Jun 8
BErnArD
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BErnArD
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Tim and Bernard are kidnapped as civilians, and neither of them takes the kidnapping seriously for whatever reason.
(mostly cuz Bernard knows Tim is a vigilante and also knows that the bats would prob save them pretty fucking quick and also they're from Gotham, they prob deal with this shit every week.)
T.W: Lowkey nsfw ig????
Kidnapper: Listen here, if you two don't listen to me, I rip your fucking skin out with this device (holds up some sort of device)
Tim (who slowly glanced at Bernard): ...
Bernard (who was already looking at Tim): ...
Tim (with a straight face): Bet you 50 $ it just vibrates.
Bernard (equally as serious): Bet you my entire batch of pastries that it's also from a sketchy adult store.
Kidnapper: What the fuck- It's a torture device not a-
Tim: Yeah, sure, buddy, what's that rounded top supposed to be for?
Bernard (clearly enjoying this too much): Shoving up your ass.
Spoiler (who was hidden in the ceiling and was trying to rescue them, now fighting for her life to join in on the bet cause she's so sure that the 'torture' device probably has a silicon tip): ....
-----
Bernard (tied up and trying to get free, except he's wearing a short-sleeved shirt and his arm muscles are slightly flexing against the rope): Dammit.
Tim (tied up across from Bernard, high-key hypnotised by his boyfriend's arms): ...
Kidnapper (walks between them to begin speaking): Now listen here, you both are gonna be held for ransom- Do what we say and you won't ge-
Tim (uses his bound feet to poke at the Kidnapper): Move out of the way, you're blocking my view.
Kidnapper (highkey confused cause the wayne isn't taking the kidnapping thing seriously): Shut up! If another word comes out of your mouth, I can't promise I'll return you unharmed.
Tim (clearly still looking at Bernard's arms): ...
Kidnapper (kinda pissed off): What the actual fuck-
Bernard (glances at Tim and realises what he's actually looking at, so he winks at him, cause why not): ...
Tim (closes his eyes): God, this is starting to feel like foreplay-
Bernard (with a raised eyebrow and deadly serious): Starting?
Kidnapper (exaggerated): Oh my fucking god- I don't even want them anymore-
-----
Bernard (picks up his phone and looks shocked as random kidnappers livestream Tim's kidnapping to his close friends and family): Oh no- Tim (bloody and bruised as he glances at the camera and forces through his teeth): Wha... what-
One of the kidnappers: Now... How does it feel Mr Drake? Having your suffering broadcast to all of your family and loved ones?
Bernard (frantically getting ready cause he doesn't give a fuck if the bats are gonna save Tim; he's gonna be there too): ...
That Kidnapper (smug as he leans down to Tim's level on the ground): What do you have to say for yourself?
Tim (without missing a breath): My boyfriend can choke me better than you people.
Bernard (jaw-struck and 100% sure that Tim's gonna return more smug but more messed up and trying not to be flattered that even while Tim is kidnapped, he is thinking about him): ...
Nightwing (who was supposed to save Tim, now kinda wondering if he should leave Tim to lowkey take a few more hits before he actually rescues him): ...
Robin (who was forced to come along to save Tim): Let's just leave him to die.
Okay. Hear me out on this. BUT. Instead of a beach thing, make Tim and Bernard go fishing.
Bernard being a huge fish nerd just kinda speaks to me.
Like imagine him freaking out about catching a new fish.
Expecally cause Bernard is canonically a Bio student.
And Tim was like 'Thats nice babe...'
Bonus points if they went there cause Bernard wanted to see if the Nessie was real.
(Imagine Bernard playing splatoon...)
I want the batfamilys Pov of tim showing up wih bernard who doesn’t fear the bats at all, like hero identities or not, just no fear. And shovel talk fails miserably
The hour is unholy and there might be a ghost in the kitchen but lets go!!!
TW: Suggestive content, I mean it's my characterization for Bernard. C'mon guys... Freaky Bernard Dowd>>>
While your down there…
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I just think its funny if for the demigod!Bernard au he can just drive the batmobile because of Apollo’s driving lessons
Bernard and Tim on a car chase with the batmobile, tim’s shot so he can’t drive
Tim: Bear how’d you learn to drive this thing, I took weeks to figure it out
Bernard: actively having a flashback
Bernard learning to drive starting with the honda civic! Sun chariot,
Apollo transforms it into a schoolbus mid drive: You have to learn to drive anything Bernie
Bernard, adjusting to the bus: dad what?
Apollo transforms it to a convertible: Look with your life, you need to learn many types of vehicles
Bernard: I don’t think I’ll ever drive a car like th-
Apollo turns it to the batmobile mid convo
Bernard, visibly panicking with the thirteen gears : now when in my life will I have to be able to drive this
Ending the flashback,
Bernard, shifting gears to a reverse: y’know..driving lessons with dad dearest..
The way you draw old people is so satisfying to see, like yes girl show us those wrinkles, show us those white hairs from the unimaginable stress you've been put through
I LOVE YOU OLD PEOPLE, SHOUT OUT TO OLD PEOPLE, DAWG!!