@neerdowellnarrator sorry to snoop but, I have something along those veins? I caved so here is the other half of the unfinished wipâthe part where LJ3 are arguing over the what they're gonna do about The Name. It's in a state rn, but I thought it was kinda fun and melodramatic and at least kiiindda matched both prompts?
âItâs not going to workâŚâ
Ellie doesnât know how long theyâve been lying there, the springs from her mattress digging into her sides, but itâs not until she can hear Blueâs quiet snores that she braves herself to speak.
âHm?â says J3, half asleep, shifting so that his chin rests on her shoulder. âWhaâsâat?â He stifles a yawn, a sound that Ellie finds precious despite herself. Despite everything.
She takes J3âs arms wrapped around her waist and holds them tighter to her personâher last indulgence since their break. She canât help herself. Itâs one thing to give up sex, itâs another to give up her one fool-proof trick for a full nightâs sleep free of nightmares.Â
Sheâs always told herself that when she broke her rules, it was for a good reason. But she knows itâs bullshit.
She just doesnât want to give up her last good thing.
But this time, she needs the comfort. When she thinks about what comes mondayâthe student president election, itâs like her brain justâstops. Their whole miserable half-lives have led up to this. Life in Jaceprimeâs basement has been hell on earth, but at least there was ritual in the mundanity. At least she knows who she is when sheâs resisting captivity.
What happens when the God of War gets exactly what he wants? What happens when he doesnât?
Maybe she doesnât have to tell him how she feels. Maybe they really are matching spares. Maybe, just maybe, he can just feel her tremble, and that is why he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze.
âEllie?â he tries again.
âThe, uh⌠The ritual. Itâs not going to work.â Ellieâs always thought of herself as someone who was unafraid to speak her mind. Hell, sheâs gotten into shouting matches with the guy who locks them in the basement every night. So why is she so afraid to speak? âTheâThe name is wrong, J3.â
The quiet is painfully long. Finally, he says, âAre you sure?â
She expects more questions, maybe pushback. Instead, he says, âOkay. I believe you.â A beat. âDoes Porterââ
âNo. Not yet, at least. But when he doesââ
The sound of shifting blankets from across the room, and she can feel J3 stiffen beside her. She, too, has gone completely still.
What do you think heâll do?
J3âs voice in her head when the rustling stops. A Message.
Well⌠says Ellie, If he doesnât smash us to bitsâsend in the Ratgrinders on the cloudrider, I guess. So close to the deadline, the attack on Seacaster Manor is our only chance to get it.
And heâll probably send Boss in to supervise.
You still have that ring I gave you, right?
Ellie touches her Ring of Disguise Self, turns the band around on her fingerâa reflex. She can feel her cheeks flush, and sheâs grateful to be turned away from him. Even though sheâs mad at him, she canât bring herself to give it back. âYes. Iâof course I do.â
What are you thinking? asks Ellie.
Iâm thinking⌠You should volunteer for the cloudrider mission.
âWhat?â says Ellie, too loud. She hears a quiet, disgruntled mmph from Blue, and the creak of a mattress. More quietly, she tries again. âWhat? Why?â
âCause Iâm gonna take your place.
Ellie jerks around to face him. Sheâs been trying to keep her cool all evening, but she canât. Itâs no use. Itâs not who she is.
âNo!â cries Ellie, and J3 shushes her, glancing over at Blueâs bed. Thankfully, the curtains are still closed, but she doesnât care. She opens her mouth, intent on giving him a piece of her mind, butâ
Thereâs something so resolute in his expression that she forgets to breathe.
He has the audacity to smile at her. Like theyâre having a slumber party, exchanging secrets late into the night. Instead of plotting treason. El. Think about it. Theyâll never know the difference.
âYouâre insane.â Ellie sits up. You canât do that for me, J3. Besides. Bossâll never believe it. Heâll know something is up immediately. She hesitates. Sheâs disgusted with herself for even entertaining the idea; disgusted that a part of her is moved. But itâll never workânot when sheâs J4. Sheâs not the precious gift, or the shiny toy, sheâs the mistake. âYou know me, IâmâIâm whiny and stubborn, andââ
J3 follows her. The blanket falls to the floor. His eyes are wide, animatedâheâs speaking with a fervor sheâs never seen from him before. He takes her face in his handsâWhich is why weâllâIâllâ convince him that it was his idea. Like, itâs, I dunnoâa punishment.
Câmon, El. Heâs still smiling. Like this is some sort of game. You know I can do it.
