4/30/2020
- So for reasons that are incredibly clear, we won't be attending Art Walk for the forseeable future. However, that doesn't mean I've stopped doing cool things!
The shop is still open, and the only way that would change is if I felt there was a risk to my customers. My household is in full quarantine, and if any of our statuses change, I will be putting the shop in vacation mode to make sure.
Apart from the shop, I'm planning on launching a Patreon in the next couple of months! Because all of the projects that could be applied to it are extremely varied in terms of content (writing, art, sewing, videos, and streams to be EXTREMELY general), I've been intensively planning how to go about it, and how to make it worth my patrons' support, beyond just standard recognition.
Since I have slightly more time than normal, I've also started a sort of reading project called The Longest Library. My physical book collection is about 297 books strong, and the ones I've actually read I can count on my fingers. So roughly each week, I pick up a book, make notes about it, and conduct some musings and a short review. It's my goal to read Every. Single. One of them. Well, most. I'm unsure if I can actually do this with ones like 'how to read schematics' and such. I've already got four of them done, which you can read here: https://invertedeidolon.tumblr.com/tagged/thelongestlibrary/chrono
I also intend to do the same with my game library which I recently took inventory of. 384 games (as of now). There will be some exceptions: Some of them are on platforms that I can't record on thanks to a lack of a capture card (I'm hoping my eventual patrons would be interested enough in the project to help me with that), and some of them are just plain inappropriate and will likely only get text reviews.
I hope everyone is doing as well as possible! Please stay safe, and stay tuned!
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The Longest Library #7: The Little Book of Complete Bollocks by Alistair Beaton
This is a series in which I attempt to read and review all (or most of) my library of 297 books.
Rundown: I'm just going to quote part of the back here: In this witty hatchet job on the therapy culture, writer and broadcaster Alistair Beaton invites you to make friends with your anxiety, give your anger a hug, and have a good long satisfying shag with your negativity.
This is a small pocket book you'd probably gift to the drunk in your life if you share their views that therapy is too touchy feely, or if one of you have failed therapy before. I was wondering why these jokes were falling flat, and more importantly, why they were falling flat in a weird way instead of a mean-spirited way you'd expect. Then I read the back and realized that the author is british. (not sorry, british comedy is fine, bad british humor is just disappointing and feels like a small round man in his 30's trying to be clever at me in the pub)
I give this a 1/5. It'll waste a good thirty minutes, and there's like, five that made me exhale through my nose a little bit, but the rest of it was slightly exasperating.
So, this book reads like 12 year old me trying to be funny. It's a comment on therapy culture if all they've seen is TV gurus and overwritten self-discovery (not self-help) books. What I'm saying is that it could have been better. There's shitposts on tumblr that does a better job than about 89% of this book. Some of these do, in fact, read like tumblr shitposts that just barely miss the mark. There were times I felt like a lot of these were better off on a twitter account, or could be plugged into a bot that's attached to a twitter account.
However, I will share a few choice pieces with you.
IMPORTANT
Feelings of unimportance are often caused by a lack of importance. Banish your feelings of unimportance by becoming President of the United States.
Did the orange narcissist read this?
THE CHILD WITHIN
Finding the child within yourself can be harder than you think. Buy a cuddly toy and take it to bed with you. Use it to rediscover the child-self you thought you had lost forever. Keep in touch with this child-self wherever you go. Throw tantrums with people who won't let you have your way. Eat too much chocolate and be sick. Show your partner your anger by wetting the bed.
*ANGRILY PEES THE BED* YOU NEVER PUT THE FORKS BACK IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!!!
URINE
Let urine be the mirror of your soul. Every Monday morning, use a chopstick* to whisk a little of your urine in a white porcelain bowl. If your urine turns frothy, you have a terminal illness and will be dead by the weekend. *if you have issues around chopsticks, it is better to use a fork.
Here's one that makes little if any sense and feels like it failed to set out what it wanted to do. Yes I'm complaining. Yes I'm implying I might know how to do it better. Yes I'm actually going to do it.
