#joel why

"Sorry I'm so late! I had a gig," she says, kissing her parents, and saying hello to Joel's parents and Mei and the other guests Shirley had roped into this thing.

The date hangs back. Tall and good-looking. Dark-haired.

"Mama, Papa, you remember Lenny." Midge says, smiling hopefully.

No fucking way.

No.

Joel's ex-wife has brought Lenny fucking Bruce as her New Years date.

How the fuck-what the fuck-

"Lenny!" Abe cries. He sounds so friendly. "Good to see you more on your feet than last time."

"Yes, thank you," Lenny says, having the good sense to look sheepish. "That was a very confusing morning, but I've finally recovered."

How the fuck does Abe know Lenny Bruce?

"Lenny and I were arrested together one time," Abe supplies without prompting, and Moishe looks deeply impressed.

"Why don't I get you kids some drinks," Shirley offers before flitting off.

Lenny gets dragged into a conversation with Abe and Moishe and Joel can only stare in deep, deep shock.

Lenny and Midge.

Midge and Lenny.

How long has this even been going on?

"How are the kids?" Midge asks him, and he stares at her as if she is a completely and utter stranger.

Midge looks gorgeous, of course. Black dress and perfect make-up. Her hair is a little out of place from the snow (unless his ex-wife was making out in the back of a cab with Lenny Fucking Bruce), but otherwise she looks as beautiful as ever.

"Hello?" Midge asks, concerned. "Earth to Joel Maisel."

"What?"

"Our children?" Midge asks. "They still exist, correct?"

"They're upstairs," Mei provides, stepping over. "Asleep."

Midge smiles gratefully. "Thank you. I think Joel died or something."

Mei snaps in his face, and he wrinkles his nose.

"I'm not dead!"

"If he were, he'd make a very interesting case study for my classes," Mei says. "How was your show, Midge?"

"It went really well!" Midge beams.

Does she smile that way for Lenny Bruce?

What else does she do for Lenny Bruce?

That thing with her tongue, where she-

"Drinks!" Shirley calls, shaking Joel far, far away from that thought.

Midge takes her. "Thank you."

"So how long have you and Lenny been together?" Mei asks. "He's handsome."

Joel turns to stare at his girlfriend. The traitor.

"A month?" Midge ponders, before turning to the man himself. "You! When did this whole thing start?"

"You and me?" Lenny asks. "I don't know. Back of the police cruiser, Steve Allen or Miami?"

They're speaking an entirely other language, and Joel feels his head spin a little. They speaking the language of a couple who knows each other far too well.

"Officially about a month," Midge supplies. "But we've been dancing around it since earlier this year when we met up in Miami."

Joel's mind goes haywire at all of this, and before he can stop himself, he's grabbing Midge by the arm, dragging her into the empty kitchen.

"Ow. Joel."

"Lenny fucking Bruce?"

"Joel-"

"You're dating Lenny fucking Bruce? You brought Lenny fucking Bruce to my parents home?"

Midge takes a breath, and lets him get all of this out of his system. She doesn't try to fight, she doesn't try to explain herself. Technically, Joel knows she doesn't have to. He's with Mei, and they're not together, but he just can't stop the anxiety train.

"What the hell, Midge? Why'd it have to be him, huh? You couldn't find some other other coworker to fuck?"

"Oh, wow," Midge says, taking a step back.

"You had to go for the guy I actually idolized. Go fucking figure."

Lenny steps in then, putting himself between them. "Far be it from me to stick my nose where it doesn't belong-"

"It doesn't belong," Joel snaps. "We were having a conversation."

Lenny thinks about that, and then turns to Midge. "Were you having a conversation, or was he just berating you for doing something he doesn't like very much?"

"Door number two," Midge says quietly. "But I got this. Go let my father talk your ear off, and I'll be in in a minute."

"You're sure," Lenny checks. "Because he's short. I could probably stuff him into a garbage can or something."

Joel sees red, but holds himself back from taking a swing at the guy.

"That's very tempting, but I'm sure," Midge says. "Go."

Lenny nods, eyes Joel one more time, and then steps back out, leaving them alone once more.

"Okay," Midge says softly once he's gone. "However you feel about Lenny? For now at least, he and I are together. So that's something you're going to have to deal with. No, I did not 'go for him' because of you. He and I met, and we've known each other for a couple of years, and things...happened. So we decided to try something more formal, which is why I brought him tonight."

"But-"

"This is my life," she cuts him off. "Mine. You stopped getting a say in it when you left. You left, Joel, and the consequences of that choice is still the same. Namely that you have to sit back and watch me live and maybe even fall in love with someone else."

They stand there in silence for a long moment, and Joel can't meet her eyes.

"Do you love him?" he asks.

Midge shrugs. "I'm still thinking about it. Maybe."

They leave it at that, both of them going back into the living room, and Midge steps over to Lenny, sitting down next to him silently. Joel watches him take her hand as he keeps talking to Abe.

He watches them the entire night, much to Mei's annoyance, and eventually, as he's leaving the bathroom, catches them standing by a deserted window, watching the snow together. Lenny's arms are wrapped around Midge, and they're talking quietly.

"Seemed like a pretty bad fight."

"It's just Joel," Midge sighs softly. "I'm okay."

"You know, we coulda just gone to another club, rung in the new year with a bunch of drunks," Lenny offers. "Skipped this."

"We had to rip the band-aid off at some point," Midge shrugs.

"Well," Lenny says, kissing her temple. "Happy fucking new year."

She laughs softly. "Happy fucking new year, Lenny."