#iwillgoon

even after the heartbreak and betrayal too.

every beat of my heart still wants you.

so I guess I'll work on forgiving you.

One year - since you cheated on me.

One year - since you gaslight me.

One year - since you broke me.

Broke my heart. Broke my trust. Broke my idea of love and of friendship. Broke my confidence. Broke my thought process. Broke our marriage. Broke our family.

You broke everything.

But I am here. I made it. To one year.

I may be broken, held together by tape and glue. But I am here.

I made it without any of the vices that my family imprinted in my DNA. I am an overcomer. I am tenacious. I will break the cycle.

I may be broken but I am learning to heal. By choosing myself. Just as I have before - I will not let my trauma control my choices.

....didnt go as planned but no guilt and no blame...it was just a bad day. My 8 hour work day turned in to 13 hours and I worked through my Cardio Blast class....but I was mindful of the fact that I was missing out on class so parked the car as far as possible from work and walked, ate salad for lunch and drank as much water as possible.

Pain was ok. Mood was motivated. Lesson learned was to plan ahead for what work may through your way and learn to say “I need to leave work on time today”

I am sad because I am losing a friend. Not because we had a fight or anything. It hurts because I know the reason and it hurts a lot. 

For the last few days I have been feeling super depressed about it, but today I decided not to be. It’s not working all the time, but it makes me feel a little better.

My main decision was that if they can decide to not be my friend, I can decide to not be their acquaintance. I don’t have to sit around being sad because I lost them, I can just.... not be there when they want, since they don’t want to be there when I want.