"Urine can be a good reflection of the state of your soul. Every Monday morning,( the day of new beginnings for each week,) you can best check your soul's status by whisking some of your urine in a white porcelain bowl with a chopstick. Almost clear urine reflects your clarity of mind and peacefulness, as you must live a balanced and peaceful life to be able to drink that much water on an almost constant basis. If you can see patterns or small particles forming in the liquid, now is the perfect time to pause and contemplate the state of your medical insurance, as you will soon be needing a doctor for that heinous infection."
There. A soft punchline that makes the laughing portion of your brain give a little squeeze without actually giving you the physical urge to giggle. Because that's what they were going for, right?
COLOUR THERAPY
Try painting your therapist a different colour.
This one works. I like this one.
YOUR BODY
Your body is a superb instrument. Why not invite it to join an orchestra?
This one doesn't. Where's the funny? What's the implication? An actual orchestra, despite the average reader not being a trained musician? A choir? An orgy?
MIRROR MEDITATION
Sit down in the lotus position, facing a full-length mirror. In complete silence, stare at your own face in the mirror, without blinking. For three or four hours, nothing will happen. Persist.After four to six hours, the eyes of the face in the mirror will start to roll its eyes and its tongue will flop out of its mouth. Do not be alarmed - this is perfectly normal. Persist. After seven to eight hours, the face in the mirror will suddenly become distorted and appear to be screaming. Do not be alarmed - this is perfectly normal. Persist. After eight to ten hours the face in the mirror will come to meet yours. It will feel as if you are bashing your head repeatedly into a glass object. You will now find yourself in an altered state of consciousness. This is known as unconsciousness.It is followed by another, higher state, known as hospital.
Are they going for a horror bent? This definitely isn't advanced enough to consciously make it about eye fatigue and hypnogogic hallucinations. I feel like the amount of hours doesn't justify the end goal. It's a meditation. Usually there's an end goal of some kind in mind. Be it a time limit or a specific state or some way to KNOW when it ends. This joke only works if someone would actually have a reason to continue the exercise even though the ending may land them in the hospital. Yes I'm nitpicking. Yes I'll admit that if the bulk of it were shorter and the ending bit came way sooner it would be funnier to my tiny pea brain with a fly's bladder sized attention span.
PAINFUL
Make space for pain in your life. If you feel just fine, seek out a counselor or therapist who will explore with you the reasons why you are denying your pain.
:)
:') This is good, it feels like a joke one of your friends would make at you.
DYSFUNCTIONAL
A dysfunctional family is not a family that fails to function; a dysfunctional family is a family that fails to function for you. Make your family function for you by asking family members to rub essential oils into your thighs. If anyone refuses, ask them why they feel threatened by your thighs.
Dril goes to therapy: the movie. This one's good.
ON THE PLANE
During long air journeys, endear yourself to crew and passengers alike by introducing those around you to the ancient power of group chant.
Theater kids, am I right?
SIMPLE PLEASURES
Get pleasure out of the little things in life. Stand on an ant.
This one is the best one. It's the absurdist and casual aggression. It's perfectly modernized and it would probably be considered the worst one back in the day.
BEYOND WORDS
Understand the importance of non-verbal messaging. Give people the sound cues which reveal your mood: If you are happy, ululate in people's ears. If you are anxious, make moaning noises. If you are depressed, fart loudly and persistently.
Ah, so mid-2000s anime fans? Got it.
So in conclusion, no need to waste time on this book. Unless wasting time is what you set out to do.
If you're truly curious, I'm selling this book. It's not on the inverted selections ebay page (where I'm putting all my stuff I don't want any more and these books will likely appear there as well) because ebay is weird and has itty bitty tiny selling limits, so I can only have 5 active listings at a time. However, if you want this before anybody else can get to it, you simply have to message me on any platform you can find me one, and we'll set something up. It's 2 US dollars for me, and about 3.50 for the postal system.
