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HE PLAYS BASS

synopsis: after your last relationship, you thought you would never be able to find love. but love comes in strange forms, and one of those forms is somehow your band’s bassist, kimata syoya. ⌙ 15.1k

pairing: bassist!kimata syoya x vocalist!fem!reader

genre: fluff + angst + slice of life

tags: band!au, non-idol!au, lots of pining, reader’s slightly younger than syoya, the band’s a family, bandmates to lovers, everyone is very confused, very messy so no judging pls, the lcu is present (lapone cinematic universe), ik nothing about bands/instruments so take everything with a grain of salt

warnings: language, heavy miscommunication, slightly suggestive, mentions of toxic r/s, scenes of lashing out, use of rihito as a plot device (sorry), jealousy

author’s note: yet another beabadoobee inspired fic, lets all act surprised… it’s a long one so please enjoy this self indulgent ass oneshot !!! this is my gift to jams for the new years !

songwriting’s always just come natural to you. it was the thing you enjoyed most; conveying your heart and soul through your lyrics. sometimes, joy flowed through your pen as you jotted down all your thoughts, and in rare occurrences, it was yearning. but all you could understand was that it was your escape from reality.

and so you created a band with some of your other friends. main vocals were your position, miu was on guitar with junki, koshin, the youngest, had the keyboard, syoya was the band’s bassist; and your dignified drummer position belonged to keigo. but of course you couldn’t forget your self-proclaimed ‘band manager’ — or so he says — sano yudai, who exuded a sense of recklessness yet somehow possessed a calm character at times.

the band actually scouted koshin after hearing him play piano and singing at a local open-stage cafe, where you all were baffled at his raw talent. the boy had fit the band’s concept perfectly, definitely a welcomed addition.

meanwhile, at junki’s desk, you exasperatedly covered your face. the words seemed to stubbornly refuse to etch themselves onto the infuriatingly blank page of your notebook. for context, only hours ago, inspiration had bloomed in your mind. and you couldn’t wait to note it all down. so there you were, sprawled out on the guitarist’s bed and drowning in self-pity.

for you, writer’s block used to be something you never thought you would ever experienced; almost a fairytale.

minutes later, a knock rang out from behind the door. and as you softly answered, it creaked open to show syoya standing animatedly with his eyes fixed on you. the man stepped through the frame and made his way to you after shortly shutting the door. taking a seat on the bed, his gaze alternated between the notebook on your stomach and the annoyed look that was plastered on your expression.

“what’s wrong?” syoya broke the silence.

fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you answered without meeting his concern-filled eyes.

“it’s just—” a heavy sigh escaped your lips. “i can’t write. like, all the ideas are there but i just can’t seem to write them down. i don’t know where all my inspiration has gone.”

you shifted from your position and sat up, hands covering your face.

“don’t push yourself too hard, nothing’s going to get done if you do that. you’re one of the best songwriters i’ve ever seen — if not the best. it’ll come to you.”

“ thank you, syoya. i appreciate it. you know, it’s a huge compliment coming from someone as talented as you.”

his hand rested on your shoulder. “no worries! it’s all true.”

for the first time then, you tilted your head up, observing the features of the bassist before shooting him a knowing smile.

as the whole band were over at junki’s to chill, the door flew open and junki rushed in the room.

“guys, yudai’s told us that he’s got some big news!”

“what?” you both questioned at the same time.

“there’s no time for questions! just come down now!” he frantically gestured for the two of you to follow him downstairs.

the other members were settled across the living room with yudai standing proudly in the centre, a smug grin on his face. the man crossed his arms, remarking swiftly.

“so, you guys took your time.”

“oh, fuck off.” you replied quickly before taking a seat on the couch and syoya plopping down next to you.

yudai chirped up again. “now we’re all gathered, i have amazing news for our band.”

“with all this band talk, you’d think he was actually managing us.” keigo murmured across from you, prompting fits of laughter and giggles from a majority of the members.

“hey! that’s not a very nice thing to say.” an expression of faux anger formed on the band manager’s face before he continued. “i was able to get us a place for rehearsal. it’s not too far from here, but you guys won’t have to keep on doing all that shit in my garage or whatever. that means no more sound complaints, yay!”

“wait, is this a prank or what? is this actually true?” miu questioned warily.

“no? it was surprisingly quite inexpensive, to be honest.” the man replied.

all of you cheered before rushing to embrace the man in a tight hug, expressing your gratitude. it was no secret that it was a collective wish to have a space dedicated for rehearsal. you all took the band seriously and that was the first step. the second was to make it; hopefully getting a music label to to sign you. but that could come later.

junki — who’d previously been quiet — shouted randomly, which prompted a majority of you to flinch.

“when can we go to check it out?” the man asked enthusiastically, clinging onto koshin’s wrist.

yudai hummed. “probably tomorrow..? if you’re all free that is.”

in unison, you all nodded in thought.

while syoya and keigo conversed animatedly off to the corner of the room, the other three men cracked jokes, laughing a little too loudly for your liking — namely junki and yudai guffawing, while koshin watched in awe of their stupid actions.

miu pulled you aside, a huge smile plastered her face. “can you believe that he’s actually managed to get us a place? for once, yudai’s proved that he’s capable of using his brain!”

“do you really hate him that much? you both are like animals, always fighting, i swear.” you countered, failing to suppress your laughter.

“he ate my yogurt the other day, so yes!” nudging her gently, you tutted at her answer before shaking your head in disappointment. it was always cat and mouse between them; typical miu and yudai.

before the girl in front of you could whine any further, said man confirmed the time you were all supposed to gather to move everything in.

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when yudai claimed that the place was ‘surprisingly inexpensive’ you certainly didn’t consider a real rehearsal studio? your jaw dropped as you fumbled your phone to recheck the address that was sent to you by the band manager. it was… right? the building was furbished neatly, with an elegant exterior. you knew yudai was rich but not this rich; there’d be no way he was able to afford something like that.

the area surrounding the studio was tranquil, there wasn’t too much hustle and bustle around the area, making it perfect for band practice.

you turned to the other members, mirroring their own shocked expressions.

“is he crazy?” junki quipped.

“must be. there’s no way.” keigo added.

miu cleared her throat. “where the fuck is he anyways?”

the ringing tone only sounded out as you tapped impatiently, bringing your phone to your ear. “syoya told me that he and koshin would ride with yudai.”

just as you finished your sentence, a white jeep — specifically yudai’s white jeep — had rolled past you and parked a few feet away. the three men — or boys as miu would say — hopped out, casually strolling towards you.

you noticed something different about the bassist headed towards your group of four. his hair was styled? the thick strands held a middle part, a part of his forehead showing. it looked good on him. he looked good.

what? you snapped out of your thoughts as yudai twirled a set of keys around his finger.

“hope i didn’t keep y’all waiting long.” a smug grin tugged at his lips, his dimples making an appearance. he swooshed the strands of hair out of his eyes dramatically before holding out his arms as he passed you, his poise reminding you as that of a bodyguard. “stand back!”

koshin and miu rolled their eyes dismissively as junki and keigo burst out laughing, seemingly entertained with his antics. amidst the ruckus, syoya made his way to your side.

“hey.”

“hi.” you replied. “how was the drive here?”

“it was nice—“

the words slipped out. “by the way, i like what you did with your hair. it suits you.” a small smile formed on your features as you noticed the maroon colour that painted his cheeks.

“ah… thank you?” he grinned sheepishly, the response sounding more like a question.

for someone that was so cool on stage, he was really so awkward off it. it was cute.

both of you had become so caught up that you hadn’t noticed that the rest had already unlocked the doors and begun exploring the studio. with a call of both of your names, you rushed in quickly without a second word. your previous thoughts were correct, the studio was the real deal. there were already instruments waiting there for you; yudai had even gone through the trouble of bringing some of your amps too. there were two couches at the corners; beanbags too. further down, you could make out what was to be a recording booth?

“sano yudai. is that a—“ you looked over at him in pure shock.

“a recording booth, yes!”

your jaw dropped as you charged towards him, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“you’re definitely my favourite person now. are you kidding, is this even real?”

the other five members cooed at your reaction as the man struggled out of your bear grip.

“i know you’ve been wanting your own place to.. you know, create music. you do so much for the band, basically writing all the music and put so much into it. you really deserved it.”

you could almost feel the tears as you waved your hands about in dismissal and walked into the studio. it wasn’t too large, just comfortable enough for two or three at a time, it felt so homely to you. this was really the only thing you’ve ever really wished for.

you were going to create so many memories here.

it felt so surreal; nothing else could compare. in a daze, you walked towards the rest of the group. “someone pinch me, i think i’m dreaming.” but the feeling of someone actually pinching you caused you to let out a loud yelp in pain. “i was joking. come on, keigo! that wasn’t funny.”

“but you asked someone to pinch you…” he countered.

syoya interrupted. “yeah man, you should stop.”

