#john {c}

So. What if John Constantine starts investing about the Cult of Dionysus, and he's like working on clues and stuff.

And for whatever reason, he finds Bernard.

Like, maybe from Tim or whatever. They meet up, and work together. Like they slowly start having a father son esc bond.

And Bernard was like thinking 'Damn.. is that how it should feel to have a dad??' And just rethinks his life and whatever.

Then loads of stuff happen, and John finds out about Bernard's shitty parents.

Maybe Bernard moves in and maybe some events regarding Bernard's parents.. like suing or trying to get Bernard to go home. Or Bernard's parents die or something but that seems less... sensible?

They have a heart to heart talk or something, Bernard expresses he's greatful. And maybe details like John smoking less or drinking less would be nice.

Hal it’s if your family keeps pestering about a boyfriend and you need to bring someone nice home because maybe you implied you had someone to bring. He can be on his best behavior, he can act like a good boyfriend. He’s cute. He can make small talk. He can help with dishes if it’s like a dinner at home. Your family will love him, and the only problem is that they will want him to come back, so you either have to keep fake dating (mayhaps turns into real dating) or you two have to come up with some kind of lie about why you broke up.

Constantine is who you bring if you need someone awful. He’s who you bring if your family won’t stop bugging you about getting a boyfriend, and you need someone to be so shit that they never ask again. It’s not that Constantine is necessarily a bad guy, he wouldn’t be the worst boyfriend. It’s that if you ask him to act like a nice, proper boyfriend, that’s boring and he’s not going to want to spend an evening doing it. You ask him to be on his absolute worst behavior? Oh he’s absolutely down, especially if you can go do something after. Maybe to a bar - drinks and discussing the stupid shit you just did is always fun.

They both have range I think. Hal especially can play the charming, dream boyfriend your parents have always dreamed off, but in short bouts.

He can also play the broke asf boyfriend who does nothing all day excellently, because that's already what he is when he's not playing superhero. It’s truer to his nature.

Also, Hal comes with the added bonus of being away a lot. You don't have to keep the lie-up or invent a break-up, you just tell people he works overseas, you don't have to specify which seas.

“Wheres that charming man of yours we met last Christmas?”

“Out of the country, working. But he sends his love.”

“Ah, what a shame, lovely man. He's a keeper.”

John can play nice, but there’s gotta be something in it for him. Ultimately, he definitely plays the ‘gonna give your grandparents a heart attack’ boyfriend much better.

i think all i want now is to make illustrations of the best moments of kelso, honestly. Scrubs 3x10: My Rule of Thumb

Hey, champ. What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap?

[points his thumbs at himself] 

that list made me think of my favorite monsterfucker and one particular thought that strikes me is like

John Constantine has got to have some FUN toys. Like this man has some variety. Knotted toys, ribbed ones, tentacles, all the standard monster features one would expect from a toy like that. He’s got a little (or big) collection.

And I also think if he’s got a partner who’s never experimented with that kind of thing? Oh, he’s absolutely got to introduce them to it. Maybe he just watches the show, maybe he gives a helping hand or two? Maybe he just smiled all smug and just makes a knowing comment about how big one of them is or how a certain shape feels.

Honestly, I hadn't thought about that, but yeah, you're right, and you should say it. John would have some scary-looking, interesting toys.

I don't think he's actively shoving them in his partners face, but he's not shy about them at all.

"What's that? Oh, that's just my tentacle depth trainer. You wanna try it? If it's to big, you can also just grind on the base."

He definitely loves to watch, offering little pointers to get you started and words of encouragement, then sitting back and seeing how you react; How your body gets more lax as you grow comfortable with the unfamiliar textures. Your quiet moans getting more raunchy.

His coarse hands holding you still, shushing you, cooing you as he helps push a knotted dildo between your walls. The way you face slowly contorts as you're stretched open, and the sudden look of bliss as it *POP*s, and your walls hungrily pull in the last of it.