#john mulaney reference

i think about charles rowland so often. so many times a day. it’s not even funny. he’s just always in there like “hey, it’s me, the traumatised bisexual half indian punk genderfuck from the 80s with adhd and daddy issues who thinks he has to be happy and upbeat and positive for everyone to keep the people around him going but in reality he’s scared that he’s a terrible person because he gets angry sometimes. also i’m in love with my best friend who has the most extreme case of autism rizz you’ve ever seen literally everyone wants to fuck him. and i use 80s urban london slang even though i clearly came from a wealthy family because my parents could afford to send me to a fancy posh boarding school, so i’m always saying shit like ‘brills’, ‘ace’, ‘mate’, ‘innit’, ‘oi!’ and ending every sentence with ‘yeah?’ oh and if you’ve ever been mean to me i probably have a crush on you. if you’re mean to someone else though i will end you i don’t fuck with bullies. i’m always swinging around my cricket bat threateningly as if i don’t have a full ass sword in my magic bag that is actually a pocket dimension that only i can navigate. i have never once known what was going on ever in my life, i’m just happy to be here. i cannot articulate any feeling ever but that won’t stop me from whipping out the most romantic shit you’ve ever heard completely on the spot. i need everybody all day long to like me so much. oh and i gave up eternal peace to follow some edwardian twink around and give him a goofy grin every time he says or does anything and hand him shit. i may or may not be colour blind because i don’t know the difference between red and blue. btw i died because of a hatecrime but i’m fine.” and i’m like my beautiful babygirl i love you but i’m literally in a grad school interview right now

Someone asked if I was suicidal and I said no. Yaknow like a liar.

man ! if I had a nickel for every time that guy fires his catchers I would only have two nickels but it sure is weird how it’s happened twice !

you can’t tell me vin deisel’s 5 minute speech about the movies on snl tonight wasn’t inspired by John Mulaney’s bit about Ice-T learning about sex addiction

people dragging dream into every situation is like that one john mulaney bit where he was just OVER ON THE BENCH