“you always take her side, that’s no fair.” keigo huffed to himself in annoyance.

when your gaze flickered to his figure, you noticed his eyes were already on you to which you tilted your head in question. an awkward chuckle emerged from his throat and syoya couldn’t help but smile at your reaction.

you let out groan, “i’m not going to let someone like keigo ruin the best day of my life. i’ll just appreciate yudai!” a ‘hey!’ in annoyance left the drummer’s mouth as he processed your words towards him.

padding softly around the studio, you admired the interior with a big smile on your face. it was perfect. the aura that radiated off the building accommodated the serious energy of the band. slowly, the rest of the member’s had gathered at the lounging area of the studio. one by one, you all thanked yudai, who you could tell was enjoying it to the fullest. it’s not everyday that the band manager was serenaded with flattery instead of being the target of relentless teasing and insults.

“it’s just what i do. no need to thank me.” he announced smugly.

“you can almost see how much bigger his head’s gotten. we better stop with the compliments.” the drummer pointed out.

miu stepped in, defusing the situation. “whatever. since we’ve gotten our practice place sorted out. what’s left now is our final dream—“

“being signed to a record label!” junki’s voice boomed in excitement.

“thanks for cutting me off so kindly, junki.” the guitarist dejected.

“of course, you’re welcome!”

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kimata syoya thought you were pretty.

from the first moment his eyes met yours, they’d lured him to be bewitched. that junki really should’ve warned him about it, was his thought at first. the man would’ve cleaned up a bit before meeting the band for the first time.

there you were on the couch, a notebook sprawled across your lap, a pen caught between your teeth whilst looking frustrated. the bassist had never been competent at talking to girls, even though he was loud and sometimes bubbly, syoya could not find it in himself. especially pretty ones like you.

and your voice. if syoya wasn’t infatuated when he first noticed you, he definitely was when he heard you sing.

syoya thought you were so pretty, it hurt.

no, it ached.

and to make things worse, he’d joined the band by the time you had started to learn guitar, so he tried his best to offer assistance. but it certainly wasn’t healthy how his heart would practically swell double in size whenever you’d directly ask him for guidance.

despite all that, syoya’s only hope was that you thought he was pretty too.

the man had observed your personality quite a bit. he’d noticed how you would sometimes baby and tease koshin even though you were only a few years older, how you’d willingly consult with junki about your original songs, how you’d constantly gossip cheerfully with miu; syoya could tell how much you loved the band.

with you, of course you thought syoya was pretty too. though unlike him, ‘in a friendly way! because you and syoya were both just friends.’ repeated like a mantra in your mind.

but now, quite frankly, something had changed. your body had suddenly become more alert whenever he was in the vicinity. that unpleasant churning in your stomach only amplified, creating more discomfort when around him. it was reminiscent of the feeling of nervousness, but ten times worse.

there was something seriously wrong with you.

it wasn’t noticeable at first, but somehow gradually shifted to becoming unbearable. the feeling was partially unfamiliar — not new, but an emotion you yearned to feel again.

no one could disagree that you’ve always put up a front, avoiding situations that would inevitably leave you vulnerable. specifically love. that route wasn’t particularly unfamiliar to you. you knew it all too well. and you hated it. so much to the point you would rip your own heart to never feel it again out if you could.

the route known as rihito. the man who’d assisted with your groceries one random day, with a big grin plastered his face. it was cute, really. so you decided to give it a try with the somehow charming bassist of the random underground band called ini.

just for it to ruin you.

getting with the only girl he knew was low; even worse how it was one of your childhood friends. maybe if ikezaki rihito bothered to notice just how much effort you put into the relationship; making sure to call him everyday, sending good morning texts, planning dates, turning up to all his shows in support of him, waving some stupid banner with his name in full.

that was over a year ago. yet the mental scars were ever fresh in your mind, still beckoning you to reminisce once in a while. sometimes you’d act on the urge to coop up in your room of your shared apartment with miu and sob in your bed as she’d knock quietly, asking if you’d eaten yet or how you were feeling. whenever reminded of his existence, your heart would constrict.

being totally transparent, you had despised the hold he still had on you. how even the letters of his name used to cause you distress.

but there’d been this constant thought that bugged you; it was your fault. rihito at the start compared to towards the end of the relationship was just so… different.

then, you could only wonder; where was the sweet man you once knew? did he become bored of you?

however, you were better now. he no longer plagued your mind and slowly seeped away from your memory. his name was completely foreign to your lips.

what replaced the unwelcomed memory was the enigma known as kimata syoya.

“[name]!”

a voice cut through your train of thought. jolting up from your seat at the call of your name, you were met with yudai’s eyes that flashed with confusion. he’d asked you to meet at your local cafe so abruptly that it had scared you.

“were you even listening?” his eyes raked over the features of your face, noting your zoned out expression and the frown on your lips. “you look out of it.”

you shook your head. “i’m fine. what were you saying?”

“oh yeah! recently, i’ve been seeing posters all around asking for an opening act for that one music festival, harmony fest.”

“no way!” a gasp left your mouth as your eyes widened.

“so, i was thinking we could, you know, secure that spot?”

in disbelief, you swirled around the coffee that was in your cup, watching the ripples intensify the more you swished.

“you’re crazy,” you paused. “totally the kind of crazy we need.”

your manager grinned widely and stuffed the remains of cake on his plate into his mouth, the sudden action making you coo internally. once finished, he jumped up, startling you once again.

“let’s go!” spinning on his heel, he’d already began to make his way outside.

furrowing your brows, you gathered your belongings and rushed after him. there was a nagging excitement bubbling in your heart. there’d be no way your band would be chosen to open for the harmony fest, right?

only minutes later, you found yourself standing in front of a tall, sleek building at yudai’s side. the nerves had gotten to you and made you more antsy than usual. you kept telling yourself; you guys had to seize the opportunity, of course people would only become more curious about the band if you attended an anticipated music festival with other known artists.

wiping your clammy hands on the sides of your cardigan, you exhaled heavily before stepping inside with the man next to you. the white marble interior paired with the soft music playing in the back raised the ambience of the building, putting you at ease. a few metres ahead of you, a large desk lay, with people — secretaries and receptionists, you figured — occupying the seats, busy like bees, taking phone calls and furiously scribbling things down.

the setting caused you to peer around in awe as you walked up to the front. lazily, you watched as your manager exchanged words animatedly with the secretary, only snapping back when he told you to wait for him.

“i’ll be back. just gonna go and smooth things out.” yudai said nonchalantly.

“hmm, okay.” you made your way to the couch across from you, taking a seat and occupying yourself with your phone to try to pass the time. somewhere along the way, bored of your phone; you observed the pedestrians outside. their busy nature calmed you.

as you sat in the hallway, muffled voices of yudai and an unknown man drifted towards you, creating a sense of curiosity. you strained to catch every word, your forehead creasing when you heard the man say, “say hello to your father for me.”

“of course! i can’t begin to express my thanks.” yudai’s tone had this odd professional flair to it.

you knew yudai extremely well, but the mention of his father raised a thousand questions. why was this stranger talking to him about his father? what exactly did he mean? as the footsteps grew louder, you instinctively slumped back into your seat. your eyes widen as you recognise the man next to yudai when they walk towards you; a very famous music label manager. as you scramble to bow, the man lets out an airy chuckle dismissing you playfully.

“i’ll be on my way now, it was nice of you to stop by yudai and miss…” he gave yudai’s back a light slap.

“uhh, [name]!” you introduced yourself.

“miss [name]. i’ve heard good things about your talent from this young man over here, i can’t wait to see your performance.”

the statement caught you off guard, causing your pupils to widen as you accepted the offer to shake his hand enthusiastically. after retracting your hand, you bowed again as he began to walk away from you, leaving your jaw agape.

“you should close your mouth or you’ll catch flies.” your manager giggled beside you.

“there is no way your ass knows him,” your voice was shaky with shock. “bro, you must be some sort of superhero! this is so crazy.”

“save the flattery for until we tell the others, [name].” yudai remarked, a lazy smirk playing on his lips.

and that, you did.

as soon as you all met up at the studio, you stayed silent.

shaking your hands in a jazz-hands motion, you announced loudly. “guess who’s performing at harmony fest?”

keigo was the first to react, shouting in disbelief; the others following closely behind.

harmony fest was a big event for any and al artists in your area. your bandmates all crowded around you until you broke it up.

“it’s all cause of our favourite rich kid yudai, of course.”

the man walked forward, reaching his arms out. “now you guys can hit me with all the compliments.”

“he is so weird.” miu muttered under her breath. you nudged her side, prompting her to stop herself. “…such a cool guy!”

“miu not bullying me for once?” yudai asked sarcastically. “i like this side of you way more!”

“oh shu— ow! i mean, sure!”

“i guess nepotism has its benefits.” junki added. “let’s go out tonight and celebrate our one and only nepo baby.”

“that’s more like it.” yudai nodded. “who’s paying?”

everyone looked at him.

