#jaybarucheledit

All right, mate. I’m gonna go run up some girls on campus.

Ahh, no, no, no. That’s -- She’s not into me. There’s very few things in life that I am absolutely certain of. Um, this chick does not like me. [Oh, don’t be such a Laydown Larry.] I’m not being a ... “Laydown Larry?” It’s just like me saying that, uh, I’ll never go to the moon and I’m alright with that, too. [You don’t want to go to the moon? Bullshit.] No, I’m saying that I never will go to the moon. And that’s fine, because I never expected to.

@BaruchelNDG I LIKE THIS SWEATER AND I THINK YOU WILL TOO.

I don’t wanna die at James Franco’s house. 

Dear God, I’d like to pray to you for a second. It’s me, Jonah Hill... From Moneyball. I hate Jay so, so fucking much. I think he might be the worst person you ever created. I don’t wanna judge you, but... what’s up? What were you thinking that day?