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epilogue one

word count; 13,004 words

warnings; moments of angst, family rift, mentions of alcohol, mentions of birth, mentions of breastfeeding, very mild injury

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The first month was hard.

You quickly learned that Chaeyeon was an incredibly fussy baby; waking up at ungodly hours of the night screaming at full pelt or whining and demanding during the daytime.

She hated whenever you or Jaemin attempted to put her down anywhere, preferring to constantly be in your arms.

Consequently, you were awake half the night every night, and during the day you were both like walking zombies.

Sometimes you felt as though you were going slowly insane.

’She smells like baby,’ Doyeon remarks as she holds Chaeyeon against her chest, ‘her head smells good.’

You were still in your pyjamas, face completely devoid of makeup and hair unbrushed.

’She does smell good,’ you mumble, ‘doesn’t stop her from crying half the night.’

Doyeon doesn’t respond, only giving you a sort of half pity smile.

Jaemin, who was sitting beside you, takes your hand in his and rubs circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

You fight the urge to cry, tears of tiredness and frustration bubbling to the surface.

‘Hey, what’s wrong,’ Doyeon asks, rushing to kneel in front of you as fast as she could with the baby in her arms.

‘I’m just tired,’ you break, allowing yourself to break down properly and sob.

Jaemin wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

‘I’m so so tired,’ you cry, ‘I love her so so so much but I’m so tired.’

Doyeon and Jaemin exchange alarmed glances.

You let out shaky cries as Jaemin cradles your head against his chest, placing multiple kisses to your head.

‘And sometimes she just cries and cries and cries and I don’t know what’s wrong! No matter what I do I can’t calm her down… I’m such a bad mothe-‘

’No,’ Jaemin interrupts, ‘don’t you dare say that.’

‘But I am!’

‘Y/N, we’re doing just fine,’ Jaemin insists, ‘she’s healthy. She has more than enough toys and food and most importantly, she is so so so loved. We’re doing the most we can.’

‘I just... sometimes worry that maybe I can’t do enough.’

‘Oh Y/N,’ Doyeon sighs, pulling you into a side hug.

‘You’re doing so well. So well. You’ve coped so well until now,’ she comforts you, ‘everyone is so proud of you. So proud of you both. You know you can always ask for help if you need it? You know everyone is here for you.’

‘I know,’ you swallow the lump in your throat, ‘and I’m incredibly grateful. I promise I’ll ask for help when I need it…’

‘You better,’ Doyeon smiles, ‘we all want to help you.’

‘I think maybe you should go to bed, Y/N,’ Jaemin suggests, ‘while she’s settled. Go and nap.’

‘Okay,’ you mumble, ‘I’ll nap then…’

It wasn’t long until Chaeyeon began to cry again, mostly because she needed to be changed. Jaemin took care of it, shutting the door in her nursery so you couldn’t hear her crying as loud.

‘Please don’t be so hard on your mama,’ Jaemin whispers to her when she stops crying, ‘we love you. Please just go easy on us from now on.’

—————————

You gave her her first bath the second night after she came home. Jaemin ran it, placing the tiny newborn sized bath inside your own bathtub, filling it with the bath tap and repeatedly checking the bath temperature.

You were standing in her nursery, staring down at Chaeyeon who was swaddled in a crisp white fluffy towel.

‘It’s ready,’ Jaemin calls softly.

‘Are you ready for your bath baby?’

She gurgles, and you mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to go through.

‘I think she is going to hate it,’ you grumble as you enter the bathroom to see Jaemin on his knees next to the tub.

‘We can’t put it off just because she’s going to hate it,’ Jaemin says, and you know he is right.

‘I know,’ you swallow the lump of nerves in your throat, ‘is the temperature right?’

‘Yeah, I checked it like ten times. It’s fine.’

You place Chaeyeon on the soft bathmat on the floor and slowly unravel the towel from around her, avoiding her confused stare.

‘Don’t you feel like one of us should sit in with her-‘

‘Y/N,’ Jaemin interrupts, gently rubbing your arm, ‘she’s going to be fine.’

‘I know I just don’t want her to be upset,’ your voice cracks as you speak, and you’re suddenly wiping hot tears away.

You know it’s just the hormones and the tiredness and the fact you don’t think you can stand to hear her cry again, that being one of the only sounds you’ve heard for the last fifty-something long hours.

‘She might like it, Y/N,’ Jaemin adds, and once again, you know he is right.

‘Okay.’

You reluctantly lift her up from under her armpits, shuffling on your knees to get closer to the bath seat.

Jaemin helps you sit her properly in the tub, and you both tentatively take your hands off her body, nervous that she would slip down under the water.

To your surprise, she doesn’t move, most likely because Jaemin’s hand was supporting her head.

Chaeyeon whimpers for a few seconds before actually becoming silent, much to your shock.

‘You hold her and I’ll bathe her,’ you instruct Jaemin who nods.

You grab a jug from the shelf of the bath, dipping it into the water and then slowly pouring it over Chaeyeon’s body.

She whines loudly and begins squirming.

‘It’s okay sweet girl,’ Jaemin murmurs, ‘you’ll feel so much better once you’re nice and clean.’

‘Maybe the sponge will be better,’ you mutter mostly to yourself.

You find that Chaeyeon does prefer the sponge, so you lather it up with the Johnson’s baby wash and generously washing her body with it, trying really hard to avoid knocking what’s left of her umbilical cord.

She stares at you, utterly confused as you carefully wash her head of tiny hairs, placing your hand horizontally over her eyes so the shampoo doesn’t go in her eyes.

‘I bet you’re happy to get all that nasty gunk off of you,’ you pout dramatically as you gently scrub at some unknown substance on the side of her head, ‘it was a bit messy when you came out.’

Jaemin hums a random song as you speak, fully focused on holding Chaeyeon in the correct position.

Once you had finished washing her hair, you reached for one of the towels on the rack behind you.

‘Ok, let’s get you nice and dry.’

You spread the towel out in your hands and lift her out of the bath from under her armpits again, manoeuvring her so her chin is resting on your bare shoulder.

You quickly wrap the towel around her back, before using the toilet to steady yourself to stand up.

Jaemin follows you as you take her into her nursery again, laying her down on her changing mat on the table.

‘Can you get a baby-grow please?’ You ask Jaemin immediately begins to rifle through her clothes drawers while you gently dry her with the towel and put a diaper on her.

He picks out a white baby-grow with lemons printed all over it.

‘I’ll put it on her,’ Jaemin taps your arm, almost encouraging you to move out the way, ‘and I’ll try and put her down. You go to bed.’

You don’t protest at all, slowly trudging towards your bedroom.

You swear you hear Jaemin singing, but you’re not sure as you eventually slip into a deep sleep.

‘Chae, Chae, Chae, look at me.’

You can hear Jaemin from the other room loudly trying to get the attention of your daughter.

‘What are you trying to do?’ You ask, making your way into her nursery.

It looked somewhat different now, most of the newborn things replaced with clothes and items fit for a four month old.

Chaeyeon was currently laying on a mat on the ground, completely ignoring Jaemin for the mobile and various small toys hanging above her.

‘I’m trying to play with her,’ Jaemin pouts, ‘but she’s more interested in the hanging toys.’

She smiles, holding onto the soft hanging star and kicking her legs excitedly.

‘It’s not your fault a fake star is more interesting than you,’ you tease him, and he glares at you.

‘I just want to play peek-a-boo with her,’ he whines.

‘I swear you whine more than she does,’ you giggle, and he shoots you a glare.

‘Oh, she’s looking at me,’ Jaemin chirps when he turns back around.

He leans over Chaeyeon so that he’s essentially towering over her and covers his face with both of his hands.

’Three, two, one, peek-a-boo!’

Her face lights up, eyes and mouth widening in glee. She waves and kicks her arms and legs, causing Jaemin to chuckle.

’See, she likes it,’ he claps.

After a few seconds, Chaeyeon slaps her hands against her forehead.

’She wants you to do it again,’ you laugh.

‘Aww, you’re so clever, sweet girl,’ Jaemin coos, pinching her sides lightly, ‘ok, dada will do it again.’

He covers his face once again, and you watch fondly as Chaeyeon attempts to make grabby hands at Jaemin’s face, but can’t reach.

‘One, two, three, peek-a-boo!’ Jaemin calls, opening his hands up once again to reveal his face to her.

What shocks you this time, is that she shrieks, letting out hearty giggles that echo around the apartment.

‘Oh my god, Y/N,’ Jaemin turns around to look at you, utterly wide-eyed, ‘she’s never done that before.’

Suddenly you’re kneeling on the floor next to him, completely enamoured by the small girl in front of you.

‘Do it again,’ you nudge him in encouragement, and he immediately complies with your request, placing his hands over his face and counting.