“oh.” he began “but that’s not fair, i thought i was being celebrated.”

“tough.” it was miu’s turn to snort.

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you dropped your face into your hands, exasperated; the acoustic guitar laid forgotten in your lap. confusion etched your expression as you squeezed your eyes shut in an attempt to gather your thoughts. why weren’t the ideas just flowing from your head? in your brain, the chords were there, the lyrics were already written, the idea was perfectly thought out. frankly, you didn’t know what exactly was wrong with you.

previous supportive comments from your members flooded your mind. maybe all you had to do was think positively? one peculiar thing flashed in your mind. a bassist, the band’s bassist; your bassist— kimata syoya. words and thoughts alike failed you, there was no reason for you to be deep in thought over him.

you groaned aloud for what seemed like the thousandth time. why did songwriting have to be so impossible sometimes?

relaxing into your chair, you let your eyes scan the room. the black, sound-proofed walls and the microphone stand behind the glass panel that was in front of you. you imagined yourself behind it, diligently singing into the mic; searching far and wide for the right note, the right pitch, the right you. it might’ve been a peculiar image to others, but it certainly wasn’t to you. music was your life. and it was what brought a smile to your face and bubbled determination in your heart.

tapping the guitar, you hummed in newfound motivation. you faced the booth, peering down. fingers danced along the strings as you began strumming softly, singing along.

“hey, won’t you call me back? ‘cause i’ve been waiting for a text back. it hurts my brain.” taking a short breath, you continued, your voice conveying just how vulnerable you felt. “this guy who plays bass.” as the verse came to a close, you heard a loud twang. fuck. you had played the wrong chord.

“that’s the wrong chord. you were totally off-key.” a voice cut in, causing you to turn around, following the voice.

in return, a weak smile tugged at your lips. “as if didn’t know that. but of course, i need the great guitar expert kimata syoya to tell me.”

from the doorframe, he chuckled before taking a seat in the chair next to you; manoeuvring it so that he was in your direct line of view.

“here. this fret.” his voice was like a gentle melody, cascading onto your ears while he placed his finger on yours, directing it to the right chord on the very-much forgotten guitar. as he leaned towards you, the close proximity caused you to hold your breath in anticipation whilst your gaze zeroed in on the mole just below his lips. “try it again.”

you nodded, attempting to follow the instruction — only failing embarrassingly when your finger misses the chord a second time; the twang once again strewn in the atmosphere.

the bassist shook his head, before giggling. yet, you couldn’t help but be glued to the crinkles of his eyes.

heaving himself up from the seat, syoya swerved around your chair; only resting his hands on your shoulder when you tried to turn around and follow him.

“stop slouching over your guitar, you’re going to become a hunchback in only a few months at this rate.” he remarked before peering over your shoulder and enveloping his somehow-warm hands on top of yours, once again instructing you to place the instrument comfortably. the scent of his cologne reaching your senses caused you to notice just how close you were. you froze as his chin brushed your shoulder; only millimetres away from resting upon it. his finger tapped the strings of your guitar once more.

“this chord, right here.” the bassist tapped it once again before continuing. “might be a little hard for you to reach it since your hands are so small.”

“syoya.” you deadpanned. “pretty sure that this doesn’t even involve hand size. and your hand is like a nanometre bigger — actually if anything they’re the exact same size so i don’t want to hear that coming from you.”

the man only hummed in response, ushering you to quickly quieten down. his figure loomed over you, a stark reminder of the proximity between you both.

“now play that chord, and hold this fret with your index and middle.”

nodding along, you attempted it again and was met with a positive result. in blind joy, you bounced out your chair and engulfed syoya in a hug, threading your arms around his neck after setting down the guitar. there was a split moment of awkward hesitation from him, his arms faltered before coming to rest around your back. frankly, he didn’t what to do or feel; it felt as if his heart was about to beat out his chest.

“thank you, syoya. i thought i’d never get it.”

every syllable spoken fanned his shoulder blade as you practically nestled your face further into him.

briskly, you pulled back, not wanting to make him uncomfortable with the sudden initiation of skin-ship. a second of understanding waved through the bassist before he leaned forward; bringing a small moment of hesitation before his lips found yours. syoya reached for you slowly, and with a small measure of uncertainty before deepening the kiss — almost a silent plead for permission. and you answered by cupping his jaw gently, revelling in the serenity of the moment. it felt just right. you’d wanted this to last forever, just you and syoya together, kissing, his lips on yours, hand on your hip and the other trailing down your torso – just the two of you in the moment and nothing else.

your heart raced as the seconds passed, wanting out of your chest. it felt like pure joy.

all that filled your consciousness was him as you gripped him tighter, your need growing. simply put, it was two people caught up in chasing their desires.

however, something interrupted those desires. a sliver of doubt buzzed in your mind. what if he was just using you? like rihito? you weren’t sure what to believe; your thoughts failed you. the ambiguity of your feelings caused your head to reel, and you didn’t want to rush into anything too soon.

but feelings? that was something big, that was something too tangible for someone like you. that was real. and you didn’t do real. not like that.

the exchange between you was careful — scared even, but a reminder of your last relationship flashed in your mind.

the negative thoughts only hindered when the man placed his hand over yours which was still on his cheek. in one swift move, he moved from you, his gaze scanning yours. a frown turned at his mouth as a glint of regret flashed your expression.

you didn’t like him like he liked you.

you didn’t like him at all.

“[name]?” a voice sounded out from behind the recording studio’s door.

“sorry, i’m just going to… go. fuck, i didn’t mean to do that.” syoya breathed out, clearly shaken. the handle turned slowly, the voice calling your name once again. “sorry again.”

you hated the way he hid from you. you wanted to tell syoya, you didn’t regret him, you weren’t able to. it. but you didn’t know what you were feeling.

the door opened, revealing an annoyed miu, but also served as an exit to a visibly troubled syoya.

“what’s that about?” the woman points out with a hint of curiosity in her tone.

sitting back down onto your chair, you bring your knees to yourself and drop your head onto them in self-pity. for a fleeting moment, your mind replayed the scene of his lips on yours, confusing you even further.

you let out yet another groan. “i hate this.”

you’ve known syoya for a while now, since the band was formed which was eight months to be exact. (he was described by junki as being unbelievably competent at playing both bass and guitar, but the band only required a bassist then.) the man first struck you as funny and sort of… loud. but you found it quite strange how his voice would instantaneously drop to a hushed whisper whenever in conversation with you.

at first, he interested you. who was this playful man that carried the light atmosphere with horrible dad jokes and silly antics? not only that, but he was cute. too cute for his own good. and in no way was syoya not good looking — not that looks were the only factor that dictated attraction — he was, but paired with his personality he just seemed to draw you in.

you were clingy sometimes, but whenever the man would even brush against you for a split moment there was almost a spark between you, causing your heart to run a million beats per second.

miu took a seat on the chair next to you, still left wondering why the bassist had left in such a hurry. you tilted your head, locking your eyes on hers.

“miu,”

she hummed in response to the call of her name.

“how do you know if you… actually like someone?” you began, your voice almost unheard by the end of the sentence.

“[name]…” there was an indescribable expression playing on her features. concern? curiosity? you didn’t know anymore. “after him, i don’t think you’re ready for a relationship just yet.”

miu knew. she recognised the dreamy look that was plastered all over your countenance. and she could also remember.

remember how vulnerable you became after that guy used you. remember how you spent days; weeks cooped up in your room, doing god knows what. remember how the tears just kept falling and falling, barely allowing even her to breathe. she would never forget it. miu wasn’t able to.

sakurai miu didn’t want you to experience that again. right when you had gotten over it.

no one else in the band knew, but miu had been your best friend for years.

“i don’t know. i’m just not sure if i can differentiate between if i like him or just the idea of him.” the confusion made you want to bang your head against the wall. “and i can’t help but think he’ll turn out like rihito in the long run.”

but you couldn’t help it; replaying the scene mentally. why would he do that? leaving you vulnerable and worried about something he initiated? that was a low thing to do.

“don’t say that.” the woman’s voice was soft as her arms grabbed the armrest of your chair, pulling you closer. “that man doesn’t deserve even the slightest of your brainpower.”

the frown on your mouth as your finger brushed against your lips caused her to rattle your chair, shaking you. “cheer up! if you keep dwelling on the past, it’ll only make you more sad.” miu quipped. “who’s this guy you’re talking about? do i know him?”

“not really sure if i should i answer that.”

“come on! please?”

a sigh left your mouth. “fine. you do. but that’s all i’m telling you.”

“wait, then he’s apart of the band.”

“what? no he isn’t.”

“you don’t talk to any men outside of the ones in the band.”

“oh.” you bitterly agreed. “that’s actually true…why is that true?”

appearing in deep thought, miu tapped her chin. “well i know for a fact it isn’t keigo or koshin. keigo’s too much of an ass for anyone to like him; a waste of good looks. i would think junki, but you two have too much of a sister-brother dynamic. yudai’s just weird. so that just leaves...” she trails off.

