#jiglupgoe

Breathing picking up, Lupin grasped Goemon’s hand tightly as tears welled up in his eyes. He had been better…they talked last night…Goemon had talked to him and he seemed better! How could this happen if he was supposed to be better now?!

“You were supposed to be better!” Lupin shouted, hands shaking as tears ran down his face. “Goemon! Goemon, damnit, how could you-?!” He sobbed, holding the samurais hand tighter.

“Lupin-?! What the hell’s-?” Jigen came up the stairs, hesitating slightly at the scene in front of him. “Shit…”

Lupin knew Jigen knew what a body looked like. Looking toward the gunman desperately, Lupin pulled Goemon close to his chest. Logically he knew that someone this cold was beyond help but..it was Goemon!

“Jigen…Jigen, please…!” Lupin pleaded through hiccuping sobs as he held Goemon desperately. There had to be something..

Jigen frowned sadly, removing his hat silently. He had been in this game too long to know when someone was beyond help..and that was what Goemon was. He didn’t seem that bad but..maybe Goemon just treated himself like an old dog, you never know how bad it is until they slip away.

Positively wailing at Jigen’s reaction, Lupin buried his face in Goemon’s shoulder and sobbed. He had tried so hard and still failed..he never got to make it up to Goemon for causing him this much trouble..He had fucked up and got poor Goemon killed…

“…Lupin…?”

Hesitating, Lupin pulled back slightly. Crying out when he saw Goemon’s eyes open and looking at him in confusion and concern, Lupin broke down further as he pulled the other man closer and practically wrapped himself around him.

“You’re alive!!” Lupin wailed, nuzzling Goemon’s neck as he clung to him.

“What the hell?! You looked- holy fuck, what the hell happened to your eyes?!” Jigen looked at him worriedly, popping his hat back on as he walked over.

“My- what? What is going on?” Goemon frowned, hesitantly patting Lupin’s back as he looked between the two thieves.

“They’re fuckin’ blue!” Jigen swept back Goemon’s bangs, looking at the samurais eyes in confusion. “Can you see?”

“Of course I can.” Goemon frowned, nodding as he looked down at Lupin. “And my eyes are brown. Are you color blind, by chance?”

“‘Am I’-? Why, you-! Y’know what? Wait right here.” Jigen huffed, walking back downstairs.

Goemon watched before looking back at Lupin. “What happened?”

“Y-You weren’t- you w-weren’t breathing-“ Lupin bit his lip hard, looking up at Goemon anxiously. “A-And you were all limp and cold! I-I thought..”

Goemon frowned quietly, nodding a bit as he looked down at Lupin gently. “I’m alright, see? Take a breath.”

Lupin bit his lip harder, taking a couple shaky breaths as he looked Goemon over quietly. He seemed okay…still cold and he still had the dark circles under his eyes. Which…were a very piercing ice blue? They weren’t like that last night…

“Goemon, your eyes…” Lupin frowned, cupping the samurais face as he leaned in to get a closer look.

Goemon flinched slightly, blushing furiously as he leaned back. “P-Personal space, please-!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Lupin backed off, frowning. “They really are blue..” he mumbled, raising an eyebrow.

“You too? They are brown!” Goemon frowned, crossing his arms. This wasn’t very funny.

“No they aren’t! Look!” Jigen called, coming back upstairs with a handheld mirror.

~~~~~

“No they aren’t! Look!” Jigen called, coming back upstairs with a handheld mirror.

Goemon sighed, rolling his eyes as he took it. “I told you both already, they’re-“ He looked down at the mirror, hesitating. “Blue?!”

“I told you!” Jigen crossed his arms, frowning. “I’m not color blind.”

“This is not funny. It looks awful! So- so undo whatever it is you did right now!” Goemon frowned more, waving his hand in front of the mirror as he bit his lip.

“We didn’t do anything, Goemon..” Lupin frowned, watching worriedly. “They looked normal last night when we talked.”

Goemon stared into the mirror, hands shaking slightly. What had happened to him? This looked awful! If they weren’t messing with him then how did this happen? Doing his best to make sure this wasn’t some sort of illusion, Goemon grew more anxious with each attempt.

What? Don’t like it? I find it lovely. Of course, your friends seem to be pretty disgusted~

Goemon paled, frowning as he glanced between Jigen and Lupin. They didn’t seem disgusted…but was he wrong? Was he mistaking their disgust for concern?

Maybe Lupin had some colored contacts to try to cover it up. I’m sure he has enough to worry about without trying to figure out what’s wrong with his favorite tool.

Wrong.

Wrong.

W r o n g.

