#intuitivethought

29 April 2019

Well Rod, I’m here at the airport, all through security, getting ready to get on the plane with a one way ticket to France. 7 months ago you took your last breath here on earth. It just doesn’t seem real. Welcome to your new life Sarah. I remember back in April 1997 when you me and our dog were making a similar trip..similar but not the same...same destination, different conditions. You’re in heaven doing your new mission and I’m alone to do mine here in earth. I know you’re with me in spirit and I also know The Holy Spirit is with me..”if God is for us, who can be against us?” Roman’s 8:31. I’m ok today Rod, I’ve done all I can do for the moment and I prayed this morning to ask God to send His spirit to me, open my eyes, let me hear His will for me and give me the strength to do His will and be of maximum service to Him and to my fellows. I learned that from you Rod. Thank you! You will always be the Love of my Life Rodney. Always.

Father God,

12 Jan 2019

Well Rod, I’ve been officially cleared to go back to work on 14 Jan 2019. Ready or not here I go. As you used to say “wind her up and watch her go”. I’m excited, scared, a little intimidated, and many other emotions I can’t put into words right now. The next phase of my life is about to begin. A phase we both expected due to our age difference, but a phase I didn’t want to start when I’m 58..when I think I have many more years left on this earth..years I will spend without you beside me. I miss you Rodney. You will always be the love of my life. I count on you to continue to help me!

Father God,

I think you for all of the help you are providing, directing people to reach out to me, sending me connections for books to read, actions to take, words to write..all of this I know comes from You Father and I thank you for it. Intuitive thought for me and for my fellows. Thank you.

I ask that you continue to bless my Rodney in his mission that you have assigned him and I ask that you give me strength to continue with this next phase of my life. I ask that you continue to send me intuitive thought that I can use to serve You and my fellows both personally and professionally.

In Jesus name I pray

Amen

16 Dec 2018

Well Rod, I’m 2 days away from going in the “Christmas avoidance cruise” with my sister. On one hand, I’m excited..on one hand I’m dreading it. Mixed emotions. Yesterday morning it seemed to come crashing in on me...a weepy morning for me. Every song I heard seemed to remind me of you or something we did together, every piece of clothing I packed made me remember our vacations together, the jewelry I selected to take with me was all given to me from you..at every step it seemed to just make me sit down and cry. Our friend Bill called at just the right time and told me “get off my butt and pack, get it done and get ready for the appreciation dinner”. It really was just what I needed. I did just that and was able to text him back that the “first draft of packing is done”” ready or not, here I come. I got dressed up for my “Carolina support group” appreciation dinner and sent him a picture. This dinner was for some of the people who have really helped me before, during and after your death. Not everyone could come, but we did have 15 people including me. The food was excellent and most of all, the conversation and new connections formed among my friends were made. I tried to remember how you would have done a party like this..one thing I forgot to do was to tip the waitress up front...but the service was still great and I gave her an extra tip at the end. Another thing I forgot was to get a photo..oh well, it’s just th way it was. I think you would have approved and that’s important to me! Very important. Everyone told me how nice it was at the end, so I count it as a success! I have learned so much from you Rodney ..I’m also sure I haven’t learned enough...In was telling the group last night that I’m going to be moving to France ..so many firsts to come..I’ve never been an expat alone, never found or selected the apartment alone, never bought a car alone, never organized trips alone..and those are just the big things..there are countless “small things” that I’ll have to do alone. I count on you and God to help me Rodney, sending me intuitive thoughts.

Father God,

I thank you for pairing me up with Rodney. He taught me so much, he loved me so much and he prepared the way for my future alone so well. Thank you Father for the company I work for and for the support they have given me all along the way. Thank you Father for my family and friends who have helped me all along the way and who continue to help me one day at a time. Thank you Father for the intuitive thought to have these small appreciation meals/meetings so that I can say thank you and that maybe reinforces some good practices for them..remind us all how important it is to reach out. Father I ask that you help me to reach out when I have something that can help others and not be selfish with my time or money. I ask that you help me recognize opportunities to give. Help me to remember that in order to keep it I must give it away. Father I ask that You bless my Rodney and bless our family and friends. Help me to remain grateful for all You have done for us and me. I ask that You bless my sister and she packs this trip..maybe she has the same feelings of anticipation and dread..help us get along and enjoy our time together. Help me remember she too had stage 4 cancer and this may be our last time together and I need to make the most of this. I ask that You grant me the strength to do the tasks ahead after the cruise...with a clear mind and organization skills that can help me start the next phase of my life. Help me to keep a grateful heart and to always give back.

In Jesus name I pray,

29 Oct 2018

It was 1 month ago today that you drew your last breath on earth Rodney. 1 month. Seems like yesterday, seems like an eternity. I look at our picture in the wall and remember that it was only 6 months ago we were in that photography studio together , I still smell your shirt hanging in our closet, I still can’t touch the things I’ve put in your drawer. I still can’t sleep.

Yesterday, I listened to Jim Rohn while walking in the park and I was inspired for the first time in a long time to make my to do list for today...and I did all of the items on my list! is that a small sign that I’m starting to come out of the fog? I hope so.

Today, I took the life insurance checks and deposited them. Bittersweet. Made my stomach sick to look at the checks. I would give anything to have you back well rather than to have this money...but I don’t have that choice do I?

Today, I ordered the air shipment to be delivered here to our apartment this week. That will be another step and another sort required and seeing your things..things that when we left China back in July, you planned to use here in the US..but were not able to. Little did we know when we left China that you would be dead within 2.5 months. It still seems surreal, and makes my stomach sick again.

Father God,

I come to you tonight with a grateful heart and that the fog that has enveloped me since arriving here in the US seems to be lifting. I thank You so much having our 35+ years together with my Rodney. You know I miss him terribly, You know my heart is still aching, You know he will always be the love of my life. You comfort me and for that I’m grateful. I ask Father that you continue to send Your Holy Spirit to me and give me intuitive thought, especially when it comes to my next work assignment. I ask that you send me the right questions to ask and wisdom to make the right decisions.

Amen