“syoya?” your eyes widened at the mention of his name which you tried to masked quickly. much to your avail, the guitarist had already caught on. “you like him? kimata syoya? our bassist?”

“uhh no.” you lied rather unconvincingly.

“it is him! it has to be!” she jumped out her seat, nearly pouncing on you. “why didn’t you tell me before?”

“because,” waving your hands in the air, you tried to defuse the seemingly irritated woman. in your defence, an angry miu was a scary miu. “i don’t even like him like that. it’s just really confusing.”

“yeah, whatever. i’ve always thought he’d taken too much of a liking towards you.” she squinted her eyes in disapproval.

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?” the statement was simply too incredulous to believe.

a heavy sigh was the only response you received. “that he likes you? it should’ve been obvious.”

“well, how was i supposed to know? someone who likes another person wouldn’t kiss them and then run away all in the span of a minute.” the words had already slipped out long before you could stop yourself. you truly couldn’t understand syoya.

“he kissed you?” miu gasped. “no fucking way.”

“yes way! but don’t forget about the part where i mentioned he ran away.”

“i didn’t think he’d have the balls to.” she hummed. “but you said that you weren’t sure if you do really like him, right?”

“yeah, but it’s all just confused me even more. how the hell am i going to face him now?” you clinged into the other woman’s arm, silently begging for a solution.

“confront him? i don’t know. get off me, you’re going to pull my arm off.” miu yanked her wrist from your grip and huffed. “it’s his fault, what he did was really weird and out of character.”

you hummed in agreement, slumping back.

“you know i originally came here to see how the song was going.”

reaching over to grab your notebook, you handed it to her bitterly to which she immediately accepted and began to skim through it. the expressions that adorned her features while reading only served to create anticipation within you. did she like it?

seconds later, she raised her up from the book.

“this is amazing. are you kidding? we are totally going to get some eyes on us with this song.”

“stop flattering me.” you glanced at your watch. “its so late. we have to pack up.”

“it’s true. and yeah, you’re right.” she nodded. “but i’m so hungry.”

“we can cook up something at home.”

“no, [name].” she whined. “let’s go buy…”

“with whose money?” you said before she clung to your arm.

“yours, of course!”

“no way.”

“please?”

a heavy sigh left your lips.

the next day, you all had agreed to rehearse for the opener at the studio. being you, that meant you had to arrive earlier to get some extra practice in.

when you reached the studio, you pulled out your spare key, letting yourself in and beelining for the couch after pulling your guitar along. you’d begun aimlessly strumming the instrument, humming along a melody. the noisy jingle of keys in the door turning made you shoot up, anticipating who it was to walk through the door. and of course it had to be the last person you would’ve wanted.

syoya turned around and closing the door, clearly not excited to have noticed you. shyly, he took a few steps forward on the shiny, wooden floor.

the audacity, you thought.

somehow he’d thought it was best to turn around and get his ass out of there.

“where are you going?” the bassist winced at your harsh tone that chipped away at him.

“i forgot something.” his response was equally dry, which only seemed to fuel the anger swelling in your chest.

you laughed in disbelief at his answer. “i believe you‘ve forgotten about something else too. that explanation you owe me.” talking to a brick wall would’ve been easier. “i think it’s common knowledge to not go around kissing others and then ghost them after.”

“can you stop? it was an accident. a heat in the moment thing.” syoya didn’t believe that himself at all. ‘i like you,’ he wanted to say.

“are you serious? you can’t even look at me! these pathetic excuses you keep giving me aren’t cutting it.”

sure you couldn’t pinpoint the exact nature of your feelings for syoya, but you definitely had the decency to not confuse him in the process. if that wasn’t hard for you, why was it hard for him?

“okay.” he was running from his emotions. again.

all it took was for one word for everything to come crashing down.

“you know what, i’m so done with you. you kiss me and you’re the one sulking? just take responsibility for the situation you created.” despite being only inches away from syoya, he refused to look at you. “sort yourself out first, i don’t even want to speak about it any more. you clearly have problems.” returning to your original seat on the couch, you collected your belongings and rushed outside. the building was suffocating you — or rather being in the same room as the bassist.

animosity had somehow wedged its way into every setting you were at together; band practice, outings, shared meals and the like. over the next few days, the other members had begun to realise as well, resorting to trying to resolve the situations themselves which failed miserably. forgiveness was earned and you certainly weren’t going to give it away that easily especially to syoya.

was it even worth it? your first performance was scheduled in the next three weeks, yet there was a notable rift among everyone involved.

practice was atrocious, to say the least.

from late starts and missed sessions to several mistakes being made. everything was eating away at you, making you constantly anxious and irritated. at this rate, you didn’t think the band would even make it until the performance.

syoya still avoided you like the plague, the others had begun walking on eggshells around you, not sure when you would explode. like a ticking bomb.

that’s when the realisation hit you. you liked kimata syoya, and not in a platonic way, but romantic.

koshin, keigo, junki and miu stayed huddled up in the corner during breaks, whispering amongst each other while yudai seemed to be cheering up syoya to which made you all the more bitter. it seemed as if you were the only one truly affected.

heaving yourself up from the chair, you called out to the members, “break’s over. let’s run through the chorus again.”

“could we have a few more minutes? i think we all need it.” koshin muttered carefully.

“definitely not,” the harsh tone of your voice caught the keyboardist off guard, a look of surprise flashing on his features. “i mean — we’re the furthest thing from decent right now. myself included.” voice softer, your hands covered your face in frustration. “i just don’t think we have that liberty.”

keigo nudged miu with his elbow, signalling for her to plead with you.

“let’s just cool down for a few minutes. you included, [name]. you shouldn’t overwork yourself.” the woman persuaded, she could see how the situation affected you.

you sighed, “yeah, fine. i’m just going to go up to the balcony to take a breather.”

unbeknownst to you, a certain bass player observed you with keen eyes, guilt washing over him. syoya couldn’t help but feel it was his fault. if only he was straightforward and outspoken. the man was helpless. with his hands to his side, he only pathetically watched while you made your way to the stairs. that was until yudai broke the silence.

“go fix it.”

“but—“ syoya tried to counter.

“go.”

in faux annoyance, the man huffed before following your sudden beeline for the balcony. as his feet trudged up each step, his thoughts only wandered about your reaction. what was he to say?

talking to him was probably the last thing you wanted to do.

stepping out onto the balcony, the cold breeze nipped at the man as his gaze swept over your figure. you leaned against the railing, appearing somewhat absorbed on the scene below, where cars passed infrequently and pedestrians strolled along the pavement. your brows were knit together, still unaware of syoya’s presence.

he cleared his throat, causing you to turn your head towards him, “what do you want?” the sour look on your face paired with the venom dripping in your voice made him frown.

but that detail wasn’t what caught kimata syoya’s attention. it was how you managed to be ethereal even when angry. it took everything in him not to kiss you again.

“i’m here to apologise.”

the statement was abrupt; it was terrifying in a way.

“apologise? you’re finally going to talk to me, huh?”

“it really was a heat-of-the-moment thing. sorry if i caused any confusion, i didn’t mean to cross the line or anything, i know how much you appreciate your boundaries and personal space… and stuff.” his voice gradually became quieter as he spoke, his hand rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly.

“yeah.” you were speechless. everything syoya had said was the opposite of what you wanted. a part of you had slightly enjoyed it. “that was such a lame thing to do.”

“i know, and believe me, i’m really sorry. had i known it would affect us — the band, i would’ve never done it.”

kimata syoya knew himself that he was a people pleaser. of course, he would blurt out whatever words in whichever sequence for a chance to see the smile that would tug at your lips whenever you were at ease.

but it never came.

you forced a small smile, masking your weary state of mind. “i’m also sorry… for overreacting. it was out of order for me to lash out at you like i did.” at that point, you weren’t sure what you were apologising for anymore, your thoughts were all jumbled up.

to you, it seemed like the bassist didn’t feel what you did. and naturally, it had to occur at the moment you had finally reconciled your feelings for him.

the awkward silence in the air forced you to focus on the muffled chatter of your band members below you. there wasn’t any exchange of words between the both of you until a few minutes later when syoya spoke up.

“so, are we okay then?”

‘okay’ was definitely not what you were experiencing.

you nod, “yeah, we’re good.”

the man threw his arms open, a sheepish grin on his face to which you raised a brow to.

“…hug?”

the you from a few weeks ago would’ve made a sarcastic remark, but now you couldn’t help but find him cute, the change in mood melting your heart.

“i think i’ll pass but thank you for the offer, i guess.” the last part came out as a giggle which prompted syoya to reach out and engulf you in a bear hug.

“i just want to make sure there are no hard feelings between us. i really value you as a friend and as an important member of the band, you’re… like the glue that holds us together, you know?” as he rested his chin on your shoulder, his breath fanned your neck which caused you to slant away slightly, hiding your face in his own shoulder.