~~~~~~~

Lupin jumped when the mirror smashed into the wall behind him, looking from a shocked Jigen to an agitated looking Goemon. He frowned, moving to comfort the samurai before he hesitated. It…felt like the room temperature had just somehow dropped 30 degrees…? Looking around curiously, Lupin’s eyes widened when he saw the windows.

Frost. Frost was creeping across the glass on their windows.

How the fresh hell was there frost spreading across their windows in the middle of summer in Perth? Glancing at Jigen, who he could tell noticed as well, Lupin turned back to Goemon. He could see the shivering starting back up again, the way the samurais eyes swept the room anxiously before he ultimately got up and wordlessly went into the bathroom and shut the door.

“What the hell…?” Jigen frowned, rubbing his hands up and down his arms in attempt to get warm.

“No idea.” Lupin frowned, walking to the bathroom door.

~~~~~~

Goemon sat on the ground against the bathtub, gripping his chest as he tried to keep his breathing steady. Frost covered the mirror and began to trail across the floor from under him and toward the walls. What was happening to him? What was this?

It’s me, obviously. Of course, now it’s us.

“I-I don’t want this..” Goemon panted, hands shaking more when he noticed he could see his own breath in the air.

But, don’t you? Aren’t you sick of it all?

“S-Stop-“ Goemon pressed his hands over his ears, pulling his knees to his chest as he felt his breathing catch slightly.

Always so perfect. Always so controlled. Don’t you just want to watch it all f r e e z e?

“No-!” Goemon gasped, cringing as he felt the ice climb up his arms, shivering increasing as the cold ebbed deep into his skin.

Then why aren’t you stopping it? You must want it, deep down. After all, I know everything you’re thinking, samurai.

Goemon tried to scratch the ice off of his skin, closing his eyes tightly as he struggled to get a controlled breath. He felt like he was drowning again. He felt like everything was falling apart around him while simultaneously building up in a way he couldn’t control. He didn’t know what to do. Why couldn’t he stop this? Why couldn’t he control this? He was failing all over again-

“Goemon-!”

~~~~~~

Lupin nearly slipped getting into the bathroom, a firm grip on Zantetsuken as he fell onto his ass clumsily beside the samurai. He knew a panic attack when he saw one, though seeing Goemon have one was new. Frowning at the ice climbing basically every surface in the room, including Goemon, Lupin gently pressed Zantetsuken into his shaking hands.

“Breathe, Goe, breathe. Everything’s alright.” Lupin frowned, sitting beside him gently. “I’m with you. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Frowning at the lack of response, Lupin changed position so he was right in front of him. Goemon was white knuckle gripping Zantetsuken, ice spreading around the sword from under Goemon’s hands. So this was all from Goemon? It seemed physically impossible but…he knew well enough by now that nothing ever truly was.

“Breathe with me, Goemon.” Lupin frowned, taking a breath for Goemon to try to follow.

Goemon took a shaky breath, the breath catching as he doubled over coughing. Lupin grabbed Goemon’s shoulder to steady him, wincing at the freezing temperature of the samurais body. His eyes widened when he saw flurries landing on the tile, falling from the samurais lips as he whined low in this throat as he shivered more. That was terrifying frankly. Was his whole body just creating ice and snow on its own? He’d have to sort that out later when Goemon wasn’t in the middle of panicking.

“It’s alright, it’s okay. I’m going to have Jigen come help, alright? Just keep breathing.” Lupin tried to keep his tone calm, leaning back toward the door. “Jigen!”

Jigen appeared at the door moments later, hesitating at the overall icy state of the room. “Shit..”

“Shush.” Lupin gave him a look, glaring. “Help me get Goemon outside, yeah?”

Goemon shook his head quickly, cringing at the motion. Lupin frowned, gently taking his hands in his own despite the creeping frost. He looked at the samurai gently, trying his best to stay as open and reassuring as possible.

“Goemon. I promise it’ll be okay. We’ll be right there with you, we won’t let anything happen. Trust me.” Lupin squeezed his hands gently, watching him for a response.

Goemon hesitated, looking between Lupin and Jigen before finally nodding and gripping Lupin’s hand tightly. The thief smiled reassuringly, helping Goemon out of the bathroom and through the apartment. Jigen followed behind them, opening a couple windows to stave off the trail of ice following the samurai through the apartment. Lupin led them out the back door and into the back garden.

