#introject problems

Saw a post of someone projecting their period cramps on my source and I do NOT appreciate it. I am suffering enough as is /dramatic

being an introject with multiple sources is just the absolute worst. i have no accurate faceclaims to use, if i make a picrew i look like someone’s fucking oc, and if i do use fanart or whatever for a profile picture then it feels reductive, like i’m not acknowledging my other sources.

I’m terrified to look up my source bc the creator is so.. what’s the word, problematic(legit a Neo-Nazi)? But I also need to find pfps and stills so that I can make silly edits for me, it sucks, why do people have to end up so bad?

feeling real uhh, self conscious about myself. Existence. I talk so much like my source, and than uh, last year we read fan fics for the first time cause host was fixating on source again and uh I gained some of those traits. idk it makes me feel less uh, valid. I dont want to care but I kinda do. I couldn't control it, and I don't genuinely hate those uh parts of myself i gained recently. But i feel awkward uhm others knowing. Idon't know what to really do about it

want to rewrite my source but it's hard considering that whatever rewrite would need to include certain aspects (specifically my system's introjects of my brothers) would make it too similar to the original for my own comfort but it's just... ugh. and i also found out that an certain aspect of my source was used in a very harmful way when (1) we own a replica of the item and (2) it's still very symbolically meaningful to me. i still wear it sometimes under our clothes because it means a lot to me and i hate knowing that it means something so foul to so many people. i wish creators could just fucking be normal.