#ivfgotthis

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Amazing gift from my amazingly creative friend!!!

We have made it to progesterone injections and I am overjoyed. I never thought I would be so happy to have a huge needle injected into my butt every night, but I am. We have finally made it to our last FET and everything looks really good so far with my body. I am so extremely thankful for everyone’s encouraging words.

The unexplainable joy that has filled my heart these last days has been amazing. I have not felt this joyous and happy in a what feels like too long. This is a night and day difference than our first transfer. Even though I know that the journey is far from over I am finding my peace in God and through that he has filled me with happiness. I know deep down that everything will be ok in the end. Whatever the outcome I know God has amazing plans for us. I feel like I am trusting God more fully this round and staying focused on his goodness that he blesses me with everyday. So even though these shots are unpleasent and my hormones make me feel like an emotional mess at times, I will praise God.

Hi Ladies –

I got married in 2014 and since our honeymoon, my hubby and I have been “trying” to have a family. We kept at it for 2 years. I lost my mind… downloaded all the apps on my phone to help track everything. I lost sleep over missing windows of opportunities when we were sick, I had pregnancy tests stocked and hidden in my bathroom drawers at all times. Gosh, I remember testing nearly everyday the week before my period … EVERY month. I remember each time “aunt flow” showed up, feeling absolutely devastated… month after month after month. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but it was never really a priority to me and I always thought… hey it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen. I remember being SO paranoid in my 20’s not to get pregnant. Then, here I am… finally ready to grow my family and it’s nothing but heart break after heart break.

               I talked to my husband and I remember him looking at me like I was a basket case. I remember him thinking… well we’ll just try again. No harm no fowl. Each family function was a nightmare… all our siblings had children and for a while… each year someone was pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I love those little nuggets but it KILLED me to be holding these little babies and having our parents and loved ones start in on the “well when are you guys going to have one” BS questions. (Side bar: ladies, can we PLEASE stop asking our married childless friends this question? We never know the whole story and sometimes… it takes all we have to put a smile on our face and not punch you for reminding us of something we’re working so hard at.)

               Then one day, I scheduled my yearly check up with the gynecologist, which let me tell you ladies, at this point in my life, was one of my biggest fears. I’ve been known to pass out on the table as soon as my feet hit the stirrups. No clue where the fear came from, no clue why I had so much anxiety about it throughout my entire life. Anyway, I go to the appointment, and I start in on the doc about my situation and how it’s not happening and I’m loosing my mind. So what does she do, get’s my feet in the stirrups.. does the pap smear then starts telling me about fertility testing and more appointments. Next thing I know, I wake up and I’m surrounded by concerned nurses… that’s right… I completely passed out. Keep in mind, I told my husband NOTHING about my plan to ask the doctor about all this stuff. In order to cover their behinds, they call my poor hubby to “come pick me up”… obviously they don’t want me to drive. My husband shows up, walks in the room, and the doctor starts talking about fertility testing with him. I’ve never seen my husband flustered and I’ve never seen him with the look of deer in headlights before, but oh man… he not thrilled with what his afternoon turned into.

               Fast forward a bunch of tests, a few appointments for both of us and a few months of meeting with different doctors… we went in for our consultation with Dr. Frishman at the Women and Infants Fertility Center. I remember walking into that appointment thinking, there’s going to be a magical pill and a few monitoring appointments and we’ll be good to go. Well there we were, sitting in his office where he starts telling us that we’re “great candidates for IVF”, I heard nothing else after that. The same deer in headlights look my poor husband had at my initial gyno office…was the look I now had on my face. I remember my blood pressure rising, I remember sweaty palms, I remember lots of talk of needles and finances and timing. I also remember pure panic. From there we moved into another office, signed a bunch of papers that I don’t remember reading… and next thing I know we’re out of the office. I sat down on a bench outside and just breathed. I went home later that day and began my research, I read all the success stories, all the horror stories and everything inbetween. More panic.

               We ordered the drugs, and let me tell you.. when that box comes in and you take everything out… it’s overwhelming. We refrigerated some of it as instructed and put what was left organized into a bin to keep it all in one place.

               A few days later, my period came and we began the whole process. First up on the list… roughly 2 weeks of birth control pills. Weird, right? I felt this was COMPLETELY counter productive and it drove me nuts to take a pill everyday but there I was, along for the ride.

               Roughly two weeks later, we started Follistim. It comes in a device that resembles a pen and a little zippered container the size of a clutch purse. I remember thinking oh hellz no can I do this. The anxiety kicked in I panicked for my first shot. I ended up icing the area… lining it up at a 90 degree angle below my belly button and I’d close my eyes as it went in… something about watching needles enter skin just skeeves me out… I finished the shot and thought… well this isn’t that bad. Ladies, I promise you… the fear of not knowing … is the worst part. I’ve read all the blogs out there and I’m convinced some of them are just trying to scare you. Once I did one.. everything else shot wise was a cake walk. I think the key was icing first. Eventually they added Menopur to my nightly routine and we started Centratide in the morning. All together, 3 shots a day after the first few days. Sounds awful but it’s truly not that bad… I promise. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and god knows we’ve all been thru worst.

               We start every two days going in for ultrasounds and bloodwork. After the first week it moves to everyday. The nurses were great and let me tell you… my fear of feet in stirrups… a thing of the past. Not a worry in the world when I’m there. I ended up talking to nurses about random things. I was lucky, my husband came to every appointment. I think he’s afraid to leave me alone at these appointments now after the initial gyno appointment, poor guy lol. During the ultrasounds they had him right the measurements of each follicle which was the BEST thing. We got to track the measurements and it was AMAZING to see us go from our baseline, to 5 follicles, to 7, to 15, to as of today 21. We’re thinking the retrieval day will be either this Friday or Saturday. I’m really hoping for Saturday as then I’ll be able to enjoy the 4th and wont have to explain to the family why I’m not drinking or swimming lol.