“Better?” Lupin looked at Goemon, smiling a bit when he noticed the ice ebbing away a bit with the addition of the heat from outside.

Goemon shivered, laying down in the grass as he took a few shaky breaths. Lupin carefully laid down beside him, glancing at him before looking up quietly. He could see Jigen in his peripheral vision sit down on Goemon’s other side. Looking up at the clouds, Lupin watched the sky quietly.

“That cloud looks like an elephant.” Lupin glanced at Goemon, watching the samurais eyes flick up at the sky and study it quietly.

Lupin smiled a bit when he noticed more of the ice and frost melt away as Goemon scanned the sky quietly. Deciding to keep with it, Lupin looked back up at the clouds for a distraction.

“That one looks like…actually that one really looks like Pops-“ Lupin snorted, glancing at Goemon and Jigen. “See it? Hat and everything.”

“Really? I thought it looked more like a squash…” Jigen mumbled, glancing out from under his hat as he squinted a bit.

“HA!” Lupin snorted, glancing at Goemon hopefully.

His breathing seemed more even..and he wasn’t gripping Zantetsuken like it was the only thing keeping him alive. He noticed Goemon had even taken to rubbing the hilt with his thumb, a noted self soothing technique he had seen Goemon do unconsciously for years. These were good signs!

“What’re you seeing, Goemon?” Lupin asked carefully, watching the clouds move across the sky.

“….teapot…” Goemon mumbled, glancing over at the thief.

“Oh, yeah! I see what you mean, that’s actually really shaped like one, wow..” Lupin mumbled, watching the cloud before glancing at Goemon. “Feeling better?”

Goemon glanced away, nodding faintly. Lupin could tell he felt like he had burdened them with panicking, but he disagreed. Goemon never burdened them and he could understand why he was so worked up. The ice though…was something he would have to think about when Goemon wasn’t around..or at least not around and panicked.

“It’s alright. Let’s stay out here for a bit, yeah? Just relax.” Lupin assured gently, glancing at Jigen. “Right?”

Jigen hummed, pulling out a cigarette before passing one to Lupin. “Nice day for it.” He laid back, pulling his hand over his eyes more as he quietly smoked.

“Mhm!” Lupin smiled, gently taking Goemon’s hand as he looked back at the sky. “We’ll stay here until you’re feeling 100% again.”

It opened.

What the hell? Why was it unlocked? Stepping out, Jigen walked down the hall, anxiously scanning for threats. The doors wavered and changed, the numbers unreadable as the hallway stretched far beyond his ability to see. What the fresh hell was going on here? Where was Fujiko? Where was Lupin? Goemon? Shit. Where was everyone? His breathing picked up as he began to run. He had to find them and get the hell out of here. Halfway down the hall everything went dark. Turning, Jigen tried to find something, anything in the darkness. He felt something strike the back of his head, sending him sprawling onto the ground.

Chains shot out and wrapped around his body.

He could hear Fujiko screaming.

He called out for her, fighting against the chains as they tightened and squeezed the air out of his lungs.

A light came through the darkness, a shadow standing in front of a motionless and pale figure. Jigen froze, blood running cold. It was the doctor.

It was Lupin.

Covered in blood, he could see the faint rise and fall of the thief’s chest as the doctor scoffed and tossed away a bloodied scalpel. What the hell had he done to him? Jigen struggled, trying to get closer to do something, anything.

“Seems I’ll have to move on to a different subject.”

The lights flashed, Lupin’s body strung up in a corner for spare parts as Fujiko and Goemon laid on operating tables. The two struggled, Fujiko’s shrieks melting together with Goemon’s curses as the doctor approached with a large saw. Jigen felt sick. He had to get to them but he couldn’t manage to move a even an inch. He tried to call out, tell the doctor to stop, take him instead!

No sound came out.

The doctor started the saw, the whine of the blade mixing with the pained shrieking and sound of cracking bone and splattering blood as the scene went dark again. He couldn’t tell if he was screaming or someone else was. He felt the tears running down his face. Was it tears? Was it blood?

“Why couldn’t you help us, Jigen?!”

No! He wanted to help them, he was trying to help them!

“Please, Jigen!”

He was drowning. The darkness was swallowing him whole.

“Why do we keep you around if you can’t even keep us alive?!”

It wasn’t like that…he felt like he was falling.

“Jigen!”

Was he really even worth it if he couldn’t keep them safe…?

