oh that is sweet of you, but you are totally not obligated to take pity on the sloppy woman who stole your seat on the plane.” You assured him, looking down at your feet as you spoke.

“Did this asshole also tell you that you had to be put together to be beautiful? Because if he did he’s an even bigger shit bag. If I was taking pity on you, I’d offer you the extra pair of ear buds out of my bag and  order another drink for myself.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me, Ackles. Why would you wanna do something like that? I could be crazy… I mean. More crazy then I’ve already displayed myself to be.”

“Because.” He chuckled. “You’re real. You’re not trying to impress me or show off. You’re not terrified to hold conversation, and I’m pretty sure God shared his sense of humor with you- that is sexy as hell. On your worst day you’ve turned mine around. So, I’d love to see what you got for me on a good day.”

You sat back and blushed, chewing on your lip slightly, trying to figure out if you had passed out in the airport and are currently having some vivid dream. Before you could reply, Jensen reached over and pinched you.

“Ow, what was that for?!”

“You’re not dreaming, (Y/N). This is not in your head. This is God’s sense of humor playing out to your favor… at least I hope you see it that way.”

“Well I didn’t spend 300 bucks for a photo op not to be a little shell shocked when Jensen Ackles asks me for a drink in the mountains…” You countered with a coy grin.

“Good. Consider it a date. We’re going the last weekend of September.”

“Should I just search the whole state for you?”

“No.” He laughed. “We’re gonna be in Breckenridge.”

“Okay… Breckenridge. Last weekend of September.” You nodded. He smiled back. “So why did you have a bad day today?”

“No way. I’m not complaining about my day after hearing about yours.” He shook his head.

“C’mon… you let me vent. Bought me liquor. Let me steal your seat- which had I known, I would have definitely taken the aisle because I’m claustrophobic as hell.”

“You think you’d be more comfortable if we swapped?”

“Actually… I’m not feeling so claustrophobic at the moment. Just. Warm and fuzzy.” You winked. He smiled back and bit down on his bottom lip. You swore you could have died in that exact moment and been happy on your way to the pearly gates. “Tell me about your day, Ackles.”

“Well.” He sighed. “I had to fly up for a funeral… old friend from school.”

“Jensen I’m so sorry.” You said reaching out and placing your hand on his instinctively. Many years in the hospital had taught you that death and dying sometimes just required a supportive touch, and you were quite accustomed to hugging and hand holding for family members as they grieved.

“It’s okay, he had been sick a long time. He’s not suffering, he’s at peace. He was loved, and that’s all any of us really want to have at the end of the day, right?”

“Yeah. It is. He must have been a great person to be important to you. You don’t strike me as the kind of guy who makes friends with assholes.”

“No, just crazy girls on a planes.” He teased. You let go of his hand to slightly shove him, but he quickly reached for it again. Your whole body felt a warm flush. “He was a great guy, we played ball together growing up. I feel bad, we lost touch for quite a while… just. Life got busy ya know?”

“That’s not your fault. That’s part of growing up.”

“I kept saying I was gonna fly in and visit with him, but… I waited to long. So today was the closest I got to being able to do that. I’m thankful for phones and stuff though, at least we got time to catch up from a distance.”

“I’m sure that meant a lot to him too, he probably knew your life was chaos right now with filming the show and everything. To know that you still thought of him, and made the time to talk to him. Even if it wasn’t in person. I’m sure that left an impact on him and his family.”

“Thanks, I hope so.” He sighed and then turned, obviously ready to change topics. “So, tell me something you’ve never said out loud.”

You pursed your lips as your eyes narrowed on him slightly, trying to decide if you should really let yourself get this vulnerable with Jensen Ackles of all people.

“I would probably let Sam Elliot tap this ass even when he’s 95 and can’t get it up.”

At that Jensen burst out in laughter, and you swore that you could never get tired of hearing that sound. He caught his breath, and turned to you.

“You are not the typical woman, are you?”

“Not so much.” You shrugged. “Or you’ve gotten me slightly drunk and I’ve made a fool of myself so far, not much worse I can do.”

“I’d cop a feel on Betty White purely to say I got to touch em.” Jensen countered. You gave him a look of mock surprise.

