#fogislifting

29 Oct 2018

It was 1 month ago today that you drew your last breath on earth Rodney. 1 month. Seems like yesterday, seems like an eternity. I look at our picture in the wall and remember that it was only 6 months ago we were in that photography studio together , I still smell your shirt hanging in our closet, I still can’t touch the things I’ve put in your drawer. I still can’t sleep.

Yesterday, I listened to Jim Rohn while walking in the park and I was inspired for the first time in a long time to make my to do list for today...and I did all of the items on my list! is that a small sign that I’m starting to come out of the fog? I hope so.

Today, I took the life insurance checks and deposited them. Bittersweet. Made my stomach sick to look at the checks. I would give anything to have you back well rather than to have this money...but I don’t have that choice do I?

Today, I ordered the air shipment to be delivered here to our apartment this week. That will be another step and another sort required and seeing your things..things that when we left China back in July, you planned to use here in the US..but were not able to. Little did we know when we left China that you would be dead within 2.5 months. It still seems surreal, and makes my stomach sick again.

Father God,

I come to you tonight with a grateful heart and that the fog that has enveloped me since arriving here in the US seems to be lifting. I thank You so much having our 35+ years together with my Rodney. You know I miss him terribly, You know my heart is still aching, You know he will always be the love of my life. You comfort me and for that I’m grateful. I ask Father that you continue to send Your Holy Spirit to me and give me intuitive thought, especially when it comes to my next work assignment. I ask that you send me the right questions to ask and wisdom to make the right decisions.

Amen