“Jigen!”

~~~~~~

“Jigen!”

The gunman shot straight up in bed, eyes blown wide as he cried out into the dark bedroom. He covered his mouth with his hand, chest heaving as he fumbled his way out of the blankets. Sick, he felt sick. He needed air. The room was spinning. He let them down- he couldn’t breathe.

“Ji, Jigen, easy-!” Lupin grabbed his arm, his eyes searching anxiously. “Goemon-“ he needed help.

“What do you need right now, Jigen?” Goemon appeared at his other shoulder, taking hold gently.

“Air- air-“ Jigen choked out, grasping between them and his own chest.

“Okay, let’s go. We’re with you. We’re going to get you some air.” Lupin nodded, carefully leading him to the doorway and down the stairs.

The group made their way down the stairs in the dark, going to the back porch. They had taken to sleeping in groups, usually the three of them, though Fujiko and Zenigata also joined at times when they wanted to be more affectionate. It was apparently lucky they had chosen to sleep in a group tonight. They stepped outside, the gunman stumbling to the railing as he gripped it tightly.

“Breathe, Jigen.” Goemon’s rubbed his back carefully.

“Don’t- Dont touch-!” Jigen snapped, trying to steady his breathing. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Goemon frowned, taking his hand off as he glanced back at Lupin. Jigen was definitely worked up…they just needed to let him ride it out with them present, not that he felt good leaving him with minimal comfort. Lupin frowned, stepping forward as he stood beside Jigen.

“What can we do, Ji?” Lupin asked gently, looking him over anxiously.

Jigen cringed, trying not to choke as he shook his head. He wasn’t sure if it was tears or if he was actually going to be sick but it was embarrassing as hell either way. He didn’t want their help. He sure as hell didn’t deserve it. He sunk down onto his knees, gasping faintly as he dug his nails into his palms. Fuck! He let them down. He let them all down-

Lupin sat down beside him, carefully placing his hand on the ground beside Jigen’s as he softly began to hum. It wasn’t anything pretty, some old French song they had heard a fair few times when they made their way through the country. But Lupin knew that distraction was key here. Goemon hesitated, looking over at the thief anxiously. Was this the time for him to try something like this? He glanced back at Jigen, frowning. Hopefully so…

Jigen clenched his eyes shut, hair falling over his face as tears dripped onto the old wood of the porch. He sucked in a couple shaky breaths, trying to focus on the sound of Lupin’s voice. He didn’t mean for this to happen, none of them had. But he had been right there…and if Goemon hadn’t don’t anything then…Lupin would’ve been dead..he would’ve actually died. And that thought terrified him beyond belief. He curled in on himself, pressing his forehead against the deck as he broke down.

Lupin frowned, glancing at Goemon. Jigen didn’t want to be touched…but obviously he needed some form of comfort. What could they give him? Goemon frowned, taking a seat on Jigen’s other side quietly. If distractions and physical comfort weren’t working then…they would just have to be present for him. They sat there for several minutes, maybe even an hour, they didn’t keep track. All they did was focus on their gunman, giving him reassurances from time to time until he eventually began to grow quiet.

“Ji..?” Lupin frowned, moving a bit closer as he tried to judge his condition.

“…’m sorry…” Jigen mumbled quietly, voice hoarse.

“Everyone has nightmares, Jigen, it’s alright-“

“No. I’m sorry I left you there to rot with that bastard for so long...” Jigen looked out at him, eyes red rimmed and full of unshed tears.

Lupin hesitated. Oh…this was a different conversation…well..he couldn’t just let Jigen think any of this was on him. It wasn’t on any of them..it just had happened. And maybe if he fought the doctor he could’ve gotten them out but it was his problem, not Jigen’s.

“Ji..” Lupin gently reached for him, frowning when the gunman turned away. “Jigen…”

“Don’t try to feed me some bullshit about how it wasn’t my fault.” Jigen frowned, glaring at the boards below him. “I don’t give a damn. I left you there. I figured you were fine and just fuckin’-!“

“It wasn’t-!“

“I LEFT YOU!” Jigen snarled, sitting up as he glared at Lupin through his tears. “I LEFT YOU THERE AND- AND I WAS RIGHT DOWN THE FUCKIN’ HALL-‘ he slammed his fist against the railing, voice cracking as his breathing picked back up.

“Jigen..” Lupin hesitated, eyes widening slightly.