“Sir, how distasteful and absolutely attractive of you… I second that.” You said tapping your glass against his as you both took another small drink. “Okay. Honest answer. I know people say all the time that they would do everything the same, that things happen for a reason or whatever. But… there are things I would change. If I could go back, I’d never waste all the time I could have used for better things. I would have travelled more. I would have worked harder in school to avoid loans.”

“Call me crazy, but I’m glad you can’t because then I would have had an extremely sad plane ride home.”

“You never know… you may have met someone else. Someone pretty and fun to distract you.”

“I did meet someone pretty and fun, even if she is a little sad herself.”

You locked your eyes on his and you both sat there for a few seconds longer than necessary. Like you were really seeing each other for the first time.

“What about you, Ackles. Tell me something no one knows about the man who plays the great Dean Winchester.”

“Okay…” He took in a deep breath. “Dean and I have a few things in common. One of those being that all that cocky flirting is more of a front for a guy who struggles to accept that he deserves good things, wonders if he’s doing enough with his life.”

You tipped your head to the side slightly. Shocked to hear such an honest and vulnerable confession from him. You expected it to be a dirty secret from his time in Hollywood or something.

“What?” He asked, suddenly a little nervous as he tapped his foot and readjusted himself.

“You.”

“Me?”

“You honestly don’t understand how much you mean to people do you?” You said with a soft smile. “At that Con, there were so many people who were meeting you for the first time. All I could hear all day long was how nice you were to them, how you treated them like a real person, how you made them feel like you WANTED to be there with them. For some of them it was the highlight of their entire year… You made a difference to them. Not Dean- you. And those are just the strangers you met, listening to Jared or Misha or anyone else talk about how you treat people on set. How you show the upmost respect for any woman in a compromising scene. The way you protect Jared, take care of him. He’s honest enough with the fans that we all know he struggles. We all know that you love him, and that you obviously take care of the people you love. YOU Jensen, deserve good because you give good.”

“You hardly know me.” He shrugged.

“I know enough.” You countered. “You have done nothing but treat me much better than I deserve today. You will be the only reason I’ve smiled in the last 24 hours.”

“Thank you. For all of that…” He paused. “Man, this ex of yours must be a real dumbass to push around someone like you. Can I be honest with you for a moment, and you not get offended?”

“Sure.”

“From what little interaction we’ve had, I am honestly shocked you put up with someone pushing you around for so long. Let someone else make your decisions for you. You just don’t seem like the kind of woman who let’s anyone tell her what she can or can’t do. How the hell did he get you? And how did he manage to keep you for so damn long?”

You looked down to your lap again, chewing on your lip.

“Hey, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have.” He said noting the way you shut down almost immediately.

“We’re being honest right?” You said looking up to him. “No judgements?”

“No judgement… just a guy and a girl on a plane having a conversation. Call it Vegas, what’s said here, stays here.”

“I’m terrified of being alone.” You admitted quietly, a tear threatening to make its way down your face. You coughed to push the strain out of your voice before you continued. “He was so invested in me. He came into my life at a time when I didn’t have a lot of people, and he made himself present in every aspect I needed someone to be. I needed someone to be there when I was going through school and having a hard time, or help with rent when school required more time and my job fired me. I needed someone to force me out of the house, to make me call and speak to my friends and family when I hid myself in this box because I was too far in my own head to get out. It sounds so pathetic, and I hate it.” Your voice cracked for a minute and Jensen reached out and laced his fingers in yours again. “But I have no idea how to be alone, I forced myself to get on this plane because I knew I’d talk myself out of leaving him purely because I’m scared. I’m scared to go home alone.”

You avoided looking up, terrified to see the look on his face. He probably got way more than he bargained for there and surely he’ll be rescheduling his vacation now so that he doesn’t have to deal with you after today. You can’t blame him. He probably thinks you’re going to attach yourself to him now, what a nightmare that would be… the awkward silence was suffocating all of a sudden.

“You are probably the bravest person I’ve met.” He said after a few seconds longer. You looked up to him like he was the crazy one. He reached up and wiped the stray tear that fell down your face. “Oh, I’m serious. I mean, the fact that you’re on this plane. Means that you just looked your fear in the face and told it to fuck off. It means you realized you deserved more, and you went for it. That takes guts, sweetheart. If no one else on the planet will ever know that, and tell you how proud they are- then I will. Because I’m damn proud of you.”

