#bernard

Tim, laying with Bernard, in his room in the manor:

Bernard, playing with his hair while doom scrolling conspiracy theories on TikTok:

Damian: DRAKE, I DEMAND— Who is this?

Tim: Bernard.

Bernard: Sup.

Damian: . . . Did Father approve this?

Tim: I didn't ask his permission to date Stephanie.

Damian: Oh, you've finally realized you were homosexual? Todd and Brown have been theorizing for months.

Bernard, snorting:

Tim: Wha— not gonna ask... Anyways, yeah, I'm bi, this is my boyfriend, Bernard, Damian, Damian, Bernard Dowd. Now go away.

Damian: I must inform you, Dowd, that I am skilled and any threat to my family is—

Bernard, gasping excitedly: Am I being shovel talked by Robin?!

Damian: I... How do you...

Bernard, shifting to sit up proper and grin at Damian: Continue. I'm listening.

Tim: Don't encourage him, Bear.

Damian: You are... Perfect for Drake. Nevermind. Carry on.

Bernard: WAIT, NO, YOU DIDN'T EVEN PULL A SWORD ON ME! D:

—

Cassandra, in Black Bat gear, waiting in Bernard's car: My brother has bruises, not from patrol.

Bernard, who just got out of classes and got inside: Uhhh... yeah..?

Cassandra, twirling a batarang around her fingers: Care to explain?

Bernard: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Cassandra: If you are hurting my brother, I have to tell you now that I am not proud of the life I took, the disgust I felt and feel for it. But, I would not hesitate to reconsider if it were to protect the family I am devoted to.

Bernard:

Cassandra:

Bernard, bursting into laughter:

Cassandra: ??? Have you been dosed with Joker venom?

Bernard: No, no, (cue snort), no. It's sex. Timboo and I are into some freaky stuff.

Cassandra: . . . Oh. Oh.

Bernard: Yeah, so, anyway, wanna go get some Batburger? I'm starving and Tim never grocery shops for anything besides microwaveable meals and zesti. It's horrible.

Cassandra: I. . . sure?

Bernard: Nice. I've been meaning to try out that limited edition Red Hood meal. I heard they give you an actual gun with it!

Steph and Babs who were on comms and heard the whole thing:

—

Dick: You get along well with Tim, huh?

Bernard, waiting in the foyer for Tim to finish up a case so he can drive him home (Tim can't be trusted behind the wheel after four days without sleep): I like to think so.

Dick: Good, good... He told me a lot about you back in your high school days.

Bernard: Yeah, I was a little... Much. At least I didn't run away from home and start a group of heroes with metas and aliens several cities away though.

Dick: That... Is unimportant. Anyways, I hope you treat Tim well.

Bernard: Yes, sir. I'll be sure to fulfill all his sexual needs!

Dick: What?

Tim: Bear! You ready to go?

Bernard: Timboo!! :D Yeah, let's get outta here, I left the car running so it wouldn't get cold. I know you hate a cold car.

Tim: Ugh, anybody would after fighting Freeze in the sewers...

Dick, watching as they leave: What?

—

Jason, sharpening a knife: So.

Bernard, who called Jason (specifically asking for the closest bat, who happened to be Jason) after Tim stumbled into their boat and promptly passed out from blood loss: So?

Jason: I'm sure you're aware that your sweetheart 'ere and I didn't get along to well back in my rebellious years.

Bernard: The years you slit his neck and attacked him while dressed in that Party City "no refund" one size doesn't fit all basic b#$-&$ Robin suit that you grew out of the moment you decided Daddy issues trumps justice and morality and ran off to have the world's longest tantrum?

Jason:

Jason: Ex-f#-$&ing-scuse me?

Bernard: Cry me a river. Hurt Tim again, in any way, and I'll draw di$%s on all of your helmets and start a cult based around the dead Robin, not you by the way, Stephanie, the superior dead Robin, and have all your goons join said cult.

Jason:

Bernard: I expect Tim to be singing your praises by the end of the week or I'll go for your lieutenants first. He likes skateboarding, a hobby he picked up back in Brentwood while chasing a gang of skater punks, and he likes D&D but hates sci-fi movies, Stephanie took him to one on their first date while dressed as Robin and the Spoiler, he prefers Sherlock Holmes and mystery novels, specifically detective, but he's not picky. He likes pizza, he used to get it all the time with his Dad and step Mom. Got it?

Jason: I... Got it.

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