“oh. i’m glad.” pulling away briskly, you let out a small thanks before moving towards the door of the balcony. “i think i hear miu calling for me, sorry.”

eyes followed you, syoya shocked by your sudden retreat. a part of him was saddened at the fact he wasn’t able to reveal the reason why he acted the way he did — that he’d developed feelings for you, but another part knew that he had no shot. hands covered his face, he just had to disrupt everything with acting on the choice to kiss you.

but the memory of your soft lips connecting with his made his head reel, the bassist didn’t think he’d ever wanted someone so bad, especially someone he would never get. and it only worsened at the reminder of your hands cupping his face ever so gently, the thought of your original song long forgotten as the moment intensified.

“she’s so pretty.” he mumbled to himself. “i am so fucked.”

that’s when syoya knew he would never move on.

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junki wasn’t sure what miu had meant by ‘band meeting, quick’ on the groupchat that was coincidentally made a minute before with all the members excluding you and syoya.

one by one, they’d all gathered in the living room of yudai’s apartment, as miu had told you and syoya to go out to buy snacks for the movie night soon; the opening performance was only in two weeks, to which everyone thought it best to have a day off to relax before such an important event.

as they sat in a circle, miu was the first to break the silence.

“guys, haven’t both syoya and [name] been acting weird?”

“yeah, i’ve noticed that too.” it was koshin’s turn to reply.

junki nodded his head, “they were so hot and cold and now they’re just awkward compared to before.”

yudai and keigo had been caught up in their own world, playfully hitting each other.

“can you guys listen?” miu’s voice was stern, catching the two off guard. “i think they like each other.”

“ohh! are we gonna be matchmakers or something?” the keyboardist cocked his head in question.

the woman hummed, “well i know for sure she likes syoya but i’m not sure about him.”

at the sound of both yudai and keigo guffawing, she rolled her eyes.

“what are you guys laughing about?”

“syoya definitely likes [name]. like head on heels.” keigo stifled a laugh by slapping a hand over his mouth.

“it’s ‘head over heels’, dumbass.” yudai interrupted.

“same thing. and don’t call me a dumbass, that's what you are.”

junki cleared his throat, “how do you know that?”

“he kind of told me about it,” the drummer shrugged. “but then again, it’d be obvious to any person with functioning eyes.”

“so, how do we get them to realise it…? they must be pretty stupid.” koshin muttered, seemingly deep in thought.

miu turned her focus away from the manager and drummer’s bickering match.

“our best shot is to just force them to be constantly next to one another.”

“a new mission! operation get-[name]-and-syoya-together is a go!” junki cheered loudly next to her.

a knowing smile took to miu’s face. “it had already begun when i forced them to go to buy the snacks with each other..”

“wow, you’re a smart one.” his gasp of awe only caused everyone to giggle as the woman bowed in appreciation.

fifteen minutes away from yudai’s house, you and syoya roamed around inside the market, pushing your trolley towards whichever caught your eye. the palpable tension forced the both of you to preoccupy yourselves, avoiding the awkwardness. syoya was quiet, as usual, but it wasn’t out of shyness. he was anxious. he’s leaned on the rattling trolley, observing your every move.

the other day was almost a dream. there wasn’t any pure hatred or animosity on your side towards syoya, but it was still somewhat awkward fraternising with him.

“did miu say she wanted some sweet potato? i can’t seem to remember.”

surprised at the initiation of conversation, he hummed. “pretty sure she did. so did junki, oddly.”

“junki? are you sure that’s really him? ‘my favourite drink is curry rice’ junki? never thought i’d see the day where he eats normal food…. the other day, he literally said i should try kimchi and avocado together. who the fuck even eats those two as a combo?” you giggle.

oddly enough, the conversations flowed somewhat naturally, your anxiety diminishing by the second. by twenty minutes in, your trolley was packed with snacks and random drinks, somehow the bassist had slyly slipped a ludo board into the lot, catching you off guard.

at the self-checkout, you began scanning the items, passing them to syoya for bagging.

“we’re so fucked. who has the money for that?” your jaw dropped at the total, turning to tsk at the bassist for dropping in thousands of different things in the basket.

the man wiggled his eyebrows in a comedic manner. “good thing yudai gave me his card.” he pulled out said card from his pocket — specifically a debit one with gold lining.

“i forget he’s a rich kid sometimes.”

“well, without him we would’ve been broke and practice-studio-less.”

you nodded in agreement as he tapped the card. by the time you’d returned, the living room had been set up, there were blankets all around the floor, the tv had been on stand-by while the other awaited the snacks.

“we’re back!” you exclaimed, a hoard of food nestled in your arms, syoya following behind. waddling your way towards the coffee table, a touch on your lower back caused you to jolt in surprise. fortunately, nothing fell to the ground, but you snapped your head just in time to see the man retract his hand quickly, mumbling apologies.

he bit his lip in embarrassment whilst scolding himself mentally. it happened subconsciously, shocking himself in the process. why did he even do that?

things between you and syoya were going okay. there was really no other word to describe it. everything was civil, but a flair of awkwardness in the air whenever you’d converse; harbouring feelings for your bandmate wasn’t an ideal situation to be in, and you knew anyone would agree.

while settling down, the other five members began to subtly hog the spaces, leaving you no choice but to sit next to the bassist. you glanced over at him, surprised to notice he was already gazing at you intensely. you sat down promptly, pursing your lips into a thin line as you scooted over for him to take a seat. your body betrayed you, responding to the close proximity with a flutter in your chest. this wasn’t how your day was supposed to go.

in an attempt to distract yourself, you focused your attention with the flat screen television displayed on the wall as miu occupied herself with the remote to choose a film.

“shall we watch a horror?” she turned around, smiling at the majority of nodding heads and frowned at the shake of your head. “whatever, majority rules.”

it wasn’t that you were scared of horror films per say; you definitely didn’t take to jumpscares well. in easier terms; you were easily startled. that’s why you mumbled curses under your breath before letting out a grumble and slouching back.

there was a whisper from next to you, “you’re scared of horror?”

“not scared. i just get startled…”

“so… you’re scared.” there was a knowing grin plastered all over his face and you would’ve found it cute if he wasn’t teasing you and maybe if you weren’t friendzoned just days earlier. you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

this was going to be a long night.

throughout the duration of the movie, you tried your best to calmly watch without reacting. it slightly worked, but halfway through, there was a loud shriek resonating from the television that caused your hand to find syoya’s. and it seemed like the bassist had the same idea as his hand followed. heat crept up your cheeks and you both froze. for the rest of the time, you stayed like that, your fingers intertwined, basking in the silence from your band.

only when the movie ended did the action sink in, making you retract your wrist apologetically.

“seems like i wasn’t the only scared one,” you whispered. “i’m glad my hand could be of comfort to you.” a light giggle slipped from your lips, attempting to make light of the situation.

the expression syoya wore was priceless, his lips slightly parted and his eyes widened.

“uh…”

a loud voice cut him off. “let’s watch another movie!” junki sat up from his blanket fort on the ground in front of you.

“a rom-com this time, maybe? oh! devil wears prada. after that, we can go to bed.” you suggested, smiling after hearing hums of approval.

and maybe it wasn’t the best option for you as you felt your eyes flutter, slumber calling your name. every once in a while you caught your head nodding and shook yourself awake. unbeknownst to you, syoya observed you in his peripheral, a knowing smile gracing his face when you finally gave in, your breaths coming to a calm. you were lodged uncomfortably against the sofa’s back as you slept soundly, prompting him to lightly guide your head onto his shoulder to which you subconsciously enjoyed and nuzzled up to his body. if only the others could see how red his face was — he would be teased until the day he died.

he was definitely glad the room was dim.

the movie played until the end with everyone watching in silence. and only when the ending credited rolled did they start getting up, planning to fall asleep in any of the guest rooms in yudai’s apartment.

junki was the first to take notice of the little… predicament.

“syoya!” he whisper-shouted, careful not to wake you up but simultaneously catching the attention of the sleepy members. “what are you guys doing?”

“yeah,” miu said matter-of-factly. “it’s time to go to bed. wake [name] up, she’s rooming with me.”

“could they be more obvious?” the woman mumbled under her breath and tutted. she knew exactly what the bassist would reply with.

“here, put it on her.” she said, passing a blanket over.

“no, don’t worry about it. i’ll just wait until she wakes up.” syoya offered as he took the blanket from miu’s hand, nodding in thanks.

“but won’t you get tired?” koshin questioned.

the man shook his head again. “nah, it’s fine. really. good night guys.”

“good night.” they replied before padding away softly on the wooden floor to their respective rooms.

being left alone — well, not completely alone, you were there, on his shoulder, looking peaceful and pretty — with his thoughts, he gently pulled out his phone and scrolled away to occupy his thoughts. but he couldn’t; not when his heart was racing thousands of miles per second, when all he could think about was how close you were to him.

had he known it would be this hard to get over you, kimata syoya would’ve never fell in the first place.

just as those words repeated in his mind, mantra-like; you stirred and nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. there was a thought in your mind to thank miu the next morning for letting you sleep on her.

however, a strange smell invaded your senses. that wasn’t miu’s perfume. opening your eyes, you nearly yelped the realisation. of course it wasn’t miu, it was syoya.

