#itwasjustadream

I’m at the point in my life where I want to be in a committed relationship, get engaged after a couple of years, married and with kids. I think my mind was definitely trying to tell me something in a dream last night. But what I don’t think what my dream was telling me is going to be a possibility. Let me explain...

So I think I’ve only had 2 men in my life who I’ve actually been in love with.

One is a “forbidden love” situation. He was my longest relationship so yes, I still think of him but he now has a girlfriend and I don’t know how he feels about me at all. And I don’t want to be in a home-wrecker situation, not that I think I’m special enough for it to ever get that far. So my feelings will stay inside and never exposed to him.

The other one was my boyfriend senior year, he was my best friend. Honestly the kindest soul I’ve ever met and so goofy, he could always make me laugh. Once we broke up, we stayed friends but we got in a sticky situation soon after so we stopped talking. I recently tried to reconnect with him because he was my best friend. But he expressed that he has new friends and wasn’t interested in becoming friends again.

He was the one in my dream. When I tell you it was so vivid, I almost cried when I woke up. For some reason he was in the backseat of a car that a college friend was in. And of course they have the same name lol. So when I said hi to my friend, he popped out of the backseat and said hey. And I was so surprised but just said hi to my friend with a long hug and an awkward but friendly hi to my ex.

Then we fast forward, I don’t know what happened, but my friend was no longer there, my family was in the back next to our car and he was there with his family too. I have no idea how but that was so random. So anyway, we’re just engaging in some awkward small talk and my sisters are talking to his brother. We were holding hands but like the way you hold hands with someone when you give them a hi-five, if that makes any sense. All of a sudden we’re inside in a house, with our families talking and us on the side having our own conversation.

So we were in close proximity of each other and he made a Harry Potter reference about a Remembrall (I am obsessed with Harry Potter) and continues to say that he knows I have something on my mind. I tell him it was about us and asked what happened (as if he didn’t know lol). I just told him it wasn’t as simple as he thought, which he responds that’s bull. I told him in high school we think everything is more complicated than it is. And that I wanted to be with him, he asked what changed and why now. (And this I know is something I have realized in life and it’s something that I need to remember). I told him that we’re two different people now, that I know if I want something, I should go for it and that I don’t care what other people say about me. (Granted I went for it in this dream universe but I don’t think I’d put myself out there in real life). And of course he agreed and he embraced me, kissed me on the forehead. We were holding hands as we were walking towards our parents.

And that’s how it ended. It may not seem like much but it was a lot for me. My mind was wide awake. Like I said this was just a dream. My ex clearly doesn’t want anything to do with me but I just wanted to write this down to have a nice memory that didn’t really happen. You may think it may make me sad to read it but to think that in an alternate universe , everything goes my way, just puts a smile on my face and I hope that it woulda put for me in this actual reality I’m living in.