‘One, two, three, peek-a-boo!’

Chaeyeon shrieks in delight once again, giggling so much for so long that she actually catches her breath, coughing lightly.

‘Oh baby,’ you coo, picking her up and patting her back to help her get over the cough.

She stops coughing quite quickly, much to your relief.

‘You went a bit in over your head there, didn’t you,’ you laugh, rubbing her back.

Chaeyeon settles her head on your chest, looking at Jaemin, who silently performs the ‘peek-a-boo’ action.

She begins laughing again, and you can feel the vibration of her chest against yours.

Her laugh is like music to your ears, and you realise this is one of the first times you’ve heard her make noise other than crying or whining.

You stroke her hair as Jaemin repeatedly performs actions to induce giggling from Chaeyeon. It goes on for some time before she yawns loudly.

‘You’ve tired her out now,’ you jokingly scold him.

She’s still slumped across your body, cheek resting on your chest. You hold the side of her head, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

‘Is that not a good thing?’ Jaemin reaches a hand out to stroke the side of her forehead.

Chaeyeon yawns again, rubbing her head against your chest in order to try and get comfortable.

‘You want a nap Chae? Okay, let’s put you down for a nap.’

—————————

‘Daddy,’ Yuna lisps, clawing at Donghyuck’s jeans with her tiny hands.

‘Yes, baby girl?’

The first time you and Jaemin heard Yuna utter those words to Donghyuck, you were stunned. You were incredibly surprised that Donghyuck had taken the title of Yuna’s dad in his stride, as though it was easy. He eventually moved in with Chaewon after Yuna had turned one, and as everyone expected, he filled the role perfectly.

Donghyuck spent a lot of the day with Yuna, as Chaewon had just gone back to school full time.

‘Hungry,’ she murmurs, and Donghyuck nods, reaching into the bag that Chaewon had clearly packed, pulling out a small plastic box.

‘You want some ‘nana?’ He asks, and Yuna nods rapidly, bouncing up and down on her feet.

Donghyuck pulls off the lid from the container, before holding it out to Yuna, who grabs a small fistful of banana and stuffs it in her mouth.

’S’nice?’ Donghyuck grins, and she nods rapidly.

He ruffles her hair, ‘good girl.’

You notice how Chaeyeon looks on, eyes meticulously following the banana.

‘Chloe,’ you call, and she looks to you, ‘are you hungry too?’

She just keeps staring at you, and you take it as a yes.

You choose a random food pouch from the fridge, before grabbing one of her coloured plastic bowls and spoons from the cupboard.

You were still in the middle of attempting to wean Chaeyeon off breastmilk, which was initially incredibly difficult, but she eventually warmed up to the idea of having something other than milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Yerim watched as you prepared the food, sipping on her glass of water while Donghyuck watched all three of the girls. It’s not like Chaeyeon could go anywhere and Yuna was far too clingy with Donghyuck, leaving Soeun to be the only real piece of hard work.

Soeun was just over one and a half, and was incredibly mobile, running off in all different directions, much to the dismay of Yerim (or Jongdae, depending on the day) who would have to chase after her.

You chatted about random things as you squeeze the ‘banana + peaches’ puree into the bowl.

‘Does she like the fruity stuff?’ Yerim asks, seeming genuinely surprised.

‘Yeah. I gave her the veggie stuff at first, like we were supposed to, but she eats more of the fruit-based stuff.’

‘Huh,’ she shrugs, ‘Soeun loved peas. I was a little bit worried she would turn green or something…’

You burst into uncontrollable laughter at her words, ‘I don’t think that’s how it works.’

‘They go orange if they eat too many carrot-based foods,’ she argues, ‘I thought it was the same for… other stuff.’

‘How have you kept her alive,’ you roll your eyes.

‘I genuinely don’t know.’

You place the bowl onto the tray attached to Chaeyeon’s high chair, before returning to the living room to collect Chae.

‘It’s dinner time for you missy,’ you say before lifting her up off the play mat.

At first, she’s annoyed, kicking, whining and reaching towards the mat, but as soon as she spots the bowl, she grows silent. Yerim laughs as you lower her into her seat and clip her bib around her neck.

‘So fickle.’

You decide not to let her wait, scooping up a generous amount onto the spoon and waiting for Chaeyeon to open her mouth and accept the food. She does so very quickly, small amounts of dribble and puree leaking out of the corners of her mouth. You use the bib to gently wipe it away, staining the fabric a strange pinky-orange colour.

‘Wow, she’s such a good eater,’ Yerim comments, ‘I wish Soeun would have taken food like that when she was seven months.’

‘Yeah, she really likes her food,’ you mumble, ‘just like her parents.’

‘She’s the sweetest,’ Yerim grins, and Chaeyeon begins giggling loudly when Yerim pulls funny faces at her.

‘Does she like the aeroplane?’ She asks, ‘Soeun likes that. Or the Choo Choo train.’

‘I’ve never tried it,’ you admit, ‘well I guess I could try it now.’

You gather up some more puree onto the the spoon then hold it above Chaeyeon’s head. Her eyes follow it, closely watching it. You inhale loudly to get her attention.

‘Here comes the aeroplane,’ you feel kind of stupid, but wave the spoon around anyway, bringing it closer and closer to her tiny mouth.

It takes her a few seconds to get the idea, but eventually she gets the idea and parts her lips, happily eating the spoonful of food.

‘Good girl,’ you clap and she gives a couple of weak claps in return, smiling to herself, knowing she’d done right.

It doesn’t take long until Chaeyeon begins refusing spoonfuls, indicating that she’s full, so you wipe her face once more and take off her bib, throwing it in the washing basket, before placing her bowl and spoon in the sink to wash later.

‘You just wanna play with Soeun and Yuna don’t you?’ You set her back down on the ground.

She looks quite upset when she realises both girls are out of reach, Yuna on Donghyuck’s lap and Soeun running to greet her mother.

’Soeun, go play with Chae,’ Yerim instructs, but you hold up a hand to interrupt her.

’No, I want to see if Chae will crawl to them.’

‘You think she will?’

’She’s been dragging herself around on her stomach recently. I think she wants to but just doesn’t know how,’ you pout.

’She’ll figure it out eventually,’ Yerim reassures you, ‘it took Soeun what felt like months to work it out. To be completely honest once they start crawling, you can never keep up with them.’

‘It’s so irritating,’ you sigh, ‘I want her to learn and develop so bad but I don’t want her to grow up.’

Donghyuck and Yerim nod, both looking like they know exactly what you’re talking about.

Chaeyeon half-heartedly points towards Soeun, sort of trying to shove her body weight in her direction before bursting into tears.

‘Oh, no, it’s okay Chloe,’ you feel bad for not helping her the first time, and you sit down next to her, rubbing her back while she sobs.

Soeun toddles towards her, dropping down onto the mat next to Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon calms down pretty much straight away, happy to just be with her friend.

’I might as well just give up, she’s not going to start crawling any time soon,’ you sigh, watching Chaeyeon mindlessly babble away to Soeun, who is holding a few purple Duplo bricks, attempting to stack them in a tower.

‘She will eventually, Y/N, you just need to give her time.’

—————————

A few days later, you’re laying in your bed watching reruns of ‘My Dream Home’ with Chaeyeon laying on your chest. You know she’s not asleep, as she’s playing with your hair, occasionally tugging on it while blowing spit bubbles and raspberries onto your shirt. You don’t mind, because you know you’ll probably change into one of Jaemin’s T-shirts when he gets home.

You were planning on putting her to bed at half seven, which was when this episode ended, playing it a low volume so it wouldn’t cause her to become more alert.

During one of the advert breaks, you were just staring into the distance, being careful to not give Chaeyeon any attention when the front door clicks open.

‘I’m home,’ you hear Jaemin call, and you silently curse him out for being so loud.

Chaeyeon automatically lifts her head, turning the direction that Jaemin’s voice had come from.

‘Agh,’ she babbles.

‘Yes, Chloe, it’s daddy,’ you kiss the side of her head.

Jaemin enters the room, face lighting up at the sight of his two girls cuddling.

She squeals as he comes into view and he giggles as you manoeuvre Chaeyeon onto her stomach in front of you.

‘Hi sweetheart,’ he smiles at her.

‘How come you’re home so early?’ You ask.

‘Work was quiet,’ he responds simply, leaning over to quickly kiss your forehead before retreating to the end of the bed.

Jaemin made a point of not moving too away from Chaeyeon, both of you were still trying to encourage her to crawl to something she wants.

‘Who’s that Chae?’ You pinch her sides and lift her so she’s on her hands and knees.

Jaemin kneels next to the end of the bed, making it so he looks closer to Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon whimpers and for a second you’re worried she’s going to burst into tears again, but instead, she reaches a chubby arm forward, before placing her hand down a considerable distance away from where it originally was.

You and Jaemin are completely silent, not wanting to interrupt whatever thought process she was having. For a few seconds she seems to be trying to push herself along on her stomach, but not being able to account for the extra weight her legs brought. The room is still deathly silent except for the sound of Jonathan Scott droning on in the background about an open floor plan. For a few seconds she still seems completely perplexed, but eventually manages to drag one of her legs along the bed.

You and Jaemin are both holding your breaths in anticipation. Suddenly she manages to move her other leg, then her other arm, and she’s suddenly crawling properly. You both dramatically let out the breaths you’ve been holding, clapping and praising Chaeyeon, who is quickly crawling towards Jaemin and falling into his arms. She squeals as he jumps to his feet, repeatedly presses kisses to her cheeks. Jaemin walks around the bed to the empty side, placing Chaeyeon next to you, then climbing into bed so that she is in the middle of you both.

‘I’m so proud of you sweetheart,’ you’re both cuddling her, occasionally kissing her.

’So smart,’ Jaemin hums in agreement.

‘Y/N,’ Jaemin says.

‘Yeah?’

‘Why don’t we, just this once, let her sleep here,’ he looks hopeful.

‘In between us?’

He gives you his best puppy dog eyes, and you can’t help but give in.

‘Ok, but just this once.’

‘Yes!’ He celebrates by placing a big wet kiss onto Chaeyeon’s cheek, prompting her to break into a fresh wave of giggles, ‘we’re gonna have a sleepover tonight baby! Yes we are, yes we are! Oh, and, I love you Y/N.’

You just let his excitement take over, and soon enough, both are completely dead to the world.

—————————

‘Ok. Phase two. Walking.’

‘Jaemin she is eleven months,’ you point out, ‘she can barely stand up for more than five seconds before falling down.’

‘You hear that Chae? Mama doesn’t believe in you.’

‘Shut up,’ you swat at his arm, ‘stop putting words in my mouth.’

Chaeyeon stares at you both blankly, shoving her entire fist in her mouth for some reason.

She was standing up, other hand tightly clutching the edge of the sofa cushions. The first time she hauled her tiny body upright was terrifying to you; the fact she could stand up completely unaided made you feel like she would be running wild in no time.

‘I don’t like it when she does that,’ you comment.

‘What do you mean?’

‘When she stands. I feel like she’s going to fall over or something.’

‘She’ll have to learn to get back up.’

Suddenly Jaemin holds out his arms to her, ‘Chaeyeon, come here.’

She stares at him in complete confusion.

‘Come on, you can do it,’ he encourages.

’I don’t think she can, Jaemin,’ you say, ‘she doesn’t know what you want her to do.’

‘You know what,’ he suddenly says, crawling towards her.

He picks her up so she is standing in front of him, helped by the fact he is holding her by the waist.

‘Is she steady?’ He asks.

‘Yeah,’ you reply.

Jaemin lets go of her waist, instead taking her hands and holding them above her head.

‘Good idea Jaem,’ you hum as you realise what he’s trying to do.

‘Come on, Chae,’ you call, waving your hands in an attempt to motivate her into taking a step towards you.

For around forty-five seconds, she seems unsure, focus switching from you to her feet.

Eventually, she raises her right foot in the air, tentatively swinging her foot towards you and placing it on the ground.

You can tell Jaemin wants to say something, but he holds himself back just in case he throws Chaeyeon off.

There are a few more seconds of waiting before she gets into the swing of it, rhythmically taking steps towards you with the help of Jaemin.

After a few steps, she seems to get the hang of it, and Jaemin lets go of her hands.

She stumbles out a couple of steps on her own, before falling into your arms.

A wide smile spreads across your face as you clap. Chaeyeon seems to recognise that she’s done right, a toothy smile of her own appearing on her face.

She giggles as you kiss her all over the face, showering her in praise.

‘Well done, sweet girl!’

‘So smart,’ Jaemin chimes in.

‘I’m not sure if she’ll be able to do that on her own for a while though,’ you point out, ‘you just took her by surprise.’

‘I know Y/N. But don’t take away from the fact that she just walked! For the first time ever.’

‘And I’m so proud,’ you sing in a high pitched tone, kissing her cheek, ‘but also happy she’s still our baby for a little while longer.’

—————————

‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Chaeyeon, happy birthday to you!’

Chaeyeon is already awake, sitting up in her crib, shuffling around on her butt to find the source of the noise.

Jaemin holds a tiny cupcake with a small candle sticking out.

Chaeyeon grabs the bars of her ‘big girl crib,’ pulling herself up onto her feet.

‘Happy birthday baby!’ Jaemin held the cupcake a considerable distance away from Chaeyeon, who is bouncing around excitedly on her tiptoes, only stopping when you lean over the crib to pick her up, balancing her on your hip.

‘You’re one sweetheart,’ you attack her cheek with kisses, ‘you want me to help you blow out your candle?’

You turn to the side before blowing out the candle.

‘Uh,’ Chaeyeon grunts, holding her hands out in a sort of ‘huh’ expression.

‘Where did it go?’ Jaemin giggles at Chaeyeon’s reaction.

‘Let’s be terrible parents and let her eat it for breakfast,’ you suggest, and Jaemin nods rapidly.

Soon enough, she’s sitting in her high chair, pyjamas and bedhead, waiting anxiously for her cake.

‘Have you got the camera?’ You double-check with Jaemin, who murmurs a ‘yes’ in response.

You pull the paper case off the cupcake, placing it on the tray in front of Chaeyeon, who looks at it in confusion.

You make fake grabby hands at the cake before biting the air. Chaeyeon seems to get it at that point, reaching out a chubby hand and sinking it into the cake, slowly shovelling it inside her mouth.

You hear the click of Jaemin’s camera and then the whirring sound of the polaroid coming out of the top.

He places the photo on the counter so it can develop, before focusing his attention back on Chaeyeon, who somehow had pink icing on her forehead.

‘We’re going to have to put her in the bath after this,’ you groan, staring at the honestly rather cute mess she had made.

Jaemin shrugs, ‘we could just put her in the sink.’

‘Yes. Let’s do that.’

You feel the relief of not having to go through the struggle of forcing Chaeyeon to get in the normal bathtub wash over you, and you yawn, throwing an arm around Jaemin’s middle and curling into his side. He responds by wrapping both of his arms around you, placing a long kiss to your forehead.

‘Tired?’ He murmurs.

‘I’ve been tired for a whole year.’

‘I can’t believe it’s been a year,’ he muses, watching your daughter continue to shove cake in her mouth.

‘I can’t believe we’ve kept her alive for this long.’

Jaemin snorts, shaking his head slightly, ‘that’s one way to put it. I think we’ve done a pretty okay job, don’t you?’

‘Yeah, we’ve done alright.’

Chaeyeon begins to babble, indicating that she’s finished eating and would like to be let out of her chair.

‘Okay missy,’ Jaemin says, pulling away from your cuddle to lift Chaeyeon up out of the chair and onto his hip, ‘time for a sink bath now. Get you all ready for your party later.’

‘Well unless you want her looking like that,’ you chuckle, motioning to the icing stains all over her onesie, face and hair.

—————————

‘Ahhh happy birthday darling,’ Chaeryeong squeals when she sees Chaeyeon.

You and Jaemin had both decided to hold a small gathering at your apartment for Chaeyeon’s first birthday, preferring minimal fuss. Chaeyeon looked pretty, wearing a sweet white dress given to her by Jaemin’s mother a few weeks ago. You knew that it probably wouldn’t last five minutes before she managed to get food or spit on it, but put it on her anyway. It was the thought that counted.

You could tell Chaeyeon was incredibly confused by the theatrics and the fuss that was being made over her, but seemed quite calm.

Chaeyeon giggled as Chaeryeong hugged her tiny body gently, throwing her chubby arms around Chaeryeong’s neck and giving her cheek a wet and sloppy kiss.

‘It’s so strange to see her standing up like that,’ Doyeon comments from behind her, kicking off her flats.

’Tell me about it,’ you muttered, ‘if we had it my way, she’d still be two weeks old and completely reliant on me. I’m so sad she doesn’t need me anymore. She’s way too independent.’

‘I got you a present, baby girl,’ Chaeryeong cooed, causing Chaeyeon to smile widely, even though she didn’t really understand what was being said.

‘You shouldn’t have-‘ Jaemin starts.

’She’s my goddaughter and she just turned one,’ Chaeryeong interrupts, ‘of course I got her a damn present.’

‘You better watch your damn words around her, Lee Chaeryeong,’ you jokingly threaten.

‘Huh?’

‘It’s fine Chaeryeong, Y/N is just worried that Chae’s first word is going to be a swear word,’ Jaemin explains.

‘Knowing us, it will happen,’ you argue, ‘because we’re terrible people.’

Jaemin just laughs at your irrational fear, dismissing you with a weak hand swat.

‘Anyways, just come through here guys, there’s food and stuff in the kitchen.’

The rest of the afternoon is spent just talking, munching on various finger foods while Chaeyeon, Soeun, Yuna, Kunho and Taehyun attempted to play together. It was more like Soeun, Kunho and Taehyun playing together (as they were much older) and Chaeyeon and Yuna babbling to each other in baby language on the floor.

Both you and Jaemin had decided to leave the present opening until after the mini party was over, preferring not to bore everyone. Once mostly everybody had left, except for Chaeryeong, Mina, Doyeon and Jeno, you decided to start opening presents.

‘Oh, look, Jaem, Chaewon and Donghyuck signed the card from Yuna as well,’ you point out, causing Jaemin to look over your shoulder and smile.

‘So they did.’

‘Look, Chae,’ you tilted the card in Chaeyeon’s direction, who was sitting on your lap, staring at Jeno while drooling profusely, ‘yeah, she’s not interested, is she?’

‘She just wants a cuddle from her uncle Jeno,’ Jeno smiles, grunting as he plucked her off of your lap, balancing her on his hip as she giggled and snuggled into his neck.

The rest of Chaeyeon’s presents were mainly generic - but nice - baby stuff, including onesies and cuddly toys, along with a few new toys which you were very confident she would appreciate once they were out of their boxes.

‘Open ours next,’ Doyeon says, pointing to a fairly big box wrapped in pastel pink wrapping paper, ‘it’s from both me and Jeno.’

You pull it towards you before swiftly ripping off the paper.

‘It’s a walker,’ Doyeon announces proudly, ‘I know you were saying she’s too old for her jumperoo now and I thought she might like walking around with it, considering she’s not completely confident yet-‘

‘I love it Doyeon… and Jeno, thank you guys so much, she’ll love it,’ you take a moment to hug them both, repeatedly thanking them.

’This is so nice of you guys, thank you so much,’ Jaemin adds.

‘It’s no problem, especially for our beautiful Chaeyeon,’ Doyeon sings, lightly pinching Chaeyeon’s cheeks.

Eventually, Chaeyeon falls asleep on Jeno’s shoulder, and the four of your friends decide to call it a night.

’She’s wiped out,’ you comment once Jeno had passed Chaeyeon over to Jaemin.

‘It was such a good idea to put her in a onesie once everyone left,’ Jaemin murmurs as he lowers a sleeping Chaeyeon into her crib, and you chuckle quietly.

‘What can I say, you pick up a few tips over the course of a year,’ you whisper.

Jaemin laughs lowly, walking back over to you, wrapping his arms around you, placing his hands on your lower back as your hands instinctively go to the back of his neck.

‘How about… we go celebrate the last year. Just us two.’

When you realise what he’s getting at, you raise your eyebrows and smirk, ‘hmm, do you think we should?’

He nods rapidly.

‘Go get the wine then. You know where I’ll be.’

Before you can even move, he catches you in a sweet kiss, slowly and gently moving his lips against yours before pulling away, smirking at you before leaving the room so he can get the wine from the kitchen.

‘Your dad is so irritating,’ you remark as you check on Chaeyeon to make sure she’s definitely asleep, before exiting the room quietly, pulling the door slightly ajar so you can hear her if she stirs, which she didn’t tend to do now she slept through the night nine times out of ten.

Jaemin is already sitting on your bed when you enter your bedroom, staring at you with mock irritation.

‘What took you so long?’ He asks, raising his eyebrows.

‘I was making sure she was definitely asleep,’ you crawl towards him, kneeling in front of him and snaking your arms around his neck, ‘didn’t want her interrupting our little… wine sesh.’

‘Yes. wine. definitely.’

You playfully roll your eyes, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him.

You’re only just melting into each other, getting comfortable when there are two sharp knocks at the front door.

Jaemin sighs loudly, hands still cupping both sides of your face, ‘I’ll get it sweetheart. It’s probably just Jisung. Probably forgot his wallet or something, the fucking idiot, ruining the moment…’

You giggle at him as he storms out the room, footsteps fading further and further away until you hear the click of the lock and the front door swinging open.

You expect to hear Jisung apologising profusely followed by Jaemin shushing him because of the baby, but all you hear is silence.

Alarmed, you scoot off the bed, quickly wrapping yourself in the nearest fluffy dressing gown (which was covered in various stains due to Chaeyeon) and tentatively tiptoeing into the hallway.

’You shouldn’t be here,’ you hear Jaemin murmuring, ‘you have no right to be here. You should leave before Y/N sees you or I swear to God I will-‘

‘Jaemin?’ You interrupt him, prompting him to jump slightly before turning to look at you with a terrified expression.

‘What’s going on?’ You’re nearing the front door when you see her.

‘Hello,’ she smiles awkwardly.

‘Mum/mom?’ You whisper, ‘what the fuck?’

‘I’m sorry for just showing up like this… It just sort of dawned on me what day it was and I… couldn’t stop myself.’

‘Well, now you’ve seen us, you can leave,’ Jaemin instructs sternly, glaring at your mother, who was still awkwardly standing in the hallway of your apartment building.

‘I… I wanted to see-‘

‘You wanted to see Ch- our daughter?’ You laugh dryly, ‘just like that? I don’t even know who let you up here in the first place. Please just leave before you do any more damage.’

‘Y/N, please,’ your mother cries, ‘you don’t know how much I’ve beaten myself up about cutting myself out of your life like that.’

‘I gave you the option a year ago,’ you remind her, ‘you could have taken it then, but you didn’t. I think two chances to be involved in her life were enough. Now like I just said, leave before you make things worse for yourself.’

You’re about to close the door before she interrupts you.

‘I got her something,’ she starts furiously digging around in her handbag, before pulling out a hastily wrapped small box, covered in lilac tissue paper, ‘you can pretend it’s not from me or return it or something, I um, left the receipt.’

’Thank you,’ you mumble, taking the box from her hands.

‘I don’t expect you to just accept me back into your life just like that,’ your mother says, ‘but I would like it if you would just consider it.’

‘Y/N, it’s raining,’ Jaemin points out as he stares out of one of your hallway windows.

You sigh loudly, before reluctantly asking, ‘do you want to come in until it stops raining?’

‘Yes,’ your mother steps inside your apartment, pulling off her shoes.

You and Jaemin exchange glances, silently agreeing that you would not allow her to see Chaeyeon.

‘Do you want a coffee or something,’ you grumble, and she shakes her head.

‘No, I’m okay.’

‘We were just about to have wine, but not anymore, I guess,’ you mumble so only Jaemin can hear, and he momentarily rubs your lower back to comfort you.

‘So she’s one now, right?’ Your mum/mom asks, and you shrug.

‘Yes.’

‘Is she walking? Talking? You could stumble around a bit once you turned one but-‘

’Just- stop with all the questions,’ you snap, and she seems somewhat taken aback.

‘Believe it or not, I actually do care,’ she scoffs, and you glare at her.

‘You have a very funny way of showing it,’ you say, ‘where were you when she started walking? Where were you when she started crawling? Where the hell were you when she got her first tooth? Started responding to her name? Kept us up all night long crying and screaming, driving us absolutely up the wall with all of the sleep deprivation and the stress? You weren’t even there the day she was born. She doesn’t even know who you are.’

You see how her eyes gradually fill with tears, and for a seance you but ignore them as you continue your rant.

‘It wasn’t that hard. Jaemin’s mother managed to fucking be here, so why didn’t you?’

Your mother wipes her eyes as a few stray tears slip out, but you don’t care. In the moment you know she deserves it.

‘You’re right, Y/N,’ she cries, ‘I’m so sorry.’

You and Jaemin just stare at her, unsure of what to say or do.

‘I’ve been a horrible grandmother, not to mention a terrible mother.’

‘I would never ever do this to Ch- her.’

’Come on, Y/N, you can say her name around me, for God’s sake.’

‘I’m not even sure if I want you to know anything about her.’

You silently thank your landlord for not allowing you to put picture frames up on the walls.

‘Fine,’ your mother sighs, ‘just tell me. Is she happy? Is she healthy?’

You nod, ‘yes. Very.’

‘Good,’ your mother quickly wipes her remaining tears away, before standing up and announcing, ‘well I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.’

‘I think you have too,’ Jaemin chimes in.

‘I’ll leave you alone now. If that’s what you want.’

’That is very much what I want,’ you seethe, glaring at her.

‘Ok, I’ll go now. Goodbye, Y/N.’

You place your head in your hands as Jaemin walks her out in silence.

‘Can we actually have that wine now?’ You whisper when he comes back in the room.

‘We can do anything you want,’ he assures you, rubbing your shoulders slowly.

—————————

Over the next few weeks, you feel terrible.

You can tell that your mood is rubbing off on Chaeyeon, who would often trudge up to wherever you were sitting, making grabby hands at the fabric of the sofa next to you, indicating she wanted to be on the sofa with you.

You would lift her up, placing her down next to you, but every single time she would climb onto your lap, standing up, one foot on each thigh before throwing her arms around you.

The same goes for when you were lying in bed, she would demand to be allowed up next to you, before crawling to your side to cuddle you.

‘I think she’s trying to make you feel better,’ Jaemin remarks one night when she’s lying in between you in bed.

’She’s the only thing making me feel better,’ you mumble, ‘apart from you of course.’

You’re playing with her curls, tucking them behind her ears and twisting them between your fingers.

’It’ll get easier,’ Jaemin reassures you.

‘I know,’ you stare at Chaeyeon, ‘I just… can’t help but feel like I’ve taken something away from her.’

‘You didn’t take anything away from her. Your mum/mom did. She removed herself from Chae’s life.’

‘I suppose you’re right,’ you sigh, watching Chaeyeon as she was playing with her feet, holding her favourite teddy bear, whose left ear was in Chaeyeon’s mouth.

‘I just really want the best for her.’

‘Maybe this is the best thing,’ Jaemin says, and you think maybe he is right, ‘we’ve managed all of this time without your parents. We have such a happy and healthy little girl.’

‘I just… don’t want her to ask about her other grandparents are and feel as though she wasn’t wanted by them.’

Jaemin sighs, ‘One day she’ll understand that these things are never her fault, but rather the fault of others… and we will have the conversation about your family with her when she’s ready for it.’

You look at Chaeyeon, and for the first time in a while, you study her face, heart welling with adoration.

‘I love her so much,’ you whisper, eyes filling with tears.

You sniff loudly, wiping away your tears with your hands.

‘Me too,’ Jaemin adds, ‘she’s so gorgeous.’

‘I know,’ you laugh, ‘you hear that, Chae? Mama loves you so so much.’

‘Mama?’

‘You-’

‘Mama!’

All of the pain and heaviness you had been feeling since Chaeyeon’s birthday fades away instantly.

‘Yeah, that’s right,’ you sob, ‘I’m your mama.’

Your heart is pounding, absolutely filled with adoration for her.

‘Oh my god,’ Jaemin is crying now as well, ‘she just said her first word.’

‘Well done baby girl,’ you commend her, pulling her into a side hug and littering kisses all over her face.

‘We’re so proud of you,’ Jaemin adds, joining in on the cuddle.

Chaeyeon looks as though she has no idea as to what she could have done to receive the sudden praise. She accepts it anyway, smiling and laughing gleefully.

‘Hey, come here,’ Jaemin motions for you to come closer to him, which you carefully lean over Chae.

‘I love you, Y/N,’ he says, and he tilts your chin up into a kiss.

‘Ah,’ Chaeyeon squeals, and you break away from Jaemin laughing.

’Sorry Chae,’ you apologise while still giggling, reaching out and messing up her hair, prompting her to whine.

‘Mumma.’

She does a massive yawn, indicating to you that she wanted to go to sleep.

‘Let’s get you to bed then.’

—————————

Thud.

You instantly woke up, bolting upright and quickly flicking your bedside lamp on.

‘Wha?’ Jaemin groans, sitting up slightly and rubbing his eyes.

‘I heard a noise,’ you say, glancing around the room so see if anything had just fallen over or something.

Thump.

‘What the hell?’ You mutter.

‘It sounds like it’s coming from her room,’ Jaemin remarks, ‘you should check the monitor.’

You grab the small device from your bedside table, fiddling with the buttons for a few seconds before getting up the footage of Chaeyeon’s room.

‘Oh my god,’ you gasp.

‘What’s going on?’ Jaemin asks, trying to get a view of the monitor screen.

’She climbed out of her crib,’ you’re not sure how to react, whether it is appropriate to laugh or feel worried for her safety.

‘Really?’ Jaemin goes wide-eyed, ‘I’ll go put her back.’

You’re stunned as Jaemin leaves the room. You swear she was only a newborn yesterday, and now she can climb?

Jaemin quickly appears on the screen, scooping Chaeyeon up and balancing her on his hip.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ You hear Jaemin say, and Chaeyeon only giggles.

‘Dada…’

‘It’s not time for play Chae, it’s night-night time.’

‘Na ni?’ She lisps.

‘Yes Chae,’ he nods, ‘na night.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

You watch him put her back in the crib and immediately leave without interacting with her any further.

He reenters your bedroom, sighing heavily and climbing back into your bed.

‘You know this means we’re going to have to buy her a proper bed.’

’She needs to stop growing up,’ you complain, ‘I don’t like it.’

‘I know,’ Jaemin agrees, ‘I don’t like that she can climb. Y/N, she can fucking climb.’

‘I know! You and Jeno will be building that bed though.’

‘As expected,’ Jaemin laughs, ‘but that’s okay. I don’t mind. Anyways, let’s go back to sleep.’

‘Uhh, not so fast Jaem. She’s climbing out again.’

‘Are you serious?’

—————————

‘Are you excited to see your big girl bed?’ Jaemin asks Chaeyeon who is sitting on the floor in the living room, playing with a shape sorter.

She nods enthusiastically, ‘pig girl ped.’

‘We can work on your pronunciation later.’

As promised, after two weeks of hyping up the bed to Chaeyeon, Jeno and Jaemin had spent the day dismantling her toddler crib, which you were planning on either selling or donating, and building her new bed.

Chaeyeon had been in and out of the room (despite your attempts to stop her) to check on their progress, before coming out pouting when she realised they weren’t done.

‘Done?’ She asks as Jaemin holds her hand, leading her down the hallway.

‘Yes, it’s done.’

She starts to walk faster, pulling Jaemin along to the door of her bedroom. Chaeyeon attempts to reach the door handle, but obviously can’t, so Jaemin helps her.

Chaeyeon barrels into the room, squealing in delight at the sight of her brand new bed.

‘You like it baby girl?’

She just nods excitedly, toddling over to the edge of the bed and inching herself onto it.

‘Is it soft?’ Jaemin asks her, and she looks at him with a facial expression which he knows means ‘I don’t know what you just said.’

‘Is it good?’ He tries to simplify it for her.

‘Yeah,’ she squeaks.

‘Will you stay in your bed all night now?’ he mutters to himself, and she doesn’t hear.

‘Rabby?’ Chaeyeon mumbles, referencing her soft cuddly rabbit that usually sits on her bed.

‘Oh, she’s here,’ Jaemin grabs the toy from on top of the dresser, passing it to her.

She takes it from him, turning over onto her stomach and reaching towards the corner and placing it there, where it usually goes.

‘Good girl,’ Jaemin remarks, giving her head a couple of pats, ‘you’re good at cleaning up.’

In response, she stands up on her bed, walking towards the edge so that she is front to front with the kneeling Jaemin.

He wraps his arms around her to steady her, and is about to lean in to kiss her cheek, but instead she reaches out a chubby hand, patting him on the head twice.

Jaemin laughs, ‘are you copying me?’

Chaeyeon giggles as Jaemin’s smile grows.

’Na Chaeyeon, are you copying me?’ He begins to tickle her sides, prompting her to burst into a fit of giggles.

He gently lifts her up into his arms, bouncing her and spinning her around in circles.

‘I love you Chaeyeon,’ Jaemin murmurs, ‘very very much.’

‘Lub you dada,’ she echos, squishing his cheeks with her hands.

—————————

‘Sammich,’ Chaeyeon demands, holding out a hand to grab it.

‘Be patient Chloe,’ you half scold her, picking up the foil-wrapped sandwiches and moving them away from her.

‘Hungry,’ she complains.

‘I am too Chloe. But you have to learn to wait.’

‘Hey Chae, how about I push you on the swings while mama sorts out the food?’

‘Okay…’ Chaeyeon trudges along behind Jaemin to the children’s swing set, holding up her arms so she can be lifted up and put into the swing.

You watch from the patch of grass you’re sitting on as Jaemin begins pushing Chaeyeon on the swing. You could hear her loud yells and shouts from miles away.

‘Dada, higher,’ she insists.

‘I can’t make you go too high Chae,’ Jaemin says, but the three-year-old just ignores him, opting to continue giggling like mad as she flies through the air.

You unpack the picnic food, organising it so that the food solely for Chaeyeon was separated from the food for all three of you.

‘C’mon you two!’ You holler, and Jaemin immediately slows down the swing, helping Chaeyeon climb out.

The second her feet hit the ground she comes racing towards you, ponytail swinging, her tiny body skidding to a stop in front of the blanket and dropping to her knees.

‘Mama, can I have… capri-sun?’ Chaeyeon stutters.

’If you say please,’ you reply sternly.

‘Please can I have ca-caprise sun?’

‘Of course you can sweetheart. What kind do you want? Orange or Blackcurrant?’

‘Owange please.’

You pull out the straw from its plastic wrapper before using the sharp end to pierce a hole in the pouch, before giving it to the waiting Chaeyeon.

‘Ok, there you go.’

’Ta,’ she lisps, meaning to say ‘thank you.’

‘You’re welcome love.’

‘It’s so hot out,’ Jaemin remarks, wiping his sweaty forehead and taking big sips from his water bottle.

‘I know,’ you nod, ‘are you okay, Chloe? You’re not too hot, are you?

‘I fine,’ she says, immediately going back to drinking her capri-sun.

‘I tell you what,’ Jaemin lightly pokes Chaeyeon, who stares at him from behind her capri-sun, ‘we can play with your new water gun when we get home. You know the one uncle Chenle got you for your birthday?’

Chaeyeon stops drinking and gasps in excitement, ‘Yay!’

‘I feel as though we will very much regret letting her play with it when we’re all soaking wet and we have to throw something out,’ you say as Chaeyeon nibbles at her ham and cheese sandwich.

‘Oh well, she’ll have fun,’ Jaemin shrugs.

‘You try so hard to be a cool dad,’ you scold him half-jokingly, ‘we need to be practical, and maybe teach her not to create havoc at all times.’

‘It’s fine Y/N, it’s not like we’re doing this every day. It’s just a one-off.’

‘Fine,’ you sigh, ‘not too often, or our apartment will be constantly soaking wet.’

’You’re not wrong there.’

You’d learnt in the last couple of years that if you gave her too much freedom with something (the best example being the thankfully washable markers you’d bought her that she had used to draw all over the clothes in her bottom drawer), she would generally use it to create as much havoc as humanly possible. It almost seemed like she was doing it on purpose. You weren’t a strict or controlling parent by any means, but for your own sake (and your apartments) you would try to restrict her use of things that would definitely cause… damage.

The sound of Chaeyeon letting you know that she was finished interrupted your conversation.

‘Ok, love, I’ll take your rubbish. Do you want to play at the park for a bit longer?’ Jaemin asks.

‘No, I wanna play wah-ta gun.’

‘Well, your wish is my command!’ Jaemin declares, scooping her up into his arms and beginning to walk back to the car.

Chaeyeon giggles, ‘you’re silly, daddy. You sound like the fair-wy godmother.’

‘Am I not your fairy godmother?’

You roll your eyes, classic Jaemin.

‘No,’ Chaeyeon says in a matter-of-fact tone, ‘because the fairy godmother is Cinderella’s. I don’t have one.’

’There is allowed to be more than one in the world,’ Jaemin muses, ‘you could have one.’

‘Really?’

‘Everybody has one.’

‘Who is yours?’

‘Maybe your mummy/mommy,’ he smiles fondly, ‘she helped me through a lot of hard times, and made my dreams come true.’

You were quite a ways behind them, having had to pick up the remaining items Jaemin was not holding, so you hadn’t heard a word of the conversation that they were having.

When you reached the car, Jaemin had strapped Chaeyeon into her car seat and was waiting for you by the boot of the car.

He had already popped it open and was busy packing away the basket when you sidle up beside him, tossing the rolled-up picnic blanket into a random free space.

‘I had a good day,’ he remarks, leaning towards you slightly and kissing your cheek.

You melt into him, humming a quick, ‘I did too.’

‘Every time I see her so happy it warms my heart so much,’ Jaemin gushes, ‘I mean… we made her this happy. I can’t believe it sometimes.’

‘Why are you being so sappy all of a sudden?’ You chuckle, prompting Jaemin to bury his head in your neck, embarrassed.

’She just says things sometimes,’ he says in a low voice, ‘reminds me of all the hard times. And how far we’ve come since then.’

‘We don’t have to think about that,’ you sigh, ‘like you said. It’s different now.’

’I know,’ he presses a kiss on your neck, ‘I just hope that you know that this is all I’ve ever wanted.’

‘Me too,’ you nod, ‘we should probably go. We have an impatient three-year-old in the car there who is very impatient and dying to get home and play with her new toys.’

‘Let’s go then.’

—————————

‘Hurry up,’ Chaeyeon orders as Jaemin is lacing up his shoes.

‘You need to wait for me to put my shoes on Chloe,’ Jaemin frowns, ‘remember what mama is always telling you to be.’

‘P-p-pay-tee-unt?’

‘Patient.’

‘Paste-shi-unt.’

‘Close enough. But good girl.’

Chaeyeon smiles at the praise, bouncing on her feet with excitement.

‘Come on now Chae, let’s go outside.’

She squeals, racing down the corridor of your apartment building.

‘Chaeyeon, please don’t run off without me!’ Jaemin yells after her, jogging to catch up with her.

She skids to a halt in front of the elevator, trying to reach the button on her tiptoes.

‘Chaeyeon are you listening to me?’

‘Sorry,’ she murmurs, ‘I just… ‘cited.’

‘I’ve told you this so many times,’ he kneels down to her level, ‘don’t run away from daddy. Or your mummy/mommy. Ok?’

She nods, looking solemn.

‘And what did I just tell you?’

‘Uh… be paste-shi-unt.’

‘And do you know what that means?’

‘I wait.’

‘Exactly. So will you just wait from now on?’

‘I will.’

‘You better,’ Jaemin raises his eyebrows before rising back up onto his feet, pushing the button for the elevator.

‘Here’s your first try at waiting.’

After a few seconds, the elevator dings and the doors open.

’See Chae,’ Jaemin points out, ‘no matter how long you have to wait, it always comes in the end.’

She nods, holding out her hand to Jaemin who gladly joins hands with her.

‘Keep tight ahold of my hands please,’ he instructs.

‘Okay,’ Chaeyeon whispers.

Just behind your building, there was an honestly quite small patch of grass that the residents of your building would use as a sort of unofficial garden area. Sometimes you would look out of Chaeyeon’s bedroom window and see people sitting outside, eating or oddly enough, playing rounders or something.

Earlier in the year both you and Jaemin had taught Chaeyeon to ride her bike with stabilisers that Jaemin’s parents had randomly bought her on this field, getting her to ride repeatedly around the path that wrapped around the perimeter of the grass.

You remember when she fell over on the bike, scraping her knee on the ground. Jaemin had ‘kissed it better’, helped her clean it and place a pink plaster with red hearts on the scrape.

‘Okay, let’s rock and roll,’ Jaemin announces, passing Chaeyeon her water gun, while holding a gun of his own, ‘God, I sound like such a dad.’

‘Anyway, do you know how to use it Chlo?’

She shakes her head dejectedly, pouting.

‘When you want to spray the water, you just press this,’ he demonstrates by spraying a small amount of water in a random direction.

The small girl eventually manages to shoot some water out of her water gun, squealing in delight when she realises she has done it correctly.

She immediately raises the gun so that it’s pointing at Jaemin’s stomach, and fires. Jaemin jumps as he is drenched in the cold water, and he fires back at Chaeyeon, making an effort not to get water on her face.

She screams, thankfully bursting into a fit of giggles as she retaliates, shooting water at his thighs.

‘No!’ Jaemin yells, running away at an appropriate pace from Chaeyeon, who is still wielding her yellow water gun, spraying him in the back with the water.

Eventually, Jaemin decides to retort by surprising her, randomly turning around and ambushing her with water.

Chaeyeon screeches, bolting off in the opposite direction in an attempt to evade the water being shot at her.

‘It cold dada,’ she squeaks, screaming and giggling.

‘We’ve been playing for a while, haven’t we?’ Jaemin remarks, ‘and it’s getting close to your bedtime sweetheart. Let’s go and warm up.’

Chaeyeon is basically asleep as she’s being bathed, head dropping and snapping back up repeatedly.

‘You tired?’ Jaemin asks Chaeyeon, who has been washed and dressed in fresh pyjamas and is now resting on his hip.

She nods, letting out a massive yawn.

’Thank you for tiring her out for me,’ you thank him as he carries her to bed, rubbing her back softly to lull her into a deeper sleep.

‘I think she tired herself out more than anything,’ he says.

You let out a giant yawn yourself, causing Jaemin to turn his head to look at you.

‘I think you should have an early night,’ he suggests, ‘you’ve been working hard recently.’

‘But I need to tidy the toys in the living room-‘

‘I’ll do it,’ Jaemin interrupts, ‘you go to bed. I’ll join you in a bit.’

You’re far too exhausted to argue so you just hum in agreement. Jaemin softly kisses your forehead before you lean down to kiss Chaeyeon’s.

‘I love you,’ you mumble, although it was actually directed at the both of them.

‘We love you too.’

—————————

‘I am already crying,’ Jaemin’s eyes are clouded with thick tears.

’Stop it,’ you scold him, shaking your finger at him, ‘or I will cry too. And we can’t freak her out, because then she’ll cry.’

‘I know, I know,’ Jaemin’s voice is cracking, and you can tell he is trying really hard to hold it together.

’And she’ll be back by half three this afternoon.’

‘I know, I’m not worried about her I just… don’t want her to grow up.’

‘Aww, Jaemin-‘

You engulf him in a hug as he cries silently onto your shoulder.

’She’ll always be that little baby we held for the first time four years ago,’ you point out, and he nods tearfully.

‘Always our little girl,’ Jaemin smiles, wiping away his tears.

‘Exactly. Now let’s see if she has dressed herself properly.’

Chaeyeon had not dressed herself properly; it was a solid attempt, however her jumper was the wrong way around and some of her buttons were in the wrong slots, which you fixed.

‘Are you excited?’ You asked her as you redid her buttons.

She grins, ‘Yeah.’

‘Are you gonna make lots of new friends?’

‘I have Yuna.’

‘I know sweetheart, but you can make other friends, too.’

You were so incredibly glad that Chaeyeon and Yuna were so close. They’d developed such a strong bond over the years, considering their almost ‘cousin’ status (uncle Hyuck was, of course Yuna’s dad) and were beyond excited when they discovered they would be in the same year group at school.

‘Are you excited to learn some stuff?’

‘Yeah!’ Chaeyeon chirps, ‘like… uh… A B shees.’

‘You already know a bit about that,’ you say, ‘maybe Mrs Jang can help you get past E- arms up.’

You slide her school jumper over her head.

‘You’re not scared, are you Chae?’

She seems to think about it for a minute before answering, ‘No… ‘cause I have Yuna.’

‘You’re right. Ok, that’s you dressed,’ you tap her chest lightly to indicate that you’re done, ‘are you ready?’

‘Yeah!’ She chirps enthusiastically.

’You’ll have a great time sweetheart,’ you feel the emotions piling up in your chest, the sight of your little girl all dressed up in her first school uniform bringing you to tears.

Chaeyeon furrows her eyebrows.

‘Mama, why are you crying?’ She asks, grabbing your face in between her hands.

‘You’re such a big girl,’ you let a few tears slip, ‘I’m so proud of you. You look so smart in your uniform.’

‘Are you sad?’

‘No, no,’ you shake your head, ‘just proud of you.’

You very gently push back some of her stray black hair behind her ears, resting your hand on her cheek and stroking it with your thumb.

‘I’ll miss you today,’ you cry, ‘but you’ll have so much fun.’

‘Don’t cry, mama,’ Chaeyeon says, ‘I… I be fine.’

‘I know sweet girl. I know. Now come on,’ you begin rapidly wiping your tears, ‘go and get your bag.’

You help her slide on the straps of her backpack, quickly double-checking that her water bottle was definitely secure in the side pocket, and making sure that her bag was definitely completely zipped up.

‘Are you ready to go?’ You ask her, holding out your hands in a ‘high ten’ position.

‘Yep,’ she slaps her hands against yours, clasping one of her hands around yours so that she can hold your hand.

Once you reach your car, Jaemin fastens Chaeyeon’s seatbelt.

‘You look so pretty, Chae,’ he comments, smoothening the slightly wrinkled arm of her jumper down.

’Thank you,’ she smiles in response, and Jaemin finds it difficult to hold his tears in.

It wasn’t a very long drive to her school. You had all moved into a slightly larger apartment (now that you could afford it) in order to be closer to her new school. It was very emotional leaving, but you both knew it was the best for Chaeyeon.

Eventually you arrive at her school, and you walked her down the long path, holding her hand tightly.

You could see it in her face that she was apprehensive, although she would never tell you that. It’s almost like she sensed your worries, and wanted to try and make you feel better.

However, when she noticed Yuna standing with Chaewon and Donghyuck on the playground, she perked up, letting go of your hands and running towards her.

Donghyuck was devastated, you could see it in his face.

’You don’t look like you’re coping very well,’ you say, and he looks up to meet your eyes.

‘I’m not,’ he forces a smile, ‘I can’t stand to watch her go.’

‘She’s not going to war,’ Chaewon laughs, ‘she’ll have fun.’

‘I’m going to miss her so much,’ Donghyuck cries.

‘Me too,’ Chaewon nods, ‘but in a few months, we’ll have more than enough company during the day.’

She places a hand on her stomach, and you gasp loudly.

‘You’re pregnant?’ You whisper, your hand flying over your mouth.

She nods excitedly, smiling widely, ‘I’m three months.’

‘Oh my god, congratulations,’ you pull her into a hug, trying to be mindful of her stomach.

‘Looks like I’m not going to be the only parent out of the dreamies,’ Jaemin says, clapping Donghyuck on the back.

‘Are you kidding? Mark has always been our dad,’ Donghyuck jokes, prompting you all to laugh loudly.

A bell suddenly echos around the playground, signalling for the children to line up in their classes.

You watch as the dozens of parents rush to say goodbye to their children.

You bend down to Chaeyeon’s level, ‘have a lovely day sweetheart. We’ll both be here to pick you up later, okay?’

‘Okay mama.’

‘We love you lots and lots,’ Jaemin adds, embracing the small girl in a hug.

You both give her a quick kiss each and then she’s off, holding hands with Yuna and walking off down the playground to where she was supposed to be.

’They’ll both be fine,’ Chaewon assures you, resting a hand on your shoulder.

‘I know,’ you nod, ‘it still hurts.’

‘She will always come home,’ she points out, and you know that she’s right.

—————————

4 years later

‘Mum/mom!’

‘Yes Chloe?’

‘Can you help me with my homework? I know you’re not feeling well but it’s due for tomorrow, and dad isn’t home yet.’

‘Uh, I’ll try my best Chae, but I can’t promise I actually understand.’

’That’s okay,’ your daughter crawls into your bed next to you.

‘What’s this for?’

‘Um, history.’

‘History.’

‘Yeah, I just have to label some stuff.’

‘Let’s do it then.’

You spend the next twenty minutes trying not to throw up again while you try and help your eight year old with her homework.

In the four years since she had begun school, you had moved once again, this time into a three-bedroom house.

Since you’d both graduated university, you had both managed to score good, well-paying jobs in both of your dream fields.

You had been living comfortably for a couple of years now.

Chaeyeon was suddenly a very grown up eight year old.

When she first began school, her teacher told you that she was very shy when it came to interacting with kids she didn’t know, and tended to struggle with making friends.

In time, she seemed to settle in, making friends with a few of the other children.

Yuna was still her closest and best friend. They were like twins, practically joined at the hip, and spent nearly every day together.

Chaeyeon also loved Yuna’s little sister Yuri, constantly playing games with her and feeding her snacks when Chaewon wasn’t looking.

She had also transformed into an incredibly bright girl. It was a long, long road, but eventually she was able to read well, write well, but that didn’t mean she didn’t always leave her homework until the last minute.

You wanted her to have a hobby, something outside of school she could enjoy. So when she was five, you finally had the money to enrol her in gymnastics.

At first she wasn’t sure, intimidated by all of the towering equipment and apparatus, but eventually grew to love it, making friends with all of the other girls in her team. She would train three days a week, and very quickly she had a drawer filled with leotards and scrunchies.

Still, to this day, she was the biggest daddy’s girl. Jaemin would constantly shower her with his love and affection. Considering she was an only child, she always received both of your undivided attention.

‘What time is dad coming home?’ She asks as she colours in a picture of some roman emperor.

’Soon,’ you say, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ears, ‘he finished work only ten minutes ago.’

She hums and nods before turning to you, ‘how do you feel?’

‘I’m still sick, Chae.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know,’ you respond, even though you’re lying.

You do know why you’re sick, but you haven’t even told Jaemin yet, never mind Chaeyeon.

You both knew now that all three of you were older, you would want another baby at some point. It was inevitable really, and over a year ago you’d stopped taking the birth control you had begun taking after Chaeyeon was born.

So in other words, you weren’t trying, but you weren’t not trying.

Chaeyeon had expressed interest in a sibling, asking why Yuna had a sister and she didn’t.

So, when you realised you were pregnant this time, you hoped that Chaeyeon would be able to have the sibling that she always wanted.

‘I’m home!’ You hear Jaemin yell from downstairs.

Chaeyeon immediately jumps out of bed, sprinting out of the room. You can hear her thumping down the stairs, tiny feet then pattering along the hardwood floor of the corridor.

