BETTER DAYS | m. sano (* mentions of abuse & derealization)
another fight with your dad. just one more thing to keep you up at night because if you shut your eyes, even for a moment, you relive the events of that afternoon. the shattered glass. the way his calloused hand raised, almost as if he was going to hit you. the way he did. his face.
okay, his face looked a little stupid.
regardless, the image made you shake. anger and fear enveloped you. if you even touched your cheek, it would sting in agony once again. the sensation would rise the way the sun would on sunday mornings.
you reminisce when your mother would take you to the beach at sunrise every sunday. she always said that it was important to start the week peacefully. you eyes begin to shut, and you can feel the breeze almost whisk you away. you can hear the sea. feel the sand between your toes. the sea water splashing on your face. the morning sun almost blinds your eyes. it all felt too real.
you dance around in glee, like you haven't a care in the world. like everything is okay.
but it isn't because when you trip, and your head hits the hardwood floors, you're back to reality. the beach is out of reach, you'll never feel that sun again, and your mom isn't here anymore.
the tears are real, though. and as the realization hits you, they decide to make their grand entrance. streams of warmth tickle your face. kissing the bruises and scars. and before long, your throat swells and jumps. your sobs come out like hiccups. you knew that you had to keep quiet but you're so hurt.
"I can't do this anymore." through your tears and shaky hands, you grab your phone. it's on 1% so you need to make this quick. your fingers type quicker than you can think and before you even realize you're waiting for him to pick up. but why would he? he really shouldn't. you should hang up--
"hey, mik-- manjirou." you almost slipped. you really shouldn't have called.
"is there something wrong?" his voice somehow resembles concern, even when it's masked in fatigue.
there's a long pause before his next words and you almost thought he'd hung up.
"don't lie to me, y/n." his voice is assertive now. seems he's finally awake.
"girl, what? I'm not lying to you! I'd never lie to you! when have I ever lied to you?" you're rambling and you know it. but you can't afford to be alone right now.
"y/n, stop playing on my phone. it's too early. or too late, I don't know. what time is it?"
you can't help but roll your eyes, but you feel giggles threaten to escape your throat.
"oh well, you know me too well."
"shut up and tell me what's wrong."
for the first time in the past five minutes you begin to hesitate. you haven't spoken to, let alone seen this guy in two months. would he really be willing to see you now?
"can we talk? I mean-- can you pick me up? I just can't be alone right now. it's okay if you don't want to. I know I hurt you but please? I need you, manjirou." saying all that in one breath wasn't the easiest, but you felt so free afterwards.
the line was dead silent, though. tears prickled your eyes once again. did you screw it up?
why would he want to see you anyway, right?
you hung up. well, you tried to but your phone was out of juice.
it'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'sover.
your room seemed much darker now. you knew that even if you were to charge your phone right now, call him back, and retry that entire conversation, it'd never happen. he'd never pick up a second time.
the very thought of depending on him makes you sink into the floor, beyond the tiles, the concrete, the foundation, the earth cushioned underneath, and straight to the boiling core of this unfair planet.
he'd never come even if you asked him to. even if you got on your knees and pleaded. he'd. never. show.
the world must be ending now, it's raining rocks from the sky. because surely there isn't someone throwing stones at your window to get your attention, right? you're going crazy.
for the sake of your sanity, though, you peek outside. and to your gratitude, and dismay, there stood the stupid blonde in all his idiotic glory.
why would he even show up? is he okay, like mentally? you asked yourself as you slipped on something comfortable and sneaked out through your window. you silently thanked yourself for being such a sneaky kid because getting from a 2nd-storey window is no easy task.
finally, after scaling the gutters, mimicking the movements of your 13-year-old self, you were able to meet the dewy lawn. you still got it, huh?
"hey." up close he looked a lot skinnier, and tired. the bags that weighed under his eyes were the first things that caught your attention.
"hi." the frigid cold battled the warmth in your heart, and shots of chills ran up and down your spine. you really should've brought a jacket.
past the boy-- or man now, you could see his beloved motorbike. it looked as new as when he'd bought it.
at least he was taking care of one thing in his life.
"how did you know I wanted to talk?"
"I must be stupid." a sort of scoff arises from him as he saunters over to you, never breaking eye contact. why were you so tense all of a sudden?
your back straightens as he draws nearer. it's only when he's a lips-breadth away that he severs his look at you and takes a hold of your arm. like stepping on an ice cube on a hot day, you jolt your arm backward.
"why is your hand so cold, man?"
"you still ask a lot of questions." that smile. still as sad as you remembered it. somehow, it hurt you knowing that you can't be there for him.
gracefully, he leads you over to his bike and lifts you onto the passenger seat. he holds you like he cares, like you could break at any moment.
and then the moment's over because he slaps your back and throws a helmet at you.
"you know the rules, right?" he attempts a wink, failing miserably and blinking instead.
"whatever, man. just get on!" the sentence forces itself through the amass of giggles that erupted from you.
not that you could tell, but when manjirou heard your laugh, he thought about driving off and never taking you back home. he wanted to start a new life from scratch with you. he wanted you to be happy. he wanted to be happy with you. but he knew he couldn't. it'd be too risky.
the engine starts and so do your nerves apparently because why are you on the back of manjirou sano's bike? you worry about your dad and what would happen if he realized you weren't home. and the worry made you smile. you knew there were gonna be repercussions but you'd face them later. you wanted, no-- needed to escape now.
the drive was quiet, and peaceful. not that you wanted to talk, anyway. you were comfortable in this silence. you wanted to cherish it forever.
it was only at a red light that the boy had spun around to ask where exactly you wanted to go.
"wherever." your answer was blunt and he laughed at that.
as the light flashed a fluorescent green and he accelerated, you sunk further into his back, taking in every scent. the smell of his sweat infused cologne, the intoxicating fumes of the exhaust, the crisp scent of the new dawn. you took it all in. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt safe.
you noticed how quickly manjirou's heart was beating. was he thinking the same thing as you? does he have a burning desire to get out of here as well? he might not. he's probably too tired to even process anything. but it still made you smile thinking about starting a new life with him.
the both of you had stopped and the engine was killed dead in its tracks. you fluttered your eyelids open and almost froze.
he brought you to the beach.
he doesn't even understand what he did, but he still did it.
"is there something wrong? I thought you loved the beach." his tone rang with penitence, like he'd done something wrong.
in an instant you were off your seat, with your arms wrapped around his frame. it was his turn to freeze and you could feel his heartbeat quicken. it made you buzz in excitement.
"thank you for bringing me here, Mikey."
