I really don't like where I'm going. I'm underperforming in my activities, I'm not hitting my goals, and it's so ridiculously frustrating. I want to spend my time by sincerely refining my skills, but as each day progresses, my energy and tolerance is just diminishing and I can't sustain my enthusiasm. My grades are above average, but that's clearly not enough. I can play the violin and trumpet, but I'm not good enough to play for a band or ensemble. I can run long and fast, but it won't win me scholarships and still isn't enough to get me to OFSAA. I can't even keep up with my friends with video games anymore. With so many bloody things I need to keep up with, I'm sleeping less and less each night, which results in me not being able to focus on things I need to be focusing on. Yet I have to keep everything buoyed, so I still end up having to force myself through each night. The worst thing, I guess, is that there's no one I can really connect with. I'm surrounded by so many incredible people that are just so skilled and disciplined on the things that they're truly passionate about. I'm close to being on the same level as them, but never close enough to really connect. And I wonder sometimes that if I just didn't attempt so many things at once, if say grades and music didn't matter to me, I probably could have had regular friends and just go out to the mall and movies and Starbucks and just have regular fun. But no, not even that. I read online that being "all-rounded" is great. I used to believe that. But now I think the proper way to describe myself is someone who just "half-asses" everything.
