#jasus

DO I HAVE ANY LOBSTERS?!?!

I HAVE SO MANY LOBSTERS...

Let me show you... Here, let's have a look at lobsters from 3 different taxonomic groups...

SPINY LOBSTERS (family Palinuridae)

Southern Rock (Spiny) Lobster (Jasus edwardsii), family Palinuridae, found in coastal areas around Australia and New Zealand

photograph by Stemonitis 

Ornate Rock Lobster (Panulirus ornatus), family Palinuridae, Fly Point, Port Stephens, NSW, Australia

photograph by Richard Ling

California Spiny Lobster (Panulirus interruptus), family Palinuridae, off the coast of California, USA

photograph by Brett Seymour | NPS

REEF LOBSTERS (family Enoplometopidae)

Violet-spotted Reef Lobster (Enoplometopus debelius), family Enoplometopidae, found around the Pacific Ocean

photograph by reef-guardian.com

Atlantic Reef Lobster (Enoplometopus antillensis), family Enoplometopidae, found in warmer parts of the Atlantic Ocean

photograph by Fernando Herranz Martín 

Hawaiian Red Reef Lobster (Enoplometopus occidentalis), family Enoplometopidae, Hawaii

This species is normally red, but this individual has just molted.

photograph by Drew R. Smith

TRUE or TYPICAL LOBSTERS (family Nephropidae)

European Lobster (Homarus gammarus), family Nephropidae, found in the eastern Atlantic

photograph by H. Zell 

American Lobster (Homarus americanus), family Nephropidae, found off the Atlantic coast of the NE U.S. and eastern Canada

Which is fine, but if you’re that invested in the idea, I can’t figure out why more of these same people don’t actually go and write more F/F fics to redress this??

It’s beginning to get on my nerves.

Write what you want to read?

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Jasus wanted to make things nice around here for once, especially for the little healer and her room full of plants. It had been difficult trying to sneak his own set of decorations aboard the ship, away from prying eyes and without his boss taking note of his purchases. He hadn’t fared so well in that department - the shattering of one of those sparkling globes had given him away - but Reyna had promised to keep her lips shut. It wasn’t any of her business anyway, she’d said. He watched a million holovids on how to decorate for the holiday season, and it seemed that there was no real set way about it. Whatever looked right to the decorator seemed to be the trend. He unwound the bundles of blue-and-silver-entwined tinsel and applied a liberal amount of clear tape to stick it to the ceiling in parts, allowing the rest to drape just so. The arches were uneven but he still liked how it looked, sparkling against the lights he’d already taped to the shelves that dotted the room. Next were those infernal glass baubles. He thought better of hanging them up from so high, afraid that they would commit suicide and cover the ground in coloured glass. Instead, he decided to place one in each pot, providing Max’s plants with a little glittery company. Not their intended use, but he was proud he’d come up with the idea all by himself. He stood back to appreciate his work. The room couldn’t be any more shiny, even if he tried! Now it was just a matter of getting her in here to see all of his hard work. The ship vibrated and an alarm came on in the distance. Were they under attack? As he burst into the hallway, Reyna sprinted past him and towards the elevator. “What’s up, mum?” he called out to her, always ready to lend aid where it was needed of him. “Something’s blown up near the engines. Best guess, it’s in one of the boiler rooms.” Boiler rooms? That’s where he… He followed suit, hunched over and going as fast as he could on all fours, and managed to smoosh himself into the freight elevator next to her before the doors slammed shut. He muttered to himself, concerned that his things might have been the cause of all this. He didn’t know how he was going to make it up to Reyna or the rest of the crew if he’s broken the ship. Smoke billowed out from behind the closed door at the end of the hall once the elevator stopped, and the pair continued their hurried pace down the hallway and through it. It smelled of burning, but not the dry tang that followed the charring of fabric and stuffing. No, it was wet and green and moldy. Reyna snagged an extinguisher from off the wall and hunkered down below the thick clouds of smoke to find the source. Jasus remained where he was, knowing that his large form wasn’t going to help matters and he couldn’t get low enough to spare himself from a coughing fit anyway. He heard the rush of the extinguisher being fired - as well as a few choice swear words - before the smoke started to diminish. As did the coughing, though there was another he hadn’t heard earlier with the alarms still roaring overhead. Once he poked his head into the room, he discovered the source. “What the hell did you think you were doing?” Reyna barked as she kicked a blackened pot across the room. Max reached out after the tumbling clay vessel, her eyes reddened with tears, most likely from the smoke. A black crispy thing rolled out of the pot and left a long trail of soot and soil behind. “Trying… to spruce the… place up…” she managed between the coughs. “It was a gift… and I thought…” “Boiler room’s no place for plants,” Reyna replied roughly and gathered up the burnt remains in her arms. He passed Jasus without a word, whispering to herself as she headed back to the elevator. Seeing Max standing there by herself, rubbing the sting away from her eyes, reminded Jasus so much of his younger life, when he’d tried to fit in so many times and failed. A rumbling huff escaped him as he stepped into the room. Most of his things were burned or half-burned, but none of them were costly to replace. Max hadn’t expected him and recoiled, looking for some escape where she wouldn’t have to explain what she’d been trying to do. His large form blocking the doorway hindered that from happening. “Hm. Why is there a hole in my ceiling? It wasn’t there when I left.” He poked at a sizable puncture in the metal ceiling with his claw. “That must have been an impressive explosion.” He half-grinned down at her, hoping his joke would lighten her mood. “I hear you were tryin’ to make my place look nice. You didn’t have to go and do that.” He extended a spotted arm towards her to show that he wasn’t angry. It was just a boiler room, just bedsheets and pillows. None of them were as important as his friendship with her. Her tears were refreshed as she collapsed against his arm. Jasus allowed her to have her cry before he cradled her against his chest, his form shaking against him. “I just wanted to get you a nice plant and everything, to make your room look nice. I left it too close to the pipes and… they got too hot… and…” “Shhh. Would it make you feel any better if I said I had th'same idea?” “To set my room on fire?” Her wide, tear-filled eyes staring up at him almost smothered the chuckles in his chest. “What? No, I meant… how about we go take a look instead of me explainin’. It’ll make you feel better.” She nodded silently against him. “Heh, just don’t criticize it too deeply. S’my first time doin’ something like this.”

