#interpersonal connection

I kinda just... don't care to be close with most people. It's easy to see that the vast majority of people seemingly have totally different values. Why do I know so many trad wife people? I am so uninterested in that- as a whole... so how could I anticipate relating? And... now that I am not enthralled by my rose colored glasses...I just find it a bit exhausting when people are eager to be strung along? It's difficult to understand why at our grown age women are still acting like that? And honestly- they probably feel that I am judging and it's no wonder they wouldn't want to be around someone that feels that way about their lives.

Additionally, I am sober so where the fuck are all my at least MOSTLY sober peeps? I feel like i am living in Brave New World or like the 80s except instead of soma, quaaludes, and cocaine, y'all are drunk and high until you're fully stupid and/or passed out. I just have 0 interest. I get having a drink every once in a while or getting drunk like.... once... a year? But more than that is just annoying. I don't want to take care of you. It's not even cute the one time. I used to think my ex was so cute when he was drunk but it was exhausting. He was straight up abusive and high 100% of the time. I can't and don't ever want to be around that again so yeah, sorry more than 2 beers every few nights is fucking weird. Sorry, yeah I get panic attacks around weed smoke. So leave me alone. Everyone who uses substances with basically any regularity- we have nothing in common. You wanna know how many times I have seen my dad drunk? Twice that I can recall. Twice in around 30 years of life, bro. How about how many times I have seen my mom drunk? NEVER. And I never want to. Drinkers and smokers are out.

The most annoying part is I feel like I won't even actually know the reality of how much someone drinks or smokes until I have gone to multiple parties with them. Because they just lie- or rather sorry to some of y'all, can't admit their dependence or their binging- whatever their issue is, they have an actual problem. Don't even discuss this with me. If you've been through the partners I have then you would know.

I feel like the people I am looking for are true and literal needles in haystacks.

Also- the only person I knew would get my outfit, did in fact, get my outfit.

I'm getting closer to figuring out the general idea of who would fit into my life but they're still too much of an amalgamation. I didn't realize that "amalgamous" is not a recognized word...