“Breathe, Jigen. Deep breaths.” Goemon frowned, trying to calm him.

“Fuck that!” Jigen stood, pacing as he pulled at his hair. “Don’t you dare self care bullshit me right now, damnit!”

“What do you want then, Ji?“ Lupin frowned, watching worriedly as he glanced at Goemon.

“Yell at me, damnit! Stop tellin’ me it wasn’t my fault or that shit just happens! Stop tryin’ to pretend that what happened was alright!” Jigen clenched his fists, panting and gasping. He could hear it all still… “FUCKIN’ TELL ME IT WAS MY FAULT!”

“IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!” Lupin shouted, standing quickly as he grabbed his arms.

Jigen yelled angrily, more tears streaming down his face as he bit down on his lip. He shakily breathed, trembling as he slowly sunk back down onto his knees. Lupin followed, carefully pulling Jigen against his chest. This had been a long time coming…

“..how can you jus’..not hate me for it….” Jigen asked softly, looking down. “I was right down that hall…two weeks right down that hall…and I didn’t even notice…”

“Because you didn’t know. Why would I hate you for it?” Lupin frowned, rubbing circles against his back as he glanced to Goemon. The samurai was at the back door ushering Fujiko and Pops back to bed…

“…I hate me for it…” Jigen mumbled, clenching and unclenching his fists. His skin felt like rubber…

“Hey.” Lupin frowned, carding a hand through Jigen’s bangs as he looked down at him sternly. “You need to listen to me.”

“Lupin…”

“No. Listen to me, damnit.” Lupin moved to look him in the eyes. “Don’t talk about yourself like that, you hear me? You got my ass out of there. I got my ass captured and didn’t find a way out. That’s on me. Not you.”

“But-“

“No, now listen!” Lupin snapped. “I’m not blaming anyone. None of you, got it? So chill out. I’m not dead. I’m not going anywhere. Everything happened and it’ll be a lot to deal with but it’s none of your faults. It’s his. And he’s dead. So fuck him, it’s his fault and not yours. Got it?”

Jigen hesitated, nodding faintly. He didn’t expect him to get so stern about it. He forgot Lupin could get like that…he was usually such a fucking mess. Goemon watched, arms crossed as he frowned a bit.

“That goes for all of you. You better be listening, Goemon.” Lupin huffed, sitting back against the railing. “Now can we talk this out, please?”

Jigen nodded faintly, resting against Lupin quietly as he sighed softly. Goemon sat down beside them as he frowned a bit. Lupin sighed, resting against Goemon’s shoulder, looking up at the sky quietly for a moment.

“You know what was on my mind whenever I was even close to awake?” Lupin asked gently, playing with the ends of Jigen’s hair. “It was where all of you were…and if all of you were safe..”

Jigen frowned, glancing at him. “…seriously?”

Lupin nodded. “Mhm. I knew Mad had you and Fujiko. I wasn’t sure where Goemon was…for all I knew you could’ve all been in the same situation or..worse…I hoped you had escaped, honestly. I wasn’t even concerned with if you would come for me. I just wanted you safe.”

“…Lupin..” Goemon mumbled, eyes shining with emotion as he looked down at him in astonishment.

“Oh, come here, you big baby.” Lupin pulled him down, kissing his cheek gently as he rested his head on Jigen’s. “I’m glad you came for me, of course. Things haven’t been…ideal…but I’m here with you guys and that’s what’s important to me.”

Jigen laughed weakly, a couple stray tears making their way down his face. “You’re a sappy bastard…”

“Love you too.” Lupin rolled his eyes. “But I don’t blame you, alright. And you need to learn to not blame yourselves. I don’t know…what you’ve seen…what you’ve dreamt.” He glanced down at Jigen, frowning a bit. “But we’re here to handle it together. So don’t bottle shit up, got it?”

Jigen sighed, glancing away. “Yeah…fuck, there’s so much emotional shit we’ve got to work on comin’ up. Who decided we needed to be this complicated?”

Lupin snickered, shaking his head. “It’s for the plot.” He teased, looking at them gently. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys..”

“We would be lost without you too.” Goemon nodded, smiling softly as he glanced at the two.

Jigen smiled weakly, glancing up at the sky quietly. “I can see Hercules..” he mumbled after a few moments.

“Oh, of course you would look at him.” Lupin scoffed, looking down at him teasingly.

“Oh, my god, the constellation, dumbass.” Jigen rolled his eyes, pinching his side.

“You’re right. Libra is there too.” Goemon pointed up, glancing over at them.

“Nerds. Tell me about them.” Lupin rested against them, watching quietly.