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Gotta remember I’m in the body of a 18 year old, out of shape, pre-t, 5 foot 7 trans guy and not a 20 something, 6 foot something buff or a inhumanly strong 100+ year old vampire and that I can’t actually just punch people who are pissing me off
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Being an introject heavy system is like having a smash brothers game in your head.
being an introject with multiple sources is just the absolute worst. i have no accurate faceclaims to use, if i make a picrew i look like someone’s fucking oc, and if i do use fanart or whatever for a profile picture then it feels reductive, like i’m not acknowledging my other sources.
not to mention i’m also just like. a wolfdog and an orca and a utahraptor. can’t adequately express my alterhumanism either.
want to rewrite my source but it's hard considering that whatever rewrite would need to include certain aspects (specifically my system's introjects of my brothers) would make it too similar to the original for my own comfort but it's just... ugh. and i also found out that an certain aspect of my source was used in a very harmful way when (1) we own a replica of the item and (2) it's still very symbolically meaningful to me. i still wear it sometimes under our clothes because it means a lot to me and i hate knowing that it means something so foul to so many people. i wish creators could just fucking be normal.
— 🔬
edit for clarity: the item isn't a hate symbol or anything. it's a pretty common/everyday item but something people who are aware would still recognize.
I’m terrified to look up my source bc the creator is so.. what’s the word, problematic(legit a Neo-Nazi)? But I also need to find pfps and stills so that I can make silly edits for me, it sucks, why do people have to end up so bad?
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feeling real uhh, self conscious about myself. Existence. I talk so much like my source, and than uh, last year we read fan fics for the first time cause host was fixating on source again and uh I gained some of those traits. idk it makes me feel less uh, valid. I dont want to care but I kinda do. I couldn't control it, and I don't genuinely hate those uh parts of myself i gained recently. But i feel awkward uhm others knowing. Idon't know what to really do about it
Bhnghlglggeegehhll
Being attracted to a character who was my brother in source is so weird. Cause like… he’s hot. But he’s also just like a different version of my brother. And I know that technically I’m not my source or whatever so it doesn’t count, but it just feels weird man💔
For some reason our system often gains introjects of characters that are/have been largely thirsted after or generally seen as very attractive, and while that's nice in some ways because that means quite a few of us feel very confident in ourselves, it also really sucks because interacting with or even just viewing fandom source content is a constant roulette of whether or not we're going to be made extremely uncomfortable by whatever we see.
We have alters who have needed to stop using tumblr for long periods of time specifically because their source-selves are so heavily sexualized that it nearly triggers us.
I havent seen anyone talk about this before, but I think it should be spoken about more frequently, because it really is a problem that doesn't have a solution other than just not interacting with our sources at all. And that kinda sucks.
