#johnnydraws

John: *kicks door down looking panicked*

Abigail: What did you do?

John: Nobody died.

Abigail: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!?!

Arthur: All women

Arthur: *draws pistol*

Arthur: are queens!

Micah: If she breathes

Micah: *draws & flips pistol*

Micah: she’s a THOT!

Arthur & Micah: *proceed to duel while yelling*

When John Fucked Off For A Year

Abigail: I eat Cheerios because they’re heart healthy!

Abigail: And my heart has been severely damaged.

Abigail:

Abigail: So John if you’re out there -

When John “Died”

Dutch: Today, I lost my dear son John.

John: *stumbling back into camp* QUIT TELLIN’ EVERYONE I’M DEAD!!!

Dutch: Sometimes, I can still hear his voice.

Chapter 6

Dutch: Okay, I get it. You’re stressed out, a few gang members died -

Arthur: Eight gang members.

Dutch: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now and really who’s fault is that?

Arthur: YOURS!!

Dutch: That’s right: the Pinkertons’.

Hosea: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!?

Dutch: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

Hosea: . . . Oh.

Dutch: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

Dutch: How do you know what’s good for me?!?!

Hosea: That’s MY O P I N I O N!!!!!!

Arthur:

John:

Dutch: Oh, you’re bi? Why don’t you “bi” me some time with a distraction while I crack open this safe, ya fuckin’ goon.

Any given member of the Gang: You got it, boss. *makes out w/ the bank teller & his wife*

Arthur: What are you doin’ on the roof, Reverend Swanson?

Swanson: I lost my frisbee!

Arthur: Are you injecting morphine up there?

Swanson: . . Yeah.

A Quiet Time

Lenny: Are you okay?

Arthur: Short answer or long answer?

Lenny: Short.

Arthur: No.

Lenny:

Lenny: Okay, long.

let's dance :)

(id in alt)