“oh my god, i am so sorry.” you muttered out after moving away.

the man looked at you. “you were really tired. i know the performance is really important and all, but so is your wellbeing. take some time for yourself and rest instead of worrying about us all the time, yeah?”

hesitantly, you looked away from your lap and met his gaze.

“i will. thank you for…” you swallowed quickly before continuing. “letting me sleep.”

“anytime.”

there was a moment of silence between you.

“do you want me to walk you to your room?” syoya asked you, peering up and watching the dim lights of the room.

“i guess it can’t hurt.”

grabbing the blanket that was draped over you in one hand, you got up. the walk was short but silent, the both of you side to side, only the occasional hum breaking the awkward air. when you reached your room, syoya smiled before turning around to leave.

you took a shaky breath. “syoya.”

the man stopped in his tracks.

“sleep well.” you said with a soft tone to which he hummed in response.

and only when you disappeared behind the door did the bassist move. he glared at the frame, almost inspecting every inch of it. perhaps it was the overbearing regret of not telling you the truth that kept him there, he didn’t know. syoya was so lost. more lost than he’d ever been in all of his twenty-four years of living.

but before he could overthink further, he turned on his heel and made his way to his own room.

unbeknownst to him, you were in the same predicament. as you shut the door, you sighed loudly.

“came back from your boyfriend, did you?” miu teased from the bed on the far end of the room, remnants of sleep still evident from her voice.

walking towards her, you picked up a free pillow and threw it at her quickly.

“ow! what was that for?”

from the moonlight shining through the curtains, you could make out miu glaring at you.

“it wouldn’t have happened if you kept your mouth shut for once,” you remarked, crossing your arms. “now scoot over.”

“rude much.” she grumbled before rolling over to the other side of the bed, turning away from you in faux annoyance when you climbed in and got comfortable. “of course she’s only nice to her boyfriend.”

poking at her side in retaliation, you retorted. “he’s not my boyfriend.”

“sure he isn’t.” she had turned around now.

“i hate you.”

“stop acting like you wouldn’t kiss him again if you had the chance.”

you sighed at her relentless teasing. “first of all, he kissed me. second of all, he doesn’t even like me.” shutting your eyes, you paused.

“go to sleep now, it’s late.”

“whatever.” she grumbled before turning around again.

it was only a few minutes before you heard the familiar slow breaths and light snores, signalling that miu was asleep. moving onto your back, you gazed up at the ceiling in the dim room. but as much as you tried, your mind only wandered back to syoya, mourning the feeling of his soft lips on yours, reminding you of every single memory with him present. times where he’d help you, console you, even just look at you. when his body was so close to yours, warmth radiating off it.

there was just a spark between you both.

the way his eyes would lighten, a familiar glint of joy in them whenever he was excited. you couldn’t help but hate him at that moment.

why was kimata syoya so charming? why did he have to be so nice and lead you on?

or perhaps you were the one overthinking every interaction. there was a relentless lump bubbling in your throat, bringing a sharp pain with every breath.

you could never really hate the bassist. no matter how much you tried. and you despised yourself for that.

why did you have to be so vulnerable? that was exactly why the break up with rihito had been such a sensitive topic. just when you thought you were ready for love once again, it all crumbled away before your eyes.

one question remained unanswered. why was your heart so insistent in pursuing him, even when it was obvious, when he flat-out told you he didn’t feel the same?

nothing made sense to you. but only one thing was apparent.

you had to get over him.

‘stop worrying about everything. you’re always stressing.’ you could almost hear miu say. for a minute, you smiled at the fact that she’d always try to erase every worry from you, thankful that she was always there to ground you, becoming someone you could rely on.

but that was before you felt her toss and turn, snatching the blanket off your body, exposing your skin to the cold and bringing goosebumps in its wake.

“oh for fuck’s sake.” you sighed, reaching over and grasping the blanket, pulling it back on.

maybe it was time to get some sleep.

the next morning was busy; it was the first time in long your band had gathered together in one place. you walked into yudai’s kitchen, being greeted by junki and koshin who were at the island, drinking coffee. yudai stood at the counter, turned from you, making himself some toast from what you learned, keigo was sleeping in and miu was occupied with checking over your lyrics and music sheets on the couch out of your line of sight. so that just left…

“good morning.” a voice grumbled out, making you turn around.

it was syoya.

still stood in his way, blocking the door frame , you scrambled to walk forward, looking down when his shoulders brushed yours slightly. it was a stark reminder of the night before.

as he took a seat, your eyes took him in. how could someone look so good even just when they woke up?

you lightly slapped your cheek; not trying to get caught up.

“wait a minute.” you heard miu call from the couch.

“yudai, did you know that harmony fest is taking place at rhythm lounge?”

“what? the rhythm lounge?” you could almost see the eyeballs bulge out of said man’s head.

“what?” keigo and junki asked in unison.

you all gathered around miu’s phone in no time — also waking up keigo in the process — still shocked by the revelation.

“isn’t that super hard to get into?” koshin asked, seemingly fed up with keigo tugging at his shirt. “keigo stop!”

“there was no need to shout about it…” the drummer frown. “i’m just trying to show my love!”

“well you’re annoying me. seriously don’t know how you’re older.”

“no fair.”

“don’t worry, you’re my favourite.” junki assured.

keigo smiled proudly. “see this is why i like junki out of—”

“not!” the guitarist stuck his tongue out, only to be tackled by the other man.

“are you guys like five?” you moved over to separate them, but to no avail.

“last person to move away has to pay for takeout.”

well apart from that, the weeks and days leading up to the performance were good. practice had been smooth sailing.

you could almost play the whole song blindfolded, or even sing it all in your sleep.

but nothing could prepare you for a performance other than actually performing.

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day of

the ride towards the venue was silent for the most part. yudai was driving, with syoya in the passenger seat. miu and you sat in the second row, with koshin, keigo and junki at the back. apart from the occasional goofing around from junki, and complaints from koshin, there was no noise.

well, opening for a very known music festival would be enough to knock anyone off their game. so there you sat with headphones in, listening to he plays bass’ demo on loop. you certainly didn’t want to forget the lyrics on stage and embarrass the band so you did what you could.

“guys.” koshin spoke up, earning confused stares from everyone else. “how come we still don’t have a band name?”

“luminescence?” syoya mumbled.

miu nodded. “that sounds good.”

“i agree.” yudai added.

“miu and yudai agreeing on something? guess this day is full of surprises!” said the drummer.

“shut up.” they both replied in unison, their expressions a mix of annoyance and amusement.

“you guys do know that since this was a really hard venue to get in, there’ll be some important people present. and also this could be a way for us to get loyal fans.” everyone was silent as you spoke. “also since it’s taking place in rhythm lounge there might be some label managers attending. we can mingle around too.”

from the front, yudai nodded along. “since we’re the first act, we set the tone for everything else after. so give it your all!”

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when you had arrived rehearsals flew by and attendees started flooding in. the venue was some sort of cross between a club and a closed stadium; it wasn’t as big as you thought, but still intimidating. the stage was a raised platform, with the drums and keyboard already set up; the guitars that your band had brought on their stands.

moving away from the curtain, you turned to the rest of the band. but a certain man rushed in — a worker you figured from the mic around his ear and clothes — reiterating that there was only ten minutes until go-time.

once he left, you all released heavy breaths, anxious with the performance to come. and it wasn’t like you hadn’t practiced the hell out of the song, you had, but nerves had gotten the best of everyone. with every passing second, your stomach churned, and with a finger caught in between your teeth you contemplated if everything was really worth it.

luminescence had already performed live in small gigs but this was totally different.

the room behind the stage was small, but enough to accommodate all of you. everyone else sat down on random chairs probably sharing the same thoughts as you. but that was until yudai broke the silence.

“[name] you look like you’re gonna throw up before even stepping foot on that stage. i think you guys need to calm down. it’s fine, you’re only going to be on there for three minutes.”

“easy for you to say, you’re not the one performing.” miu remarked, crossing her arms.

“are y’all really gonna have an argument before we even perform?” koshin pinched the bridge of his nose.

“i really do think i’m gonna throw up.” you mumbled, looking down and not sensing syoya’s concern-filled gaze on you.

randomly, keigo jumped up, his arms outstretched and waddling towards you.

“i’ll give you a kiss for good luck then!” his lips were puckered as he basically charged towards you.

“ew!” you exclaimed and put your arms out, trying to stop him. “do that to someone else.”

“okay!” he replies, moving to the closest next to you; unfortunately koshin.

the man jolted back in his seat. “not me, her!” he gestured to miu who was next to him.

she shook her head and waved her hands around. “not me either! junki’s free though.”

you giggled when the drummer slowly stalked up to junki with the goofiest smile plastered on his face. but just as he began, the same man from before returned.