Snape’s Morto Memory

James Potter messed up his bleedin hair. He was a bit of a ride. He looked at the teacher, who was a muppet, and then at his mates, who were massive.

Sirius, who was a complete ride, was lounging back in his chair, looking like pure class. He was so gorgeous, yer wan looked like she wanted to lob the gob with him. But he didn’t seem to have noticed.

James was now doodling LE on a scrap of paper, (scarlet for ya!). After the exam papers were nabbed by yer man, what’s his face, the teacher, James crossed out the LE (morto!) and stuffed his things back in his yoke.

“Did ye like question 10, Moony?” shouted Sirius, who was a bit of a langer at times, even if a fucking cute one.

“Happy out,” said Remus, who was a massive nerd. “One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my clothes. Three: his name's Remus Lupin.”

(That was pure class, cause he was a werewolf, get me?)

Peter didn’t laugh cause he was a bit of a gowl.

"I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and thetufted tail,' he said, like a total eejit, 'but I couldn't think what else - “

“Janey Mac! What kind of a gobshite are you, Wormtail?” said James impatiently. “You leg it round the gaff with a werewolf once a month -“

Then Sirius went on about doing deadly in the exams like he was secretly a massive swot. And James started messing with the bleedin’ snitch, like a total eejit.

"Be dog wide of that ball, will ya?” said Sirius angrily, he was in a huff, the moody bollix. James made a class catch and Peter (who was a bit of a head the ball) whimpered. “Before Wormtail loses the rag”.

“C’mere to me till I tell ya, Padfoot,” said James quietly. “Look who it is, that article.”

“Deadly buzz,” said Sirius quietly.

Snape, who was a massive gobshite, put away his stuff and the lads went after him.

“Oi, latchico?” said James loudly.

Snape nearly had a conniption, with an awful puss on him, like he was expecting an attack: he dropped his bag, his wand was halfway into the air when James shouted, “Would ya get off the stage!” and the gobshite’s wand landed in the grass beside him.

“Leave him alone, the state of ya!” Lily Evans screamed at him. “Chill the boots!”

“Story, Evans?” said James, like an eejit (scarlet for ya!)

"You think you've a big mickey,' she said coldly. 'But you're just a complete langer, a bullying gobshite, Potter! Leave him ALONE!”

"I will if you go and get hammered with me, Evans,' said James quickly.

“I will, ya,’ sneered Lily, who obviously thought he was a bit of a dose.

Then the Snape fecker called her a yokeymebob (JASUS, the state of yer man!) and James was going bananas.

“Fine, I won’t bother me arse next time,” Lily told Snape.

Then she told him to feck away off and their friendship was banjaxed. And same with the other git.

'What’s her problemo?” said James.

“Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit of a tool, and a chancer, mate,' said Sirius.

"Dowtcha boy,' said James, who looked like he was in bits but pretending he was grand. “Ah Jasus, she’s defo not going to shift me, is she?”

“No. And no chance of a ride, ever, forget about it,” said Sirius. “Let’s go and have some savage craic with Snape.”

“Happy out,” said James, who was scarlet.

For an English translation: