#iwritestuff

Living is hard. That’s a dumb realization to have at any age but I find it especially stupid right now. I lived for some time being completely aimless and, in the eyes of the society at large and people who surrounded me, I was also useless and underachieving. That was weird. I was both extremely, extensively depressed, suicidal and anxious, ready to blow at any second, ready to collapse at every opportunity and start crying for minimal to none apparent reason and also angry. So, so angry at everything at the same time. And sad, I was also incredibly sad and seemingly lonely even though I had family and friends. I’ve distanced myself from everyone, lost a lot of contacts with people I used to know and became a complete shut-in with no discernible future or goals or even semblance of purpose. To this day I think about that time and I still feel the same about it. I was truly free. It cost me an arm and a leg, literally, three years of my life or maybe more if you count how much time I needed to reintegrate into the society and start being considered a useful member of it. But I’ll always think of those days, glimpse into my memory for the taste of real freedom. I was able to do what I wanted without any repercussions, I had no stakes, no hurdles to overcome, no one was able to tell me what to do or stop me from doing anything really. I was really fully left to my own devices and was free to do anything I wanted. Turns out I wanted to waste my time on the internet for hours and hours and maybe read books or something, I don’t remember much of this period of my life, it’s all a blur. But in the moments of weakness, when I’m really down, I think about that time and I think about being by myself, all alone and it both hurts and soothes me.

So yeah, living is hard. And living as an actual adult is even harder, with responsibilities, a job, relationships that you need to sustain, health that you need to monitor, money, social status, etc. I lived part of my life as a fake adult, being of age but not going through the motions of adulthood, not being able to support myself in any way or continue my free lifestyle on my own. I know now that the perceived freedom I had was a privilege not a lot of people can afford but to a mentally ill person everything is skewed and distorted. Now, in the real adulthood stage of my life I do a lot of work I previously neglected and manage a lot of things that seemed impossible at previous times. But there’s a catch - I don’t feel happy. I’m not fulfilled by my life, even though I should be, even though I’m working on it so hard. I spent a ridiculous amount of money on therapy which I’ve been going to steadily for almost two years now and I’m not happy yet. I cannot say that I’m not better, I’m just not where I wanted to be. No one tells you that, but therapy, even though it helps immensely, does not, in fact, cure you. It’s a method of making you be capable to fend for yourself against your mental illness or a way of accepting it and learning how to live with it, but in no way, shape or form is this the answer. And so, when you’re fighting back and things go up and you quality of life increases you actually think that it’ll be like that forever. The thing is - mental illness comes back. And now you’re better equipped to fight against it but it’s still a fight that you could potentially lose. And no matter where you are at life or who you’ve become it can resurface at any time and bite ya in the ass. That’s lovely. No one tells you that your depression, anxiety and OCD are here to stay, forever, by your side, they’ll never leave you even though you haven’t had them before. It’s like chronic illness - you “get better” but you never get healthy again. It’s not as bad as it used to be but is still a bit shitty. Sometimes every day is a little bit shitty and it tends to pile up until you just burst and can’t do this anymore. I’m not at that level yet, but things are not looking bright for me either.

I’m a hack writer, I always knew I was bad and thought that I was at peace with that. Turns out you can still be hurt by something even though you know that it’s true. No one gives two shits about me trying hard, even if I give it my all it might be not enough. Sometimes I honestly feel like I’m not getting any better at writing and sometimes I make up a sentence that makes me feel like a genius. It’s all bullshit in the end. I’m an honest to god boring mediocrity and I’m also incredibly lazy, so even knowing that my shit isn’t that good I won’t do anything about that, because I’ve already done the work and can’t be bothered to redo it. So yeah, I suck as a writer.

I’ve also forgot how hard it is, pun intended, to write sex believably as well as keeping it hot and intriguing without being cliched. So, I’m unable to finish a single goddamn sex scene in otherwise completed fic and it’s driving me nuts. It was much easier to do this a few years ago and I honestly have no idea what happened to me. But I’ve also written around a thousand words for a sequel for this fucking unfinished fic and it’s getting ridiculous. The time is running out and I’m thinking about turning the NaNoWriMo from a month into a “until I’m done with every work I’ve started”. It’s not gonna last, I know that, but if I’m not trying I won’t get any results.

ok, so I need to start this by saying I AM SO SORRY! This prompt was ready for a very long time but I was focusing on escapar and taking control pt2 (which is coming as well, a little more patience people!) and got my hands full. Also, I’m trying a new grammar reviewer to help me out so it might still have misspellings and grammar issues. If so, please let me know and I will edit it as soon as I can! Btw, thank you to everyone who asked for a sequel of this pregnancy prompt, I feel super happy to know you guys liked it so much! I hope this one is as good for you as the first was. Anyway, here it is! Feedback appreciated! Enjoy it and see you soon! 

ps: I’m not writing any more prompts related to this plot, at least for now. I have special ideas related to babies that I would like to keep to myself for future projects. So, yeah. I’m sorry :/

to figure things out

Not even the exuberant view from Sergio’s house, facing the bluest sea, could calm Raquel’s nerves. She tried to take deep breaths, but she kept on missing the rhythm and the air eventually stopped reaching her lungs, enough to make her gasp. Sergio, who was coming in through the door behind her, noticed her uneasiness while they walked from the bar to the house but associated it with the fact that they were finally reunited after so long. He watched her discard her purse on the living room couch and frowned. Something was wrong. A chill ran down his spine with the idea of having found her again just to continue that epic fight they had in Toledo.“Would you like a glass of water?” He asked clumsily, watching her walking in circles. Raquel, who was deep in her own thoughts, finally seemed to notice his presence and cast him a determined look.“No,” she said and walked up to him, quickly grabbing his hand “I need you to sit down”“Raquel, what is going on?” He replied noticing her hand was cold as ice. She seemed about to faint or break into a panic attack, and Sergio was now more scared for her than of her. She made him feel uneasy as well, and he adjusted the glasses on top of his nose before doing as she asked.People say that important news, especially the ones that could change the whole course of someone’s life, was better to be announced as if you’re ripping out a band-aid. Quick and painless, without procrastinating. But the words were stuck inside Raquel’s throat from the moment she saw him at the bar, and they kissed for a long time, consuming everything they missed within those three months apart. The weight of the news was choking her since she got on the plane to the Philippines and along the way, Raquel decided she couldn’t wait any longer to tell him she was pregnant with his child.

We’re going to have a baby, Sergio. Pregnant. P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t. She trained all possible ways to say it in front of the plane’s restroom small mirror. But saying it to his face was a completely different picture than looking at her reflection and throwing words and phrases at herself. Right then, every single thing about Sergio made her feel apprehensive. His worried look, his hands slightly shaking, his white blazer meticulously aligned… What if he rejects her because he doesn’t want children? After all, he was still a criminal, he couldn’t even guarantee his own safety, not to say the safety of a child. But Raquel concluded that the opposite scenario would be much worse: if he asked her to stay, now that a part of him grows in her womb, she had no idea what to do.“I need to tell you something,” she said moving away from him, and a sharp pain in her stomach caught her off guard. She ignored it. “There is another reason why I came to Palawan, besides seeing you”Sergio looked even more lost and eyed her from head to toe. “What other reason?”“I don’t know how we’re going to deal with this, I really don’t. I never thought something like that could happen, that it would be…” She stopped to inhale and noticed the room was spinning around her. Raquel blinked several times before continuing, "I swear it was not intentional. Please don’t think that it’s some kind of scam or strategy to put you in jail or something…”“Raquel, you’re scaring me.” He rested his elbows on his knees, ready to rise at any moment. And Raquel knew that nothing was fine when her stomach twisted again. Fast, directly and painless, she repeated to herself.“Okay, there it goes” she took a deep breath but held the air in. Her sight was blurred, her legs dangling and before she could say anything, Raquel found herself running to the nearest bathroom.He sat there on the couch, looking foolish, not knowing whether to run after her or wait. Only when he was sure of the source of the noises he heard coming from the bathroom, that he stood up, and bolt for the door.“Raquel?!” he shouted and got no answer. He knocked on the door twice, three times, and called again and again until she answered.“Do not get in!” she said in a muffled voice “Stay there, I’m coming”“Raquel, what the hell is going on?”She did not answer again and Sergio overcame his own perfectionism to get into the bathroom, even against her protests.Raquel was sitting on the floor, her head inside the toilet, putting out everything they had eaten together that morning. He immediately knelt down and grabbed her hair, stroking her back until it was over. When she seemed to feel better, Raquel closed the toilet but continued to sit on the floor, in case if she would get sick again. She was completely pale and helpless, and Sergio frowned in concern.“Are you alright? Do you want some medicine? A doctor? Maybe it was the spicy food… ”“I’m pregnant, Sergio,” she said as if it was something obvious or trivial. “You and I are going to have a baby and apparently your child doesn’t fancy my stomach”

Sergio froze. Looking from the outside, he seemed to be in a state of trance, almost in a coma. But on the inside, there were fireworks exploding in his mind. Bursting in vibrant shades of color, burning all his nerves and deafening his ears. The professor never imagined himself as a father. In fact, he preferred not to consider the hypothesis of forming a family if it meant to keep him from his precious plan. But there, kneeling on the bathroom floor watching the love of his life vomit inside the toilet, he was no longer convinced of anything. He only knew that he loved her, very much, and knowing that a little part of his DNA was now growing inside her womb made him want to laugh and cry, to kiss her until her lips turned blue and to run free on the streets screaming that he would be a father. All that at the same time.

“Pregnant,” he repeated to confirm if he heard it right“Oh, great you’re back! I was starting to worry you’d be catatonic forever!”“You mean, with a baby?”“Yes, Sergio”“And… is it mine?”“Are you doubting my …?”

“No! No, I’m not, I’m sorry… I’m not sure what to say, I was taken by surprise.” He sat on the floor and stared at her belly. Raquel closed the top of the toilet and leaned against the icy blue wall tiles. She stared at his confused expression, wishing they were having that conversation somewhere else.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“What? Why would I want this? You just arrived”“Because things will not be easy. Neither for me nor for you, much less for this kid.” she sighed avoiding his eyes “None of this was calculated, and I know how much you care about plans and organization. And I would love to be able to raise him or her by your side but I will fully understand if you want me out of your life. I’m perfectly able to do it by myself, you know. I can try for another job and…”

“Raquel,” he interrupted her and moved to her side but the inspector only stopped talking when he held her hand, entwining their fingers the way they did during the robbery when they promised to run away together.

“I know it will not be easy. But it will be even more difficult if we don’t stay together,”  he said, and she smiled, her eyes watering.

ESCAPAR

Summary: AU | Raquel decides to stay with Sergio instead of visiting Angel in the hospital, afraid she will get arrested in the process. So she ends up escaping with the gang and has to learn how to live as a fugitive.   [AO3] [spirit]

Chapter 9 - Bonnie y Clyde PT. I 

"Nonna, is there any other way out of the house?" Raquel had an urgent tone and when she turned her eyes back to Nonna, her expression had already changed, Inspector Murillo taking on full control. The old lady also noticed the change in the air and frowned in concern.

"What happened?"

"Yes or no?"

"Y-yes ... by the kitchen"

Raquel did not have to wait any longer. She worked well under pressure, it needed seconds for her to activate the police mode and calculate a effective strategy. In the end, there is not much difference between running away and chasing someone. All this dancing is about who gets to the finish line, the competition is what really matters, and Raquel wished she had prepared herself better than with just a pistol attached to her waist. She passed through Nonna without a word and walked to the kitchen, finding Sergio already putting on his black jacket, his hands dripping from the dishes he was washing.

"How did they find this place?" She asked even if she knew the answer.

"They made the math, just like you did in the hangar," Sergio said without looking at her. He seemed less calm than normal but not completely relaxed and that took off Raquel’s confidence. She saw his fingers tremble and helped him with his jacket and backpack, picking up his car keys in it’s front pocket.

"We're not going to need it," he announced, taking the keys from her hand and throwing it in the sink’s drain "I have a plan"

"Of course you have" Raquel mocked and Sergio gave her a half smile before heading to his grandmother to give precise instructions in Italian about how to behave when the police knocks on her door. Then, he looked around and began throwing all the plates and cups that were left for drying, shattering them into a tiny pieces. He messed up the kitchen table, tore the curtains out of the window, and destroyed everything he could to set the perfect scene of a fight.

"I need some of your hair," he told Raquel, who ripped out a few strands without a second thought. He spread the strings across the floor and left his own fingerprints on chairs, tables, and walls. She did the same, trying her best to help, until a crazy idea came to her mind, making her body shiver.

"How about some blood?" She asked, and he turned around to stare at the knife in her hand, ready to slice a part of her own body.

"I think it’s exaggerated, Raquel. And I would never ask you to do something like that, it's very dangerous... "

But Raquell didn’t even listen to what he said. She was used to improvising, which was what she did best, especially when she had little time to decide what to do. And following her impulses was what she loved most in herself, she felt free , like the owner of her own destiny when she did so.

It wasn’t difficult for her to open a small cut in her hand, deep enough to drain a good amount of blood. With the adrenaline, didn’t even feel much pain: the bright red liquid flooded in her palm, and she clenched her fist, letting the drops fall onto the kitchen floor and sink. She also left bloody stains on the white walls and refrigerator until he held her wrist softly, to stop her.

"That’s enough" he said, wrapping a dishcloth carelessly on her injured hand "We have to go"

"Be careful!" Nonna shouted when they were almost at the door and Sergio came back to kiss on her forehead.

He whispered something in her ear again that made her open a sad smile before turning her back to her. Raquel felt her heart small and she could not stop looking back as Sergio pulled her out the doorway, into the  night immensity dark of the night. Nonna looked so fragile, waving from the open kitchen door, and Raquel was terrified for her, knowing everything the police could do to reflect on Sergio. She wanted to go back and take Nonna along with them but could watch as the Professor led the way. She even tried to yell a “thank you” but she was too far away to be heard.

They ran together, hand in hand, down the hill with the dark night casting a shadow over them. There were no sirens or sounds of gunfire, but everything seemed far more threatening in the deep silence and any small noise alerted her senses. Raquel couldn’t get her injured hand off from her waist, where the gun rested, but Sergio did not even notice, making his way through the high grass, to a small abandoned barn, lit by a very deem yellow light.

"Sergio, who owns is this place?" She asked as he forced the wooden doors to open. "Do you really want to argue about this now?" He complained without looking at her. "Of course, you already have the dirty pile of police charges, we don’t need another one for trespassing!"

The door opened with a bang and raised a lot of dust, dancing in the air, lit by the weak light. The interior of the barn was very dark and seemingly empty, except for a large gray cloth covering something big that Raquel couldn’t identify at first. Sergio entered without second thoughts but Raquel stood in the doorway, covering.

"It was from Nonna's husband. They used to stock grapes from the old harvest" he replied, removing the cloth and taking a good look at what lay beneath. The black motorcycle looked pretty old, too big to be vintage, and like everything else there was also a filthy. Sergio smiled and smoothed the leather bench. "But the bike is mine"

Raquel had already witnessed his abilities on motorcycles but still doubted that the big metal junk would work. She was pretty sure that would be a waste of time, but she kept quiet while Sergio rummeged in the engine. Her hand tingled and she desperately wanted to remove the pistol and stand guard. But it made no sense to show off when there was no real danger, only the high bush and an old plantation of grapes in the distance. Raquel listened but there was no sound. Not even the crickets sang on the night of the full moon. The void made her uneasy because she preferred the noise, the scandal. She knew how to handle screams, sirens and shots. But the feeling of not being fully protected and not being able to trust her senses made her spine twitch.

"There's little gas," he finally said, pushing the bike out of the barn. "But I think we make at least six miles with it."

"It's enough to get to the road," she reasoned as he closed his black helmet around his head "But when they realize that we’re still here they will close the borders ... if they haven’t already done so"

"It's a risk we will have to take. I hope I didn’t spend all my luck on the robbery." The motorcycle rumbled beneath him and Raquel stepped away involuntarily. He looked uncertain at her, from behind the glass of his helmet, and held out another one for her. "You’re coming, right?"

The inspector didn’t allow herself to hesitate anymore. In parts because she desperately needed to leave that place but also because she remembered the promise she made him, that she would help him when he needed. I'm with you. Her words echoed in her mind in the few seconds Raquel took to take the helmet from his hands and put it on. And she smiled, feeling her heart calm down a bit as she wrapped her arms around his waist behind the bike. Sergio rolled the bike, and with the wind blowing her hair, she felt invincible.

He drove along bumpy dirt roads until they reached the main highway that led to the border between Italy and Switzerland. Raquel recognized the blue and red lights first: two little dots glowing in the black night that grew bigger and bigger until they multiplied, becoming a police parade, blocking the main road. There were at least five police cars, and Raquel knew they couldn’t, by themselves, take all the cops inside the cars without some of them calling reinforcements. Sergio, in front of her, let the air out of his lungs slowly and the inspector understood without him having to say a word. It would lead into a chase. Searching and capturing. A matter of hours until closing the borders

Shit. She thought and craned her neck to look at the gasoline level of the bike above Sergio's shoulder. He turned his head to look at her. "I know someone who owes me a favor," he said, and the sound came muffled. "Maybe we can get a helicopter to get out of here, the helipad is near and we won’t spend that much gas."

He took a disposable cell phone from his jacket pocket and dialed a number. While the professor was talking nervously in Italian on the phone, Raquel glanced forward again, staring at the cars in the distance. Days ago she would be in one of those vehicles, holding her badge in her chest with pride, eager for the glory of putting the greatest thief in Spanish in jail. She would handcuff him, recite a prison warrant she knew by heart, and sentence him a lifetime behind bars. Then she would go home happily, with a latte in her hands and her daughter coming to her after a long period of work. Raquel closed her eyes and wished that she could unite everything that she loved the most in the same scenario. Her old life, her career and the possibility of a future next to him. She wished things were that simple, exact, like one plus one is two.

But when she opened her eyelids again, she could only see equations too difficult to solve.

It wasn’t long until Sergio turn off his phone and followed her eyes to the parking police cars. "We need to do this first, you know."

The inspector sighed "All right"

Lately i’ve been writing too emotional, long chapters for Escapar and i’m afraid it’s sucking all my inspiration lol, so it was good to write a simple small prompt for a change. I love the mama raquel concept as well, so, yeah. Hope you like it! <3

feel better

Raquel didn’t considered herself a good cooker. She was too impatient to cook in low fire and had the tendency to burn every meal she tried to prepare. But she was a mom and after 6 years, she managed to have a few tricks on her sleeves. When Paula was a toddler, her soups were the only kind of food she accepted and Raquel created a lot of varieties of the dish to feed her with different vitamins.

So, that cloudy afternoon, she walked back proudly to the bedroom with a bowl full of chicken soup, certain that it was delicious. In their bed, the greatest thief of all spain was defeated by a flu.

“You didn’t need to” he said with a sore voice “I’m feeling much better, I swear”

“No, you’re not” she rebuked, gesturing for him to seat. She placed the soup on his lap and flew her hands immediately to his forehead, checking the temperature. “I think your fever is coming down, that’s good”

“Hm, this is really good” Sergio said, swallowing another spoon full of soup. “I didn’t know you were such an expert in the kitchen. What did you put in here? Ginger?”

“Guess you are not the only one with special secrets after all” Raquel’s smile grew bigger and her ego inflated. “But what I can say is, I am a cop and a mom. A virus don’t play around when I’m in charge.”

He chuckled when she seated, legs crossed in bed, and started watching him eat. Her mathernal instincts were very much happy to help someone, when lately she was always the one being rescued or cared for. And even though it was just a flu, she was really worried about his high fevers and pain chest because, in the middle of a desert island as Palawan, there wasn’t much doctors available nearby and her english was terrible.

Sergio, on the other hand, wasn’t a fan of being taken cared of and she understood why. He was a ill child, so fragile that even the smallest cold could be his death sentence, and feeling weak was one of the things he hated the most. So when he demanded no hospitals, Raquel accepted, assuming that the white walls and beeping machines could trigger bad memories.

“It’s not fair” he said when finished the meal “We should be enjoying our few days together walking by the sun and swimming in the sea. Not you taking care of this old man with the flu” “As long as we’re together, I don’t mind” she smirked “Besides, the weather outside doesn’t seem that good today, I think it will rain” Raquel hurried to take the bowl away from him and was about to climb down the bed to take the dishes back to the kitchen when she felt his arms grabbing her waist. She could only place the bowl on the nightstand before sitting in bed again.

ESCAPAR

Summary: AU | Raquel decides to stay with Sergio instead of visiting Angel in the hospital, afraid she will get arrested in the process. So she ends up escaping with the gang and has to learn how to live as a fugitive.   [AO3] [spirit]

Chapter 8 - Nonna

They spent other fifteen days in Switzerland until Sergio finished all the business and made sure they were completely safe out of the country. Raquel wanted to go early, bargained as much as she could, even suggested they’d go with her annoying bodyguard stuck with them, but in the end, she was left with count the days in front of the TV in the living room, watching as the world would continue to spin.

Madrid remained in the same chaos. Protests exploded everywhere, and although the people with Dalí masks in the streets hailed the bravery and audacity of the thieves as superheroes, they only seemed to instigate the police even more, who were constantly making search operations as a witch hunt. Raquel heard her name repeatedly in the mouths of several reporters, some defending her and others doubting her innocence as the last hostage of the heist. Sergio’s face appeared several times as well, and Raquel watched the video of herself kick in his arms at the port of Madrid on repeat until she couldn’t stand it anymore and turned off the TV.

Maybe that's why she decided to carry the concealed black pistol with her on the trip, even if she had promised no guns. Feeling it full with ammunition in the holster under her skirt brought a twisted feeling of security, and Raquel concluded that no one is entirely safe when hiding from the police. She didn’t show it, but she was electric, fully on alert. Her police senses were constantly on since they left the apartment and took a clandestine plane that would take them to Italy.

Sergio's hands was also sweaty on the wheel of the gray BMW, indicating his nervousness, but for a completely different reason: the encounter between Raquel and his grandmother. He drove slowly, almost below the speed limit of the deserted road, and feeling stupid for letting something as silly as Raquel meeting what was left of his family make him so apprehensive.

It's not that he didn’t trust Raquel with this information: his confidence skills improved a lot after they talked about what happened on the port. It was Nonna he did not trust. The old lady was very sweet, affectionate and protective, but could be a hell on earth if you mess with her family. And his relationship with Raquel was new and still complicated, full of mood swings and unfilled gaps. Sergio did not want to scare her or let her down when everything seemed to get better.

"Hey," Raquel whispered softly resting her hand on his leg. "I know you're worried. I need to admit I'm also not completely relaxed about this, but it's going to be ok!" "Yes, of course it will," he said and forced a smile. "I just... I never introduced anyone to my grandmother, I'm not used to… dealing with that kind of situation." Raquel laughed sweetly and came closer to give him a soft kiss on his cheek. "I can’t believe you’re more nervous because I’m meeting your grandma than with the fact that we’re fugitives?"

"Well, you are not a fugitive, you are my hostage. But yes, there is also that," Sergio laughed along adjusting the glasses on his nose, then turned the wheel around with a curve of the road. "The truth is, I didn’t have as many relationships in my life like you did. None, to be specific. And I’m used to be prepare for everything but this is still unknown territory to me" "Well, no one is fully prepared to meet their in-laws. And our troubled relationship doesn’t make things any easier” she smiled sweetly and turned her gaze to the road, now adorned with a breathtaking green landscape view. "Think of it as a simple dinner with special people. What’s the worst that could happen?”

***

Raquel took Sergio's hand in silence, shortly after he pressed the bell of the house where his grandmother lived. The residence was the typical sweet fairytale house, directly coming out of a romcom set in Italy: it was on top of a low hill and far from any kind of civilization. The entrance path was framed by white wooden fence keeping a beautiful garden of red roses and the smell of fresh apple pie being cooked escaped through the half-open windows.

During the whole trip, the inspector didn’t think much about how she would be introduced, but a second before the door opened, Raquel felt scared of a rejection. She was surely far from being the princess any mother had dreamed of for her son, and for the first time she felt dislocated with her independent, strong and rebellious aesthetics. But the insecurity soon gave way to a larger feeling that filled her heart when she saw Sergio's eyes watering as he faced the small lady with white puffy hair who opened the door, looking suspicious.

"Hello Nonna," he said, and his voice was shaky. Nonna frowned her wrinkled eyes at Raquel first and then directed her eyes to hiim, opened them wide in surprise. "Sergio?" She called and a smile came to her lips. "Is that you?" "It's me" Sergio now cried and laughed at the same time and Raquel only let go of his squeezing hand when the professor hugged his grandmother.

It was such an important and delicate moment that Raquel’s heart grew three times in size when she saw him so happy. He was in the arms of the woman who raised him without asking for anything in return, who loved him as his son, and included him in the family even without any obligation to do so. Raquel thought of all the love her own mother felt for her, and how this love doubled in size and crosses through her body, involuntarily, when Paula was born, as if very thin imaginary lines connected all three women forever right there in the maternity hospital. The inspector smiled, seeing nonna hold Sergio's face the same way that Maribi used to do with her and saw the power of a mother's love washing over him.

"I thought you were in jail! Or worse, dead! So many things happened, the TV does not stop talking about you. Your brother …” Nonna started but stopped when Sergio nodded positively, closing his eyes.

As if the mentioning of Berlin was a trigger, Nonna suddenly felt Raquel’s presence by his side, shifting the weight of her body under her uncomfortable feet. She gave her a glare that went quickly from sadness to rage and soon to disgust and Raquel could not bear to stare back. She looked at her feet instead and played with her watchband hoping that awkward moment would be over soon.

"Nonna" Sergio cleared his throat and readjusted his posture "I assume you already know Raquel Murillo" "Sergio, my dear, I'm very happy that you came to visit me, I missed you so much! But I will not accept cops inside my house," she said firmly, almost outraged, resting her hands on her hips. "They're killers using guns and badges and they've destroyed our family, you know that."

"Grandma, listen to me, Raquel’s is different. We…" "Sergio, it's okay" Raquel interrupted softly "She has every right to ..." "No, she needs to know! She needs to know, Raquel, you said it yourself that she is a part of my story and I want to be able to share it with you too." Sergio put an awkward arm around Raquel's back, resting a cold hand on her waist, and stared at his grandma shocked gaze with his chin up.

"I love her, Nonna. I didn’t predict it, I didn’t plan it and maybe it was a mistake, but it happened. You've always taught me that we have to take responsibility for our mistakes so I'm doing it now. Raquel was the best mistake I've made so far and if she can’t hen I will not either."

Nonna was silent for a long time, alternating the look of judgment between her grandson and Raquel while the inspector stared at him in shock as well. Then the elderly straightened her posture and looked uncomfortable in the doorway, wiping her hands on the apron that covered the flanel dress.

"I thought your brother was the only stubborn rebel in this family, Sergio, but I assume you both got this behavior from your father…” she said at last, pursing her lips in frustration. Then she just turned around entering the house again “Alright. Take your shoes off before coming in, I just cleaned up. The lasagna will be ready soon.”

***

"It was delicious" Raquel dared to praise after a particularly quiet dinner. Sergio told his grandmother all the details of the robbery that didn’t pass on the TV, and she listened to it quietly, casting curious glances at them. She was a very suspicious lady, Raquel concluded, a typical Italian grandmother who, despite her age, had a talent for cooking and would protect her family tooth and nail if necessary.

"Thank you so much for the dinner, Mrs…?" she trailed off, glancing to Sergio and realizing that she had not remembered to ask his grandmother’s real name.

"Uhm ... Nonna doesn’t reveal her name to anyone" he whispered, adjusting his glasses and Raquel frowned. "Her husband was one of the leaders of the Italian resistance during the second world war. They had to adopt codenames so the Fascist government wouldn’t find them.”

Raquel studied the little old lady, eating another bite of lasagna, and thought of all that she had suffered in her life to keep her family alive and together. She had to bury not only her husband, but her children and one of her grandsons, and has to live alone isolated all those years where memories haunted her. Suddenly the house looked less like fairytales and more like a melancholic and painful place. The inspector looked around, at the countless family portraits resting on shelves of the wooden dining room, and couldn’t even imagine the whole story behind them.

"It must have been unbearably difficult," Raquel suggested.

“Well, it was Nonna who taught me Bella Ciao when I was little. During the robbery I tried to teach the lyrics to the gang as a motivation..." Sergio added, trying to shift the mood and Nonna opened the first smile of the evening. “I’m not quite sure if they got the message of the song, though”

“I’m not surprised if they didn't. You only know the true meaning of war if you are in one” Nonna looked wisely, and Raquel noticed a few similarities with Sergio in the way she talked. “But I’m proud of you, for honoring it”  

"You are a very strong woman, Nonna, it’s quite admirable.” the inspector smiled, searching for the right words as if she was stepping in eggs “And, about earlier, I understood your reaction, you were completely entitled to it. But, if I must say, I don’t think I want to be a member of the police force anymore”

Nonna stopped with her fork halfway through her mouth and Sergio immediately looked at Raquel with a confused expression. She simply ignored him and continued.

"After what happened during the heist, I found out that I don’t agree with some principles of being an inspector, especially regarding the national security service of Spain..." she looked at her empty plate and felt nauseous when she remembering all the many occasions she felt humiliated by Colonel Prieto, by her ex-husband, or by any other man that believed to be better than her was just because was born with the XY chromosomes. "They believe everything is in black and white. But some things are... in shades of gray"

When Raquel finally met the professor's gaze, she saw a whole universe in his eyes and vaguely remembered that Nonna stared at them from the other side of the table. He smiled and she softened, making her giggle as they touched their hands under the table like two teenagers in love.

"Well... I think we're done here." Nonna interrupted, resting the cutlery on the empty plate. "Honey, can you please wash the dishes? I want to have a private conversation with the inspector"

Raquel inhaled slowly and Sergio nodded in silence. He picked up the dirty dishes and exchanged a brief worried glance with her before retiring to the kitchen. Nonna got out of her chair, with some difficulty due to age, as soon as he was out of sight.

"You know I don’t usually look for news of what is happening in Spain, I only see what they say in the local newspaper here.” she said, circling the table slowly and Raquel didn’t know if she should get up to help her. "But I mean the whole world when I say that the newspapers have a lot to say about you, young lady"

"I know," she said, feeling defeated and ashamed somehow.

"For a long time, I agreed and disagreed with much of what the journalists said. I thought you only wanted the harm of my grandson. But today, I saw the way he looks at you and how you look at him, and I realized that it does not matter what I think.” Nonna opened the cupboard behind Raquel where she supposed there would be plates and cutlery but instead she found books and records.

“I mean, I just an old lonely lady, who am I to judge?” “You are very special to him, ma’m” Raquel smiled and got up to make room for the old woman to rummage inside the cupboard.

"When I was younger, I fell madly in love with a beautiful, intelligent, brave man who lived two houses after mine. We dated in secret for a long time because he was from a much poorer family than mine and it was outrageous if we were even seen together.” Nonna seemed to speak on her own, but Raquel partially identified herself with the story and wondered how much the newspapers had revealed about her relationship with Sergio.

“And when the war hit us, they called me crazy for giving up everything I had to escape with a revolutionary, futureless delinquent" Raquel watched the lady pull out a small green wooden box from the highest shelf and close the cupboard. She set the box on the dining table and opened it, containing: two cigars, some wrapped papers, two silver rings, and a necklace that caught Raquel's attention.

"When we ran away, Salvatore gave me this necklace as a gift," she said, pulling out the jewelry with shaking hands, and Raquel could see the pendant. It looked like a small cage meticulously carved in silver that nestled a light pink pearl inside.

"Salva..." she murmured to herself, raising her eyebrows as she understood Sergio's tribute to his grandfather. But Nonna couldn’t know that.

"Yes, well we never had codenames for each other. He was always my Salvatore" she smiled, spinning the pendant around her wrinkled fingers. "You see, every pearl when inside an oyster’s shell, has a different color shade. And people say that every color has it’s meaning, as a lucky charm. This one means love and I want you to have it."

Raquel's eyes widened, completely baffled. "No, no, no, it's a family treasure! I can’t..."

"Of course you can." Nonna grabbed her hand and put the necklace inside the palm before closing the inspector's fingers around it. "I may not agree with Sergio's choice, but it’s the one he did. Can’t come back from it now. And I support it, as long as he is happy... "

The lady released her hand and Raquel studied the jewelry more closely. It didn’t look very refined but it was beautiful. The loose pearl inside the silver arrangement gleamed in the light as if it was made with stardust and she felt she could break it with any more abrupt movement.

"Just don’t ruin everything, will you, dear?" Nonna asked, patting her on the shoulder and she felt she was about to cry. Raquel wanted to thank the elder for the gesture but when she looked up again, something caught her attention and the smile on her lips faded, being replaced by panting breathing and racing heartbeat.

you know what’s really crazy? I wrote something like that a few weeks ago! But it was slightly different, they were both lawyers working in the same big company, competing hard to impress their boss and get on top of their career. So I had to change a little bit to fit in your request but I think it turned out great. Let me know if you like it! [Warning: improper language and a little bit of smut.]

***

Taking Control

The clicking of the heels was a familiar sound to Raquel at that point, even if she hated hard those uncomfortable shoes. She walked quickly down the path to the great ballroom, still smoothing her black leather skirt glued to her body, mentally cursing herself for being late for an occasion as important as the cocktail party of the national congress of lawyers and judges of Spain.

The place would be full of sponsors and the right partnership combined with a good marketing plan could leverage the profits of her law firm by more than sixty percent. She was confident that her team was made up of the best professionals in Madrid, and that almost all contracts they closed were rewarded with positive results and the clients’ satisfaction. She was also sure that she was one of the most competent lawyers in the city and that her hard work building the company out of nowhere deserved more recognition. And Rachel was not the sort of woman who would rest until she got what she wanted.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” she muttered, stopping on the steps that led to the entrance to adjust the left shoe that was slicing her heel. Then she took a deep breath and counted down five seconds, incorporating the successful executive Raquel Murillo: the unbreakable woman with no flaws, determined gaze, sexy smile and perfect posture. She walked slowly through the entrance and gave her name to the receptionist who wished her goodnight as she entered the place.

She took a drink from a waiter’s plate to disguise her eyes scanning the room from the dance floor to the bar in the opposite corner. Watched the guests one by one until spotted a circle of executives with expensive tuxedos, chattering around a particular man. She could distinguish some publicists, representatives from various companies, journalists and, at the center, recognized Judge Prieto, the most famous in Spain. He was the hero of the people, with many cases settled, outlaws dutifully sent to prison and the public opinion always playing in his favor. The perfect target of the night. If Raquel had that man as an ally, she would never have to worry about reputation again. She ran her hands through her hair and rubbed her lips together to strengthen the lipstick, ready for the attack, before being abruptly cut off.

“Careful, Raquel, if you stare too much, they may think you are desperate,” the voice whispered behind her ear in a seductive way and Rachel jumped, almost spitting the Martini back into the glass. She turned her body already with a scowl to face the owner of the voice she had already identified only by it’s sarcastic tone. There, standing with his chest inflated and an annoying smile on his lips, Sérgio Marquina watched her with a glass in one hand and the other in his pocket.

Rachel hated him. She hated him more than she hated shoes, makeup, and tight clothing. She hated more than all the prejudice that she suffered in the law business for being a woman. She hated him since they first met, three years ago in a congress similar to that one. She loathed every little detail on his angular face: the black squared glasses that fitted his eyes and gave him an air of arrogance, his messy hair and the thick beard that framed his cheekbones and jawline. And she didn’t really need to see him with less clothes to know that she would also despise his defined, muscular body that the meticulously lined gray suit concealed. She hated his intelligence, his cunning and his damn office that competed directly with hers. If someone asked her, Raquel would never admit she kind of found Sergio attractive, especially because she had grown so used to loathing everything about him that she barely noticed that her hands were sweating as he approached.

“Fuck you, Marquina,” she swore, giving him a deadly look.

“Hey, where are your manners?” He asked, opening another wry smile.

“For you, buried 6 feet under”

“Well, good evening to you too, Murillo. I came to make you an invitation. To sit at the same table as those guys you were staring at like a dog looking for a piece of meat” he said gesturing to the group of men behind Raquel “but if you keep treating me like that, I’ll have take it back. ”

“Keep it” Rachel replied, finishing her martini in one swallow and turning her back on him again “I do not need you”

“Oh, of course you don’t” Sergio said, again too close to her ear, their cheeks almost touching. “But you need them. And we can certainly split the partnership equally and the two companies will win. ”

Raquel was about to refuse but something in her instinct tingled. He was right, her firm needed the publicity that Prieto would bring. It was a rather attractive invitation, but coming from Sergio, there was always something else. She knew he was always planning everything. Raquel raised an eyebrow, and bited the inner side of her cheek, still watching the executives but not really paying much attention to them.

“What do you want?”

“Well, what makes you think I want something?” Raquel heard Sergio laugh and rolled her eyes before turning to face him again. “I just need a favor, which won’t be a big deal for you”

“Sergio Marquina needing favors?” she asked sarcastically “Don’t make me laugh”

“One help for another” he rebuked, adjusting his glasses on his nose.

“Spit it out, then”

“Follow me.”

Raquel frowned as Sérgio turned around and opened way across the crowd. She was always an impatient woman and her goodwill with surprises was almost none but she followed him anyway, sneaking around the dancefloor, avoiding people who danced and laughed together. When she finally found him, he had stopped behind an old little man with bald head and a jacket slightly too big for his body.

“Dad,” he patted the man’s shoulder to catch his attention and waited for her to stop by his side. “This is the woman I told you about. Raquel Murillo, my fiancé”

Raquel didn’t have time to protest, - or to say anything at all - , let alone to ask what was happening. Mr. Marquina gave a sincere and affectionate smile that wrinkled around his eyes and reached out to greet her.

“Hello, sweetheart, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

“F-finally?” She replied grinning awkwardly but her eyes were still wide.

“Oh, yes! Sergio told me everything about you. You know, I might have been making too much pressure on him to have kids, but I am honest when I say that my greatest interest is for him do be happy with his family”

“Kids?!” Rachel choked on her saliva, completely shocked and finally could look at Sérgio, who seemed extremely calm by her side, playing the perfect part. She should have known something was up, he really was a man of planning.

“Come on, Dad, don’t be hasty. We’re still … talking … about the children subject,” he answered, slipping a lopsided arm around her waist and rebuking her angry glare with a fake smile. But, Mr. Marquina did not notice the tension in the air. Instead, he let out a loud laugh and patted his son’s shoulder.

“Okay, right” he said, catching up the air and looking back to Raquel. “Good lord, sweetheart, you’re beautiful! My son chose well! Why don’t you sit down here and we can talk better?”

“I would love to, but …” she was ready to politely refuse, trying not to be rude to the kind gentleman when the executives who were once around Prieto sat at the table where Sergio’s father was, each with a girlfriend or a wife hanging on their arms.

And Raquel understood. He was Joaquin Marquina, the great businessman who gave his name to the renowned law firm and retired recently, letting the millionaire company for his son’s care. The man was famous in the business and it was clear that he needed a perfect family to maintain the appearance. He needed his son to find a wife soon and give him perfect little grandchildren who would grown up spoiled to be the future heirs to his legacy. Of course, Sergio was not the family type of man so he was unable to care about all his father’s blabber. He just wanted  a distraction while he would pose with the other important man in the room. So he had to drag his archenemy to his unfair play, transforming her from ‘Raquel Murillo, the successful lawyer’ to 'his girlfriend’.

Even so, Rachel sat down next to Mr. Marquina and talked to him for what seemed like hours. She did it not for Sergio but for his father, who seemed a very decent man and didn’t deserve the manipulative son he had. She felt her blood boil even more when she realized that Sergio simply forgot about her existence and was too busy talking to Prieto about bills and past judgments. That was his plan. Reduce her to nothing. Make her lie, pretend and waste her time with his problems while himself enjoyed the company of the greatest judge in Spain.

When she could no longer hear his annoying laugh without screaming in rage, Raquel excused herself, explaining that she needed to go to the restroom. She walked away from the party, the music and the people, because she needed a quiet place to light up a cigarette and smoke down her anger. She looked at a clock set on one of the walls and saw that it was past midnight. Soon everyone would leave and she had lost her chance again. She couldn’t believe how she was dumb for trusting him and promised herself that she would never forgive him for making her feel so small and so insignificant. By then, tears were brimming her eyes and she walked faster through the corridors of the mansion so no one would see her blurred makeup.

“Hey.” Sergio pulled her arm before she could even reach the back door.

“Don’t touch me,” she said releasing herself from his hand. “You’re very good, you know that? A very good manipulative asswhole. You played me like an idiot again, in front of all those people just to have Prieto all for you ”

“Oh, I did?” He looked offended “you eat shit? I didn’t do anything on purpose,  just had to get rid of my father and wanted to play a joke. I’m sorry if you were not able to get out of the situation on your own”

“Oh my god, Sergio, you play so dirty. And you still have the dumb-ass face to think you can fool me. You’re a daddy’s little boy who controls absolutely everything to get what you want, even if it means stepping on someone else”

“Well at least I’m nice with people. You’re a heartless monster…”

“Shut up, you are not in position to…”

“… you think that you can boss people around but the truth is, no one can stand you …”

“I said, shut the fuck up.”

“Why do you think your ex-husband left you, anyway?”

“SHUT UP” Raquel screamed and the slap she gave him next echoed through the desert corridor. 

Sergio’s cheek turned red immediately and he flew his hand to his face with his brows furroed, trying to understand what just happened. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, and the air filled with hatred and tension. Sergio wanted to retaliate in some way, torture her, hurt her, tear her into million pieces. But when he heard his father’s voice calling him from afar, the only thing he could think of doing to hide their arguing was to kiss her.

So he pressed his lips on hers and held her steady until she stopped fighting in his arms. The plan was to let her go as soon as his father saw the two of them together and left, so he stopped kissing her, feeling guilty for his attitude even if he wanted to continue.“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t-” but he couldn’t say more because her lips where on his again, as Raquel threw her arms around his neck. 

It was like a game. An intense tug of war in which the two tried to show who was more overwhelming. She deepened the kiss first, intertwining his tongue in hers voraciously, as if trying to prove something. He, on the other hand, sucked her bottom lip so avidly that he almost drew blood.

Neither of them thought long before they started to slide their hands through the other’s body. When Sergio lifted Raquel up and she tangled her legs on his hips she knew they were going too far but couldn’t bring herself to care. He carried her to the nearest private room, and she slipped her tongue from his mouth to his jawline, his earlobe, then his neck.

She sank her teeth in his jugular and could feel him growling beneath his breath, an erection pulsing under his pants. Raquel smiled proudly when he responded her teasing with slamming her body against a wall, not minding if she would hit her head. But then she found herself unzipping his pants and ripping his expensive shirt open without much delicacy, destroying a button or two in the process. Sergio eyed her with a mix of lust and defiance when he pulled up her skirt and grabbed her ass, feeling her nails dig even more into the bare skin of his shoulders.  

Raquel wanted to torture him slowly, to hear him moan in pain, to give him enough pleasure that would make him beg for more. She wanted to turn him inside out only to analyze every inch of his beautiful, cold brain. But more than all this together, she wanted to release the latent desire that pulsed between her legs at that moment.