“Well at least someone is.” You sighed as you leaned against his shoulder, surprising even yourself at the move. You were even more surprised when he let go of you and reached down, pushing up the arm rest that separated the two of you, then he swung his arm over your shoulders and let his thumb trace against your arm.

It was the single most comforting thing you’d felt in months.

“You know, you’re not sad or pathetic. He probably did love you, at some point. How could he not?” You looked up to him and rolled your eyes but couldn’t hide the smile that graced your face without your permission. “I’m serious, (Y/N). It’s not sad and I doubt you were getting played from the start. He probably fell in love with you, and who you were as a person. But I also think he recognized that fear in you, and eventually started to use it to his advantage… and that’s not love. He probably ended up cheating because even though he no longer loved you, he knew he could always control you and that part of him wasn’t going to let you leave.”

“Jensen Ackles… actor, director, singer, and now certified therapist for crazy women on planes.” You joked with a smirk. He replied with a classic Dean Winchester smile and you lost the ability to breathe for a moment.

“I just can’t stand the thought of you getting off of this plane feeling defeated, because you should feel so proud of yourself. You shouldn’t go home dwelling on how you wasted all those years. I think he loved you for some of those years, and he obviously helped you through some hard times. It wasn’t a waste, but it just wasn’t what you needed any longer. You need to know you can stand on your own two feet and the world won’t end, because I promise sweetheart it won’t.”

Just as you went to reply the plane began to move unnaturally and you placed a death grip on Jensen’s knee, your other hand reaching up for his as he held you a little tighter.

“We’re okay. It’s just turbulence.” He said softly as your breathing increased and you closed your eyes once again.

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” The captain came over the speaker “We’re hitting a bit of rough patch, we’re going to be out of it shortly as we descend a few hundred feet to get below the storm, please remain seated and fasten your seat belts.”

You and Jensen separated slightly as you both refastened your seatbelts and the attendant came by to gather your empty drinks.

“You okay?” He asked as you both settled again and he placed his hand on your knee this time. He flipped over his palm to face up and you took the hint and wrapped both of your hands around his.

“Yeah.” You sighed. “No more jokes about the world ending while we’re this high up off the ground.”

Jensen chuckled and nodded.

“That’s fair. You don’t fly much do you?”

“No… the flight to the wedding was actually my first one in years. I had one back in highschool, but it was a nightmare.”

“What happened?”

“Turbulence.” You said with eyebrows raised as you looked at him accusingly. He smiled. “It was horrible, it went on for over an hour, they dropped the oxygen masks at one point and everything. I was sure that was it. I never got back on one after that, but my ex insisted that we fly instead of driving because he didn’t want to ‘look tired’ in the wedding photos.”

“You’re facing all kinds of fears today, aren’t you?”

“You must feel much better about yourself after all this. Knowing that you have so much going for you. That you don’t let things like this scare you.”

“There are plenty of things that scare me.”

“Name one.”

“Not being able to be myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… there are so many people who have an image in their head of who I am. What I’m like… and I don’t want to disappoint them, be less than they see. Let them down. Fans. Friends, family. I’m scared I won’t measure up if people really knew me.”

“So you’re facing a fear today too then, huh?” You asked.

“Yeah. I guess I am… are you disappointed?”

“The exact opposite, actually. Even if you didn’t tell me I was pretty and ask me for a drink… you were kind. You treated me like a friend, you’re funny, and damn you look better in person than on TV and I didn’t think that was possible.”

He chuckled to himself and blushed.

“Sorry… alcohol kills my head to mouth filter.”

“I like it that way. Unfiltered. Real… that’s the way you should always be around the people you love. If they can’t love you for who you are without the filters then fuck ‘em.”

“Take your own advice there, Jens.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. Easier to say it than to do it.”

“You’re doing pretty well so far.”

“You make it easy, ya know? I don’t feel like I have to fake it around you. I don’t have to be the person you thought I was before we got on this plane.”

“I’m a people person.” You shrugged. “Comes with the job.”

“What do you do? The scrubs… I’m guessing medical field?”

“I’m a nurse.” You smiled.

“In the words of Dean Winchester… Respectable.” He nodded, you laughed at the reference to the show.

“Haha, I always did love that they married you off to a nurse.”

“You work in a hospital?”