“you guys are on!” he announced, voice booming. and just as quick as he arrived, he was already gone..

as you took a deep breath, your other members gathered.

“hands down.” yudai placed his hand flat down, inviting others to join. “for moral support.”

one by one, you all followed, hands stacking on top of each other. and on the count of three, you pulled away.

getting in your head at the most crucial part of your career wasn’t possible. you walked slowly onto stage, with everyone else following behind. sounds of a crowd screaming and cheering was the first thing to invade your senses, the next was the stage light shining down that possessed the ability to blind anyone unfortunate to look above.

over the first few seconds, you settled down into your respective instruments. you turned back, watching keigo sit down onto the chair in front of the drum set, syoya, miu, and junki wear their guitar straps, and finally, koshin with his keyboard.

returning to the mic stand, you swallowed thickly before speaking. “we are luminescence and this is our original, he plays bass.” your voice wavered slightly, nerves evident. despite that, you stood still, gripping the microphone and waiting for keigo’s drum-count.

“hey… won’t you call me back?” you softly began after the count, your voice was barely above a whisper but was amplified by the microphone. “‘cause i’ve been waiting for a text back. it hurts my brain. this guy who plays bass.” only miu and junki’s guitar played with your vocals.

the drums came in shortly after with the keyboard, underlining the song’s melody.

“he plays bass. he plays bass.” the crowd cheered once again, and you felt your nerves seep away with every cheer. “nothing matters cause we’re both in space. pretty shit we could never date. he plays bass. he plays bass.”

the chorus cruised past almost like a breeze, you wore a smile on your face as you continued to sing with all your heart, the people in the crowd pumping energy through you. and you could definitely tell your other members felt the same thing.

it all just came together; every strum of guitar, every twang from the bass, every note played by the keyboard and every beat from the drum. the song exuded perfection.

“oh how i wish we could just date. so you can teach me how to be just like you….” you gripped the mic harder, leaning into the audience and whispering.

at that second, keigo increased the intensity, striking his drums with more power, everyone else following alone. syoya’s bass added more depth and richness to the overall flow and harmony.

briefly, it was nothing short of a symphony.

“wish i was more like you.” you repeated again and again and again.

everyone played their respective instruments, loudly; it was an organised turmoil. a musical euphony. the song ended a few seconds later, with keigo’s last strike of his drum.

there was a moment of silence before the audience erupted into jeers and whoops. you all took a second to catch your breath before bowing.

“and that was luminescence, folks. have a great night!” you spoke, waving to each side of the lounge.

hurriedly, your band returned to the room behind stage. with a stiff posture, yudai stood at the back off the room with the biggest smile tugging at his lips. you all rushed to him, engulfing him in a hug and nearly toppling him over; having six grown adults pounce on you was enough to make anyone fall.

“did you see us out there? we were so crazy!” you said, a little too loud for yudai.

the manager winced, nodding enthusiastically. “yeah, you guys were amazing. like even my jaw dropped. that was the best thing to ever grace my ears and i’m not joking.”

“okay, we get it.” miu rolled her eyes playfully, pinching yudai’s side.

“i was so nervous too. i can’t believe we just did that!” koshin exclaimed.

“we’re probably the coolest band ever after that crazy performance.” keigo proclaimed as he nudged koshin.

“we’re bound to get some offers and fans now.” syoya added.

you all stayed glued to yudai, with a certain guitarist gripping him for dear life.

“i… can’t… breathe.” you heard yudai struggle out.

“junki!” you scolded as you tried to pry his hands off.

“i was just excited, sorry….” he trailed off, pulling away.

a smile curved on your lips at his actions.

“of course you were.”

“hey—“

but junki was rudely interrupted by the incessant ringing of a phone, specifically yudai’s phone. his expression etched into one of confusion as he pulled it out, putting it to his ear after answering.

“hello?”

there was a moment of silence, with yudai nodding at whatever the person on the line was saying.

“yes this is luminescence’s manager.” everyone, including you, exchanged curious glances before looking back to yudai as he began whispering something to you.

“go on. have fun, i have to deal with something.” he said and dismissed you with a hand.

“you don’t have to tell me twice.” keigo said before making his way outside the room, with you following closely behind.

as you walked out into the crowd space, your members went their own ways; miu stuck with you and whisked you away to get refreshments, junki and keigo went straight to the dancefloor to enjoy the tracks that were being played, and koshin and syoya disappeared quickly from your sights off to god-knows-where. when you reached the bar, you gave miu a glance, as if asking her what she would choose.

you cupped your mouth, leaning over towards miu for her to hear over the booming music. “i’m not trying to get drunk tonight.”

she laughed and agreed. “don’t worry, me too.”

the bartender moved over towards you. “what can i get you?”

“two lemon-lime sodas please.”

“okay, just a few minutes.” he said, bringing up two glasses from under the table.

the man poured syrup into both before placing a block of ice and making a show off of adding the carbonated water, putting the soda gun far away.

he pushed it in your direction. “there you go.” he said as he wiped his hands on a clean cloth.

after thanking him, you made your way to a black booth on the far end of the lounge with miu. it was small and could seat at least four people at a time, the other woman moved down and sat next to you on the seats facing the platformed stage, occupying yourselves idly with conversation and enjoying the other performances. one of the perks of being a performer in the day was free refreshments and entry so you were all glad to be enjoying it to the fullest.

your other members were long gone but it was a night to enjoy yourselves so you’d let it go.

however, miu had seemed to spot a certain bassist on the other side of the lounge, under the lights and engaged in conversing with koshin. it was weird, she thought. how syoya’s gaze would somehow found its way to you, lingering just for a moment before returning.

a knowing glint flashed in her eyes.

all of a sudden, the guitarist nudged you, pointing at a man leaning on a table not too far away.

your gaze lingered on him for a second as she spoke. “he’s exactly your type.”

black hair framed his face, slightly tousled but still perfect. and he was good looking.

“true. but why are you telling me that?” you said, not quite trusting her words.

for a brief moment, she stayed silent.

“just cause.”

“just cause what?”

“you’ve been single for too long, it’s time to get out there!”

you leaned forward onto the table. “weren’t you the one who told me that i wasn’t ready for a relationship just yet?”

“touchè,” miu said with a shrug. “but i think you’re ready now, you’re too stressed with our band stuff, let loose once in a while.”

“the sakurai miu telling me to let loose? what kind of alternate reality did i just get sucked into?” your tone held a sarcastic flair to it, unfortunately earning you a smack to the arm. “that was uncalled for! i was just joking, come on.”

“whatever. just go!” she warned you before pushing you out the seat and forcing you to get up. “and don’t come back til you’ve talked to him!” she shouted after you.

shaking her head, she tutted as you walked away hesitantly. “idiots.”

your pace was slow — swerving your way through what seemed like millions of dancing bodies, probably drunk, probably not; walking towards the guy. music blasted from everywhere, almost deafening you, the lights flickered all sorts of colours. you took a deep breath, before smoothly placing yourself next to him.

visibly startled, his eyes widened before questioning. “hi?”

“hey.” you gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to be nonchalant.

unbeknownst to you, syoya watched you two curiously. but there was a sense of discomfort that settled in his stomach. however, he could only watch.

returning the smile, he seemed to be amused. “and to whom do i owe this pleasure?”

“[name],” you replied, tone equally as playful. “you?”

“hiroto, but most of my friends call me nishi.”

“well, nishi, i spotted you from over—“

“sorry, for interrupting, but you seem familiar.” his brows furrowed as he seemed to be recalling something. “oh, wait! aren’t you with the band that performed a while ago? luminescence…? you’re their vocalist!”

you only chuckled. “uh, yeah. to be honest, i didn’t think anyone would’ve recognised me…”

“how could i not? you guys were so cool!” he said, his excitement bubbling through his words. “you know, i tried searching you guys up, how do you not have, like, a thousand fans or something?”

at nishi’s chatter and the smiles directed at you, it was clear anyone would be charmed. yet, you didn’t understand why you remained unaffected. the warmth of the moment seemed to slip through your fingers as thoughts of that certain man clouded your mind. it was so odd, this pull he had on your heart, making you wonder why he lingered there when everything else felt so fun and easy. why was it so hard to just enjoy the moment like everyone else? it left you feeling puzzled.

despite that, your lips turned upwards. “you’re giving us too much flattery. we’re just new that’s al. but i’ll make sure to relay that to the rest.”

far behind, in a small corner, syoya bit his bottom lip in contemplation. he was so sick of second guessing himself, never being direct about what he felt.

this time, he thought. this time, kimata syoya would follow his heart instead.

