#its difficult

Its very romantic, lungs as symbols of love. Theres something there, about breathing. About living. Something i feel like i need to beat the game and then replay it to fully grasp

When i first started disco elysium, i pictured harry as adrift. Lost, adrift in an ocean of his forgotten past. And then we get kim, our partner—the reliable to our erratic, the sane to our lost, the rock to our chaos. Something to cling to because, even if i have no clue who i am or what im doing, kim is there to keep me moving and function. He believes in me (he said so!) and he keeps me somewhat grounded in what matters and what is actually feasible, theory-wise. Also a very good course corrector for whenever im being batshit and failing my social rolls

Theres definitely an argument for kim being associated with the lung motif. This is harry’s recovery, dead despite the odds, his second chance at life—theres a newness there, and theres so much emphasis on the smell on the ocean at the beginning that it feels like we’re being reminded that he’s breathing every few minutes. It feels more like harry is the lungs. Some of the stuff ive picked up about the game (theres a hug later???) imply that kim is emotionally/socially reserved or closed off, and he finds harry amusing or disarming. In the sense that kim is stability, helping to keep harry stable, harry could be newness, an appreciation for unnoticed things, eccentricity. A breath of maybe not fresh air, but something new

lin is mine and verity belongs to @indigosinferno

it makes sense that someone whos life was marked by sexual assault would draw from this experience and chose to incorporate it into her powers. i know no one has read worm but it does remind me of how the superpowers there are made through their users traumas & it does make me wonder to what extend morena is constantly bringing up her own trauma by chosing to incorporate making out into her powers. On the other hand there is an aspect of her saying this thing that hurt me is something i will use to grant powers to others, posing a choice to join her when there actually isnt one... the fact that characters have a say in how their powers turn out is so interesting i do enjoy it a lot.

And their hostile dynamic in the end

After watching the finale the first time I really wasn't sure anymore what I thought about Agathario.

If they actually mutually love each other,

if it's a toxic one-sided thing that Agatha just plays into for her benefit and to survive.

If they maybe were in love once but then being in Death's constant company grew too much for Agatha and she wanted to be left alone. And Rio just won't get the message

Or maybe the mutual relationship just ended when Agatha couldn't forgive Rio for not using her powers to save Nicky. And now they're pining.

After the finale it really looked like the whole thing was quite toxic and sort of one-sided, especially after Agatha wanted Rio to "let her go" and not "pursue her anymore" as part of the deal at the beginning of episode 8.

HOWEVER, I have become completely obsessed with the finale. Just watched it for the 5th time again and

I've also come to the conclusion that Agatha does love Rio. As the person Rio appears at. She just resents Death. When they make the deal in ep8 about Rio never showing her face to Agatha again when she dies.. Agatha looks really put out that Rio actually agreed to it. I think she was trying to manipulate Rio.

Agatha's goal was to protect Billy. That was her goal from the moment Rio showed up on the road. She said herself that she was trying to distract Rio from Billy (and his true identity). And I think she did it again with this deal.

Effectively, if Agatha ends up handing Billy over to Death, then Rio would have to stick to their deal and stay away from Agatha forever. Obviously, after all these centuries, Agatha assumed that Rio would never agree to that, or not be able to go through with it. As a result, she would maybe not take Billy at all to avoid having to fulfill her part of the agreement.

I think that was the "calculated risk" Agatha took that she mentioned to Billy in ep 9 ("Btw I didn't sacrifice myself for you, I took a calculated risk"). Of course she could have referred to returning as a ghost, idk. But I think it's a possibility. But I digress.

My point is, I do believe that Agatha does not actually want Rio to disappear from her life forever. She merely tried to use Rio's love/obsession as leverage to protect Billy.

I might be wrong. I might be delusional. But I think it makes sense.

On the topic of their strange new dynamic in episode 8, when there was so much softness before: I think that also makes sense.

In episode 4, Agatha was getting attached to Billy, all the while remembering the time she spent with her son. She was also thankful that Death spared Billy after the second trial. All in all, she was feeling sad, and maybe melancholic, and overall glad that Death gave her special treatment again (with Billy, in that moment). So of course she was having a moment where she maybe missed their relationship and love. And was also sharing some of her grief with her ex, who might have been a big part of her dead son's life.

The softness makes sense here.

And the playfulness before that also makes sense, since Agatha probably spent centuries killing witches (partly) for Rio. So it's like old times for them, being on the road and massacring people. Yey.

BUT, in episode 8, there are no positive feelings flying around. There is no reason to be sad, or grateful or turned-on etc. Rio tells Agatha directly that she wants to collect the soul of another kid that Agatha cares about. And Agatha can only think about all the terrible experiences she's had because of Death (or at least she blames Rio for them in any case).

So they revert back to their disagreements and hostility. They end up back at the beginning - in episode 1, with Agatha fighting for her life, cause Rio wants to take her more than anything (pun intended I guess). Obviously even more than she wants to claim Billy's soul.

So, again. There is love, but there is also resentment. And for me it made perfect sense that there was no softness in their fight in episode 8. They are like any ex-spouses who hurt each other in the past. In good moments of shared memory, they want their old happiness and love back and wonder if there is a chance. But when the reason for these old hurts becomes apparent again, they go back to hating each other.

For them, that means Rio trying to collect her due (as Death), and Agatha trying not to get killed by her.