A beat. How does she tell him that thatâs exactly what sheâs afraid of?
You canât deny it, El. You know theyâll both be preoccupied during election night. Itâs the perfect window.
A beat. The thing isâheâs right. They both know it.
And it might be your last chance, beforeâ
âYeah. I know itâs not all that, but we donât have that much time, alright? I figured we could at least try⌠yâknow?â
âNo, J3. âNoâ As in. I canât ask you to do this for me.â
You didnât have to, El. YouâYou deserve a real shot out there, you get that, right?
Ellieâs heart is hammering in her chest. Talking to J3 has always been hard enough when heâs flirting, cracking jokes, doing what he always does. She didnât realize how much worse it was to talk to him when heâs being sincere.Â
He really believes in her, doesnât he? He always has.
J3 is still cradling her face in his hands.
Stupidly, Ellie yearns for him to lean down and kiss herâwhen that should be the last thing on her mind. Instead, she murmursââBut what about when he finds out the truth, J3? What then?â
The corner of his mouth tugs in a small smileâbewitching and infuriating.
Well. Youâll be long gone by then.
âDonât be stupid!â says Ellie, wrenching away from him. Iâm not leaving you.
The utter confusion in his expression could break her heart. She knows who to blame here. Knows that He is the reason J3 is the way he is. Knows she canât just cut and run like J3 wants. Come Ascension day, sheâs going to take the Big Guyâs maul and drive it straight into His face.
âWhat do you mean âwhyâ? You know why!â
Ellie hates feeling this way. She wants to tell J3 that she is not like Him, she will never be like Him. Wants to tell him that heâs never been a spare, that she would never, ever, use him as a shield. Wants to tell him the truth about her plan, that sheâs not going anywhereâat least without taking the Big Guy down with her. Wants to tell him that she canât go aloneâthat she canât see a future without him.
She wants to tell him that she loves him.
J3 is the first to break the silence. âWhy wonât you just let me do this for you? Iâm dead either way, at least this wayââ
âWill you quit talking like that? What I wanna knowâis why youâre so insistent on this. You know full well I canât go anywhere. Not without being Dispelled.â
âJ3. What did you do?â
âI cut a deal with Him, ok? With, ah, the Big Guy.â
J3 is avoiding her gaze. âHe knows the name is busted, he found out yesterday. And so IâI made the terms. I get him the name, he becomes a god. You get True Life, and youâll be gone before Jace knows anything.â
She can feel herself blinking back tearsâwhether they stem from hurt or anger, she does not know. âHow could you do this? Youâre working with Him?â
âWhat do you want me to say, El?â
âWell, Iâm not a hero, ok! Not like you. At least this way, everyone gets what they want.â
âEveryone? J3, are you serious?â
What about what you want?
âAll I know is thatâI want you to get out, ok? You deserve to live your life, El. I dunno. Out of all the things Iâve ever wanted, I think thatâs the only one that's ever meant anything at all.â
Ellie is shakingâsheâs still refusing to cry, refusing to wrangle with the cataclysm of pain and longing and grief that threaten to overwhelm herâwhich is why sheâs running on pure fury and disgust and betrayal when she reaches for him, unsure what sheâll do until sheâs grappling him by the shoulders and pinning him to the mattress. J3 struggles against her, but Ellie doesnât let up. For once, itâs not a game, and he is not getting out of it with a pout and a brat routine. She grabs the butterfly knife under her pillow and holds it to his throat.
He smirks. âSee you kept the gift.â
âShut up,â she growls. She presses the blade further into his skin, watching as his neck flushes red, following the trickle of a single drop of blood.
âThereâs not going to be a deal, you get that? Iâm going to kill Him. Whatever it takes. Donât try to stop me. And donât get in my way.â
J3âs mouth partsâEllie watches his chest rise and fall as he just breathes, staring up at her.Â
âYou wonât hurt me.â
Heâs looking at her with so much trust that she aches. Ellie can hear the knife clatter to the floor before she even realizes what sheâs done. That sheâs let go. She leans forward, speaking softly into his ear.
âJ3. I swearâif you even think about taking the fall for me, Iâllââ She has to think quick. Something that a long rest wonât heal. Something that will stickâa blemish on that perfect face of his, hers, theirs, Jaceâsâso that Boss will never get them mixed up ever againâ
Her hand curls around his throat. âIâll break your fucking nose.â
He's not going to destroy himself for her. Sheâs never letting anything happen to him ever again.