“no, truly. you have a killer voice. and the song was an original too? it certainly—“

“this just in; here’s a surprise performance.” a voice boomed from the speakers, the host introducing another act. “coming to you here, kimata syoya!”

your head nearly snapped at the mention. what?

and true to the spoken words; the man was on stage. not with his usual bass, but a guitar — junki’s guitar. thousands of questions ran through your mind. as you looked to the stage, the crowd before you roared, excited to see another act.

but all you could focus on was him. how his bangs stuck to his forehead as he slung the guitar around his shoulder, how his eyes were filled with determination, how much confidence radiated off of him. all you could focus on was kimata syoya.

the silence made your breath hitch and your head spin, it made you frown. why was he so good at pulling you in so effortlessly? he never cared so why did you?

“this song’s called ‘right side of my neck’, hope you like it.” his gaze lingered on you before he looked down, adjusting his grip on the guitar.

the start of the song was slow. it engulfed you in a warm embrace, making you revel in the serenity.

“you said you can’t change your haircut. but it looks good anyway.” his voice was soft.

you never knew syoya could sing. and definitely not like this.

as the melody progressed, his eyes tended to focus on you, making you feel like the only other person in the room.

“so, uh—“ the man beside you began.

“wait, give me a second.” you interrupted quicky.

syoya grinned. “you looked at me once, but i looked back two times.”

there was the tiniest bit of silence. “the right side of my neck still smells like you.” he sang.

it all felt oddly familiar.

and then it hit you. that night when you fell asleep on his shoulder.

was he really singing about then? you didn’t know. but it all felt too personal.

but the syoya you knew didn’t like you. you couldn’t fall for it — you shouldn’t fall for it, you repeated mentally.

the audience swayed, a huge difference in reaction to all the other artists; only cheering when the song ended.

“thank you.” syoya said breathlessly into the microphone. and then that was it. he walked off.

you turned around, refocusing on nishi. you crossed your arms.

“so what were you saying?”

“oh yeah! that you did—“

halfway into his response, a hand rested on your shoulder, forcing you to turn around.

“[name], can we talk?” you heard syoya question, tone soft.

“uhh, we’re in the middle of something.” you replied hastily. you didn’t have enough in you to get roped into becoming infatuated with him more.

his eyes were pleading. “please.”

so naturally, you relented. “okay.” you turned back to nishi apologetically.

“i’m so sorry.”

he shook his head. “no, you’re good. i’ll be here when you come back.”

“thank you.” you whispered before following syoya’s lead.

the whole way, the man was silent, his back turned to you, only turning his head from time to time to glance over at you with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher. somehow, he led you away from all the ruckus and to a door. the room your band had hung out in earlier; before rehearsals.

he opened the door, letting you in before closing it.

still confused, you paced around for a while, clearly uncomfortable with the overbearing silence.

“what did you want to talk about?” you asked as your thoughts ran frantic.

silence.

as you frustratedly moved to leave, the man’s body blocked your way to the door; his gaze refused to meet yours.

you snapped. “oh, for goodness sake. why did you bring me out here, syoya?”

“please don’t go back to that guy.” his voice was so low, you almost missed it.

your ears strained to pick up at his words.

“what?” you queried in disbelief.

he picked up his volume, now looking at you. “please don’t go back to him.”

was he really doing this? again?

all the sensible parts in your brain told you to leave it, that he was just playing with you. but your heart held you down, freezing your feet.

“i’m not following. what are you trying to get at?” your tone was harsh, cutting through him.

the man internally winced at your dismissiveness. “don’t go back to him. not when you have me.”

somehow, he appeared to tug at your heart strings. you hated it.

“no, i’m not doing this again.”

“what?” he looked genuinely confused.

however, it only served to add to your frustration.

“i am not some type of experiment for you to play with. first, you kiss me and run off. then, you apologise being sweet and all; blaming it on the moment. and i really believed it. but now?“ you paused for a while and bit the inside of your cheek before continuing. “you’re telling me not to go? bullshit.”

“no, but—“

you cut him off. “you don’t get it, syoya.” your voice broke. “i genuinely felt something for you. you say one thing but mean another —- do another. just when i tried to move on.”

“please don’t say that.” syoya tried to get through to you. however, you were too far gone. “i haven’t explained everything.”

“of course, i was dumb enough to believe it. i mean we fucking kissed. and then you have the guts to pull this on me. save it, please.” you whispered.

“you’re not dumb,” he mumbled. “you’re anything but. you’re nothing short of the most amazing person i know.”

you felt your heart waver. “stop trying to sweet-talk me. it hurt, you know. at first, the kiss made me see you in a whole different light. it confused me, but i really wanted to try. i liked you. too much for my own good. then, you became distant and said it didn’t mean anything. that’s when i felt like shit.” you swallowed thickly. “you act like a boyfriend. but now i get it, it wasn’t anything special. even that song. you’re so confusing, syoya.”

the man winced at the mention of the song, but you didn’t catch it.

there was a huge lump in your throat, reminiscent of that night. rihito flashed in your mind. they were all the same.

and yet you were always swayed by the charming bassists.

“i hate you. so much.” your index finger found his chest, tapping it accusingly. “leave me alone. that’s the least you could do.”

but your words didn’t mirror what your heart wanted — desired. it needed comfort. to be consoled. but your brain overtook you. you were being overly emotional, just like you always were.

you took a step back, covering your face with your hands while muttering. “just… leave. go away, syoya.” his name felt like thorns to your tongue.

you were overwhelmed by oh so many emotions. frustration, anger, and others you couldn’t name.

syoya only stood there, paralysed in place while listening to your frustrations. his heart clenched at the sight before him. no wonder you hated him.

he knew he messed up.

a hand touched your wrist, pulling your hands away from your face, slightly taken aback when he noticed the tears that streamed down. you felt him wrap his arms around your torso, resting his chin on top and placing a hand on your head, whilst the other rubbed at your back.

your sobs were quiet. and he was too.

“if you cry more, i’m gonna start bawling my eyes out too.” the bassist said, voice broken as he continued to slightly rock back and forth.

through your irregular breaths, you let out a dry laugh. “you should. it’ll make us even.”

“now you’ve calmed down, i’ll say what i’ve been wanting to.”

as you tried to pull away, he held you tight.

“please don’t. i don’t think i’ll be able to look you in the eye.”

“okay.” you mumbled into his chest.

“i like you. i’ve liked you ever since we first met,” he started. “that kiss meant everything to me. but you seemed unsure, which is why i said and did what i did. i know this isn’t a proper apology, but i want to express that i never intended to make you feel bad because of my actions. i totally understand if you need some time away from me.” his voice became more and more faint as he continued.

when you finally moved out of his hold, it became apparent; the tears that streamed down his cheeks, mirroring yours.

“you’re so fucking stupid.” you said. but there was no real anger behind your words.

“i love you.” he mumbled. “i wrote it for you. even if you don’t want anything to do with me, i’ll always be here.”

you leaned up, bridging the gap between you.

the kiss was salty but somehow still sweet. it only lasted a second but you could still feel his warmth.

“i’m sorry. i never meant to—“ syoya began again.

“syoya.” the call of his name stopped him. “i love you too.”

a smile grew on his face at your words. “i’m so glad.”

using your hand, your brushed out the locks covering his eyes.

“i want us be serious.” he said, wiping his face with his sleeve. “i want to be able to tell everyone that i’m yours and that you’re mine.”

you hummed in agreement. “me too, syoya.”

“can i be your boyfriend?”

“only if you let me be your girlfriend, sure.”

his hands took to yours, intertwining them. “that goes without saying.” the bassist softly murmured, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

at that moment, the door banged open, and the rest of your band filed in; yudai leading.

“guys!” he exclaimed, practically bouncing around the room. “we were looking around for you everywhere. but, guess who called me?”

“who?” syoya asked.

“we’re gonna be signed to a major label. a fucking label!” keigo yelled. “a label! do you guys hear that?”

“what?” a gasp left your lips, eyes widening. “are you bullshitting us?”

“no, really.” koshin nodded frantically.

yudai ran up to you both. “and.. and… get this.” he shoved his phone into your faces. “we’re viral on twitter! some person posted a video of your performance, and we’re getting so many followers.”

you squinted your eyes in disbelief. “since when did we have a twitter account?”

“since i made one for you…? get with the program, [name].” yudai rolled his eyes. “the fact is; people are interested in luminescence.”

before you could get another word in, miu spoke.

“so what’s up with you two?” gesturing to you and syoya’s locked hand, she raised an eyebrow.

“uhhhh…” you trailed off.

“we’re dating.” syoya said.

“oh. my. god. finally!” miu clasped her hands together, running to hug you both.

“wait, really?” junki shouted. “so our plan worked!”

“way to ruin it.” koshin deadpanned.

“plan? what…?” you were caught off guard.

the bassist beside you only grinned sheepishly, leaving no comment.

keigo nudged the younger. “it’s not like no one knew. but i’m happy for you both or whatever.”

”same here. as long as there isn’t any public display of affection…” yudai nodded.

miu shook her head at the manager’s words. “its pda, who even says it in full like that, idiot.”

“here we go again.” you sighed.

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