“Yep. Cardiac, I can mend a broken heart.” You joked.

“Good to know.” Jensen nodded. The plane shook again. “I’m guessing all this stress isn’t doing that heart of yours any good, huh?”

“Probably no worse than the amount of caffeine I’ve had in the last 24 hours.”

“I always heard nurses make the worst patients.”

“Facts, Ackles. That’s shamelessly true. It’s because we see everything that can go wrong, we don’t want to know what’s gonna kill us.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah well.” You shrugged. “Sometimes I think we get calloused to minor things, unless someone is gushing blood or stops breathing then it can wait. Including ourselves.”

“I’m storing that knowledge for the future when I have to drag you kicking and screaming to a doctor’s office.”

“Future knowledge, huh?” You asked with a smile you couldn’t hide.

“You never know. The next few months will be big for you, lots of change. I don’t wanna disrupt your healing process here, but uh. I’m definitely looking forward to Colorado now.”

“Yeah, I’ll be booking that as soon as I get home.” You grinned. “I wouldn’t mind having a friend to check in with every once in a while, if he’s not too busy.”

“I think he could make time for that.”

You reached down into your bag, pulling a piece of paper out and using the pen from the back of the seat in front of you to jot down your number, you slid it over to him and he bit down on his lip as he slid it into his pocket.

“One more hour, Ackles. What do you wanna know?” You said as you glanced at the watch on his wrist.

“I wanna know whether or not your ex is going to come home and screw with you, did you guys share an apartment or anything?”

“Rent house. In his name, nothing is in my name actually. Control freak remember?”

“You have somewhere to go?”

“I’ll probably crash with my sister until I get an apartment. Gonna have to find one that takes dogs, because I’m not going without Sketti.”

“Sketti?” Jensen asked skeptically.

“Yes. Sketti. My niece couldn’t say spaghetti and when he was just a baby she ran around yelling sketti and he just seemed to think she was talking to him, so that’s what I named him.”

“What is he?” He smiled.

“Golden Retriever. Big ole derp, but he’s my best friend.”

“Sounds like the start to a great support system. I’m glad you got that part figured out. You got your own car?”

“Yes. That was one thing I didn’t cave on, I wanted to buy something for myself after graduation. It’s not much but it’s mine.”

“That’s all that matters, sweetheart. Just want to make sure there’s nothing he can hold over you.”

“Other than some drunken escapades in Cabo, not really.” You muttered shyly.

“That’s going to have to be our story for next time.” Jensen said with a coy grin.

The two of you continued to talk for the next several minutes, until it came time to land and you closed your eyes and let Jensen distract you with a funny story about Jared from set. Once the wheels hit ground and you finally rolled to a stop, you found yourself almost sad the plane had landed.

“Shall we?” He asked as he stood and reached out his hand to help you out of your seat, following you down the isle and through the ramp to the crowded airport in Dallas.

“Well, you got a ride picking you up?” He asked as the two of you walked slowly.

“I wish. 2 hour layover, and then one more short flight home.” You smiled.

“I guess this is where I leave you then.” He said as he stood in front of you. He pulled his backpack around and began digging through a pocket. First, he pulled something small out and held it in his hand as he zipped open the larger compartment. You were confused as he pulled out an old Cowboys hoodie and looked up to you with a smile.

“For your next flight.” He said as he held out some earbuds. You smiled widely as you accepted them with a chuckle. Then he pushed the hoodie towards you.

“Jensen, I can’t. This looks important to you.” You said as you ran your hand across it, it was clearly well worn and soft. A few frayed edges telling you he’s had it for quite some time.

“It is.” He nodded. “Got me through some hard days. You’ll need more than me for a while.”

“Jensen.” You said softly as you blushed.

“I’ll get it back in a few months.” He winked. You took it from him and wrapped your arms around it.

“Thank you, for this, for the plane… everything. I don’t feel so afraid to go home now.”

“Thanks for letting me just be myself for a while.”

“Anytime, Ackles.” You grinned. “Hey. Don’t go meeting any crazy girls on a plane between now and September.”

“Met my crazy girl quota for the year already.” He teased as he leaned forward and kissed your cheek. You lost your breath for a moment as he pulled back. He walked away but threw a glance over his shoulder at you before disappearing into the crowd.