‘Dad!’ She exclaims.

‘Hi princess,’ Jaemin smiles, letting out a loud ‘oof,’ when she flies into his arms.

‘You’re getting heavier and heavier,’ he remarks, ‘I think I’m going to have to start going to the gym.’

‘Like my gym?’ She asks, referring to her gymnastics gym.

’No, different kind of gym.’

‘Oh.’

‘Have you been looking after your mummy/mommy today?’ Jaemin asks the small girl, who nods swiftly.

‘Yeah! I gave her juice.’

‘That was nice of you Chae. Thank you.’

She just giggles in response, nervously shifting her feet.

‘I finished my homework too…’

‘Good girl. You can go and watch TV now, if you want? I’ll go check on mama.’

‘Okay.’

Chaeyeon skips off into the living room, throwing herself on the couch and reaching for the remote, ecstatic she could finally watch Disney Channel after a hard night of homework.

Meanwhile, Jaemin is taking off his coat and shoes, hanging up the bag that he takes to work in the cupboard under the stairs.

He heads upstairs to your shared bedroom, gently pushing the door open.

‘Hey,’ he announces his presence and you look up, smiling weakly.

‘Hi,’ you croak in response, reaching your arms out so he can hug you and kiss your cheek.

‘How are you feeling?’ He asks, stoking your hairline like he always does to comfort you.

’The same,’ you shrug.

You’ve been wondering how you’re going to tell Jaemin that you’re pregnant.

You had taken a test yesterday, honestly not actually expecting to receive a positive result.

You were in complete disbelief, convincing yourself that it was just a false positive before the second came out positive. And the third. And the fourth.

‘You’ve been so sick for nearly a week now,’ Jaemin pouts, ‘I think you should go to the doctors.’

‘I’m okay.’

‘I don’t know, Y/N. Maybe there is something really wrong. I mean you’re never sick for this long. I mean, maybe there’s a reason you’re so unwell.’

‘Mmm, maybe.’

‘Do you need anything?’ Jaemin asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

‘Just a lie-down.’

‘Ok, then just stay here. I’ll put her to bed in half an hour or so.’

‘Thank you.’

You spend the rest of the night silently forming a plan as to how you’re going to tell him.

—————————

The next day, you hear the package come through the letterbox with a light thud.

Chaeyeon was at school and Jaemin was at work, therefore the house was completely empty.

Considering you could barely get out of bed, you knew there was no way you would make it to a store or anything like that, you had decided to order a baby grow online, next day delivery and all, and surprise Jaemin with it.

It was nothing too extravagant, just a plain white one with a light brown teddy bear pattern on it.

It took you some time, but you eventually made it downstairs, grabbing the package and stumbling back up to your bedroom.

You pulled the clothing out of the packaging, laying it out on your legs.

‘Baby Na number two,’ you say out loud, ’that’s weird to think about.’

‘Hey, whoever is in there,’ you direct your words to your stomach, ‘please stop making me sick. I need to go to work. Make money and buy you what you need.’

You sigh, trying to decide what to do with the baby grow until Jaemin came home.

Suddenly you remember that there was an old gift box stuffed in the back of your wardrobe. It once had some shoes that Mina had bought you for a birthday inside, and you had put it away just in case you ever needed it for anything.

You silently thank your past self as you retrieve it, opening the lid and folding up the baby grow, placing it inside.

You decide to also put in one of your positive tests inside, so you grab one from the bathroom and place it on top of the onesie.

You put the box down on the floor next to your bed.

The day passes slowly, your excitement eating away at your mind. It’s impossible to think of anything else, even when Jaemin’s mother brings Chaeyeon home from gymnastics, which she went to directly from school.

‘Grandma and Grandpa got me McDonalds!’ She had squealed, thrusting the happy meal box in your face.

‘I hope you don’t mind Y/N,’ Jaemin’s mother says from the edge of your bed.

‘No, it’s fine,’ you reassure her, ‘she deserves a treat every once in a while.’

‘I just thought it would be easier considering you can’t really cook right now-‘

‘It’s okay, really,’ you grin, before turning your attention to Chaeyeon.

‘What did you get?’

She rips open the box.

‘Chicken nuggets,’ she gushes, ‘and a toy!’

‘Oh, exciting!’ You try to seem enthusiastic, ‘what kind of toy?’

Chaeyeon pulls it out of the box. It’s a Pokemon, a plastic Jigglypuff figure.

’So cute,’ you say.

‘I’ll play with it later,’ Chaeyeon shrugs, ‘but first..’

She grabs a handful of fries, stuffing them in her mouth.

‘You’ll be alright on your own, won’t you?’ Jaemin’s mother asks you, looking unsure as to whether she should leave.

‘I’ll be fine,’ you nod, ‘besides, I have Chae.’

Chae looks up from her food to smile and nod.

‘I’ll look after mama.’

Your heart warms at her sweet words, and you reach over to stroke the back of her head affectionately.

‘Ok, well your mama will tell me if you don’t,’ Jaemin’s mother warns her, ‘bye Y/N. I’ll pick her up from school tomorrow if you need me to.’

’Thanks, mum/mom.’

She leaves, shouting out one last goodbye at the door.

‘Did you have fun at gymnastics today?’ You ask Chaeyeon.

‘Yeah. We did floor.’

‘Are you getting any closer to your back handspring?’

She suddenly perks up, ‘I almost did it today! I was so close but then I landed on my knees instead of my feet.’

‘At least you were close,’ you point out, ‘but I’m very proud of you. You’ve made a lot of progress.’

’Thank you mama.’

‘You’re welcome, sweetheart. You should tell your dad when he comes home. He’ll be very proud too.’

‘And, if he doesn’t find out about the McDonalds, he might buy you some candy or something as a treat,’ you whisper in her ear.

Chaeyeon giggles, ‘ok, mama, I won’t tell.’

The two of you are laying in your bed together watching animal planet when Jaemin comes home.

As usual, he hollers his greetings loudly, and you can hear the clunk of his shoes and bag hitting the wood floor downstairs.

‘Ah, isn’t this nice,’ Jaemin says as he rounds the corner into your bedroom, ‘my two favourite girls.’

You smile half-heartedly while Chaeyeon begins animatedly chatting about her day, desperate to receive praise from her father.

‘And I very very nearly did it! But I just landed on my knees… but I think I might stick the landing next week.’

‘I’m so proud!’ Jaemin exclaims, holding her face in between his hands and kissing her forehead.

Chaeyeon groans in disgust and wipes it away with the back of her hand, but Jaemin doesn’t seem to take much notice.

‘How are you feeling?’ He asks, crossing over to your side of the bed and leaning down to kiss your forehead.

’Same as the last… however many days.’

Jaemin tuts in disappointment, ‘I’ll call the doctor tomorrow morning. It’s too late for that now.’

‘Okay,’ you murmur.

‘Mum/mom, I’m going to go and shower,’ Chaeyeon says, ’I was all sweaty earlier.’

‘Okay, make sure you put your clothes and the towels in the washing basket.’

‘I will, mum/mom, don’t worry.’

She gets up and leaves the room, heading towards the bathroom, leaving you and Jaemin alone. You immediately see your opportunity.

‘I got you a present,’ you say, reaching down to pick up the shoebox from the ground next to you.

‘What?’ Jaemin looks at you, confused, ‘what do you mean.’

‘I ordered it online,’ you explain, ‘it came today.’

‘But what for?’ He presses, beginning to pull fistfuls of shredded tissue paper out of the box, ‘its not my birthday, and Christmas isn’t for another three weeks-‘

Jaemin suddenly falls silent, eyes and mouth widening as he stares into the box.

‘Well?’ You ask after a few seconds silence.

You can see the shiny tears filling his eyes.

‘Are you really…’

‘Yes,’ you grin, ‘that’s why I’ve been so sick.’

Jaemin pulls the test out of the box, staring at it intently.

’Oh my god, you’re pregnant,’ he whispers, breaking into a wide smile.

You can see the way the test shakes in his hands.

‘Are… are you happy?’ You ask tentatively, unsure.

‘Are you kidding?’ He asks, and you can’t help but think back to the time you told him you were pregnant with Chaeyeon in Johnny Suh’s bedroom in college.

‘Of course I’m happy. I’m so happy. Come here.’

He hugs you firmly, trying his best to avoid hugging you too tightly.

’This is amazing,’ he whispers, ‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you too,’ you reply, feeling tears of your own rising to the surface, ‘thank you for giving me my babies.’

’Thank you for giving me my family.’

That night, you stare at your framed photo of the three of you that is propped up on your bedside table. It’s the photo that was taken of you and Jaemin on the day Chaeyeon was born. You love that photo.

You fall asleep thinking about the fact that you chose your family, and you chose well.

--------------

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